Chapter 6: Welcome to Saarne

Dangerous. Mentally-ill. Violent.

These are the exact words the judge used to describe me. Although I personally don't agree with any of them. They described me as if I was some sort of monster, which I'm clearly not.

Was it true that I had murdered a few people? Yes. But they all deserved it. My father and those men I had serviced as a prostitute, they all rejected my love in the end. They were the ones who hurt me. They brought it on themselves, not me. In my eyes, they all deserved what was coming to them. I was no monster; they were. All I ever wanted was to be loved. Is that really too hard to ask?

But apparently, my reason for wanting to find love didn't set well with the authorities, as I was proven to be guilty of all seven murders.

Instead of going to prison though, I was sentenced to being placed in a mental hospital. Saarne Institute, to be exact.

The Saarne Institute, located in Tallinn, Estonia. At first glance, it doesn't look like much of a hospital. It was an old castle-like building, looking as if it had once belonged to royalty at some point, minus the electric fence and the guards surrounding the place of course. But on the inside, now that was a different story.

Everything on the inside practically screamed mental hospital. The lights were always very dim, giving the place an even more eerie feeling than it already was. Paint was starting to peel off the walls, due to old age. Everything; the walls, ceiling, and floors were all a sickly green color. With doctors and nurses frequently roaming around the dark hallways, while the patients would scream and cry loudly within their cells. This place truly was for the insane. I didn't belong here.

After having a not so glamorous mug shot taken of me, I was still in handcuffs as two strong orderlies grabbed me by both my arms and lead me down the hallway towards my new cell room.

"You know, you're very small to be twenty-six. You don't look like you could be capable of such horrific murders," one of the orderlies commented, but I just stayed silent as I tried to ignore him.

Then the other orderly spoke up next. They were both talking about me to each other, as if I wasn't even there.

"Yeah, you know she's the first midget we've ever had in this place," the second orderly snickered, "I heard she was molested by her father for years, until she finally killed him."

The first orderly laughed cruelly, before leaning down closer towards me, "What happened, Leena? Did your daddy not stick his dick up far enough your midget pussy to please you?"

I gritted my teeth; growling in anger. I wasn't about to just sit back and let them talk shit about me! How dare they? Think they know so much? They don't know shit about me or the hell I've been through! Like a wild animal, I sprung into attack. I kicked the second orderly hard in his nuts, causing him to yelp in pain, releasing his grip on my arm. Then, before the first orderly even had a chance to do anything, I pounced onto his back, wrapping both of my arms around his neck. I wrapped the chain of the handcuffs around his throat, pulling back on it tightly as I began to strangle him.

"SAY IT AGAIN, MOTHERFUCKER!" I shouted, "SAY IT AGAIN!"

Other nurses and orderlies who saw the incident quickly began to swarm around me, but I didn't care. I just continued to pull on the chain harder, laughing insanely as the orderly's face started to turn blue. But sadly, my revenge didn't last long, as several doctors and nurses managed grab ahold of me, ripping me off of the choking man. I thrashed about wildly, kicking and screaming.

"LET ME GO! DO YOU HEAR ME?! LET GO OF ME! AHHHHHH!" I screamed out loudly, but to no avail.

"Somebody, hold her still!" I heard one of the orderlies shout, but I couldn't tell which one; I was in such a panic.

In the midst of all the commotion as they tried to hold me down, I suddenly felt a sharp stick, poking me in the side of my neck. Within a few seconds, my vision became fuzzy and my hearing muffled. Then finally, everything just went black . . .


I slowly opened my eyes as I woke back up. It took a moment for my vision to return to normal; I felt so disoriented. Once my vision cleared, I looked around, examining my new surroundings:

I was sitting on the floor, my back leaning up against a wall. It didn't take long for me notice I was sitting in a small, padded cell room. Just like everything else in this old hospital, the seemingly once white padded walls were now stained with age, giving the padding a sick yellow tint to it. The only two things placed in the room was an uncomfortable looking cot, and a small, wooden nightstand. There was no window or clock, so I couldn't tell what time of day it was. The only light I had was from the dimly lit hallway, that shown through the small peephole of the locked cell door. Not even a toilet or a shower was present in this already bare room. I sighed sadly. Is this really what I was reduced to live in?

