A/N: This chapter kind of deals more with the title - the blame game. However, it is also pretty heavy on the Literati cuteness, so there's that ;) Thanks to all those who keep on leaving lovely reviews - you rock! :)
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)
Chapter 7
Rory had never felt so many mixed emotions about going to the diner after school. Luke's was her usual hang out both at the beginning of the day and the end. Often she went with her Mom, sometimes with Lane when her friend was feeling brave and prepared to risk the wrath of Mama Kim, and at other times alone. Today she was headed in by herself, but for the entire reason of meeting someone else.
It wasn't exactly a date that she and Jess had, but Rory felt as nervous as if that were exactly what they had arranged. She even went so far as to check her reflection in the plate glass window, and taking a deep breath before she faced the people inside.
Jess was hovering behind the counter, looking as if he were only pretending to clean up. Rory would like to think he was feeling as oddly nervous as she was, yet somehow she doubted it.
"Hey," she greeted him as she reached the counter and hopped onto a stool.
"Hi," he replied with a genuine smile that she was quickly becoming accustomed to. "How was school?"
"It was fine," she shrugged. "I have some homework but nothing that can't wait a while."
"Hey, Rory Gilmore, Rebel Without A Cause," he teased, leaning towards her across the counter.
It was instinct to back up a little, and yet Rory forced herself not to. She didn't have anything to fear from Jess, and nobody could say she was doing anything wrong in getting close to him anymore. She and Dean were over, she was free and single.
"I can be rebellious sometimes," she told him, poking him in the arm for good measure. "You don't know everything about me."
"Not yet anyway," he agreed, still smiling. "You hungry?" he checked then. "Caesar has the grill fired up, so there's burgers or whatever you want."
"Um, yeah, I could eat," she agreed, starting to dig into her backpack for her wallet.
"On the house," Jess told her, putting his hand on hers to stop her search. "I think the whole sitting by my bedside, praying for my life thing probably earned you a meal".
He was being sarcastic and going for a joke, but Rory couldn't allow herself to be so flippant, not yet. It was still too raw, the memory of Jess lying in that bed just a few short days ago, all blood and bruises, so very still and quiet in a way she never saw him before and never wished to again.
"That was a joke," he explained the moment he saw her expression change.
"Hey, it's your life-and-death experience to joke about," she shrugged. "I just... It's not so funny from this side of the counter," she told him.
Jess nodded in understanding, feeling bad. He hadn't meant to upset Rory of all people, in fact, he was trying to keep the mood light. Maybe it was in poor taste to try to make a joke out of an accident that might've killed the both of them. She felt so guilty about it, and though he had convinced her to stop apologising every three seconds, he was sure she was still thinking about it, still feeling like she did something terrible.
"I'm sorry," he said softly, looking everywhere but at her. "Sometimes I just say things..." he made a vague gesture of words coming out of his mouth unchecked and Rory found a half smile for him.
Jess didn't mean to upset her, she knew that. It just freaked her out so much still to think of what might've happened, how bad that accident they had really could've been. The main casualty had been the car, with Jess a close second. She was fine, and that was maybe what made Rory feel worst of all, that and the way the whole town seemed so eager to blame anyone and anything apart from her.
"So, how long until you go back to school?" she asked then, hoping the subject change stuck - it did.
"Pretty sure I'm going back tomorrow," Jess told her. "Luke seems to think he knows better than the doctors and even me when it comes to my own head, but I think we came to a compromise."
"Tell me you weren't arguing pro school attendance?" she asked, wide eyed and smiling.
It would be so un-Jess-like to be eager to get back to his studies. As naturally smart as he was, he hated the education system. It was why Rory had been brought in to tutor him in the first place. Jess was in no way dumb, not even lazy actually, he just didn't see the point of school.
"Hey, if I can get through a whole day of school, maybe dearest uncle Luke will stop with the house arrest already," he rolled his eyes dramatically. "Seriously, he wouldn't even let me walk as far as Doose's for milk this morning. The guy is unhinged!"
"He just cares," said Rory definitely, knowing it was true, knowing Jess knew it too, even if he would never admit it.
"Yeah, maybe," he muttered, the closest they were ever going to get to an admission.
The fact was, Jess did know Luke cared, of course he did. The men in their family were not great at expressing feelings, that was clear to each of them as well as anybody that knew them. Sometimes you didn't need words though, hardly ever actually. The fact Luke sat by Jess' bedside worrying about him, the way he had looked after him so well these past few days, it all meant so much. It also mattered that he hadn't mentioned Liz.
Jess was surprised by that one, not that he really expected his mother to be all that interested necessarily, it depended what else (or rather who else) she had going on. Still, Luke had to have told his sister what happened, he was too good of a person not to report back to the parent about her child being hospitalised no matter how old that kid was. The fact he never mentioned her reaction to the news proved to Jess that Liz was unmoved by recent events. That suited Jess just fine, it meant he didn't have to talk to her at all. He was prone to headaches enough already without adding his mother's dulcet tones to the mix.
"Jess?"
Rory's hand on his atop the counter was more startling than her speaking his name. These things both alerted him to the fact he must have zoned out.
