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"He's getting worse, isn't he?" Uther does not need any confirm
ation for this. He can see in Edwin's face that he has summed up the situation correctly.
"I am doing everything I can Uther." Edwin assures him quickly, but his lips twitch nervously as he says it.
"Should we not stop the treatment for a while?" Uther's had about enough of seeing Arthur permanently exhausted and run down. The hypospray's supposed to help him, not make him feel worse. Why, he asks himself just as so many times before, why has fate punished his family so cruelly?
Finding out that Ygraine had been struck by the illness had been catastrophic, but realizing that Arthur had inherited the disease was the worst day of his life. His only son. The heir to all he has built. Damned.
People have started to whisper about Arthur's continuing bad health,or so his informers have told him. It is something he's always feared because Arthur cannot afford such rumours if he wants to be the future leader of this country. Arthur needs to appear strong and healthy, capable of steering Albion through good and bad times.
There's nothing more Uther wants to see than Arthur succeed him when his time for retirement comes, despite the knowledge that his bloodline is going to end. It's a fact that fills him with sorrow and resentment, but he has long accepted Arthur's sexual preferences. Admittedly, the threat that his son might pass his illness on to a grandchild has made his quiet consent a lot easier. At least the affliction is going to be contained like that. That's worth more than anything else.
Uther sighs and takes note of Edwin giving him the answer he expected to hear anyway.
"I would not recommend taking Arthur off the hypospray, sir. I am sure you remember what happened the last time."
Uther nods. The time when Arthur decided to stop his medication had been pure hell. He'd gone cold turkey on the drug that he had taken since the age of six within a day and suffered from the most severe withdrawal symptoms. What a desperate time that had been. Uther had worried every second that Arthur might show signs of his illness. And what if somebody noticed?
But watching Arthur struggling with the side effects of the drug has been equally frustrating.
"Surely there's something we can do." Uther's voice is pleading and threatening at the same time and Edwin flinches.
"I have reduced the dosage by 0.75 percent twice last month," Edwin explains, "and I've looked at the composition of the drug from all angles. We can probably try one or two more different combinations of ingredients and see if that helps."
That does not sound promising at all. Uther grits his teeth and stares at Arthur's photo that won the Best Photo of the Year competition a few years earlier and has been gracing his desk since. The shadows of the illness were there even then, but not as pronounced as now.
He'll never find out what's wrong with him if I have anything to do with it. Uther vows. Ignorance is definitely preferable to facing reality. He's always seen it as his duty to keep the cruel truth from his son, and that isn't going to change now. He loves Arthur with all his heart, and he would do anything to save him from finding out what's really wrong with him, and he will pull his strings to keep this from the eyes of the publc.
Therefore, as usual, his choice is one he'd rather not make. He has to sign the consent form, just as he's done again and again for so many years, in the knowledge that Arthur's medication is damaging his health, and that one day it might even change his personality. It is the better option out of two appalling ones.
"Do what you can," he says to Edwin, and takes a pen to sign the piece of paper in front of him. He's never shied away from making hard decisions before and he won't start now.
ooooooooooooooooo
Merlin has set a meeting with Gill and Will for Saturday evening, and God, is he counting the minutes! It's such a relief that they're finally getting somewhere after all these weeks! Unfortunately the latest developments keep his mind working overtime and are distracting him from concentrating on his work fully. He's been easily distracted, and Arthur's ticked him off for at least twice since the morning.
Mind, it's not his fault only. Arthur's having one of his grouchy days where it's hard to please him, whatever, and he looks as if he'd partied non-stop for a week.
"I need to see Arthur. Now." A man with a headful of brown curls, most likely in his late thirties, scurries into the foyer of the reception without any explanation and heads straight for Arthur's office.
"Not a step further, sir." Merlin is on red alert. Everyone, no exceptions, has to go through him before they see Arthur. That's the 'rules' as they stand and, to make his point, he plants himself right in front of the office door.
"I'm the Chief of Police, you idiot. Get out of my way." This is quite impressive. That guy's very good at 'doing threatening', and if Merlin were of a more delicate disposition he'd definitely be intimidated.
