AA team meeting had been called in the conference room. This time, it was all business. Everyone was a little shaken up over what happened, even though not all of them showed it. Jack was the most affected.

After the year that never was, Jack had been determined to resume his old life. The life he wanted. He wanted to defend the earth, to fight for the Doctor. He was a soldier at heart and in the course of waiting for his hero to return for him, Jack had inadvertently gained a life that suited him to the letter.

After waiting almost a hundred years for closure, and then finally finding it, all Jack wanted to do was return to Earth. To Cardiff. He had only realized how much he had changed when the Doctor started teasing him about someone who could tie down the great Jack Harkness. He wasn't the same man who had met the Doctor in the 1900's. It surprised him.

And then there was that whole 'tying down' thing. He'd made some inane joke about bondage, but his heart wasn't really in it. The Doctor was distracted. He didn't notice. Of course not. All Jack could think was…Ianto. It was like the man had found someway to get into his head. There was this light, and Jack could see Ianto's eyes. He could smell Ianto, remember him with a startling clarity. Sharp cinnamon. Suddenly there was a sharp ache in Jack's gut. He missed Ianto. So much. He had to get home.

Home. He had a job there. His work was there. His… the only people he had even gotten remotely close to in the past 500 years, and he couldn't even call them his friends…but they were his family. He wanted them to know that, he wanted them to look at him that way too. Home. The Hub. Ianto.

But when he got there, things were different. His team didn't trust him anymore. They knew he had secrets. He had forgotten how secretive he actually was. He didn't see the reason for it now. And Ianto was…well…not overjoyed to see him.

Since the year that never was, Jack had perpetually stayed in what Gwen called "dangerous alien mission mode". Jack was essentially a leader. That was how he acted when he was on a mission, and the part of him that was a leader was the dominant side. Always. It had to be that way… or people would get hurt.

Now… just between Jack and Ianto… they were coldly professional all the time. They focused on the mission at hand, delegating through the rest of the team when they had to talk to each other. It was painfully obvious why. Ianto had set the terms of their relationship for now, and Jack was too confused to think of anything to do about it immediately. Before, he wouldn't have even noticed Ianto's newfound independence. But it was hard not to miss the waves of indifference coming off Ianto in every interaction he had with Jack. There was warmth there, with the rest of the team. Not with him.

Ianto was much better at professionalism than Jack.

Jack had never realized how cold Ianto could be to people he didn't like. He had perfected his icy mask after 15 years of practice. Jack would never take Ianto's rare smiles for granted anymore. During missions, all he could think about were the silences where their wonderfully unprofessional banter used to be. He did his best, of course. There wasn't really another option, but Ianto was the one who effortlessly 'carried on'. Not him.

Jack was left with nothing. Memories that had scarred him even more, ones that could only be added to his already endless cache of things he wanted to forget. A lover who wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. A team that didn't trust him. He came back determined to follow through with the life he had been building, and all he found was endless confusion about his resolve to settle down this time.

Jack was in the conference room, waiting for the others. He'd climbed up the staircase wearily, every step a depletion of his energy. After everything that day, he'd barely been able to hold himself up long enough to drop into his seat and close his eyes in exhaustion. He was tired. So, so tired. All he wanted to do—for the first time in his life—was sleep.

Of course then, he thought, the nightmares will come again. Relentlessly, steadily uncompromising nightmares waiting for me to fall. Every night, without fail, they would appear behind his eyes, disturbing the one escape he had left. Tonight, he thought again, without hope … I wish I could sleep.

They didn't understand his weariness, and he didn't blame them for it. Jack would have sacrificed himself a thousand times over to spare his team from understanding that kind of bleak despondency. He had, in fact, done this more than once. Sacrificed himself to save his team. Or tried to, at least.

The most prominent example he could think of (or maybe it was just always in the back of his mind, pressing for attention) was the year that never was. Damn it! He couldn't get away from it. The memories were always there, vying for attention. He buried them down forcefully. Although he could confront at least some of the memories, the ones that weren't so painful at the beginning, all the recollections he had from that year, detailed, vivid memories, ended in agony regardless. And it ripped open the wounds that had just begun to heal.

But he could admit at least this much to himself, he could remember this much, without feeling that anguish as much—he had sacrificed himself for his team during that year. More than once.

Jack had been so busy sorting out what had led him to the antithesis of his "happily ever after" that he didn't even realize the entire team had entered the room until Owen slammed the door behind him. Jack jumped.

