Chapter Seven

Winter Memories

Peter's story had Remus take their Defense Against the Dark Arts classes more seriously. Even without growing up around magic, there was always a lesson to be learned even in the most outlandish fairytales. Of course since he'd been working harder, the Christmas holiday coming around the corner had been the light at the end of the tunnel since Quidditch match outings were few and far between since James rarely played. At least whenever they came around, on the off chance that one of the chasers was too sick or bogged down to play, it gave them all a chance to see Alice Fortescue to get their faces painted again. He learned after their most recent chat that she was from Wales as well.

Remus was also especially looking forward to the winter holiday since he got to go home to visit his parents. He enjoyed his time back at school and with his friends, but no matter how pretty the castle looked in a sheet of snow, his homesickness was starting to take its toll again.

The others were planning on going home as well to visit their families of course, but since they missed the deadline for the earlier train, Remus would be making the trip on his own. He was hurt at first, but after a week or so of telling them it was fine and that it didn't bother him, it eventually started becoming true. It wasn't the end of the world after all. Besides, the excitement of going home outweighed his slight annoyance with them.

.

The train of course was much less crowded than at the beginning and end of the year rush. He quite liked it, since now the rare opportunity of having a car to himself was real, especially since he'd spent the whole night before packing and was in desperate need of a nap. He preferred the back. Somewhere he could sit in the corner and throw a blanket over himself and—

"Hey Remus" Said Lily from one of the open windows on the door of her own car. The first think he noticed was that she just so happened to be alone, which usually was a rare sight in itself since either Severus or Marlene was with her at all times.

"Hi Lily." He said while talking into the window. "I didn't know you were on your way home too?"

"Oh of course. I miss my parents terribly… and my sister." She shrugged and nodded her head towards one of the seats across from her. "Have a seat, stay awhile. I feel like we haven't gotten a chance to really chat yet and we're almost halfway through the year."

"We've talked in classes." He replied as he slid the door open and took his seat on the other side of where her things were, since it was clear he didn't need to be asked twice.

"About spells and potions and magic, but not really talked to each other."

"I guess I have had my nose buried in the textbooks lately…" He said, scratching and messing the back of his hair.

"I don't blame you. Sometime I feel like those of use who haven't grown up around this stuff have to work twice as hard." It was a harsh truth. Of course it'd been easier for him since he did have a magical parent, but it was hard to ignore the underlying stigma of the muggleborns and their adeptness with magic. Thankfully people like Lily were around to tip the scales. "I think you told me before, but your mother's non-magical, isn't she?"

"Mhm. My dad's the wizard."

"Where's she from, again? I think you told me that once too."

"Wales. She met my dad near Cardiff, and they stayed in the country ever since…" Said Remus, now relaxing into himself now that he'd been more comfortable in conversation. It was a long trip, but he wasn't complaining if it meant he got to spend it with her.

They certainly had their catch-up conversation like she asked for. For the length of the trip they talked about everything. Their likes and dislikes, their lives growing up, their families. Lily was one of the easiest people to talk to. Usually he was used to listening to conversation rather than partaking in it, but the change in pace was especially nice. Remus truthfully would have been content if she'd been the only one to speak the entire time… and at that realization, there was no denying his crush on her.

It was hard not to stare with the way she'd tuck her hair behind her ear or how her nose would crinkle when she giggled, Remus just hoped he looked away quick enough before she could catch him. It seemed that messing his hair in front of his face proved useful in another way than hiding his scars.

"Can I ask you something?" She said, kicking a foot up next to Remus on the seat.

"'Course."

"You said it was an accident that happened to you, didn't you?" Whatever light and airy feeling he felt being around her came to a screeching halt at her question.

"Yeah." Anticipating her next question, he decided to carry on with the answer rather than wait for her to ask. He obviously couldn't tell her the truth… so like his friends; she'd need to be told the lie. "It was just a really awful animal attack when I was younger. I was out of my parents sight only for a little while and then…" He gestured to his face, and she nodded in response. He didn't need to make up a large elaborate lie. The more he did that, the more he'd have to keep up with it.

.

As if on cue, the train came to a halt at Kings Cross station on Platform nine and three quarters. Remus helped Lily with her trunk before his own, as they both waited for their families. The platform wasn't nearly as bustling and loud in the winter as it was at the beginning and end of the school years, but the lights and decorations still made it lively. Amidst all of the twinkling and floating lights and the crisp cool air, Lily shivered and took a step closer to him, making him tense up.

