I'm sorry for the long wait for this chapter! I'm trying to fit writing into my life a bit more. Work has taken over what free time I had D: There are a lot of lose ends in the story so far, but have no fear all questions will be answered! I don't wanna spill out everything now :P then the rest of the story wouldn't be as fun MUHAHA! It will get more depressing though... I have many ideas for the future *evilly taps fingers* Enjoy the chapter!

I had to admit, Roy did a pretty good job at ordering us around. While everyone else was panicking, he stayed calm and managed to make rational decisions. He had practically every inch of the trench secured and snipers around every corner. I felt fairly safe being beside Hawkeye the whole time, since she was known for her sharp shooting. Me on the other hand, well I'm not gonna sugar coat anything: I suck.

Within a half hour, the other side pulled back, which was a relief. I'd seen enough bloodshed the day before, but the sad part was, we had barely started the war. You could almost feel everyone sigh in unison as we heard the orders across the field to retreat. I guess that meant their side wasn't in to good a shape either. The snipers fires a few more shots before everyone left their positions. Some met up with friends to discuss what had just happened, though no one knew any details. I looked over at Hawkeye, making sure it was safe to get up, she nodded and we both headed over to Roy who was practically pulling out his hair in frustration.

"You did a good job back there, sir." Riza offered him a smile along with the comment, which I don't think he even noticed.

He didn't seem relieved like the rest of us, but rather more upset.

"You did the right thing. If you hadn't done that, we might have been infiltrated far beyond control." Riza let her smile fall, noticing that Roy hadn't even looked at her yet. Why did it sound like she was comforting him? No one was killed, that was a good thing, wasn't it? He completely ignored her comment again.

"Fullmetal, your night shift is over." he shot his thumb towards the tent. I swear my gut ripped in two. Was all of this my fault? After all, I had been posted to watch for threats and I hadn't even done that. I gave a quick nod and ducked into the tent. It was almost a guarantee that Roy was going to beat my ass later tonight.

"F- Fullmetal, you- what was that?"

Shit. I wasn't very subtle. He caught me off guard when he threw open the tent flaps.

"Nothing." I quickly removed my hand from under my pillow and glared at him. I really need to get better at lying. Luckily, he didn't push any farther and came into the tent.

"I'm surprised you're still up. I sent you in here like... an hour ago." I knew the conversation was going to get serious when he actually sat down. He had no intention of leaving. "You left this back at your spot." he handed me my mud caked pistol. I remembered it being so much brighter a couple days ago. I didn't even want it.

"Thanks." it was practically sarcasm. "I couldn't sleep."

"I don't blame you..."

"okay, seriously, what do you want?" I wanted that to sound mean, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. As pathetic as it is, I felt sorry for him. He looked like he'd died and them came back to life. His eyes were sunken from exhaustion and he'd started tapping his fingers in a nervous tick.

"Ed, I need to be honest with you. You've wanted answers from me this whole time and I-"

"So you're actually going to tell me what I want to hear?" Maybe it was a good thing he felt like shit. The old Roy would never tell me anything. But that's what was creeping me out right now.

"I want you to know, that I tried-" he paused for a minute and reached into his coat pocket. What he pulled out looked like a silver container and he raised it to his lips.

"Are you drunk?" my eyes narrowed. He gave a chuckle and took another gulp from the flask. "Get out!"

"Common, Fullmetal I was gonna explain-"

"Get out-!" He quickly clamped his hand over my mouth, forcing me against the ground.

"Would you just shut up so I can talk. For fuck sakes Ed, this is what you wanted!"

I tried to squirm out from under him. He'd placed all his weight on my stomach, making it more and more difficult to breathe. Not that I could tell him with his hand on my mouth. Even me clawing at his arm wasn't enough for him to clue in. Air became a necessity, so I did the first thing that came to mind. The first chance I got, I sank my teeth into his hand. The taste of copper on my tongue was enough for me to know that I'd drawn blood. After a quick shriek from Roy, more blood followed as he backhanded me across my cheek.

"What the fuck is your problem!?" His voice had never scared me so much than at that moment.

I already knew that Roy had a drinking problem. Apparently he'd gotten in to deep with alcohol after the Ishballan war and hasn't been able to stop. I've been able to witness firsthand how violent and depressed he gets. He'd actually wandered to our apartment more than a couple of times completely wasted. All I can say is that I was glad Al was asleep every time.

"Get off!" I took the opportunity to shield my face with my arms, though I'm sure if he wanted to, he could break them like twigs. "I-I can't breathe!"

"Good. Then maybe you won't talk for a second so I can say something." he forcefully grabbed my arms, pinning them on either side of my head. I had no choice by to look into his dark eyes.

"Stop it! Get off!"

