We meet again! Sorry for the wait.

I wasn't sure how you were going to react to the last chapter, so I'm so happy you liked it! And I think we all deserve some Quinntana alone time.

My beta's Tumblr: shesjustagirlxo.

Thank you for all the alerts, favorites and the reviews! :)

Reviews:

Guest- What about now?

- A friend can be devastating and love can make you do stupid things, put them together and...BOOM!

Anna- Help is on the way. Would she take it?

Guest- I know what you mean, sometimes people are too busy with their own life that they miss what's going on in with the ones closes to them.. Plus, I agree with what you wrote about parents. I believe that parents should raise their child to be a decent human being and love them no matter what.

Guest- Thank you so much :)

LaurenKnight13- I wish that everything Quinn is going through was pure imagination, but we have a long way to go before people will understand that being different isn't a bad thing..

Jammy- Sometime we compromise for the ones we care about. Does Santana love Quinn that much?

me2pointO- Thank you!


Quinn was in her car, in front of her house; how she managed to get there without crashing or hurting someone was a mystery. Her face was red and her eyes were puffy from all the crying. She couldn't believe the venom that came out of her mouth and how uncaring she was towards Brittany.

Quinn knew that Brittany was right; that wasn't like her to talk like that to someone she loved and that small detail shouldn't have mattered. Quinn knew in her heart that their friendship didn't have to be effected from that; on the contrary, it should've made it stronger. Quinn's self loathing was slowly turning her into a disgusting human being; one that abandoned her friends, who secludes herself and lashed out at every opportunity. It wasn't who she wanted to be, but the circumstances forced her to, she had to think about her future before anything else.

Quinn stared blankly and thought about the time when she was younger; when she went to Brittany's or Santana's house, it was as if a weight was lifted from her chest. She could play and eat and sleep as much as she wanted, without anyone screaming at her. Her friend's parents were so loving and always made her feel like a part of the family, from game night to a couple of vacations. Her parents weren't like that; they made her eat a specific amount of food, learn the bible and study even when she didn't have homework and the phrase "I love you" was hardly ever said to her. She knew her parents wanted her to succeed, but at what cost?

An hour went by that she spent just sitting in her car, analyzing her life and doing some self examination. Quinn's mind was set on getting over her stupid crush and moving on as a normal person, but she felt like half of her was missing. Before she labeled her feelings she thought that her, Brittany and Santana were going to finish high school and get out of that town together to start their life. They had big dreams; Brittany wanted to be a dancer and travel and see the world as part of a tour, Santana wanted to party hard and make it big as a singer and Quinn…she wanted to get as far as possible from Ohio and help people, she wasn't sure in what way back then, but that was the main idea.

No matter how big their dreams were or where life would take them, the girls were positive that they'd always be a big part of each other lives. They swore that they'd make it work and never drift apart.

And in a couple of days Quinn had ruined everything; she pushed away the two people that were always there for her and showed her a more open and loving world.

Quinn slapped her face, she was the hypocrite, not Brittany; she yelled, insulted and ignored her best friends when they needed her the most. How was she different from her parents? Quinn was angry and disappointed with herself for being the exact opposite from what she wanted to be.

The inner conflict drove her insane; you cut someone off just because he's a little different from you? They had a different perspective over life, was that a reason to let the people closest to you go? But they practiced sin and she grew up with a strict set of rules to follow. Isn't accepting the sin worse than being the sinner?

Quinn didn't have a single answer to her growing list of questions and she was exhausted. She waited for her face to return to its usual pale shade and entered her home.


"Quinn, is that you?"

"Yes, dad." Quinn stood in her place and hoped her father wouldn't tell her to come over.

"Come sit with me."

Quinn sighed and went to the living room. Her father had a can of beer in his hand and he was watching some sports show on their flat screen TV.

He tapped on the spot next to him and Quinn sat right there.

"How was school?"

"Good."

"And what about that boy, Sam? Is he treating you good?" Russell burped.

"Yes, he is."

"He doesn't force you to sleep with him, does he?" Another burp.

Quinn blushed, "No, not at all."

"Are you telling me the truth? Young men at his age, all they think about is sex. Your mother and I raised you well; you need to keep your grade up and go to church. Believe me; girls today are disgusting; they give everything away to any man who gives a bit of attention. Sam will appreciate you more if you save yourself and take care of him." He burped once more.

That was when she realized she had made a huge mistake giving up her best friends for people who thought they were living in a different century.

"You need to make me proud, Quinn, like your sister does. You'll be married in a couple of years and bringing me grandchildren, just like God intended you."

Quinn thought about her father's words; she wanted those things too and she could get them, but she knew her father not only wouldn't be proud, he'd disown her and maybe even think of her as dead. She couldn't imagine her family not sharing the happiest days of her life.

"Don't worry dad." Quinn forced a smile, "I have homework, can I be excused?"

"Yeah, yeah." Russell was already half asleep on the couch.


Quinn sat in front of her computer; she needed information about what she was going through. Maybe even some answers.