Only a moment before he planned on returning the gesture to move closer to her still, when a family emerged from the barrier of the platform escorted by one of the train attendants. It was a family of three, a man, wife, and their daughter who even though looked slightly older, bore a striking resemblance to Lily though instead of red, was long chestnut hair falling over her shoulders.

"That will be my parents and sister." Said Lily, clearly trying to contain her excitement by bouncing slightly on the balls of her feet. She moved from her spot next to him to push along the trolley with her trunk. "Write this holiday, won't you?"

"Of course." He replied before she wrapped her arms around his middle for a hug goodbye. "See you later." He said, awkwardly waving at Lily's family who were obviously too preoccupied with her to return the action. Though it did not go unnoticed since her sister who seemed less than impressed with Remus squinted hard at him before Remus was greeted and distracted by his hair being horribly messed from behind by his father.

He immediately turned and lit up as Lyall embraced and greeted him, soon followed by his mother who did the same. He didn't realise how much he missed them until the familiar scent of home lingering on them hit him like the train he'd arrived on.

"You've sprouted!" said Hope as she pulled away and stepped back to look at him. Her smile was as bright as ever, even giving him a once over since now that they seemed to be the same height. "Do your trousers still fit you?" They both looked down to his socks, which now that she pointed it out, he noticed they had been showing much more from the hem to his shoes

"Good, now you can ask him to reach for higher things on the cabinets." Said Lyall, as he moved Remus trunk to a trolley in one swoop. "I can tell you're having a good time in school because you've barely written since you got there."

"I've written some." He whined, knowing he'd never hear the end of it.

.

There was something about flopping into his own bed at home in Caerphilly that was the most satisfying thing. Remus hadn't even unpacked his things yet and he was already ready to relax and have a perfect holiday that consisted mostly of his mother's cooking and his father's terrible sense of humour. He enjoyed his time in school, but even learning magic could do with its own breaks.

The only damper to look forward to was the full moon before Christmas. Still, he an his father had it down pat enough that by the time it came and went, he was ready to be brought home the afternoon after all fixed up. Of course, his father was no healer like Madam Pomfrey, but he could certainly get the job done even if it took a bit longer.

The pair of them popped into the snowy garden just as twilight covered the village. Still feeling weak from the full moon, and now slightly sick from being transported, it took everything Remus had to stay on both feet.

"Why couldn't we have teleported inside of our house?" He asked, trying not to let the slight nausea get the best of him.

"It's called apparition." Said Lyall. "That's what we have doors for. If wizards could apparate anywhere, there wouldn't be much need, would there?"

"But it's cold."

"It's cold he says..." Lyall parroted before opening the door to see Hope beaming at the both of them from the kitchen. She sauntered on over blowing completely passed his father and straight to Remus to dote on him. Lyall scoffed and walked over to the counter to pick at the almost ready dinner.

"How was it?" She asked fixing his hair around his face where his skin was still tender from a bruise.

"Piece of cake." He smiled. He never wanted to let his mother worry about him. Especially since she's never actually seen him as a werewolf before, it made it easier.

"Good. Just in time too, I've already wrapped your present." She nodded to their tree, which his mother expertly set up while he'd been away.

"Anything for me?" Lyall asked with a slightly full mouth. "Love?" He asked since she didn't answer right away.

.

The humming woke him again. No matter how many times he put the pillows and sheets over his ears, it would cut through like a whisper, calling him to open the book. By that time, he'd long accepted that bringing the book into the home was not one of his better ideas. He knew he couldn't open it again… there was nothing new it would show him. Unless of course what professor Zilar told him about it constantly changing and evolving were correct…

He sat up quickly before he could convince himself any more and kicked his feet over the bed to leave his room, carefully overstepping the creaky floorboard and out of his room to sneak his father's office down the hall. Perhaps there was something there that would help. If there was anything Remus learned, it was that magical problems in kind seemed to have magical solutions. If there was a magical solution, it was only going to be in one place.

