Stef woke up at 3:00 AM to screaming, she got out of bed and went to Callie's room. Callie's nightmares had been getting intense, they seemed to become more frequent. Stef sat down on the bed, next to Callie.
"It's ok sweetie, Nothing can hurt you know."
"No, please stop, don't touch me."
"It's just a dream Bug, it can't hurt you, nothing is happening. Wake up baby."
Callie shot up from the bed and coward into the corner.
"Hey, love. It's ok, your safe. Take a deep breath and look around, you're in your room, I'm right here, your safe."
Callie picked her head up from her knees that she had rested them on, slowly she looked around the room. She moved forward clinging to Stef's side, sobbing.
"Mommy's got you, just let it all out baby girl."
Stef rocked Callie back and forth for a few minutes, just sitting in silence before speaking up.
"Callie, what was it about?"
"Just an old foster home."
"Do you want to talk about it? It might make you feel better. It's not good to keep everything to yourself like you do, it's ok to open up and talk to us love bug."
"The home I was in before the Olmstead's, the dad would always hit me, and he would beat me with his belt. He did all kind of things to punish me, he never hurt Jude. I wouldn't let him. He put rice on the floor, and would make me kneel on it all night long, my knees would bleed. It hurt so bad, the little pieces of rice would dig into my skin and get stuck, I had to pick them out and I got blood everywhere. But then he would get mad because of the blood, so he would make me take ice cold showers, sometimes scolding hot ones."
"I know the system has failed you, on many occasions. But I need you to know none of what happened is your fault, you did nothing to deserve the way you were treated."
"Then why do I feel guilty all the time? Maybe it is my fault."
"No baby, no child not matter what they do wrong deserves to be treated the way you were. Even if you did something wrong, if you talked back, or where disrespectful, it was still wrong. It is a parent's duty to protect their children, and if they sign up to be a foster parent they have the same responsibilities. It is also a parent's job to discipline their children. But the point of discipline is not to harm a child or cause pain, it is to teach them a lesson. Beating and abusing a child is not discipline, if you have to harm your child in order to make them learn a lesson and get your point across, then you should not be a parent in the first place."
Stef looked down at Callie, her breathing was still uneven. She could tell tonight might take longer to calm her down.
"Come on Callie Bug, take deep breaths, and just relax."
Stef moved into a position where they were lying down, pulling the blanket over Callie. She continued to hold her in her arms.
"Close your eyes baby, I'm right here, I'm not leaving."
After school it was time for Callie's therapy appointment and evaluation. Callie had been withdrawn since her nightmare the night before, Lena and Stef were hoping that today would go over well, and that they would be able to get some help for Callie.
In the car Lena tried to start a conversation with Callie, but she wasn't getting much out of her. "How are you feeling about today Cal?"
"Fine, I want to get it over with."
"Are you nervous?"
"No."
Lena could tell that Callie was lying. Callie has many nervous ticks rubbing her nose, biting her lip, cracking her knuckles, and playing with her necklace. She always gets fidgety when she is nervous and scared. Lena and Stef could read her like a book.
They met the therapist, she seemed pretty nice.
"Ok, I'm going to have your mom's leave the room now, and we will get started?"
"We will see you in a little bit Callie."
Callie just shook her head. She didn't want them to leave, she didn't like to admit it but she liked having them close to here, they made her feel better.
"Ok, Callie this is a questioner that I'm going to give you to fill out, then I will evaluate it, and figure out what's going on in that little mind of yours. Then next week we will start with the sessions. Here are the pages you have to fill out, and a pen. Take your time and don't rush through it. Make sure you answer all of the questions honestly because it is a huge part of the diagnosis process, no one will see your answers besides me. Go ahead and get started, just let me know when you're done."
When she got to a question about nightmares, panic set in as she started remembering her dream from the night before. She knew she needed to calm down before she had a panic attack, she tried to calm herself down in her mind, but it wasn't working.
"Callie, are you ok?"
She wanted to reply but she couldn't, she couldn't breathe, she felt as if she was going to pass out. She heard the office door open but she didn't know what was going on around her.