"Shut up!"

"No! Get out! I'm not gonna talk to you when you're drunk as fuck, you crazy bastard!" squirming really made no difference in my position. And yelling at him probably didn't help either. He took a quick opportunity to spit in my face, keeping his glare hard.

"Don't you fucking talk to me like that! I'm telling you what you want to hear!"

I gave no answer. There really was no way to answer. Nothing I'd say would reach him or he'd take it that wrong way. I kept my eyes closed. Hard. But his gaze was still burning into my skull.

"Now, if I let go of you, will you fucking listen?" his voice was a little softer, but not by much. I nodded slowly keeping my eyes shut until his weight eased from off of my stomach. He took a seat beside me.

I sat up, gave a quick look around. And bolted. He lunged to try and grab my leg, but missed thanks to his drunk reflexes. I made it to the door in time to make a quick get away. Even as I weaved through the trenches I could hear him cursing and yelling at me.

"Yeah, you go and run, Ed! Just run away! That's what you always do you fucking coward!"

I found a small pocket corner where I huddled against the wall. Unless someone was looking there, they would just walk right past, which was convenient considering my situation. None of the other soldiers even seemed fazed by Roy's outbursts and screaming. They probably already knew he was piss drunk and expected nothing less. I'm sure a few of them have experienced what I have on a few occasions. Him wandering around the house talking about his life to the extent where he's so mad he starts hitting things- or people. I swear I almost got a concussion one time.

There was no way I was spending anymore time in that tent alone with him. He most likely didn't realize half the stuff he was saying. Hell even if he was black out drunk right now, he still spoke the truth. I ran because I was scared. I always run away from my problems, my feelings and my fears. I really am a coward. I was afraid to talk to Al about my transfer to the field, so I ran. I didn't want to confront Roy, so I ran. I even ran away from my own home because I was afraid of remembering. Maybe once in my pathetic life I won't run, I'll actually stay and fight.

I ended up falling asleep in my hiding corner. It wasn't the most comfortable position, or bedding, but I still managed. I woke up at sunrise when it was still dark, but peaks of pink and orange were starting to bloom to the East. A pretty morning for what would probably be one hell of a day. I could hear a few soldiers who had already woken up, chatting with each other and cooking up small meals.

I wanted to go back to the tent and grab my coat, but with my luck Roy would be passed out and conveniently wake up once I walked in. What if he remembered what happened? Should I talk to him normally? It'll be awkward to matter what. I'm sick of his drunk bullshit. Either way, I was freezing so I headed back to the tent. I kept an eye out on the walk there just in case.

The sigh that escaped my mouth was the best thing I'd ever felt. The tent was empty and I felt like I could suddenly breathe again. I sat down on the disoriented sleeping bag, still messed up from last night, and rubbed my neck. My weird sleeping position last night must have strained it a little. I gave another sigh before giving a quick check under my pillow. I froze.

Where was it? I'd left it there last night. I checked again. Maybe it would be there the second time. No such luck. I got up and flipped over the sleeping bag. Nothing. Okay, maybe I left it in my bag. Still nothing. There was no way I lost it. Not here. Not now. I needed it.

"Looking for something?"

I felt my whole body lurch. I head shot around.

"Colonel-"

He had it. For a minute I thought he'd turn this into a sick game. A what will you give me for it game. But he actually just walked over and handed it to me, no questions asked. Okay. The day was already starting really weird.

"Thanks." my voice was quiet. I almost regretted running away from him last night. Almost. I looked back at him. He seemed reluctant to look at me. For obvious reasons. But he gave a sad smile that made me want to sink in a hole and die.

"I didn't think you carried things like that."

"It's pathetic isn't it?" I glanced down at the photo in my hand. A constant reminder to make it through the war. "I figured it would be good motivation." I was expecting him to call me a coward again, comment on how weak I was. Laugh at the fact that I kept a picture of my little brother with me.

"Is it working?"

I looked at him then back down at the picture. I used my thumb to wipe away a smudge on the top corner. Just seeing Al's smile was enough to make me nod.

It had been taken not long after he got his original body. We'd both gone back to Risembool to see Winry again. Since his legs still weren't strong enough to hold his weight, he'd used crutches for most of the time there. He was so determined to ditch the supports that he got me to help him walk and spot him while he took little baby steps again. His goal had been to reach the tree we used to spare under and after a few weeks, he'd gotten there with no help. It was Winry's idea to grab the camera and she let him keep the picture. I made sure to take it with us when we moved back to the city and made sure to pack it before I left for the war.

"You should keep better care of it."

"Or you could just stay out of my stuff." I quickly threw it back under my pillow and looked back at him. "You can leave now."