"Anyone could say that, sir! Surely you have a badge?"
"Are you kidding me?" The man glowers at Merlin, but Merlin holds his gaze effortlessly.
"Just give me a second so I can check with ," he says, completely unphased.
"You really are testing my patience." Leon's has been getting increasingly annoyed by getting delayed.
"What a racket! Merlin, what's going on here?" Merlin swivels round to face a bemused Arthur who's been alerted by their raised voices.
He looks from one to the other and catches on to the situation in a split second.
"Looks like introductions are in order here. Leon McCloud, Chief of Police - Merlin Emrys, my new PA." He grins broadly. "Well, not so new anymore, but you haven't been up here for quite a while, Leon."
He half turns to waggle his eyebrows at Merlin. "You didn't recognize the first police officer in Camelot, Merlin? Really!"
Arthur tut-tuts and rolls his eyes in exasperation. Merlin grimaces. Of course he's seen Leon on the news and in the papers before, but as his head is swimming with endless toing and froing on what to do next to save his father, he actually hadn't looked that closely. What else can he do than to bite his tongue and smile sheepishly!
"This is a matter of urgency." Leon's impatience does not go unnoticed and Arthur ushers him into his office without a further comment.
"Get coffee and something to eat, Merlin. I could do with a bite."
Ten minutes later Merlin appears with a tray laden with sandwiches, cakes and two big mugs of coffee. He discreetly enters Arthur's office and guesses by the sudden hush that whatever Arthur and Leon are discussing is not meant to be overheard. Hmm. Curious.
"Just put the stuff over there." Arthur points to the coffee table next to the luxurious leather sofa. "Don't fuss, just get on with it."
Arthur's voice is strained and unusually tense, and Merlin throws him a side glance. The news Leon has brought must be highly explosive.
Maybe it's something to do with the Serum? Merlin's interest has been raised, and as soon as he's closed the door behind him he mumbles a spell which extends his hearing into the next room.
"…found him in a street hiding behind some dust bins. Somebody had reported seeing a boy using magic and when we got there, I just saw him disappear round the corner. Unfortunately for him, he got himself caught in a dead end," Leon reports.
"Did he use magic to defend himself?" Arthur asks gravely.
"Strangely enough, no, and he kept repeating that he's innocent."
"You're certain that this is one of the boys that got away with his family a couple of months ago?" Merlin takes a double turn. They must be talking about the family his father saved! It sounds like one of the children has been recaptured.
"Hundred percent. The question is what we're going to do with him?"
"Where is he now?"
"I put him into one the private cells at Ragnor House."
Ragnor House? Merlin's mind is buzzing. That's the low security prison where the Head of Police is stationed. He knows that much.
"So anyone would have to go through you directly if they wanted to get to the boy?" Arthur pauses as if he's weighing up the facts. "How many people know who the boy is?"
"The arresting officer, Owen Montgomery, and me."
"Is he someone who can be trusted? Would he forget the incidence if you asked him?"
Merlin does a mental somersault. Why has Arthur not ordered the immediate prosecution of the boy? What makes him hesitate? Is he actually hinting that he wants to keep this incident quiet?
"Owen's a good guy."
Silence falls and there's no sound except the breathing of the two men until Arthur speaks up again.
"Let the boy go." Arthur's voice is hushed, but certain. Merlin freezes on the spot, too stunned to even breathe. Did he really hear what he thinks he's heard? Is Arthur serious?
"Take him back to where you found him and tell him to stop using magic in plain view of people. And make sure he understands that he will be prosecuted if he gets caught doing magic again," Arthur adds.
"What?" Leon stammers, apparently as flabbergasted as Merlin.
"I had a huge argument with my Father about this case." Arthur swallows so hard that Merlin can pick it up.
"I couldn't get my mind round why that family was sentenced. Did they commit a crime? No. Did they hurt anyone? No. Did they plot against the Government? Certainly not. They were just normal people leading a normal life. If they hadn't been reported by an overzealous neighbour with a grudge they'd still lead that normal life today."
"But they are sorcerers." Leon splutters.
"In their own home and to no ill effect."