She felt someone sit down next to her, rubbing her back and whispering in her ear but for a minute she couldn't figure out who it was. She then realized it was Stef, Lena was sitting on the other side of her.
"Callie breath, calm down sweetie."
"I Can't." Callie gasped out
Stef put her cold hand on the back of Callie's neck.
"Yes you can baby, just try for me. Remember what I told you last night, deep breaths, in and out. Your safe baby girl, nothing can happen to you."
After another 15 minutes Callie calmed down almost completely, she looked at the ground feeling embarrassed.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have freaked out like that. I didn't mean to."
"It's ok Bug, it's not your fault."
"Yes it is, I'm so stupid, and I don't know why I always have to do this."
"No Callie you listen to me, you are not stupid, you are not in control of this. It's not your fault, these panic attacks, you cannot control when they happen baby."
"I'm sorry."
"Hey, it's ok kiddo. Now how about we finish this up?"
Callie picked up the paper that had fallen to the floor, and finished filling out the last few questions. She handed it to the therapist as she reviewed everything to give a diagnosis.
Callie cuddled into Lena's side, waiting for her to finish. She didn't want to be there anymore, she just wanted to go home.
"Ok, well Callie has Depression, and Generalized anxiety disorder. Based on the nightmares she may have a form of PTSD, but I don't want to make an official diagnosis of that yet. I'm going to print out some papers for you to take home with information about these disorders. I'm going to prescribe her two medications Called Prozac, and Ativan. The Ativan is a short-term anxiety medication, it will help when she goes to the doctor, it will calm her nerves. This treatment plan we are going to set up should help manage symptoms, but in a few weeks we could add psychological counseling if needed."
Stef and Lena sat there taking everything in.
"Ok, can you please explain to Callie what she will be doing here next week?"
"Cognitive-behavioral therapy is different from many other types of psychotherapies because the sessions have a structure, rather than the talking freely about whatever comes to mind. I'm going to send you home with this journal for right now I want you to go home and write down specific problems and set goals that you want to work towards. These problems may be troublesome symptoms, such as sleeping badly, not being able to socialize with friends, or difficulty concentrating on reading or school work. Or they could be life problems, such as being unhappy in a situation, or having trouble dealing with an emotion. Our goal is to change your approach to problem-solving."
Callie looked up from the spot on the floor that she had taken interest to. She just nodded her head in understanding.
"How often are these nightmares been happening?"
"Recently they have been every night, sometimes a few times a night. A lot of times she doesn't even sleep because she is afraid of having a nightmare."
"I would also like to give her a sleeping pill called Sonata, it's short term. The CBT might also be helpful with this, but in the mean time I would like to give her this medicine to help her get sleep. We don't need her to get sick from not sleeping. Sleep deprivation is not good at all. I think we are done here for today."
"Thank you, it was nice meeting you."
Walking out of the office, Callie was clinging to Lena's side with a death grip. Lena didn't mind but she had taken notice to how clingy Callie had become within the past few days.
Callie doesn't like getting close to anyone, she knows if she gets to close she would just end up hurt. So it was a little strange how clingy she had become.
When they got to the car Lena opened the door for Callie to get in.
"Come on baby hop in."
"Callie backed up, not letting go of Lena's arm."
"What's wrong baby?"
"Don't leave me! Please don't leave." Callie whispered.
"I will sit in the back with you, but you have to get in and buckle up." Lena walked around to the other side of the car to get in.
Callie was staring out the window, not moving. Lena reached over and buckled the girl in. The ride home Lena pulled Callie to her side and whispered into her ear.
When they got home Callie stayed by either Lena or Stef's side. She sat at the table and helped them get ready for dinner. After setting the forks down Stef called for the rest of the kids to come and eat.
"How was your day my babies?"
"It was great, working on the play is so much fun. I think it's really going to turn out great."
"I'm learning a new piece on piano."
Jude and Jesus didn't say anything, they were too busy eating.
'How about you Cal, how was school?"
"I got an A on my math."
"That's great baby!"
Callie pushed her food around on her plate eating a few bites. It's not that her stomach hurt, she just wasn't hungry. She knew Stef and Lena would worry if she didn't eat anything though, so she tried her best to eat as much as she could.