He picked his head up just in time to see Ianto leap back, an inch from being hit in the face by said door, and then put his hand on the doorknob and open it back up again, whilst balancing a tray of coffee mugs. Jack stared at Ianto as he walked in, unaware of the concern showing in his eyes. The glass was too cloudy for to see Ianto's expression clearly, but Jack knew that he couldn't have hid his hurt at that action, especially not today. And he knew too that Ianto was glad of the fact that no-one had seen him at his weakest—with his guard down.

Gwen clapped, jolting Jack back into the present. He sighed, half in frustration, half in the sadness of loss. Still in a contemplative mood. He never lets anyone take care of him. And no-one ever sees. That was the most important thing, but something in him continued to whisper, not like I do. Now.

"Okay!" Gwen dropped her hands. Her voice was unenthusiastic and tired for a change. "What do we do now?"

She asked the question without any real curiosity. They were all fatigued.

Jack picked himself up slowly. His headache was blinding him, but he grinned anyway. After a while you picked up some things about how to be a leader. They were depending on him, and he would be damned if he let them down.

"Right, everyone, listen up. Tosh has a briefing for us. The situation is not as urgent as you guys might think, but it's going to require a lot of work tomorrow. After Tosh fills us in, you guys are going to go home and take an early night."

There were various reactions to this, mostly consisting of muffled celebrations under everyone's breath. Ianto didn't join in, but he didn't look disappointed or angry either. Then again, Ianto always looked like he had just stepped out of bed, had had his morning cup of coffee, and was ready for an exciting day of work catering to everyone's needs. And of course, right now, he looked neutral, as usual. Jack yanked his attention back to the rest of the room, and tried to refocus.

Then he sighed. "Not so fast. We are all going to be on-call for the rest of the night just in case, and I want everybody to take the next hour seriously. This could be a threat to our safety. In the Hub. And I want everyone refreshed for tomorrow too, so no overworking yourselves. Tosh, over to you."

He pointed at Owen, who was already starting to zone out, and glared. "You. Pay attention."

Tosh immediately leaped up, looking exhilarated.

Ianto raised an eyebrow. Jack groaned.

"What's got you so cheery?"

"Ya'll aren't gonna believe this."

After 10 minutes of lots of overly-detailed explanations some good old-fashioned techno-babble, Tosh stopped talking, smirking and sitting back in her chair. Incredulous glances met her all around. Gwen's mouth was hanging open a little. Owen was just staring at her, disbelieving. The same question was written all over their faces. How is that possible?

Ianto was the first one to speak. "Say what?"

"Oh that's just great. The teaboy's finally lost it. No polite 'excuse me?' just an irrelevant expression of shock. I think what he meant was, what the hell do you mean, 'healed the Rift'?

"I'm telling you— it's a key. It...mends things. I explained all the science already. It's like an extreme form of fusion. Our quantum mechanics hasn't developed that far yet, and it has to do with physics too because this artifact has some kind of relationship with time. I just… our machines aren't accurate enough to see what exactly this thing does. We just don't know what kind of link exists between this machine and our natural world. We don't even know if there is a link of that kind yet! But this machine says it exists, and it has done something to the Rift."

Ianto, the only one with any kind of sense when it came to complicated missions, and not just shooting things, spoke again. "But what does that mean to us?"

Tosh continued, trying to bring them to the understanding that had shocked her over an hour earlier. "The Rift is natural. Or at least, it's so old that it seems natural. It's been there for so long that other things have learned to interact with it.

"Like… a forest growing to surround a creek. But that only takes hundreds of years—in comparison to the millennia during which the Rift might have existed. But in any case, nature has learned to interact with it. Only, all of a sudden, this device falls through, and suddenly all these smaller extensions of the Rift, not necessarily in inner Cardiff, have started closing up. It's amazing."

"So are we all out of a job, or what?" That was Jack, half laughing with serious eyes fixed on her face. Expecting a solution. Tosh looked away.

"Well, no. The main Rift is still active, and even those smaller extensions weren't meant to be closed, at least not like this. It's causing a lot of problems. Like pollution in the natural environment."

Tosh didn't give anyone a chance to respond to that statement, instead overriding Owen's "Bu-" to continue onto more exciting things.

"But you guys just aren't getting it. Don't you realize what this means? This device, it healed part of a rift in space and time. The kind of nuclear physics involved in that must be too complex for humans to even comprehend right now. This device uses energy to… fix things. It could…"

Tosh drifted off into some more technical speech, so much so that everyone but Ianto tuned her out a little. No point in listening, when the kind of material they're talking about comes from the studying you do four more years into college. Four years of education that you've never had.