"But the Serum IS the appropriate punishment for sorcerers."
"It is, by law. That's true. And if you ask my father you know what he'd say." Arthur admits, and Leon mumbles something in agreement.
Merlin's totally dumbstruck. Arthur, Arthur Pendragon, has actually stood up for someone doing magic? AND he is questioning the use of the Serum. Holy shit.
"Would the Serum not have helped them to become better people?"
"You don't need to remind me of the propaganda that's out and about, Leon." Arthur answers slightly surly. "I wrote some of that stuff myself."
"You do remember that you said on many occasions that the Serum is a godsend? That Camelot is a safer place for it?"
"I did." Arthur lets out a big sigh. "I never doubted it," he says. "Until now."
"What are you saying?" Leon's shock and surprise are evident.
"Things have happened recently that make me wonder about the Serum."
"Like what?"
"One of the chemists working for Edwin contacted me secretly last week and made some serious allegations …" Arthur says very quietly.
Allegations about the Serum? Merlin's sucks in a deep breath. Now that sounds promising. What could have happened to persuade one of Edwin's team to come forward like this?
"And you think that guy's telling the truth?"
"I don't know, but if any of it's true, it will have serious repercussions. He's asked me to talk to him at Lamia House."
"And you're going, I assume." Leon doesn't really need to ask, he knows Arthur far too well for that.
"Evidently I need to see for myself."
"Just be careful." Leon sounds concerned.
Arthur chuckles. "How can I possibly get into trouble in a high security prison?" They both laugh.
"Can I help in any way…?
"No, leave it with me for now. Nobody needs to know anything about this before I find out more myself. Understood?"
"You know where I am!" Leon says and Merlin deduces from the shifting of chairs that the meeting has come to its end. He hears the two men saying their good byes, and then Leon rushes past his office, just to return a second later and pop his head round Merlin's door.
"See you later, Merlin," he says and smiles. "Just wanted to tell you that you did a good job there earlier, fending me off. That's exactly what you should do when someone's trying to get to Arthur you don't know. I'm glad to see that you are looking out for him."
"Thanks!" Merlin says, still a bit embarrassed about his faux pas, but he does understand that this is Leon's half excuse for his own abrupt behaviour.
Leon's almost away when he turns his head one more time.
"And Merlin…. I don't know where you've been in the last five years, but it might do you some good to have a go at the "Who's Who in Camelot!" And he grins broadly before he disappears.
Merlin chuckles. Funny, how most of Arthur's senior employees turn out to be decent fellows with a sense of humour.
Merlin rubs his forehead and lets out a huge breath of air. Then he sinks into his chair, trying to digest what he's overheard. It is momentous news that could change absolutely everything.
If those allegations lead to something incriminating the Serum and its use, Arthur will do something about it, Merlin's certain about it. A glimmer of hope sparks in the back of his mind, and quiet optimism that, maybe, the future for his kind will not be as dark as before settles in his chest
He'd always assumed that Arthur knew exactly what the Serum did to people. All his kin had. How is it possible that he has no idea? Surely there must be reports about MUs that have died of it? Or studies which describe the side effects of the drug?
This revelation is shocking enough, but witnessing Arthur's leniency with the boy is the thing that bewilders Merlin most. 'Let him go.' He'd said. Inconceivable! And directly against the wishes of the Governor who happens to be his father.
He is brave and stands up for what he believes in. Merlin would lie if he said that he isn't impressed, and the realization that Arthur Pendragon, son of the Governor and Minister of Justice, is a good and honourable man, shakes him to the core.
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooo
"Have you gone completely off your head?"
"Are you totally mental?"
"I can't believe you just said that."
"Are you on some kind of hallucinate?"
Merlin's lifting his hands in innocence trying to save himself from further verbal abuse as Will, Gilli and Morgana are all vetoing his suggestion.
"How can you even think about it?" Morgana's eyes are open wide in shock.
"Because I heard what he said, Morgana. That's why. And because I've got to know him better. Arthur's a decent guy. I swear it."
To say that the looks Merlin's getting are highly sceptical would be the understatement of the year. Apparently he's asked for too much too soon.
