Santana sat in Olivia's living room with her friend's laptop on her lap, looking at the pictures from Sasha's show. It had been a little bit over a week since they had gone and now Olivia wanted her to look at all the pictures and how adorable her daughter looked dancing around. Santana wanted to decline the offer, not finding it fun to watch pictures of what she had already seen a week ago, but she agreed anyway. She knew Olivia was just proud of her little girl.
Santana scrolled through the pictures, sure that if she put them all together she would even be able to recreate the whole thing in a movie.
"Wow. How many pictures did you take?" Santana asked as she kept scrolling, each picture only showing a slight difference from the one before.
"I don't know. Didn't count them." Olivia smiled proudly.
"Thank God for digital cameras, huh? You'd have to spend a fortune if you wanted to print these."
Olivia softly punched Santana, "Shut up."
Santana chuckled and kept scrolling, lingering a little longer on one particular picture: it was a picture with all the girls, Brittany in the middle, all smiling at the camera. This slight pause didn't go unnoticed by her friend, who cleared her throat, getting Santana's attention.
"So…" Olivia started, "Have you decided what you're going to do yet?"
Santana sighed, shaking her head. It had been a week since she had last seen Brittany, since they had shared that conversation on the street and since she had handed her the letter. After that, it had been days of questions and no answers. Santana wasn't sure what to do, whether close the door forever and not look back, or give it another shot. Whatever decision she took, she had to take it soon. Not knowing what to do was killing her.
"Not yet," she replied after moments of silence.
"You know you have to make up your mind, right?" Santana nodded, "Whatever it is, you just can't go another day not knowing what you're going to do. I've seen how distracted you have been by this whole situation."
"I know," Santana admitted. She had been distracted from work, from sleep, from pretty much everything. "I just… I just don't know what to do."
"What's stopping you from making a decision?"
"I guess… I guess I don't want to make the wrong one, you know?"
Olivia nodded, understanding her friend. "Well, every decision has its consequences, but you have to choose anyway. Do you want to be her friend again or not?"
Santana ran a hand through her hair, shrugging. "I don't know… I mean, I look back to when we were friends in high school and yes, it was awesome and I would like to have that back. But then, I look at how much time has passed by and I don't know if it will ever be the same. Maybe I'm hanging on the thought of what we had."
"It certainly won't be the same, San. It's been more than ten years. No one is the same after that amount of time, and you can't expect to have the exact same friendship you did back then. I mean, you guys probably just got together and giggled about stuff. Now it's different. You both have careers, responsibilities… It's not the same. You are not the same."
"I know. That's what scares me. What if I want her friendship back and then it turns out we have nothing in common?"
"I don't think a person's essence changes. You probably still have a lot in common, but it will require getting to know each other again. Do you want that?"
Santana pondered the question for a minute or two. "See, that's what I don't know. When we started talking again, we kinda went back to what we had. It's what we know. I think that's why we almost kissed. Last time we were close friends, we were kissing each other. But now it's different. Brittany has a boyfriend and I am not looking to go after a straight girl I will never have." Olivia nodded, "I can't even say I like her. I mean, sure, she's beautiful and she'll always hold a special place in my heart, she's the first woman I ever loved. But I don't love her now or anything." Santana sighed deeply and buried her face in her hands. "Ugh. Why does it have to be so difficult?"
"I think you're making it more difficult than it should be."
"Why?" Santana wondered.
"Well. What's stopping you from being her friend again?"
"To think that maybe we don't have enough in common to actually be friends."
"Okay, but what's the only way to find that out?"
"…To try and be friends."
"Exactly. All the reasons you've given me so far come in hand with the fact that you don't know whether you guys can be friends or not. But the only way to know that is to give it a try." Santana opened her mouth to reply but Olivia stopped her, "Yes, you kinda tried and it didn't really work out. Why? Probably because of what you just said. You guys tried to go back to what you knew: being friends with benefits. That clearly didn't work and doesn't work. But that doesn't mean being another type of friends won't work."
Santana nodded, understanding where her friend was going. Truth be told, she kind of agreed too. And what scared her the most was thinking that if they didn't become friends again, or at least try to, she would regret it. She had already stopped being friends with her and she forever regretted not doing anything to get her back. Now it was her chance. She didn't want to look back in ten years and think they could've been friends but she didn't give it a try. A real try.
"I guess you're right," Santana finally added, "I'll… I'll think about it, but maybe we could give it one more try."
Olivia smiled and patted her friend's knee. "Well, whatever you decide, you know you still have me."
"That I do," Santana said, smiling back.
It was Monday at lunch time and Santana found herself standing outside of the dance studio. She had decided to give it another try, but she didn't want to text Brittany or call her. She wanted to sit down and talk things through. She looked through the window and saw Brittany there, her back at her, finishing her lesson.
