On with the story!
Konoha; Gates.
Naruto, Konan and Pein were making their way towards Ame with Itachi, Obito, Tsunade, Jiraiya and Team 7 waving them off.
"Have a safe trip!" yelled Tsunade "And if i find out that you died, i'm going to bring you back to life and kill you myself!" making the three sweatdrop.
'Why would you bring someone back to life just to kill them?' they all thought as they continued walking.
"Yeah and use the Slow-mo Crotch Chomper on the salamander freak! And bring back the summoning contract!" Obito yelled making Naruto turn around.
"Why do you need that?!" he yelled.
"Two reasons really! One: I want to be able to summon salamanders! And Two: I want the Uchiha clan to have a clan summon! So can you do that for me?" Obito yelled and the two Uchiha brothers went wide eyed.
"Alright! I'll see what i can do!" came the answer.
"Awesome!" exclaimed Tobi and pulled out a Basic Crotch Chomper from his robe. "Now it's time to go play 'The Game' with someone. Hehehe." he said in a low and scary voice. Making the guys on the scene cringe alittle as all of them had at least once been strapped to a chair with Naruto or Obito or both playing 'The Game' with them. Oh the painful memories.
Ame; 1 week later
"Well, here we are." said Pein as he stood observing the very strangely shaped buildings of Ame.
"So where is the salamander freak?" said an excited Naruto "I want to use my Crotch Chomper on him!"
"He's in the west side of the village" Pein said and pointed at the tallest, and wierdest, building in the west side.
"So let's go then!" Naruto exclaimed and started running towards the building.
"Naruto wait! He has-" at this they started hearing alot of explosions and the sound of metal clashing. "...guards..." he finished while sweatdropping.
Naruto was not happy right now... here he had already taken down thirty three of Hanzos personal bodyguards and when he thought that there were no more, fifty more came running towards him.
"Oh to hell with this!" he muttered and took out the drywall nail bomb out of his robe. "EAT THIS FUCKERS!!" he shouted and threw the bomb so it landed three yards infront of the guards. Of course Naruto being the smarter of everyone there, ducked down and hid behind a corpse.
Two seconds later you could find Naruto on the ground laughing while the fifty bodyguards were running around screaming in agony. Some even went so far as to kill themselves to end the pain... and the smell. Disgusting smell... yuck!
Five seconds after that Naruto got up and slit the throat of every guard there. Nasty. Yes...
Now one could find him running around in Hanzos maze-like castle-like house.
"Where is that salamander faggot?!" he yelled angrily to himself.
"I'm right here!" said a voice from behind him. "You've run past me fifteen times now!" the voice of Hanzo said and Naruto turned around and saw a guy... a BIG guy with some kind of helmet/mask on... and a cape... black cape.
"Oh! You're Hanzo?" Naruto asked. After getting a nod he added "When i ran past you i didn't think you were alive."
"And why is that?" Hanzo asked with a curious look on his face... at least on the little bit of his face that you could see...
"Well you're uglier than any other man i've ever seen and you stood stock still like some kind of statue... And you're to big to be human." said Naruto ignoring the glare sent his way at the "ugly" comment.
"You're brave to come here and insult me like that young one. But you should know that i have beaten all three of the legendary sannin." Hanzo said and rushed Naruto "No one is stronger than me!"
Naruto was surprised by this... this GIANTS speed, thus resulting in him beeing rewarded for his standing still with an elbow to his nose, sending him flying into a wall.
"See? you're not strong enough to beat me yet." Hanzo said cockily to the hole in the wall and turned to walk away. There behind him he saw Pein and Konan standing there watching him. "Ah Pein-san! Have you come here for a rematch?" Hanzo said in a friendly tone.
"I'm afraid i can't Hanzo-san." Pein said with a smile.
"Oh? And why is that?" Hanzo asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Because he's not done with you yet." Pein smiled and pointed behind Hanzo.
As Hanzo turned around he was met with a metal coated right hook to his jaw. 'What the hell!?' were his thoughts as he went sailing through the air.
He was kicked in the gut before he even hit the ground. 'He's fast!' he thought as he faceplanted the ground. 'Maybe i should have ran when i had the chance?' he thought and stood up.
Naruto just stood there with a huge grin on his face.