"Callie are you feeling ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine.
"Does your stomach hurt?"
"No, not really. I'm just not that hungry."
Stef gave Lena a look, they decided they would check in with her after dinner and see how she was really feeling.
"Jesus, and Brandon it's your night for dishes." Jesus just ground and stood up.
Jude looked over at him with a smile. "Don't worry guys I will help."
Callie cleared her plate and went to her room, the moms following her. "Sweetie, are you really feeling ok?"
"Yeah, I just don't know why I'm always so tired."
"Well you haven't been sleeping very well, Bug."
"Yeah, I know."
Stef walked over and placed her hand on Callie forehead. "You feel warm bug, I think you have a fever."
Lena walked out to find thermometer.
"Why do I always have to be sick!?"
"Oh, baby, I don't know. I wish I had the answer but I don't. I promise you we are going to find answers soon though."
"I'm just so sick and tired, or being sick and tired all of the time."
"Aww I know kiddo."
Lena placed the thermometer in Callie's mouth.
"100.4 It's low grade, I will go get you some medicine to bring it down."
Lena walked down the stairs and heard the boys in the kitchen. "What could they possibly be doing, they are supposed to be doing dishes?" She thought to herself.
She walked into the kitchen, to see Jesus holding the kitchen sink hose, a soaking wet Brandon, and Jude with bubbles on his face.
"What is going on in here?.
They all turned to Lena, Brandon and Jude pointed to Jesus and said "Jesus started it" in unison.
"Hey, not fair."
Lena walked over to Jesus. "I can't believe you guys… Having a water fight without me?" She said grabbing the hose out of Jesus's hand and spraying him with it.
"Mama, you're supposed to me on my side!"
"Fine, I guess you're right. It is an uneven number."
Lena turned and sprayed Jude and Brandon.
"Continue with your war, but just now that you guys are cleaning this mess up." Lena said as she grabbed the medicine from the cabinet and walked out of the room.
As she walked up the stairs she couldn't help but smile when she heard all 3 of her boys laughing, she loves these moments. When her babies where just being kids, and enjoying life. Jude was getting more comfortable around them, and this was just a little bit of proof.
"Guess what your boys are up to?"
"Oh no… Do I want to know?"
"They are having a water fight in the kitchen, don't worry they know they have to clean up the mess. It's kind of cute though."
Stef patted Callie knee, "I will be right back Bug."
Stef walked to her bedroom grabbing her camera from the side cabinet by her bed, she couldn't let this memory pass by without pictures. She snuck up behind the boys snapping a few pictures. Lena was right it was such a cute moment.
Stef walked back to Callie's room. Lena was giving her some fever reducers. "Ok, I gave her the Prozac and Ativan. We will give her the sleeping meds a little while before she is ready for bed."
"I'm going to go take a shower, and then read my book."
"Ok, baby sounds good."
Callie grabbed her pajamas out of her dresser and went to take a shower.
Stef walked upstairs and hour after. "That's weird" Stef thought to herself. Callie was still in the bathroom, the shower was of but she was still in there. Callie usually was out in less than 30 minutes.
"Callie, you ok in there?"
When Stef got no answer she got worried. "I'm gonna come in Callie."
Callie was sitting in the corner of the bathroom, with her knees pulled up to her chest. Her hair was still wet and was messy and tangled, she had he bra and shorts on but hadn't yet put her shirt on.
"Callie, Love what's wrong?"
"Nothing, I just kind of freaked out again. It's not a big deal." Callie said without really lifting her head.
"What made you freak out baby?"
"I accidentally turned the water on hot, and it reminded me of my punishments I used to get."
"Oh baby, why didn't you call for one of us?"
"I don't know."
"Are you ok now sweetie?"
"I'm fine."
Stef grabbed Callie's shirt of the toilet seat, and helped her put it on. "Let's go baby."
Stef sat Callie down on her bed, and grabbed her brush, she sat behind her and started brushing her tangled hair.
"That feels nice."
"Hmm.. Then maybe I will have to brush your hair more often."
Callie sat on her bed under the covers reading her book, when Jude walked in.