Owen's specialty is internal medicine. Gwen's training stopped at how to fill out paperwork and put handcuffs on someone. Apparently, she'd never even been given a gun before. That's what that says about the local police. Owen won't ever respect a copper again, not that he did to begin with.

Jack… everyone knows that Jack just picks things up here and there. Useful things, yes. Very useful sometimes, but Jack never had a formal education. Not that it matters, especially when it's his in-born reflexes that allow him to yank someone out of the way of death, by inches (for the thousandth time). All those things that make up Jack are what made him such an excellent soldier.

Gwen leaned over the table to talk to those who weren't otherwise engaged. "She still hasn't answered Ianto's question."

"Tosh!" Jack jolted her back into the present with a loud shout. Tosh looked back over, and Jack met her eyes again.

"What does this mean for us?"

Tosh looked down, and her next words were barely above a whisper.

"It's possible… it's possible that the aliens are connected to this energy. That it can bring them back to life."

Tosh is reluctant to say the words because of Suzie, and their previous experiences with the resurrection glove. They seem to be jinxed. Life and death are now understood to be too powerful to be messed around with. And she's right. The team's understandable reaction is fear and tension. Silence fills the room.

Gazes shift, no-one making eye-contact. Gwen's hands are clenched so tightly that her knuckles are white, and as she stares down at them, she can't seem to relax. Even just a little. Ianto blanched.

"Look—" Tosh spoke earnestly, as always, but she was cut off before she could even give her opinion on the situation. Jack interrupts abruptly.

"It's okay Tosh." He's half looking at Ianto when he tries to stop her from addressing the obvious connection between the glove and Suzie and the current mission.

"No it's not! We need to face this."

Jack wasn't that surprised, and he let Tosh go on against his better judgment. She was right anyway. That had been part of the reason why he hired her. If they just let this lie while continuing on with a mission that was so obviously dangerous people would get hurt. But he wasn't happy about it.

He looked at Ianto one more time, worried, before glancing at Tosh hurriedly, and saying, "Okay. Okay, I'm listening."

All he wanted to do right now was catch Ianto's hand under the table, interlacing fingers. Touch his hips, draw him in for a comforting kiss, eyes locked. Just to get rid of all the pain and fear evident in his gaze.

Ianto was so pale he looked as if he was about to pass out. His mouth is a thin line of tension. No-one else knows why anyway, and that might be why they don't notice, but Jack doesn't care. All he sees is the fright and alarm on Ianto's face.

Tosh leaned in, serious once again, trying to catch the eyes of Gwen.

"Gwen. Gwen! Look at me. This science is different. I don't understand it, but I know it's different than what happened with Suzie. Those were unique circumstances. She was dangerous. None of us knew that, but she was. It was as much her that contributed to what happened as it was the technology."

Owen chipped in softly. "And everyone had a bad feeling about that goddamn glove anyway."

Tosh glared at him. "Anyway. It wasn't your fault. Let me explain what I know about this stuff."

Gwen was hesitant, and she was still looking at her hands, but she spoke anyway. "Okay."

"Okay." Tosh addresses the room once again. "This is a different type of science. I have a general idea of why this is happening. These aliens are connected to the energy of the Rift too. And because they know how to use it, they can do extraordinary things. The only thing we know about the energy of the Rift, after all the years people have worked here, is that the energy is extremely powerful.

"And that it's pretty much off the scale because there's such an abundance of it. So, because these aliens can tap into this energy, like this machine can… kind of, they might have been able to sustain themselves and then heal their injuries after—well, after Ianto shot them."

Jack eyebrows shoot up, and he sends an incredulous, confused glance at Ianto, which Ianto resolutely ignores. He is still stubbornly looking at Tosh.

"So, it's not like they can come back to life really. More like, their tech is so advanced, so ingenious, and so old, that what they can do looks like magic to most people. Oh, and also, it's really hard to kill them, because as long as they are tapping into that Rift energy hardly anything we do to them will be permanently fatal. Like I said, we just don't have the equipment."

"So what could they possibly want?"

Tosh rolled her eyes. "Haven't you been listening? I don't know. They could be doing anything. They could be off planet for all I know. It's not like they're just going to contact us and spill their motives for kidnapping you. I don't think they would even know how to work with our common technology it's so incompatible to the incredible gear they use. Plus, we don't speak the language."

Ianto piped up once more. "Actually, we do speak the language."

Everyone looked at him. Ianto was practically grinning. Tosh seemed to be gradually smiling. "What have you been up too?"

"Well, I dug up that old translator and made some modifications to it. It's been a pet project of mine. I finally finished it on my time off."

"I thought I told you—!"