"What's so funny you little brat?!" Hanzo yelled. Naruto just stood there with his grin and pointed to the ground. Hanzo made a big mistake when he looked down because there was... nothing. But he left himself open for a knee in the face, and then a kick in the ribs and a uppercut to the jaw.
"Uh! Enough of this!" he yelled and started performing a set of seals. "Fuuton: Kamaitachi!(1)" he shouted and released a huge slicing wind as Naruto performed his own set of seals.
"Katon: Kuro Kitsune Endan!(2) (I created that XD)" he yelled and blew a huge black, burning fox that was powered up by the wind attack and went straight for Hanzo.
"OH SHIT!" he exclaimed and dodged to the right and performed another set of seals. When he saw this Narutos eyes widened and he performed the same set of seals. 'Boar, Dog, Bird, Monkey, Sheep!'.
When they were done they both called out "Kuchiyose no jutsu!(3)" and slammed their palms into the ground. There were two puffs of smoke and there stood a 40 ft tall red and blue salamander and a 40 ft tall green and orange toad with two katanas strapped to his back.
"Ah Naruto-kun! What can i do for you?" the toad asked in a playful tone.
"I wanted to know if you wanted to play 'Let's beat the crap out of that salamander' with me Gamagunsha(4)-san.(He's an OC... or OT (Original Toad) HAHAHA!!!)" Naruto said in an equally playful tone and Gamagunsha smiled and unsheathed one of his katanas.
"I would love to Naruto-kun! I haven't been able to battle a salamander for a while. I believe the last time was about 250 years ago when your greatgreatgreat grandfather fought another salamander user." he said (Gamagunsha is 328 years old, Gamabunta is 753 years old and Gamakichi is 56 years old.).
"Wait! You know who my father, grandfather, great grandfather and so on is?!" Naruto asked with a shocked look to which the toad nodded.
"Of course. We are your family summon after all." he said and shrugged.
"We will have to talk about this later." Naruto said "But for now, let's kick some ass!" he exclaimed and pumped his fist into the air.
"Hai!" Gamagunsha said and charged the salamander who jumped to the side when a katana came down threatening to cut him in half.
"Hanzo! With all due respect, you know what i think of fighting those crazy ass toads!" the salamander said while dodging another swipe.
"I didn't know that brat could summon!" Hanzo yelled to the salamander. "Let alone summon toads!"
"I'll let it slip for this time then." the salamander said "But not even the boss likes to fight those crazy toads. So don't summon us to fight them anymore or i'll get our contract nullified!" yelled the salamander as he dodged to the side yet again. "AH! Get away from me you crazy fuck!"
"Tsh! Almost got him there!" Gunsha said with a maniacal grin.
"They seem afraid of us Gunsha-san!" Naruto said from where he stood.
While all that shit was going down, Pein and Konan sat on the sidelines with a videocamera and popcorn.
"This is some battle! Look at how scared that lizard is! If he had pants he would be pissing in them right now!" Pein said in amusement.
"Yeah..." Konan said and took the videocamera from Pein and put it on the ground directed at the battle.
"What did you do that for?"
"For this." Konan said and leaned over to whisper something in Peins ear. "I'm pregnant." Poor Pein passed out on the spot.
Meanwhile in Konoha
Ino stopped walking towards the BBQ joint where her team usually met after missons and started sniffing around in the air.
'Why do i smell gossip?' she thought and shrugged. 'Meh. It's probably nothing.' and with that she started walking again.
Back in Ame
The salamander was not feeling good at this moment. He had multiple cuts on various places of his body.
"Oh fuck this! Your on your own Hanzo!" he yelled and puffed away from the battle ground.
"Wait, wha-" was all Hanzo could say before he went plummeting towards the ground. 'Oh shit!' was all he could think before he smacked into the ground head first.
"Aw! I wanted to fight some more!" whined Gunsha as he resheathed his katana.
"Sorry Gunsha-san. But it seems we're done here." Naruto said in a apologizing tone.
"Yeah... well! Summon me anytime you want Naruto-kun. I'm always ithcing for a fight." Gunsha said and waved.
"I will." said Naruto and bowed. "Ja Ne."
"Ja Ne." and with that the toad puffed out of existence.