I was about to stand up, but stopped when I suddenly looked down at myself. It was then I realized that I had been placed in a straightjacket. My arms hugged tightly around my chest, unable to move as I began twisting and turning to break free, but it was no use.

"What the fuck?! Let me out of this!" I yelled angrily, hoping that someone would hear me.

As if by some miracle, my door began to unlock. I watched as three tall males entered the room. Two of them were young orderlies, while the third one, a much older gentleman, was a doctor. All three of whom I've never met before.

"Ah, Leena, glad to see you're finally awake." The doctor spoke as he walked toward me. The two orderlies just stayed where they were by the door, glaring sternly at me; probably making sure I wasn't going to try to escape.

But the doctor was kinder, I could tell. He smiled at me warmly. I knew it was probably just a trick though, but it seemed as if he genially cared about me. But that didn't mean I didn't hate him, or anyone else in this hospital for that matter. They could all go to hell for all I care!

"So, Leena, how are you doing on your first day here?" the doctor asked gently.

I just stared at him as if he were crazy. Was this a joke? I had just been insulted, attacked, tranquilized, and placed in a straightjacket, all in the matter of just a few short hours, and this know-it-all doctor had the nerve to act like everything was all right and asked me how I was doing? Fuck him!

I continued to give him the silent treatment as he stared back at me. When he realized I wasn't going to answer, he nodded and spoke again:

"Forgive me. Where are my manners? Allow me to introduce myself, Miss Klammer. My name is Dr. Varava. I am the head doctor here at the Saarne Institute, and I am here to check up on you from time to time, and make sure your stay with is as productive and comfortable as possible."

I glared at him as I twisted myself around in the straightjacket, "Does this look comfortable to you, Dr. Varava?"

Dr. Varava nodded grimly, understanding my point. "The straightjackets are only to be used in case of emergencies, to keep staff safe from violent patients. And I heard you let quit an outburst earlier on one of the orderlies."

I frowned, looking down at my bare feet, "He . . . provoked me," I explained quietly.

"I see," spoke the doctor, "But Leena, you must learn that here at Saarne we do not encourage violent behavior. If you have a problem with one of the staff members or other patients, you report it to me, and we will talk like civilized human beings."

I just sighed deeply, looking up at him with pleading eyes, "Please, doctor, I just want to go home now!"

"Now Leena, you know better than that. You've only been here a few hours; that's not enough time to get you cured. But you may leave here, once we determined whether or not you are considered sane."

Tears were swelling in my eyes now. I was already sick of this place; and something deep down told me that I would never leave.

"J-just . . . Please! At least let me out of this damn jacket! Please. I'll be good . . . I promise!" I begged pathetically.

Dr. Varava looked at me for a long moment, as if he were studying me, to see if I was truthful about what I was saying.

"Alright, Leena. I'll remove the jacket. But one more incident like earlier and you'll be placed right back in again!"

I nodded my head quickly, "Y-yes, I understand. I'll be good from now on. I swear."

Varava smiled, "Good."

The doctor then turned to the other orderlies, motioning them to come forward. They then began the process of removing my straightjacket. I sighed in relief as I was now able to move my arms again.

"Thank you, doctor," I breathed out. And I was truthfully thankful. Words cannot describe how much I hated that thing.

And, true to my word, I managed to behave myself. At least this time.

The doctor nodded at me as he slowly turned to leave the room, with the orderlies in tow. But then, he stopped for a second, and turned back towards me.

"I don't like to judge people, Miss Klammer. But there are a lot patients here, such as yourself, that have done some horrible things in the past. But here at Saarne, we like for our patients to try to forget about those things and move on. It helps with the recovery process a lot better . . ."

I watched as he slowly opened the draw to the nightstand, pulling out a small, brown book. He looked at me, then tossed it at my feet carefully. My eyes curiously peered down at it. The book was obviously very old and used; the only thing managing to hold it together was a few small rubber bands. On the cover of the book was a cross. It was none other than a copy of the Holy Bible.

". . . I know it can get pretty lonely in here. Maybe you could read that to help pass the time, and to think hard on certain things."

I looked back up at the doctor as he said that, but stayed silent.

He shrugged, then turned to head out the door, but not before I heard him say,

"Welcome to Saarne, Miss Klammer."

The orderlies then closed and locked the door, leaving me alone again in the dark . . .