"Oh, it's fine Owen, I just tinkered with some stuff on my couch. And you're going to love this. You don't have to do as much work." Ianto looked at Owen disparagingly.

"I used the Archives to attach a species name and location to artifact characteristics. I used the species history too, in order to try and more accurately identify where and when something comes from when it falls through the Rift. So, I entered in that box yesterday afternoon, and came up with some very helpful background information on the species. And another artifact with writing on it. Writing plus translator equals, viola! We now speak their language."

Tosh was full-blown beaming now. "No way."

"Yep."

"Oh my god. That's—that's amazing."

Ianto grinned again. Jack looked at the ceiling to prevent himself from doing something stupid. "Yeah it is."

"Okay! Can we stop the flirting now. Woohoo, you two are both complete geeks. We already knew that."

Owen was met by twin death glares. He looked from Tosh to Ianto and was hit by a sudden urge to flee the room. He was impressed, and still a little scared. That took some skill.

Jack drew the attention away from Owen and he heaved a sigh of relief. "So, the question is, what do we do now?"

"There isn't anything we can do." Four heads turned to look at Ianto . Not in vague shock, as Jack had expected… but in… worry. Respect. They took what he was saying at face value. They didn't question him. They didn't override him. They didn't brush him off as having anything meaningless to say. They… listened to him. Well. That's one thing that has obviously changed around here.

Good. Jack thought. It's about time he got some respect. He deserves it. But that voice in the back of Jack's head was still whispering What if he betrays you again? He'll never be ready for the responsibility of being a field agent. He's just a pretty office boy. He's just a child. He committed treason. He shouldn't be a part of the team. Why are they all ofa sudden friends with him now? The voice became softer and softer, but still, it got in one last parting shot before Jack shoved it down to the back of his mind in disgust. What about me?

And now Jack did his best to bury the voice deeper in the back of his mind. It was jealousy, plain and simple. And he knew it was just because the others could see Ianto now too.

Ianto continued. "We don't know what they want. We don't know what they're going to do next. All we can really do is be alert. Wait. They'll make a mistake eventually."

Jack was barely even aware he had spoken when he murmured "You're right" in a somewhat contemplative and shocked tone.

"What?"

"He's right." Jack said to Gwen, his voice more confident now. "Get some sleep while you can, and know that we'll be the ones calling you in when the phone rings. And it will most likely be some sort of emergency." Jack rolled his eyes.

"We?" Ianto was the one to speak now, and the hustle of the room grinded instantly to a halt, silence falling over the conference table.

"What?"

"You said we. I thought everyone was going to go home."

"Oh." There wasn't much else Jack could think of to say.

"I didn't…I, well, I meant—"

"What did you mean, sir?"

Jack stumbled over his next words hurriedly as he tried to correct himself. "Nothing Ianto, I just, I didn't even realize I—"

"What?"

"I— you shouldn't stay anyway. You, you should get some sleep and rest and… were you planning on staying for the night? You should go home."

Jack ran his hand through his hair distractedly, fiddling with the pen and paperwork on the table.

"Right. I'll just be going then." Ianto practically ran from the room.

Jack looked up in alarm, taking two hurried steps through the door. "Ianto, wait!"

He was halted by Owen's hand at his shoulder. "Give him some space."

"I didn't mean that he couldn't stay, I just thought that—"

"I know."

Jack looked beseechingly at Tosh "He needs rest anyway. I just wanted to—"

Tosh smiled kindly at the worry in Jack's eyes. "I know. I'll talk to him." And she watched that worry give way to relief.

Tosh continued, trying to reassure Jack, fill him in. She always felt better with more information. "He was probably planning on staying and doing some filing anyway. I can't pull that man away from his work most of the time. He is determined to make it so that an idiot can find his way around the archives to find something to save the world in under thirty seconds." She glanced meaningfully at Owen.

"Hey!"

"So he'll probably be here during the night. Just give him some space."

Jack looked exasperatedly at the ceiling to hide his grief. "That's what I was trying to do."


Ianto was losing it. He felt so weak. His only condolence is that no-one was there to see his complete breakdown. This was the second time damn it. The second time he had cried because of Jack. Well, just counting since he got back. It felt like Ianto had broken down hundreds of times because of Jack. He probably had. Ianto's gaze shifted from one thing to another in search of something to grab onto and think about that wasn't Jack. At least no-one was there to see. Except Tosh, Tosh had been there last time. And Gwen and Owen had been there many times before that and damn it!

"Oh my god, this is ridiculous!"

"Shouting at thin air?" Tosh appeared from around the corner, and it took all Ianto's effort to look away instead of glancing towards her in hopeless relief. He didn't want to be weak anymore. He didn't want to be so fragile and tired. Tosh continued into the room anyway.