"Well. I better tie this fucker up." Naruto said when he hit the ground. Feet first (Unlike some other sorry saps. coughHanzocough).
1 hour and a whole lot of sake later
Pein was sitting in Hanzos conference room with a bottle of sake in his hand and repeatedly mumbled something that sounded like "I'm gonna be a father... I'm gonna be a fucking father." between sips.
"What's this about?" said Naruto as he watched in amusement and turned to Konan. "You finally told him?"
"Yeah... He took it better than i thought he would though." she said while shaking her head. "But i do want him to say something to me."
Five seconds later Hanzo woke up with a major headache and a Crotch Chomper attached to him.
"Ah! You're awake. Good. I wanna ask you a question." Naruto said with a smile.
"I won't tell you anything!" Hanzo said.
"Oh come on. I just wanna know where you keep the salamanders summoning contract." Naruto said with the smile still on.
"Is that the only reason you came here?!" asked Hanzo with disbelief evident in his voice.
"Umm... pretty much. Yeah." lied Naruto.
"And if i don't tell you?" Hanzo asked.
"Then i'll push this button and then you can wave bye bye to the possibility of you ever having children." Naruto said and held out that not-so-friendly remote.
"Umm... I keep it in my safe in the basement in the north section of this building!" said Hanzo who was sweating at the moment.
Naruto created a shadow clone and gave it a mental command to go get the contract. After that he walked up to Pein and gave him a hard slap in the face and grabbed his collar.
"Snap out of it! Yes you're gonna be a father! Yes it's gonna be hard! But don't make it a bad thing! You're gonna have a baby!" he said in a commanding tone snapping Pein out of his trance like state.
"I'm gonna... I'm gonna have a baby?" he asked still in shock.
"Yes. A little mini-Pein running around. Hahaha! When are you gonna give him his first piercing?" Naruto asked in an amused voice.
"Ha...ha...ha... very funny... wise ass." Pein said in mock amusement (Remember that Peinn has piercings like... EVERYWHERE!).
"So! Are we gonna do this now?" said Naruto as he stood behind a camera that Hanzo used when he adressed the people and threw the remote to Pein.
"Yeah. Let's do it." said Pein and stood infront the camera and Naruto got ready.
"And we're live in three... two... one... now." Naruto said and started recording and at that moment every TV and screen (You know those big screen they usually have in town squares and shit. you should know what i mean.) in Ame showed what was going on in Hanzos conference room.
"My fellow ame-nins. I am Pein. Look at what your so called 'undefeatable' leader has been reduced to." Pein said and moved away from the camera so everyone could see Hanzo tied to a chair. Pein pointed at Hanzos crotch. "This is a Crotch Chomper that my companion Naruto has created. And when i press this button, your leader is going to be in a world of pain." he said with a small smile on his face. "So you see? Akatsuki is the strongest! We... are... godlike!" and with that he pressed the button and the Crotch Chomper started closing. "Hey Naruto! Turn off the camera. The children shouldn't have to watch this."
"Awww Party-pooper." Naruto said and turned off the camera. "There, we're off. Did you have to sound that power hungry?" he asked while scratching his head.
"Power hungry? I didn't sound power hungry." Pein said.
"Oh yeah? Then how about that whole 'We... are... godlike!' thing?" asked Naruto. Pein just flipped him the bird. When the shadow clone came back with the summoning scroll Naruto took it and sealed it in a smaller scroll.
"Well if that's all you need i'll be going back to Konoha now." said Naruto as he started to walk away. "And tell me when the baby is born!" he yelled from the door. "Good luck to you both!"
"Will do and thank you!" Konan yelled back.
"Soo..." Pein said as he scratched his head nervously. "What do we do now?"
"Now we go to the library and read about child birth and child care." Konan said and gestured for Pein to follow.
'Oh shit! Come on Pein! Think of an excuse!' Pein thought in horror. "Ah, yeah, well, you see, i gotta take care of something in-" he started but never got any further as Konan walked up to him, grabbed the back of his collar and started pulling him with her. "No excuses! You're coming with me and that's final."
'Damn woman!' thought Pein and cried silently.
One hour later outside of Ame
Naruto was walking towards Konoha when he remembered something and performed a set of seals.
"Kuchiyose no jutsu!" there was a puff of smoke and there stood Gamagunsha tall and proud.
