Of course Alice found out.
It never really seriously occurred to Gwaine to try to hide it from her. He wasn't quite that low. And if the thought did come to his mind after he woke up with his hand in another woman's hair, it was banished by the time Gwaine left her house that morning.
He left barely five minutes after he awoke; there was no reason to stay. She woke up several minutes after he did, and she dismissed him easily, having no more interest in him. Gwaine had the vague feeling that he should apologize, but then, she was hardly a victim here—there was only one person in this mess who deserved an apology.
And frankly, Gwaine was terrified of her.
He left the house shortly after the woman's dismissal, a horrible feeling growing deep in his gut.
Gwaine was in despair. It wasn't apparent on his face, but Gwaine had the sinking feeling that stoicism was all he had left, and he didn't want to lose that. He knew it couldn't be hidden, if he even wanted to try—who knew how many people had seen him in that tavern last night? Why had he even gone in the first place? He couldn't even try to stay sober a week before his wedding? What was wrong with him? He couldn't believe he'd done that.
"I can't believe you did that."
Gwaine gave a little wince at Alice's words. She hadn't yelled yet, but he had a feeling it was only a matter of time. She couldn't possibly remain calm. No woman could.
"What were you thinking?" she said, her voice strained. Hardly original words, but that didn't make it any easier to come up with an answer. He hadn't been thinking.
Alice had come and found him, which made things a bit easier for him. She knew, he saw at once, not taking much comfort in the fact that she probably wouldn't murder him in the public square right here. Her cheeks had been flushed, and she opened her mouth as though to scream abuse, but before the words even made their way out her mouth her voice seemed to die.
She looked around, her eyes flickering over the crowd. They all seemed to be walking.
Then she looked back at Gwaine. He stared back at her, wondering what he should say.
"Come with me," she said, and turned to walk away.
He followed her into the woods, a bit away from the village, silent all the while. He knew now that he should say something. But he had no excuses, nothing, just a pounding headache and a horrible sense of foreboding.
His uncle used to tell him that a real man faced up to consequences. But he felt like being a real man might be a bit overrated; all he wanted to do was run away.
Then she turned around. She still didn't scream, but she spoke, and the words were like knives. I can't believe you did that; what were you thinking; how could you.
He managed to keep a straight face for all of it, the feeling just growing in his middle.
"We are supposed to get married in a week!" she said with feeling, but still her yelling seemed to have failed her.
And then Gwaine flinched.
"How does it look to have you sleeping around with some… trollop? I don't know about you, Gwaine, but I have this thing called a reputation." Her sarcasm had not failed her. "Is this something you do often? Just go around to towns and ruin a girl's chance for an honest marriage?" That's when he saw the tears shining in her eyes.
Gwaine felt sick. He'd realized she would be angry, and she had every right to be. Foolish as it may be, it had never crossed his mind that he had just hurt her badly.
Finally, Gwaine spoke. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean for it to happen."
She shook her head. "But it did happen! It did! And it'll happen again."
"No," he said at once, shaking his head. "It will never happen again… I promise, I drank too much, I shouldn't have but I wouldn't do it again."
Her mouth and hand shook. She covered her mouth for a moment, trying to stop herself from sobbing, and the tears didn't fall from her eyes. After a moment, she could speak. "If it happened once," she said, "It can again. If it can happen a week before your marriage, you wouldn't stop once we…" She choked on her own voice, and a sob finally came from her throat. The tears ran over.
Gwaine felt frozen. He wanted to hold her, to make her stop crying—every tear was another failure on his part, and he'd promised her forever; he'd promised…
Sobbing softly to herself, biting her lip and trying desperately to function, Alice ripped the ring from her finger and held it out to Gwaine.
He stared at it.
"Take it," she said.
"No," he said. "I want you to keep it…"
"I won't marry you," she said.
He swallowed. He felt like he was slipping off the slope of a cliff and no one was offering a hand to help him up. "Alice…"
"Take the ring!" she said, her breath catching, trying to raise her voice into a shout.
He stared at her hand. "I understand, but I want you to keep it… Because it's yours, and I…" He swallowed. "I love you still."
"I don't care," she said. "I hate you." And then she threw the ring down onto the grass as though its touch burned her.
Gwaine looked at it. Then back at her.
She was still sobbing. "I didn't mean that," she choked out. "I didn't…" She shook her head, wiping her face desperately with her hands. "Just take it and go," she said. "Leave town, leave me my life…"
Gwaine would listen to her wishes this one last time. He wished he could be angry at her; he wished this were her fault and not his. He bent over and picked up the ring.
"My father and brother don't know yet," she said, her voice slightly more steady. "So just leave town before they do, and you won't get yourself killed."
He nodded mutely. "I'll leave," he promised. "I am sorry. Just so you know."
She shook her head and began to cry harder. And then she ran away from him, to find something familiar to throw herself upon and cry until she was ready to face life.
He closed his eyes for a moment, wishing tears would work for him. But they wouldn't. He looked at the ring in his hand. The second prize he'd won by making a woman throw it at him with the word hate on her lips. It was becoming something of a habit with him, it seemed.
After a while standing there and letting it sink in, he took his chain off and put the ring on it, then put it back around his neck. He had ex-fiancé's last orders. He started walking.
A/N: Well. One more chapter! I hope that was good. It's very hard to write despairing!Gwaine. I have never seen a despairing!Gwaine. Ah, well... Please review and help me with that contest xD