Santana watched her as she checked the time and started clapping to hurry her students. Soon enough Brittany would be finished and she would have to face her again. Santana swallowed, suddenly not so sure that this was such a good idea. What if it didn't work? What if it only ended up in trouble again?
She was ready to turn around and leave, but she stopped when she saw Brittany grab her ponytail and loose it, shaking her head to the sides, her long, blonde hair falling over her shoulders.
Brittany turned around and looked at her, surprised to see her there.
"Hi…" she offered shyly.
Santana looked at the new girl up and down, not sure what she was doing there. It was after class and the gym was supposed to be empty. It was always empty on Tuesday's, that was how she liked it. Ever since Santana made it on the Cheerios, she had been practicing by herself in the gym. Tuesday's was the only day the gym was empty and she always made sure to scare anyone who dared use it.
"You done here?" Santana asked coldly, placing her bag down on one of the benches and approaching the girl who was looking at her, confused.
"Hmm, not yet…" she replied, "But we can share the same space," the girl said, casting a smile her way.
Santana frowned, not used to people not running away whenever she arrived. The girl was probably new and didn't know who she was. Of course, that wouldn't be a problem for much longer.
"You know who I am?" Santana asked, trying to ring a bell. She was sure the new girl must have heard of her.
The blonde shook her head. "No. But I'm Brittany," she said, smiling brightly. "What's your name?"
Santana stood in silence for a second, she wasn't used to having to introduce herself. "Ehh… Santana."
"Nice to meet you, Santana," Brittany said and pointed at Santana's outfit. "You a cheerleader?" Santana nodded. "Cool!" she said excitedly, "I want to try out. Do you think they will accept me?"
"I don't know. They are pretty harsh. You have to be really good," Santana said.
Brittany looked at her and nodded, turning her eyes down. "Oh…"
Santana suddenly felt bad for the new girl, something that had definitely never happened before. "But, you know, if you practice hard enough…" Santana offered, trying not to crash the girl's dreams.
Brittany's face lit up. "Really?"
"Sure," Santana offered, smiling slowly. "Do you know any moves?"
Brittany nodded energetically and showed her all she could do. Santana was impressed. "Wow…" she said, "You are really good. I'm sure they will accept you."
Brittany jumped up and down and clapped. "That's such great news!" she said, "I really want to be a cheerleader."
Santana smiled, not used to being around such an energetic girl. She liked it, it was kind of contagious. "I'm sure you'll be a great one."
"And maybe we can practice together?" Brittany asked shyly. She was new to the school and didn't know anyone. The students she had encountered so far had been kind but not very welcoming. She had exchanged a few words with them and they had looked at her, laughed and walked away.
"Sure," Santana said, not knowing what she was doing. She didn't have any friends at school. She was supposed to be the mean one, not the one making friends with strangers. But for some reason, this time there was something about this girl that didn't make her act like she usually did. "I think that would be great. Maybe you could even teach me some moves," Santana admitted, smiling.
"Santana?"
"Santana?"
Santana was brought back from her thoughts when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She shook her head and realized the room she had been staring at was now empty. She turned her head around and found Brittany standing next to her, a quizzical look on her face.
"Hey," Brittany said.
"Hi…" Santana said shyly. She had been so focused on her memory of the first time she met Brittany, she had completely forgotten where she was. Brittany's presence reminded her, but she was at a loss of words. "Hey…" she said again, causing Brittany to chuckle.
"Hi again," she replied and smiled. "What are you doing here? Sasha doesn't come until later…"
"I know. I…" Santana cleared her throat. "I was… um…" she shook her head, "I was wondering if maybe you had time to have lunch?" Santana finally asked.
Brittany tilted her head to the side, frowning. Was this what she thought it was? Or did Santana need something specifically? Santana sensed Brittany's hesitation and spoke again. "I've been thinking… What we talked about the other day, and I… I was wondering if maybe we could, you know, hang out again."
Brittany smiled. She didn't think this day would come. A few days after she had last talked to Santana, Brittany still hoped she would get a call from her, but as days passed by she slowly started to admit it was probably never going to happen. To find Santana there, wanting to be her friend again, had totally and completely made her day.
The lack of an answer worried Santana and she took a step back. "I understand if you changed your mind, maybe-"
"What? No!" Brittany said in a hurry, "Of course I would like to. Just let me get my things and I'll meet you out front."
Santana smiled and nodded.
Both of them didn't know what they were going to say or do, but what they did know was that they were both happy to be in the same room again. As they sat in front of another in a restaurant Brittany swore to be really good, Santana smiled and felt it had been a good decision. Being able to have Brittany back in her life as a friend was something she really appreciated.
Brittany had always been one to cheer her up and make the world a lighter place. She was so calmed and relaxed about everything, even when the world seemed like it would come crashing down, Brittany made her feel safe and that everything was going to be fine.
The waitress came with their food and quickly left, leaving them to themselves.