"Where's the fight?!" he yelled and started to unsheath his swords.
"There is no fight Gunsha-san." Naruto said making Gunsha resheath his swords with a disappointed "Oh..." "But i would like some answers." Naruto said.
"Oh? Then i'll answer to the best of my abilities." Gunsha said making Naruto nod.
"Good. Now you said you knew my family." at this Gunsha nodded. "Okay. Who were my parents?"
"I don't know who you mother was." Gunsha said making Naruto drop his head in disappointment "But i do know who your father was." at this Narutos head shot up.
"Really? Who was he?" he asked excitedly.
"That's easy. He was Namikaze Minato. But you know him as Yondaime Hokage."
Naruto just stood there stock still. Yondaime was his dad. Why didn't anyone tell him?
"Does Tsunade-obaa-chan or Ero-sennin know about that?" he asked resulting in a nod from the toad.
"Yup. They were there when you were born after all."
"And who were his parents?"
"That's also easy. It was Jiraiya and Tsunade." At this point Naruto was growing very pissed off.
"WHAT?! Why didn't they tell me?!" he yelled.
"I don't know... Maybe they don't know. Tsunade did put Minato in an orphanage. Maybe they don't even know that Minato were their son." Gunsha said and shrugged.
"But you said that your our family summon."
"Yeah. And Jiraiya doesn't know this but we are bound to the Kazamas by blood. If someone else other than a Kazama tries to sign the contract, the blood wouldn't stick to it."
"Kazama?" Naruto asked while scratching his head. "Didn't you just say Namikaze?"
"Yes but Namikaze is a name Minato took since he was an 'orphan'. Kazama is his real clan name."
"And why didn't you or any other toad tell him or Jiraiya about that?"
"Meh" said Gunsha and shrugged "They never asked." making Naruto sweatdrop.
"Whatever... Can you give me a ride to Konoha?" Naruto asked while utilizing the dreaded Puppy Dog eyes no jutsu.
"'sigh' Fine" Gunsha said and started hopping towards Konoha.
3 hours later; Konoha gates
Izumo once again got the shit scared out of him when a 40 ft tall toad landed infront of him. And he got even more scared when Uzumaki Naruto hopped off the toad.
"Thanks for the lift Gunsha-san!" he yelled to the giant toad.
"No problem Naruto-kun." the toad said and gave a small nod before he puffed out of existance.
"Ohayo Izumo-san!" Naruto greeted and waved with a maniacal grin as he walked through the gates. Poor, poor Izumo passed out once again.
5 minutes later; Hokages office.
"Ohayo Baa-chan!" shouted Naruto as he walked into Tsunades office where she was talking to Jiraiya.
"Oh Naruto. How did it go?" asked Tsunade. "Did you manage to do what we couldn't?"
"Yup! And i learned something to. Something that involves you two." he said in a serious tone making Tsunade and Jiraiya raise an eyebrow.
"Really? And what is that?" Jiraiya asked.
"Gamagunsha told me when i summoned him that he knew who my dad was." Naruto said causing the two sannins to go wide eyed. "And who his parents were." he said making the twos eyes to nearly fall out of the sockets.
"And who were they?" Jiraiya asked curiously.
"I'll tell you even though you know that my father was the Yondaime." at this Tsunade and Jiraiya started sweating. "But first let me ask you a question that will probably give you your answer Ero-sennin."
"Okay... what is it?"
"Did you know that the toads are a blood bound family summon?" he asked making them both go wide eyed again.
"W-Wait... th-then th-tha-at m-means th-that... M-Minato... was..." Jiraiya stuttered.
"Yes he was your son who you left at the orphanage when he was just born." said Naruto in a cold tone. "Who you just abandoned."
"Then that means that you..." Tsunade started and pointed at Naruto.
"Yes. I'm your grandson. And that also means..." he started making Tsunade and Jiraiya lean forward. "That i now have the right to call you my Obaa-chan!" he exclaimed earning him a fist to the nose. "Now the question is: what are you two going to do to make up for your absence in my life all those years?" asked Naruto as he picked himself up from the floor at which Tsunade got into a thinking pose.
"I don't know. There is probably nothing we can do to make it up to you." she said sadly.