"Talking to Arthur about the Serum. Honestly!" Gilli shakes his head vehemently. "What the fuck are they feeding you there?"
"He knows there's something not right and he's going to investigate it. Once he sees what the Serum really does, he'll try to do something about it. I'm convinced about that."
Merlin's tried to argue his case for the best of half an hour, but to no avail. His friends are refusing point blank to listen. As far as they're concerned, telling a Pendragon the truth about the Serum is an utterly hare-brained scheme.
Naturally, Merlin can appreciate their point of view. They don't know Arthur and simply can't imagine that anyone bearing the Pendragon name has any good in them because it's against everything they were brought up to believe.
Merlin sips his pint and looks round the pub. It's stowed out with people on this warm, early summer night. This isn't exactly surprising because it's the only pub in this quiet suburban area which is why they originally chose it. There's usually a big crowd here, and their presence goes unnoticed and unquestioned.
Merlin looks at the worried faces of his friends, taking aboard that he's pushed the boat out too far. "Okay guys. I'll give in. I won't utter a word to him. "
Will and Gilli let out a sigh of relief, and Morgana smiles properly at him for the first time since they have settled down to this conversation. It was such a pleasant surprise when she appeared with his two friends to meet him earlier tonight. He'd thought that she was far too caught up in her studies to come home. Apparently she'd come back to visit Hunith and then had happily accompanied Gilli and Will when she'd heard of their get together.
"As for Edwin's computer, we'll be on the case by tomorrow morning, and be assured that we'll find a way to retrieve the information we're looking for." Gilli says in quiet determination which is wiped by a grin of schadenfreude the next second. "With all the technical problems Lamia House is having at the moment, we should be able to find a way in somewhere."
"True! The troubles there have hardly stopped." Merlin remembers Gwaine swearing under his breath only yesterday when he was called out for the umpteenth time this month. "Bloody sabotage. That's what it is, Merlin," he'd said.
Will waggles his eyebrows in anticipation, and Merlin grins, but when he turns round to Morgana he sees a dark shadow passes over her face. Odd.
"Yeap. And we really have to get a move on. Time is precious," Will says avoiding Merlin's gaze. Balinor's been in prison for almost three months now and they're painfully aware that his time could run out at any point from now.
"Right, we're off then, Merlin," Will says and pecks Morgana on the cheek.
"Don't forget to pass the hypospray to Gaius." Merlin reminds him.
"Will do," Gilli promises although his voice gives away that he thinks this is a waste of time. Checking out Arthur's medication has nothing to do with finding the formula. But he's still going to do it. Merlin thinks gratefully, giving his friend a heartfelt hug.
A minute later the duo is gone, and Merlin and Morgana settle at their table with another drink.
"Are you alright, Merlin?" Her agitated voice is laden with worry.
"Do I look unwell to you?" Merlin retorts with a cheeky wink to lighten the atmosphere.
"I just cannot understand…," Morgana hesitates. "No, I simply don't get it, how you can even suggest putting your trust in a Pendragon, Merlin. After all they have done to our kind." Her gaze dips into his as if she's searching for reassurance.
"Arthur's a good man, Morgana. I have witnessed it first-hand. I spend most of the day with the guy so I should know! He may be a bit arrogant and offish at times, but down beneath his heart is in the right place!" Merlin hears himself defend Arthur just a tiny bit too vigorously, and from Morgana's edgy reaction he takes that she has noticed it as well.
"You're sure they're not brain washing you there?" She says and throws him a meaningful glance.
"Many of the guys I've met in the Ministry are just normal people. They're just like you and me …" Merlin stops short when Morgana physically cringes.
"People like you and me?" She pushes out angrily. "They're the ones upholding the status quo. They're the ones who make up the system, Merlin. They're our enemies, for goodness sake!" Morgana has turned more and more passionate with every word and her eyes have darkened with animosity.
"Working for the system does not automatically qualify you as a villain." Merlin says and, to prove his point, describes all the people he's become friendly with. However, the more he talks about them, the more Morgana withdraws from him, and Merlin becomes increasingly frustrated. Maybe it's time to turn the tables.