"That's the first sign of madness you know. Well… the seventh. But that's what Owen would say to make you feel better."

Ianto kept staring at the ceiling, spitting out the words in frustration. "Owen doesn't give a damn about me." He let out a soft sob, involuntarily, and it broke Tosh's heart just a little bit more.

"You know, you don't have to be alone."

"Oh, you know me, Tosh. Since when do I not wear my emotions on my sleeve? There's no point in being alone anyway. Everyone will know. The tea-boy is finally going crazy." He wiped his eyes angrily on his coat sleeves, and she could hear the desperation in his voice, as clearly as if he had physically solicited her for some kind of reaffirmation of his sanity.

"That's not true."

"Yes it is."

"No, Ianto, it's not true! We care about you. I love you, you know that. You're my only family. So don't you dare leave me alone like this. You don't haveto shut people out, and no-one will think less of you for letting out your emotions once in a while."

"You mean… I can finally show my dark side?" Ianto gave a weak chuckle.

"That's not what I meant."

"I've already messed up once Tosh. I don't want to do it again. Second chances don't exist in this business." He still wasn't looking at her.

"You typswn!" His head snapped back towards her. Finally. "You're not… useless, if you need to blow off steam once in a while, just because you've seen a 13-year old girl die, and there was nothing you could do about it. Or because you have to go burn the body of a man who did nothing but make an honest living in the government, and then Retcon his wife and children because a Sleeper agent killed that man… and know that even if they're better off not remembering the death of their father, those children will still be losing a piece of their lives."

"Or because—because your boss came back after a six-month long hiatus, and he's exactly the same as usual, only he won't tell you what happened, and you don't ask. Because you don't want to know what happened out there in the universe, to break a man like that. And Ianto, you're not weak just for… wanting him."

Ianto turned to her, and she breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that he wasn't standing up so perfectly straight anymore. He'd let his barriers down. She knew it was killing him, to let her see him like this. It must have killed him even more to let Jack see him like this. If Jack ever did. But now, she could help him. She could reach him.

"Tosh." He looked desperate. His eyes were shining with tears. "He makes me feel like a teenager again."

Ianto let out another sob, and Tosh took a step towards him. His next words halted her just as effectively as if she had run into a brick wall.

"I came to terms with my sexuality a long time ago, Tosh. I've been in love before. And I've looked at men and women like that. I'm free.

"But Jack is just so… ugh! This is why, this…. I am an adult. I should be able to string together a sentence about how he makes me feel. I am a field agent. I can fire a gun at an alien, I can save a mission, I can shut Owen the hell up, and I can manage this place every single day and make sure that we don't go insane. I've finally earned… something. Some respect. I just know I don't have to "prove myself" anymore."

"You've never had to prove yourself to me, Ianto."

"Yes I have Tosh." He smiled at her knowingly. "Yes I have. I've had to prove myself to every one of you."

Tosh closed her eyes. "I know. But at least you've never had to tell me that you were worth something. I knew… I know that now."

"Tosh, I've finally… forgiven myself. For Lisa. I lay flowers on her grave every Saturday, did you know that? I can go there with love in my heart and without bursting into tears when I see her grave.

"And when he left, I learned to respect myself too." Ianto averted his eyes, and Tosh probably wasn't meant to hear the next word he muttered under his breath, but she did anyway.

"Eventually."

Tosh looked down.

"So, our relationship isn't as seriously screwed up any longer. We're not playing those sick games anymore. So why does it feel like we are? Because I still can't tell Jack that what I really just want to do is—"

"Is what?"

"Nothing."

"Ianto… everyone, everyone gets confused. Especially when they fall in love."

"I am not in love with him! I'm just- I'm just… not. It's too hard to love him. So I'm… I don't love him. I don't."

This time it was Tosh's chance to smile knowingly. "Okay, Ianto. Okay. But if you don't, it's an awful shame. Because I know he feels that way about you."

And this time Ianto really did break down. The unshed tears in his eyes spilled over his cheeks, as he shook his head, and he looked perfectly tragic. And though he didn't look heartbroken, he wasn't smiling anymore as he cried. And then the image was broken as he practically ran forward to Tosh and she pulled him into a hug, letting him weep into her shoulder, filling her ear with whispers of all the things in his life he is too ashamed to admit out loud, begging for help. He didn't look tragic anymore. He didn't look perfect. He didn't look like a larger than life hero, who stands up and fights, in spite of all the resistance against him. Because what kind of hero has that kind of confidant, to whom he can give all his secrets too?