Remus turned the knob and silently entered his father's office, which still held it's playful charm even in the dead of night. He wasn't sure what he was even looking for. Possibly earplugs that could diffuse noise until he could figure out where to hide the book next… It seemed silly thinking about, but he certainly wasn't in any position to rule it out. Not having proper lighting was an issue as well since the only source was a ghostly glow coming from the same basin he remembered over the summer. He looked around at the unlit oil lights and immediately decided against tryout one of his ignition spells so that he didn't burn the house down by accident. Instead, he walked over to the basin.

He'd known better than to tinker with anything in his father's office, but the object had piqued his curiosity before. Besides, it was late at night. Remus was sure his father would understand that there wasn't any harm in giving it a once over, especially if it had to do with learning more about their world. Once he was satisfied with convincing himself and freeing himself from the guilt of snooping, he thought of Sirius.

As he approached the liquid swirled on its own without him needing to stir, not looking particularly special as it did before when he first encountered it over the summer. The transparent water reflected the ornate design beneath that Remus traced with his eyes when he noticed the liquid turn murky and white. Small black dots started pooling like ink blots being dropped in by an invisible well and created a scene in the water as clear as if he were looking through a window. He gently grabbed the rim of the basin tighter and peered closer to get a better look when he felt himself begin to fall forward.

.

Remus felt the butterflies tornado around his stomach as his feet lifted from the ground, sending him diving towards the room. Despite his speed of falling, Remus still landed light as a feather on his feet, making him experience an odd sensation of dizziness as the room kicked into focus. He wasn't quite sure what happened or where he was, but the current and most clear thing in his mind now though was that he probably shouldn't have touched his father's things.

He looked around first to see if there was an escape as other aspects of the room came into focus. It was a master bedroom, obviously in the middle of the night. The only light came from the moon peeking and filtering through the curtains, giving the room a blue tint as the rest of the bedroom came into focus. The bed in the middle made him jump as he noticed there was someone laying there— two people rather.

The sound of the door opening slightly and shutting made him jump, and was enough to wake one of the people as they stirred awake to sit up.

"Did you hear something?" Said his mother's voice, as it was clear now whose room he was in. She looked ahead and around the room and directly at Remus, who was now standing dead still waiting for her to tell him off for looming around. Instead she looked right through him as if he weren't even there.

"It's just the draft, love." Lyall grumbled next to her. Remus could feel as awful turn in his stomach as he watched his mother settle back in to sleep. It was clear now whose room he was in, though it hadn't been familiar. He walked towards the bedroom door, but as soon as he went to turn the handle to open it, it was stuck in place despite being completely unlocked. When he tried again the door shifted in shape and colour as if some dropped an inkblot into a glass to obscure the picture. He tried the door again with the same result, pulling on it with all of his strength with nothing to show for it but a stronger haze.

Then there was a sound. A terrible and awful sound that pierced his ears and made his parents jolt out of bed immediately. It was the sound of a scream. Lyall kicked his feet over the bed first and grabbed his wand from the nightstand, quickly trailed behind Hope. Both of them passed through Remus as if he were a ghost and the door opened to their touch.

His parents walked through him as if he were a ghost, leaving a cool tingling sensation in their wake. He mimicked their urgency in following them to he room as he prepared himself for the worst. He knew after all that the scream was his own, and as the events began unfurling themselves, he was dreadfully aware of what night he was seeing.

"Impedimenta!" Yelled his father after he burst through the door, allowing that as well as another onslaught of spells fire from the tip of his wand at what looked like a scraggly and grotesquely hunched werewolf. Some of the spells reflected, some made contact. There were only a few that seemed strong enough to annoy the werewolf Fenrir Greyback enough to pull away from the tiny and frail body of a young Remus who was dropped on his own bed, causing a dark pool of blood to saturate his sheets.

The next scream from his mother as the shock hit her was what came next. Remus watched on helplessly as her wailing caused Greyback begin to round onto his mother next, and Lyall proceeded to fire a much more aggressive sequence of spells to make him recoil and eventually falter. As the werewolf stumbled, golden ropes of light spewed from Lyall's wand as he attempted to entangle him, but he was too late as the werewolf leapt out of the already open window into the night and out of reach.

.

Hope had already been tending to the younger Remus on the bed, who'd been bleeding so profusely now that as the present Remus looked on, he began to get sick and faint from the sight. His face was torn to shreds. Much more than the two scars as the evidence as there were additional punctures and gashes and what Remus thought was an abnormal amount of blood coming from a child his size.