"And who are you hanging out with these days, Morgana? Still those radicals who would rather see a bloody war than solve problems peacefully?"
Morgana swallows and puts her hand on Merlin's. "Have you never thought, even for a tiny second, that perhaps … THIS is the only way?"
"Violence is never right, Morgana. For whatever purpose. And as much I'd like to see the Serum abolished, I can't condone that the blood of innocent people gets shed for it." Merlin stops, drawing her eyes to his. "And you know that Father would never ever stand for it, not even to save his own life."
Silence spreads between them and Morgana keeps staring at the ring of dampness her wine glass has left on the table. Her fingers are fidgeting up and down the stem and the expression on her face stirs memories. This is just the way Morgana used to look as a child when she'd tried to hide something naughty she'd done.
"Morgana." Merlin suddenly makes a connection that has failed him earlier. "Are you involved in anything dangerous?"
Morgana's biting the inside of her cheek which is a clear sign that Merlin's hit a sore spot. And she's avoiding eye contact all of a sudden, too. Now that is a worry.
"Tell me." Merlin insists because the idea of Morgana getting dragged into something that could potentially harm her is sending alarm bells through his head.
Merlin suddenly recalls her strange reaction when they talked about Lamia House and in a flash, he's putting two and two together. "The problems at Lamia House. Have you got anything to do with that?"
"Listen." Morgana looks straight up at Merlin, fire and passion in her eyes. "Some of my friends…they want to fight for our freedom. They want to see all MUs living the life they deserve. They want…"
"What are they doing?" Merlin's turned pale. "What are they planning to do?"
"Don't get your knickers in a twist, Merlin." Morgana's voice is suddenly harsh and condescending. "All they are doing at the moment is undermining the system. Rattle them a bit. Shake them out of their bloody self-content."
"So they ARE behind the problems in Lamia House?" Merlin knows it is a rhetorical question and Morgana knows that she doesn't have to answer.
"And what's next?" Merlin tries to push her. "What 's the next step in their plan to 'freedom'?
"I can't tell you, Merlin." And when Merlin blanches at her refusal, she clarifies. "Not because I don't want to, but because I don't know. They're aware what you're trying to do, and I think they're waiting to see what comes of it before they make their next move."
Great. No pressure then. Merlin puffs out a huge gulp of air and leans back.
Suddenly Morgana moves forward and takes his hand. "You know that I love you," she says earnestly, but the intensity of the words, laced with deep felt anguish, make Merlin halt and wonder. He's not seen her that upset for a long time.
"Of course I do. I love you, too, sis." He reassures her with a warm smile.
"I don't like it when we are cross." Her lips tremble and a couple of tears catch in her thick black lashes.
"I'm not cross. I'm just worried that you're getting tangled up in things that are way above your head." Merlin squeezes her hand affectionately and when he deepens his smile it is mirrored in her face a second later. Morgana gently strokes over Merlin's fingers with her thumb while she tries to find her composure.
"I hate seeing you twisted by the Pendragon system. They're brainwashing you, Merlin. Can't you see that? You're starting to talk like them."
"Don't be silly, Morgana. I am not getting brainwashed. I am just …." Merlin stops unsure how to continue while Morgana brings it to the point more successfully.
"It's Arthur, isn't it?" She says. "He is getting to you. Right?"
Merlin scratches his head. Maybe Morgana is right. Maybe he has been too close to Arthur for too many weeks and his views are influenced by that? Nonsense! He shrugs the comment off and goes on the defensive.
"What do you mean with that?" The room's suddenly become incredibly stuffy and hot, and there's sweat prickling on the nape of Merlin's neck. There's decidedly too many people in this room.
"I don't know how he does it, but he's changing you. I can feel it." Morgana looks at him thoughtfully and her eyes narrow. "I will not let him take you from me. However wonderful you might think Arthur is, Merlin, he is still his father's son. And don't you ever forget it!" Her eyes are blazing with anger and resentment.
Struck by her bitter words, Merlin decides it's probably best for them to take a rain check.
"I don't think we'll see eye to eye on this tonight, sis." Merlin smiles at her apologetically. "Why don't we let it go and you tell me all about what's going on at uni?"