"You know…" Santana started, "I was thinking about the first time we met," she said, trying to start a conversation.
Brittany laughed, "Really? You still remember?"
"Of course!" Santana said, how could she forget? "You don't?"
"I definitely do. You were the first one to be really nice to me."
"You were the first one I was nice to, too," Santana said, causing them both to laugh. "I don't know what it was about you that didn't make me bite your head off for being in that gym."
Brittany smiled, "It's not like you would have scared me."
"I so would have!" Santana said, offended. She could scare anyone.
"Nuh huh."
"How can you be so sure?"
"I just knew, from the moment I met you, that you were the coolest person in that school. And that you were a really nice person as well."
"I could find many that would disagree."
"I've told you many times before, they clearly never got to know you," Brittany said and smiled fondly. "You were always really nice to me."
"I never had a reason not to be… You're just so…" Santana searched for the word in her head. "So… Positive about everything."
Brittany smiled, "It's the only way, you know? We're constantly surrounded by negative things. Negative news, feelings, people, everything. Being positive makes it all better."
"You always managed to make my everything better," Santana said, then bit her lip. She didn't mean for it to sound like that. "I…"
"I understand," Brittany interrupted, squeezing her hand for a slight moment. They fell silent for a few minutes before Santana spoke again. If they were going to be friends, they had to talk about it.
"Look, Brittany," she started, looking at her, "what happened the other day…"
"I'm really sorry," Brittany jumped in and Santana shook her head.
"No, don't apologize. We talked about it and we both know that's not how things were supposed to be." Brittany nodded in agreement. "I just wanted to say… Well, it was a mistake." Brittany didn't agree nor disagree, "I mean, it shouldn't have happened. We are just talking to each other, you have a boyfriend and it's just… wrong." Brittany nodded slowly, not sure where Santana was going with it. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, it won't happen again."
"I know," Brittany said, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice, although she knew Santana was right.
"I guess we just went back to what we knew. Being more than friends. That's how it was before. But it's not like that anymore"
"No."
"So, it was a rough start, but if I'm here now it's because I want to be your friend."
Brittany smiled, "And I want to be yours. I've really missed you."
"Me too, Brittany. I miss laughing about stupid things and just relaxing about stuff, you know?" Brittany nodded, "Every day is really busy and complicated and stressful… It was never like that with you."
"I'll be more than happy to cheer up your days," Brittany said. "You always cheer mine, too."
"So, we are cool?" Santana asked.
"'Course we are."
They sat there, grinning stupidly. It felt nice to be on solid ground again. "So, tell me about this boyfriend of yours."
Brittany's smile soon left her face. "He's just… a nice guy." She didn't feel comfortable talking about him with Santana.
"Oh, come on, if we are going to be friends you have to tell me this stuff."
"Fine. We just met about six months ago. He's a friend of a friend of mine, and she introduced us. We've been going out and stuff."
Santana nodded. "Is he a good guy?"
"For the most part, yeah."
"What do you mean for the most part?"
"Well, you know. He's a guy," Brittany said and Santana chuckled, "he can be a bit immature at times. And he's really workaholic. That day we…" Brittany cleared her throat, "the day of the show, he was supposed to arrive and watch the whole thing but couldn't because of work. Stuff like that suck, but I guess no one's perfect. What about you?"
Santana laughed. "Uh, I…" she looked to the side, "I have things here and there. Nothing serious."
"I'm surprised no one has taken you already."
"You know me. Always hard to catch."
Brittany smiled. It felt nice to just sit there and talk about their every day life. "Well, if you ever feel like meeting someone, I know a couple of girls who might be interested."
Santana's eyebrow shot up. "Oh, really?" Brittany nodded, "Huh, interesting… And how would you happen to know these girls?" Santana asked, curiosity getting the best of her.
"Just friends I know from the business."
"So… you never…"
"Never what?"
"You've never been with another girl?"
"Once in college. But it was a really short thing… it just was never the same," Brittany admitted shyly, looking away. Santana knew what Brittany meant.
"Well, I hope you didn't find guys to be any similar," Santana said, trying to lighten up the conversation.
Brittany laughed, "Definitely not. Completely different." She took a look at the time and nearly jumped. "Oh, no! I should be back in the studio already. Next class starts in like five minutes."
Santana nodded, sad to see her go so fast. She was really enjoying her afternoon. Brittany started to look for money but Santana stopped her.
"Don't worry. I get it this time. You get the next," she smiled and Brittany returned it.
"You sure?" Brittany asked, not only referring to the money.
"Definitely."
Brittany smiled and quickly kissed Santana's cheek. "I enjoyed this very much. Talk to you soon?" she said, already starting to walk away.
"Yeah, give me a call."
Brittany nodded, waved and disappeared out the door. Santana sat there, asking for the check and getting the money ready. She smiled to herself. She felt good. Finally, it felt like she had made the right decision and was on the right track.