He needed to look away. Focus on something else before he passed out on the floor, which he imagined wouldn't be ideal in the environment he was currently in. He searched for his father who had since left the room... looked at the window where Greyback escaped, the toys that littered the floor, the mark of deflected spells burnt black into the walls and floors, all to the background noise of his mothers worried sobs calling his name.

There was a break in her crying as he spotted motion from the corner of his eye. When he focused back to his mother, the body she'd been cradling began to convulse and jerk. His small eyes opened wide and hungry, and his arms stretched out to reveal sharper claws where there used to be fingernails. The present Remus shuddered as his witnessed his first transformation. Hope had no time to react before his hands dragged down her forearms as his mouth began to elongate, revealing the enlarged teeth.

She didn't scream. She barely reacted at all as Remus assumed the distress had completely taken over by that point since she still held on to him. The startling noise of the bedroom door swinging open again made Remus jump as his father walked through him to help.

"Hope, let go of him!" He shouted as he frantically pulled her away from him before the younger Remus had a chance to bite her. "Stand behind me." He said, drawing his wand out again hesitantly before hitting the younger Remus with a spell that bound him with what this time seemed to be invisible ropes. Apparently younger werewolves are much more susceptible to spells.

The present Remus watch as Lyall tended to the younger version of himself, pouring a vial of silver then a vial of clear liquid into a cloth that he pressed and wrapped around the younger Remus' face and head. Lyall took this moment to check his elongated limbs as well, the horror on his face confirming the realisation of what happened to his son. The present Remus, in shock himself, stood motionless as he took in what he'd just witnessed… the unending nightmare that was that night he'd been changed. His head was spinning. He needed time to process. He needed to know what was going on.

He needed to leave… but he couldn't.

Hope still sat on the floor looking at her cut arms when Lyall turned around to help her next. He had no spare cloths, but instead rubbed some of the clear liquid over her cut arms. Through the smeared blood obscured most of what could be seen; from where he was standing Remus could still see the wounds heal quickly into faint scars. The same scars that Remus always though we're from the thorns of her rose garden.

"Hope...?" Said his father, having to repeat her name a few times to finally get her attention. "We need to clean up. Do you hear me?" She nodded, tears still soaking her cheeks. "I will take care of this room. Go to the bathroom and I'll meet you there with a change of clothes."

His voice held an urgent and worried quiver that Remus had never heard in his father before. Without much response, his mother stood to her feet and left the room. He turned his head back to the scene, and the still transformed and younger version of himself on he ground lying motionless etched itself into his mind before the image shifted and blurred to rearrange into the bedroom again from what he assumed was the morning after.

Their bedroom had natural light now from the cloudy sky, and on the bed laid a broken boy with a red tinged cloth covering his face. Hope was sat in a nearby chair looking at him when Lyall came through the door with new dressings for Remus and a cup of tea for her. Absentmindedly, she reached out a hand to grab the cup and let it sit in her hands untouched by her lips while Lyall got to work. As he was wringing out the new cloths, Remus caught a glimpse of his younger self's face. The cuts were still deep and open, though there was no more blood and they'd shrunk down in size to the two scars he had now.

"It's almost been a week Lyall..." She said softly, almost as though she were musing. Her words rang through Remus head as the silence hung between them. He always assumed his first transformation was like the rest where he was conscious by the next day...

"He'll pull through." He responded gruffly. What happened obviously took its toll. Hearing the way they spoke to each other made that clear. "He will..." Lyall hands softly grazed over the younger Remus' hair to lightly mess it the way he'd always done. While his locks weren't anywhere near as long, the sentiment remained the same. He sat down on the edge of the bed and pressed his fingertips to his temples. Judging by the dark circles underneath both of their eyes, it seemed that the only one getting any rest was the boy lying in the bed.

"You said it's just like the stories." Said Hope.

"Hm?"

"Being a werewolf." She leaned forward slightly and she spoke. "Every full moon he'll… he'll change."

"Yes." He replied, turning around to look at his son.

"Will it be painful for him?" She asked, rubbing her forearms which had since been healed.

"Yes." As the present Remus listened on, the only thing he could think of was how much he'd prefer the pain of his transformations that witness the pain on their faces talking about it.

"And there's no cure yet."

"No."