Morgana nods, appearing somewhat relieved, and bends forward to place a soft kiss on his cheek.
"I don't want to lose you, Merlin." She whispers and rests her forehead on his shoulder. Merlin feels her body relax against his, and he gently holds her close.
"You'll never lose me, you daft twat." Merlin assures her tenderly, and then goes on to distract her with a whole load of questions about her life at university.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
It's a lovely night for late May. The air's mellow and full of the promise of summer. Merlin's heading steadily towards the centre of Camelot. The talk with Morgana has sent his head humming, and he needs some fresh air to think it all through, so the walk will do him good.
Their little tiff has admittedly rattled him. They've always been close and it pains him that this whole affair seems to be driving a wedge between them. Morgana was so intense in her belief and so emotional when he talked about Arthur…
Merlin's train of thought is interrupted when he sees a government limousine pull up in front of the small hotel about ten metres down the road. Instinctively he jumps into the shadows of the next doorway. Whoever this is, any person working for the government might have come across him in one way or another, and he certainly would not want anyone tracing his steps back to the pub.
A sigh of relief escapes him when a young man in his twenties Merlin does not recognize jumps out of the car. What the heck? Merlin chuckles when he looks at the guy more closely. I've got a double in the government. Who would have believed it?
The young man is about his height and also of very slim build. He's as gangly as himself and his hair is as dark. Looking at him from the back he could easily be mistaken for him. Merlin's marvelling at this coincidence when the other door of the car opens and a blond bloke steps out. And Merlin's heart stops.
It is Arthur.
This must be the hotel where he usually takes his 'conquests'. Merlin watches with bated breath as Arthur walks towards the other man and gives him a radiant smile. Typical Arthur. Merlin thinks grumpily, all those media reports about Arthur's philandering vividly in his mind. Just one smile is enough to charm his way into someone's pants.
Not that the dark-haired bloke minds. He happily slides his arm round Arthur's waist and whispers something into his ear that makes Arthur laugh out heartily. It's that award winning, heart breaking laugh and Merlin grits his teeth.
He'd had no idea that Arthur was still out on the dating circuit. And why shouldn't he, the voice of reason laughs tauntingly inside him. It's not your bloody business what Arthur does to amuse himself in his spare time. Everyone has the right to a private life, don't they?
Unable to drag his eyes away he watches as Arthur pulls the guy close and places a fleeting kiss on his ear. A fleeting, but very cute, tender kiss. Cute? Fuck. Where did that come from?
"Impatient, are we?" Merlin can half hear the guy's suggestive promise and his blood goes cold. Not that he can see it or anything, but it sure feels like that. Why on earth does it bother him seeing Arthur with another bloke? Arthur has a reputation, and he's living up to it. It's not worth getting uptight about that. Isn't it?
The thought dies a sudden death a second later when the guy tilts his head and brushes Arthur's lips with his and Arthur moans quietly in appreciation. For a moment Merlin's brain stops completely, then it turns into gluey mush which is rapidly followed by a razor sharp pain, cutting through his heart with ferocity.
The revelation strikes him like a bolt of lightning out of nowhere and, overwhelmed by the shock of it, Merlin stands there, motionless and agape with astonishment, while all those clues and hints he's pushed aside so many times suddenly click into place with the speed of sound.
The flutter in his stomach when Arthur laughs just the way he does now, the protectiveness that washes over him when he finds him tired and exhausted, the rush of heat when they accidentally brush arms, the tingle down his spine when he finds Arthur's eyes resting his on him unexpectedly and the intense reaction he's had each time they've touched.
The fog that has clouded his vision suddenly lifts and all becomes crystal clear. Merlin shakes his head as if he could get rid of the preposterous thought that's burning a planet-sized hole in his brain. It's too late to leave it unacknowledged, so he has no choice but to let it in, and while his eyes follow Arthur and his date entering the hotel, his mind stumbles and stammers before it allows his thought turn into a fully-fledged sentence.
"I wish it was me."
I'd love to hear what you think about the latest developments!
Looking forward to your opinion, as always! :)