Callie grinned "Did you have fun Jude?"
"What? Did Mama tell you?"
"Yeah buddy, she did."
"Callie, are we going to have to leave to another foster home?"
"I don't know bud."
"I don't want to leave, I like it here."
"I like it to Jude, I hope we don't have to leave, but I can never be sure."
"Jesus and Brandon are good big brothers, and Mariana is a good sister to. How are you feeling Cal?"
"I'm fine Jude, I told you don't worry about me."
"But, you're my sister. I kind of have to worry about you. I want to make sure you're ok."
"I'm sure I will be fine Jude, I really don't know what is wrong with my stomach, no one really does. But we will find out soon and I'm sure it's nothing serious. So please try your best not to worry about me."
"Ok, I'm going to go get ready for bed. I love you Cal."
"Love you to Monkey." Callie said kissing his head
A little while later Stef and Lena came in with her medicine.
"Are you ready to go to sleep baby?"
"I guess, yeah."
"Ok, here take this."
"Do I have to?"
"Yeah, baby, it's going to help you sleep."
"I don't like medicine."
"I know, but it's for the best. It's going to make you feel better."
Callie hesitantly took the pill. "Will one of you stay in here until I fall asleep?"
Stef loved the fact that Callie was able to ask, a few weeks ago she never would have asked them to stay with her.
"Sure baby, I will stay with you."
Lena got under the covers with Callie and Stef Kissed Callie on the forehead. 'Good night Callie Bug."
Stef walked into Callie's room, about an hour later to check on them. Callie was asleep, with her head on Lena's chest. Lena was holding onto her and was also asleep.
Stef couldn't help but think how cute her babies looked. She grabbed her camera again to take a picture. She loved to have all these memories to look back on. She decided to let Lena sleep with Callie, she didn't want to disturb either one of them.
Lena woke up when she felt Callie tossing and turning next to her. She looked over at the alarm clock whish read 3:08 AM
The nightmare hadn't got that bad yet so she held onto her tighter, playing with her hair.
"No!" Callie screamed
"Shhh.. Shhh.. it's ok."
"No don't leave me!"
Stef came in when she heard Callie screaming. When she walked in Callie was tossing and turning, and whimpering.
Stef climbed in bed next to her. "Callie, shhh… your safe baby girl."
"Please, I will be good."
They sat there with Callie for 10 minutes, trying to comfort her. 'Stef, how long does it usually take to wake her up?"
"She is usually awake in a few minutes."
Callie now had tears running down her cheeks, they needed to wake her up.
"I think the medicine is so strong she can't wake up."
Stef pulled Callie into her lap, Lena went to the bathroom and got a few wet washcloths.
"She is sweating so much, she has never sweated this much before, she is soaking wet."
Lena gently lifted Callie's shirt over hear head, she grabbed a hair tie from the nightstand and pulled her sweaty hair back so it wasn't clinging to her neck. She placed a wet washcloth on her stomach, and one on her neck.
"We have been moving her around a lot, she should be awake by now."
Callie jerked and tried to pull away, Stef held her arms down so she couldn't move as much.
"Shh.. it's ok Bug, it's not actually happening, just a dream sweetie. Please wake up."
20 minutes later Callie woke up jerking away from Stef, sobbing. Stef pulled her back into her lap.
"Baby, it's ok. Lena and I are right here."
"M.. Mommy?"
"I'm right her love."
"Mama… Mama?"
"I'm right her sweetheart." Lena said grabbing hold of her hand.
"I thought you left me…"
"We will never leave you baby."
"It felt so real." Callie said still crying
Stef continued to rock her in her arms. "Mama and I are right her, we are not going anywhere."
"I'm sorry I woke you up."
"Don't worry about that Bug."
"I'm hot."
Lena got up and grabbed a pair of shorts and tank top from her dresser. "Why don't we get you out of these clothes, your all sweaty from your nightmare."
Callie just shook her head in response. Stef and Lena helped her change. "I'm sleepy."
Stef gently laid Callie back on the bed. "Close your eyes baby."
"I love you mom"
Reviews, and ideas for upcoming chapters welcome. What was your favorite part about this chapter?