"Will he try to hurt us again?" She asked, the waiver in her voice breaking Remus heart. She rubbed her arms again and both Lyall and Remus took a step towards her. He knelt in front of her and stroked her arms so that she wouldn't. "I can't look at him the same anymore. I don't want to think of him as a monster. He's our baby." She said between sniffles and sobs.

Even though he couldn't touch her, Remus reached out for his mother's shoulder as she cried into her hand.

"Oh mam, I'm so sorry." He said, despite knowing he'd be ignored. Knowing that he hurt her of anyone as a monster hit him like a freight train. The scene continued to play out in front of him as his father sat up from his seat on the bed to kneel down in front of her.

"...Do you want it to go away?" Lyall asked, his voice obviously being the more even of the two even though it was still strained. She looked back at him with a puzzled expression, prompting him to continue. "I can do it. Take away the memory of you seeing him like that. You'd never have to think about it again. If it will help, I can do it." They both sat in silence for what seemed like ages before she nodded, wiping the tears from her face before uttering the smallest of pleases to her husband. He took out his wand and held it to the side of her head.

"Will it hurt?" She asked in another small voice, similar to a child.

"Painless." He replied as he drew his wand to her. Lyall gently laid the tip of his wand to her temple as it shine with a bright white, even in the light of the room. When he drew his arm away, short and curly silver strands of hair drew from her head and glowed hanging from the tip. Lyall reached over to an empty vial on the bedside and tapped his wand to release it into the vial. Like a liquid, it settled to the bottom as Hope watched on with still teary eyes.

"What was that?" She asked in a dreamy tone before Lyall pulled her forehead to his lips. "Lyall?"

"Obliviate." He muttered, sending the present Remus pulling upwards again with a hard jerk as the room faded into inkblots retracting to the surface.

.

He was jolted back into his father's office, stumbling and falling backwards as his eyes remained fixed on the basin.

"It's called a Pensieve." Said his Father, who's been sitting in his armchair as though he'd been waiting for Remus the entire time. "We use it to recall memories. Or store them. Sometimes they're happy… sometimes painful." Lyall stood to his feet and walked towards the pensieve. The eerie aqua glow being the main source of light in the room reflected onto his face, showing the disappointment that was otherwise obscured by the darkness. "You weren't meant to see that one." Remus scrambled to his feet again, knowing he was going to be lectured despite his head still reeling from what he just saw.

"I'm sorry. I… I just—" He stopped himself and swallowed hard, the only thing on his mind being the only question on his lips. But he was afraid to ask because it would only make it more real. "What was that?"

"I trust it was clear enough for you to know."

It was all he needed to say. The harsh truth was confirmed that Remus did hurt her. His own mother… one of the people he loved the most he harmed without even realising it. The choking sensation in the back of his throat was almost too much to suppress as he bit hard down on his tongue. "You started to change in the middle of the night, and I didn't think to keep a store of the proper things to sedate you or treat you properly as readily available to stop you from.—…" Remus could feel the tears to well beyond the point of bothering to keep them in. He was glad his father didn't finish. "You understand now that there is a reason I keep most of the things off limits in my office."

As he stood there sniffling and wiping away his own tears, he heard his father's footsteps inch closer to him. He rested both hands on the sides of his arms; similar to the way he did when he took his mother's memory away.

"Remus, look at me." His tone was softer now. Of course he felt sorry for his blubbering son. Remus felt pathetic. Reluctantly, he brought his eyes to his father's who he couldn't quite focus on behind the tears. "You are not this." He said, bringing on hand to Remus face to trace over his scars. "Nothing that happened that night is your fault. You are not a monster. Do you understand me?"

"Ye—yes."

"Tell me."

"It's not— not my fault." Remus stuttered back to him.

"Mhm… and?"

"I'm n—not a monster."

"Good lad." He said, messing his hair and drawing a smile from Remus. "Now, fix your face and off to bed. We can talk about this more tomorrow."

"Okay." Remus replied as he wiped his face before turning to leave his father's office.

"Oh, and Remus?" his father called out. "…Don't tell your mother about what you saw."

More secrets. He thought to himself as he nodded in promise to his father. Always more secrets…


Author's Notes:

Hey guys! I hope you're still enjoying the series!I wanted to just pop in because I know I'm a little lighter on the notes this go around, but the blog is always open for feedback and FAQ, or you can of course hit up a review here for me. I still wanted to extend that all feedback is welcome!