"You can get me a house. 'Cause i don't want to live in a hotel for the rest of my life." Naruto said simply making the sannins' jaws drop.
"That's it? That's all you want?" Tsunade asked.
"Pretty much. Yep!" Naruto exclaimed.
"Done!" Tsunade said and rushed to the Yondaimes picture on the wall and swiped some blood across it, and the picture disappeared to reveal a safe which she opened and took out a set of keys. "Here are the keys to Minatos house. The house was to be given to you when you found out about him. Which was not supposed to happen until you were 16." she said and handed him the keys and a piece of paper. "The adress is on the paper."
"Hey wait a minute! 149 Teal Drive! Isn't that the rich section of Konoha?"
"Yup!" Tsunade said with a smile.
"Awesome!" Naruto exclaimed and pocketed the keys. "Well i'm off to see Obito and give him the summoning scroll." he said and turned to Jiraiya. "Hey Ero-sennin."
"Hmm?"
"Did you know that the salamanders hate to fight the toads?" Naruto said with a smile and walked out of the room.
10 minutes later; Uchiha compound.
"Hellooooo? Is anyone home?" Naruto asked as he walked into Obitos house (The Uchiha compound is like a small village).
"Yo! What's up?" asked Obito as he walked out of the living room.
"Haha! The cieling you moron!" Naruto exclaimed.
"Hmm... That's very wise." said Obito while cupping his chin. "So... did you get it?"
"Yep. And Konan told Pein she was pregnant." Naruto answered with a grin and gave the summoning scroll to Obito.
"Really?!" Obito asked excitedly. "How did he take it?"
"The poor sap passed out." said Naruto and Obito started laughing. "Oh and by the way. Word of advice: Don't use the salamander summon against me."
"What? Why?" Obito asked .
"Because the salamanders fear and i quote 'Those crazy ass toads'."
"I hate you..." Obito muttered. He thought he had finally found something that he could surpass Naruto in. Since Hanzo beat Jiraiya he naturally assumed that both had used summons. But appearently not.
"I love to." Joked Naruto and started walking out of the house but stopped and turned when he reached the door. "Oh. I got a new house."
"Really? Where?"
"149 Teal Drive." Naruto said and walked out.
1 hour later; Kishimoto Dango stand
Kurenai was sitting in the sun munching on a stick of dango without a care in the world when Naruto came and sat down at her table. Causing her to choke on the dango.
"N-Naruto-kun? What are you doing here?" she asked.
"Itachi told me something a little more than a week ago. He said that he had heard you and Anko-chan talking. And appearently you said something." he said making Kurenai choke on the dango. Again...
"S-Said something? W-What did he tell you i said?" she asked fearing the answer.
"He said; and i quote the quote 'I can't just walk up to him and say 'Hey Naruto guess what! I'm in love with you!'. What if he doesn't feel the same way?'. So is it true?" he asked with a raised eyebrow while Kurenai sighed in defeat.
"Yes." she said with her head down.
"Did you know that i had a crush on you when i was 8 years old to when i was 11?" he asked casually making Kurenais head shoot up.
"W-What? N-No i didn't know that." she said. "Why?" she asked with a hint of hope in evident in her face.
"I can't really say that i'm in love with you." Naruto said making Kurenai lower her head again. "But i don't even know you well enough to know that now do i?" he asked getting up from his seat making Kurenais head shoot up yet again. "So how about i take you out for a date tomorrow night?" he asked "Say 6 pm?"
"O-Okay but what about Tsume-san?" Kurenai said also getting up "And Anko?"
"I don't love them either. They were one night stands." Naruto said and started walking away. "Well i guess i'll see you tomorrow then. Ja Ne." he said and gave a small wave.
"Y-Yeah Ja Ne." she said 'What the hell is wrong with me? I'm starting to sound like Hinata for christs sake!'
There! All done.
Now, i still need a co author! Anybody out there who wants to write some lemon scenes for me please let me know!
(1) Kamaitachi no Jutsu - Cutting Whirlwind Technique
(2) Kuro Kitsune Endan - Black Fox Missle
(3) Kuchiyose no Jutsu - Summoning technique
(4) Gamagunsha - Toad Tank
Ja Ne...
R&R!!! PEIN-SAMAS PIERCED CHILD COMMANDS YOU!!!!