"Ed, I came here to tell you what I didn't yesterday-"

"What? Like, you're an even bigger coward than I remembered or maybe you actually came to apologize- Oh wait, that would be to nice of you wouldn't it?" I rolled my eyes as I found my coat and slipped it on. It was a lot colder than it had been a few minutes ago.

"Would you give me a freakin' break!"

"No! I won't give you a break! You should know better than to drink on duty you idiot!" I lowered my eyes to look at the floor. I could hear Roy zip up the tent door again, but the sound of his foot steps told me he was still inside.

"Fullmetal, I know you want to vent it all out right now, so I'll hear what you have to say. In exchange, you need to let me have a chance to explain myself. Deal?" He took a seat cross legged in front of me.

"What's there to explain?" he didn't answer. I took that as my cue to get a few things off my chest. If I was going to be stuck with him for god knows how long, we might as well sort it out now. I let out a sigh before starting.

"I'm just... I'm sick of the way you treat me, that's all. It's not like it was before. You'd call me names as a joke or something, but here you actually say things with the intent to hurt. I know I'm not the best soldier, hell I'm not even a good subordinate, but I just don't understand why you changed the minute we got on the field." I looked up at him, expecting him to reply, but he didn't. It felt a little weird. Him and I had never actually sat and talked together like this. Maybe he didn't know what to say.

"I know you want to say more than that, Ed."

"I do, I just want an answer. Do you treat all the other soldiers that way?"

"I was told to give you no special treatment." he continued after seeing my confused expression. "What I tried to tell you before was that I tried to convince the higher ups to leave you off the field." He sighed then spoke again. "A few days before heading out I went to the General's office who was in charge of the recruitment and I tried to convince him that you were still to young and inexperienced to get involved with the war."

I couldn't argue with him there. Soldier or not, I'm still only 19. The inexperienced part was right too. Since the first day I joined the military I hadn't received any basic training on how to fire a gun or defend against a raid. Roy had never instructed me to take anything like that since I had only joined the military for the research materials. Then again, Roy probably never expected there to be another war. Neither did I.

"He just told me that you knew the risks when you joined the state. I really don't want to get into detail about what he said, but it was enough to get me furious-"

"Was it about you?"

"It was about both of us. To sum it up he stated I was a shitty leader who didn't deserve my team and he said that if you were so inexperienced than he could care less if you were killed then raped."

I could feel my whole body freeze. Did soldiers actually do that?

"Needless to say there was a big yelling match and he ended up socking me across the face." He gave a forced grin and pointed to his eye. The unknown bruise suddenly had a reason behind it. "He told me to smarten up and that he'd better see you on the train or he'd have the pleasure of shooting you himself."

How was I even supposed to respond to that? Did the General really hate me that much? There was an awkward silence for a few seconds before I finally found my voice again.

"I'm sorry."

"Ed, you have no reason to be sorry. I was the one who never gave you any trai-"

"Not about that. I mean about what I said before. I thought you didn't care if I was recruited or not, and that you didn't even try. I guess I was wrong." I looked at him with a little smirk and he gave one back. In my gut I felt awful for the way I acted, but hell, I knew nothing.

"Apology accepted. I knew you thought that. Not only because I heard you say it, but that's just how you are." He laughed to himself quietly before speaking again. "Now go ahead and yell at me about something else."

After that last conversation I couldn't find it in myself to raise my voice against him, He just looked so depressed. I rubbed my left shoulder uneasily trying to think of a way to say my next words.

"If it's possible... I don't want you anywhere near me when you're drunk." another awkward silence. Just kill me now.

"Is this about what I said? Fullmetal, I didn't mean any of that. I was just mad and upset with myself that-"

"This isn't about what you said at all! This is about what you do every single time you stumble to me whenever you drink yourself stupid at the bars and this includes yesterday!" I couldn't believe the look he was giving me. I might as well have been speaking Italian. He never said anything after my comment, which got me even more angry. "Stop playing dumb!"

"Ed, I have no idea what you're talking about. What did I do yesterday? Hell what do I do every other time?"

There was no way.

"What do you even remember from last night?" I watched his eyes wander around the tent for answers.

"Not much actually. I do remember coming in here and the next thing I know I'm yelling at you and you're suddenly gone. Did I do something in between there?"

I was about to scream at him when the tent flaps opened and Riza stepped through.

"Colonel, I don't want to be the one to order, but we should start moving in. Based on their attack last night I don't think their base is in good shape." She looked at him then over at me, then back. She probably knew she just interrupted something. In a way it was a good thing she did. All I wanted to do was beat Mustang's sorry ass into the ground.

"You're right lieutenant." He got up from his seat and stretched as much as the tent would let him and glanced back down at me. "We'll talk later, Fullmetal."