I'm stirred from my thoughtful and pointless reverie by my arms being lifted and tugged upwards. As I do every day, I respond to it by standing obediently, awaiting her to lead me around the room.
She doesn't lead.
She doesn't move.
She still has my arm; it hasn't fallen to my side by gravity.
Why are we just standing here? I didn't say something stupid again, did-
My head is tilted back as a body bumps against me. I know my eyes widen on reflex as my heart leaps with the possibility-and I feel it again, the breathlessness as he steals my mouth from me again.
He's back.
I give him all that I can, and it must be what he wants, because resistance leaves my legs-he's lifted me off my feet as we kiss. I'm losing air fast, but that's not what's causing this dizzying feeling.
I am so damned drunk off of this feeling, off of want, off of love.
I wish I knew who he was, because I'm in love with him.
I fell for him, literally, and he caught me.
Free of the kiss, I laugh stupidly at the cheesiness of my own thoughts, wondering if he's confused by my laughter. He had to have noticed it, since I felt it rippling through me and leaving me with a giddy feeling.
I'm suddenly swaying unsteadily, and realize that my support is gone.
Oh shit, I didn't offend him, did I? I reach out, and feel him tug at that arm as it reaches him. He must want me to follow.
I walk with him eagerly, proud to show the progress I've made in my energy and balance. Which I lose as he leads me around a curve I hadn't anticipated, causing me to abruptly stop as I slip out of his hand and hit a wall.
I don't cry out, I don't gasp. I just stand there with what I'm sure is a confused look on my face.
"The hell?"
Both of my arms are taken this time, I presume to reduce the chance of another misstep like that, and I'm pulled through the room, around another corner, I bump into something at waist-height, and finally, my nerves are fried and I resist his tugging, shaking my head as I gasp. The tug comes again, gentler this time, but I can't do it.
I pull my hands away, allowing myself to drop to my knees as I steady the spinning in my mind and the sudden, strange overwhelming of stress.
Where did this come from? Why do I have this feeling of anxiety?
I'm just going for a little walk, dammit!
I was the one who was eager for this, and now I'm panicking?
"Wait," I gasp out again, though nobody has tried to touch me yet. "Sorry," I continue, then repeat myself. "Sorry, sorry, fast, scared.."
I'm not lifted to my feet, but I feel my ribs being squeezed and my head tilted to the side, stopping as it made contact with… with him.
An encompassing calm comes over me as I'm held in his supporting arms, being given all the time I need to compose myself.
Steady your breathing, Edward.
Why am I panicking? Be rational, figure this out.
I feel my nerves settling as I use the scientific part of my brain.
Only, I'm not a therapist.
I'm an alchemist.
I was so eager before, to escape my prison.
I'm still locked away, but the prison just grew from a little cell to the whole compound.
There's new obstacles.
New unknowns.
I always liked to figure things out, things I didn't know.
But now…
Without my senses to interpret them, the unknowns scare the hell out of me.
And that's why you're panicking, Ed.
I was calm now, and probably worrying him. I lifted my head, slowly standing next to him. I feel him lift my hands again and give a gentle tug, as if he were asking for permission. While it's humiliating to need it, I thank him for it. I walk with him, feeling a new layer of confidence. I know what my fear is, and he understands me for it.
I wonder if he's someone I knew before this all happened.
We stop suddenly, but I patiently wait for the next instruction.
I hope we're almost there. I don't want to be seen as weak, I have been practicing, but I'm starting to tire.
He pulls me forward, though there's more of a pull on my shoulders than my arms. What?
I step forward, but it's a bit jarring, because the floor goes missing. I gasp in fright as I don't feel the familiar shock of my leg connecting with the floor. I'm tempted to freeze, but he's still in front of me, still guiding me, so I let my foot fall.
Much later than it should have, my foot connects with a solid surface. As relief fills me, I realize that my heart is pounding, I'm shaking and breathing heavily.
Calm down Edward, he has you! He won't let you fall.
He doesn't tug me forward, but I take the next daring step, feeling the same sensation. I suck it up and gain the same result, landing a bit later and a bit-lower?
Down. Down.
Oh.
All of that anxiety and I was only going down stairs!
"Stupid," I rasp, pushing forward much more quickly, annoyed with myself for having a fit over such a trivial obstacle. I feel a slight resistance from him, but I just push against it, clearing the remainder of the stairway in short time.
Only now, I don't really know where to go. I stand there and feel a sudden warmth wash over me.
Oh, what's that? It's really relaxing.
I can take a break now, right?
Apparently not.
He has me by one hand again, tugging on my arm. I mock annoyance on my face, throwing in a smile as I walk with him.
The ground is strangely uneven. Incline, decline, I'm tilted up, sideways, I even nearly fall backward before he catches me. It's all so insane that I just can't help but laugh. There's no sudden turns and no bumping into things.
He must have picked up on that.
Damn, he's awesome.
Once I realize that there's nothing to run into, I feel my confidence returning. I know it's getting the better of me. I let go of his hand, and before he can register, I take off.
I'm tired.
My lungs are screaming.
I don't know if I'll hit a wall.
I still can't see anything, but I have a shaky grasp on freedom.
And I'm running.
Alone.
The sudden thought brought sickening glee to me as I realized that as freeing as it was to be able to run unassisted, I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to share my joy with him. I stop, all too suddenly, and am sent ass over heels in a mad tumble across the unfamiliar terrain.
Oh, how I must look.
I wonder if he saw me.
Laughter bubbles up inside me and spills out, leaving me with no hope of standing. I feel a frantic tug on my shoulder. My world is upchucked as he rolls me onto my back.
But I can't stop laughing.