"Sorry, what?" he checked, looking up to meet her eyes and seeing concern within their deep blue shade. "Rory, I'm fine," he promised her one more time. "You cannot freak out every time I zone out or whatever. Everybody does that, even you," he told her with a smile.
"I know, I'm sorry," she shook her head, knowing she was being dumb. "I just... I know you said you don't blame me, and I'm glad about that, but I guess I'm still blaming me. I can't help it."
"Well, then that's the part where you're dumb, okay?" said Jess firmly, causing a look of shock to pass over Rory' face. "I know, the great Rory Gilmore is capable of being dumb, who knew? But you are if you think any of this is your fault," he said, gesturing to his arm in the cast and the covered wound on his forehead. "It's not. Hell, if you listen to this town it's all my own stupid fault," he smirked, but there was no humour in that look.
Rory couldn't believe there were people who really thought that. A car accident caused by something identified running out into the road, that made her swerve, and Jess be injured. From these facts, some of the residents of Stars Hollow seriously thought they could make the whole thing Jess' fault? Rory was in awe of that kind of stupidity amongst the townsfolk, and sickened by the fact that they had been so tactless as to let Jess know their feelings. Still, there was no way for her to be surprised by what he was telling her. She already heard Babette and Miss Patty talking in terms of sweet little Rory being corrupted by the town hoodlum, how Jess' injuries were pretty much what he had coming. She was sure deep down they didn't mean to be so spiteful, it was just gossip, and they were trying to think the best of her, which Rory figured should be a good thing. It wasn't though, not when they were wrong, not when they were trying to make a bad guy out of Jess. Sure, he had his troublesome side, but he was a good person really, her friend, her... well, her friend certainly. Beyond that Rory wasn't sure yet.
"So, that zoning out thing we were talking about..." Jess said with a smirk, shifting his hand where it was under hers still to get her full attention. "Welcome back to reality."
"It's not fair," she told him, not smiling back at all. "They can't blame you for this."
"It doesn't matter," he assured her. "Now what do you want to eat because..."
"No!" she insisted, shaking her head crossly. "No, you can't just sweep this under the rug and act like it's okay. It's not. You got hurt in an accident, and maybe I'm not exactly to blame, not entirely, but more than you. You did nothing. You sat in a car that crashed and you got hurt!"
Her voice was rising in volume and octave both. Jess put his hands towards her, trying for a placating gesture, opening his mouth to tell her to calm down already, but there was no stopping her. Rory hopped off her stool almost sending it flying with the sudden movement. She turned to look at all the patrons of the diner, some already startled by her sudden yelling and such.
"Does anybody here have anything to say about our car accident?" she asked in general.
"Rory..." Jess tried to get her attention, but she didn't listen.
"Come on! Apparently everybody has an opinion, so let's hear them!" she insisted. "Taylor, you always have something mean to say, or Kirk, I'll bet you have thoughts on this, right?"
Kirk sat mutely at his table, jaw working but no words coming out. He hated confrontation, and he certainly hadn't expected such a thing from Rory Gilmore of all people.
"Well, er... I'm just glad everybody is okay," said Taylor awkwardly.
"Really? You're glad everybody is okay?" she countered. "Well, you know what? Everybody is not okay. Jess could've died, I guess I could have too, but he came closer. He has a broken arm and a head injury, neither of which are his fault. That crash probably wasn't anybody's fault, but if it were, you would have to blame the driver, and that was me," she said definitely, slamming her pointer finger into her own chest. "My car, my swerve, my fault!" she said loudly, just starting to waver by the end as the emotion of it all overtook her one more time. "And while we're on the topic of things that are my fault, me and Dean broke up yesterday, just so you all know that!"
"Rory, come on."
She hadn't realised Jess had moved out from the counter until he appeared beside her, speaking in soft comforting tones as he put a hand to her shoulder. She turned to look at him and felt the tears streak down her face. She hadn't known she was crying until then.
"I... I'm sorry," she said softly.
Jess shook his head to signal that it didn't matter, tugged on her arm and tilted his head towards the curtain. She followed out of instinct and momentum more than anything else, barely even hearing as Jess called for Caesar to hold the fort until Luke got back from the suppliers. Rory followed her friend up the stairs to the apartment, and by the time they got there was completely blinded by tears.
"I can't believe I did that," she choked out, almost laughing even as she cried.
"Me either," Jess admitted, looking around for a box of tissue or something.
When he came up empty on that one, he just grabbed the roll of kitchen paper from the counter and tore off a couple of sheets. He brought them to Rory and she genuinely did laugh when she realised what he had given her.
"Thanks," she coughed a little before blowing her nose.
"You feel better now?" he asked, tilting his head, trying to better see if she looked like she was crying any more or not.
"Kind of, I guess," she shrugged, cleaning up her face a little.
She was red and blotchy from the anger and tears, and yet her eyes still sparkled, she was still just as beautiful. Jess felt like such a sap for even thinking these things but it didn't mean they weren't true. His hand came up on automatic to put loose strands of hair back behind her ear. Rory was pretty sure she stopped breathing at the contact but somehow she never wanted it to end anyway. For the briefest moment she actually thought maybe Jess was going to kiss her. It was painfully disappointing when he didn't.
The truth was, he thought about it. Kissing Rory was something he thought about a lot, and it wouldn't exactly be a wrong move. She was broken up with Dean, she told him as much this morning, and after all, she had kissed him herself just yesterday. The fact was, for all that he had a terrible reputation in this town, Jess wasn't a complete ass. Kissing a girl who was crying like that and obviously upset, that was taking advantage, no matter how small the scale, and that was something Jess Mariano didn't do.
"Er, thanks, for what you said down there, about the crash," he told her, taking a single step back, running his hand through his own hair so it had something else to do. "I mean, you didn't have to, but thanks anyway."
"They needed to be told," she shrugged like it was nothing. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Stars Hollow, but sometimes this place is just... I just want to scream and run away from it all, just for a day."
Jess nodded along. He knew that feeling, and way better than Rory did. The place had grown on him these past few months, no doubt about it, but running screaming for the nearest exit still appealed more often than not. It was then that a thought struck Jess and a smile came to his lips that he couldn't shift.
"So, you wanna get out of this place for a while?"
Rory started at the suggestion, and he realised he had worded it badly.
"Not now, I mean, Luke would have a fit and you probably have studying you insist on doing or whatever," he teased her gently. "How about Saturday?"
"Well, where would we go?" asked Rory, sniffing a little still.
"I don't know, wherever," he shrugged. "Just out of Stars Hollow, away from these people, just for a day. Tell me that doesn't sound good?" he challenged her, knowing she couldn't do it.
"It does sound good," said Rory, an admission that was accompanied by a small smile that Jess was only too glad to witness. "But I don't have a car anymore..."
"So we'll get on a bus," he cut in fast before she had a chance to elaborate and upset herself again. "We'll go to the station, pick one at random and just go. C'mon, Rory, say yes," he urged her, closing the gap between them that he had deliberately widened just moments before.
Rory loved the chance he was giving her, the offer to get out of this place for a whole day. It would be just her and Jess, and that was exciting and terrifying all at once. She was single now and they both knew it. She had kissed him before and now he was offering to take her out. It wasn't explicitly stated to be a date, but it could be. This was jumping into something with Jess. If she said yes, anything could happen.
"Yes," she said without too much further thought, a wide grin coming over her face mirroring the one he wore.
"Cool."
"Hey," Lorelai smiled as she neared the diner and saw Luke getting out of his truck. "How's the patient?" she asked, tilting her head towards the building.
"Jess is doing much better, thank you for asking," he smiled at her. "In fact, he's talking about going back to school tomorrow."
"Wow, that bump on the head really knocked some sense in if he's actually wanting to go back, huh?" she said with just hint of sarcasm.
Luke rolled his eyes.
"I might've pulled a little reverse psychology," he admitted, leaning in close to whisper to her. "I figured if I keep him inside, won't even let him go as far as the store, eventually he'll beg me to let him go to school just to get out of the building. It's working."
"Oooh, sneaky!" Lorelai declared as they walked up to the diner door together. "I love it."
"I thought you would," he chuckled as they went inside.
The smile slid off Luke's face entirely when he realised Caesar was running around the very busy diner all by himself. Jess was nowhere to be seen.
"Caesar?" he called to him. "Where is my nephew?" he asked, caught between annoyance that he had abandoned the counter and worry that Jess was feeling sick or something.
"Upstairs with Rory," he answered as he ran by with another couple plates of food.
Lorelai's eyes widened a little at that admission. She knew how her daughter felt about Jess and vice versa. Not that she didn't trust her own kid to be sensible, but two teenagers who liked each other a lot, alone and upstairs; none of that sat well with a concerned mother.
"I didn't say anything," said Kirk out of the blue. "Taylor did, but I was silent throughout the whole thing."
"What whole thing, Kirk?" asked Luke menacingly.
"Taylor?" Lorelai prompted when they got no joy from the younger man.
"Lorelai, I know your daughter has been though a traumatic experience of late, but that is no excuse for..."
"Can it, Taylor!" said Jess as he appeared from the back with Rory right behind him.
That certainly got some attention from the patrons of Luke's Diner. Lorelai tried her best not to smile. Luke narrowed his eyes at Jess.
"What is going on here?" he asked, looking past his nephew then to a red-faced Rory.
"Honey? Have you been crying?" asked Lorelai, moving towards her daughter.
"I'm fine now, I just... I upset myself over the accident and everything. I'm sorry."
"Okay, well, let's go home and we'll talk about it," her mother said, putting an arm around Rory's shoulders and leading her out.
Luke watched them go, turning right after to find Taylor's face too close to his own.
"Are you going to allow that hoodlum nephew of yours to talk to me..."
"Can it, Taylor!" said Luke this time, with just as much attitude as Jess had done. "Whatever's bothering you, I don't care. I care about my nephew and I care about Rory, but you? Couldn't care less," he said definitely.
When he turned to walk away, leaving a babbling Taylor in his wake, all Jess could do was stand and smirk in triumph. Yeah, his uncle Luke cared about him, and they never even needed words to say it.
To Be Continued...