7 minutes went by without a single movement from Quinn. She was petrified to actually get those answers because it would bring about more changes and she'd had enough.

Instead of doing something useful, Quinn just checked her Facebook account. While she was scrolling down, reading boring status updates, she got a message.

"Rachel Barbara Berry? Since when do I have her on Facebook?"

Quinn clicked the message and discovered many words and links; she huffed and started to read through.

"Dear Quinn Fabray.." Quinn rolled her eyes, "You must be wondering why I'm sending you a message, and the reason is that I'm worried. Yes, you read right, I'm worried about you.

I know you told me to forget what I saw and to not speak about it and I promise I won't tell a soul. As long as you work on getting better.

Before you start planning my death, hear me out! I'm not forcing you to pour your heart out to me, but I do offer you my friendship. No one needs to know anything, just let me help.

I can't carry this without making sure you get some help; I might not be a professional, but I have great research skills.

I know what you want to say, that I don't know anything about your life and that's true, but sometimes it's better to talk to a stranger. Who knows, maybe we'll end up becoming friends.

So just know that your secret is safe with me and I would never use it against you.

I'm adding some links to a couple of websites I found that maybe be helpful and my number; in case you ever want to talk.

-Rachel."

Quinn couldn't believe it was real, she read it at least five times and she would read it once more if she hadn't got a text.

Incoming: "I got your message loud and clear. You'll be happy to know that your former best friend is curled up in my bed and that she won't stop crying since she got here. I still have hope that you'll come to your senses and be our Quinn again, we both need you."

She deserved it and she knew it. Quinn felt like shit and she wanted to make things better, but at the same time to never see them again.

Quinn went to her bed and lay with her face down on her pillow; nothing made sense to her, how was it possible to want to spend every second of every day with someone and to be scared to be around them at the same time?

Quinn's mind drifted into a fantasy world; she pictured herself and Santana at a place far away from their home town, a place no one can get to. She saw Santana wearing a tight, short strapless black dress; her hair was down and Pumps heels. She was bending over to set the fireplace on so she gave Quinn the perfect view of her ass.

"See something you like?" The Latina said as she turned around and walked towards Quinn.

"Actually, what I like is covered with unnecessary fabric." Quinn whispered when Santana's hands were wrapped around her. The brunette smirked and pushed Quinn on the couch. Her smirk grew even bigger when she heard the blond whimper when she no longer held her.

Santana stood in front of Quinn and unzipped her dress then she slowly slid it down her body, rocking her hips from side to side. Quinn gulped hard when she saw Santana's choice of underwear; it was a matching red lace bra and panties and they barely covered anything.

When the dress was on the floor, Santana bent down to remove it completely or more to tease Quinn.

Then she straddled her, placing light kisses on her jaw and neck.

Quinn's hands quickly found their favorite spot on Santana's lower half, but the Latina slapped them away.

"Now don't you give me that pout, I didn't say you can touch just yet. Let me warm you up before." Santana's hands slid under Quinn's shirt and made their way up.

Quinn felt her body shiver and her eyes flew open in horror; what made her feel so uncomfortable was the fact that in her fantasy she felt more alive and happy than in real life. She put her hands in her pants and felt the slight wetness that started to form just by that simple thought.

Quinn sighed and rolled on her back; Sam was the one that should've made her feel that way, not the breathtaking Latina.

In her home sex wasn't something you could talk about, her mother never sat her down and explained to her about it or how to be safe. All her parents ever told her was that she needed to save herself for marriage and make her future husband happy. From attending church, Quinn learned the sanctity of marriage, to never give in to devilish thoughts and obey God's laws. She heard stories about girls getting knocked up at a young age, how it ruined their lives because abortion was not even a consideration so they had to give up their dreams to raise their babies.

When Quinn started high school, sex wasn't something she could avoid completely; everyone talked about it, tried it, and wanted it. Quinn never even touched herself and other people already experimented with different things and had experience. Her information on the subject came from TV shows, rumors and, of course, her best friends.

Santana and Brittany were highly sexually active, more than she ever knew apparently. They made it sound like fun, not a job like her family did. Quinn's mind opened a little; she knew that in their age wanting to have sex was normal, but she couldn't accept the promiscuity. Everyone treated it like it was so easy, like it didn't matter what they were doing and with whom, but for Quinn it was a huge deal.

Quinn couldn't have thought about someone touching her in such intimate way, not without any feelings and connection. She wanted to save herself for marriage, yes, because then it will be with the person you swore to spend the rest of your life with, someone that loves you deeply and wants only you.

But at that moment on her bed, Quinn shook her head and chuckled; she would never have it, marrying someone she loves and making love to them. Wanted or not, she couldn't be attracted to guys, she could've worked on controlling her emotions towards girls [more like one girl specifically], but the truth is she would never feel like that towards men.

It was either succumb to her desires or have a loveless marriage. One way or another, it wasn't the time for that discussion.

Once again, Quinn ran from who she was and what she wanted.

Her headphones blasted the music from her iPhone as she locked more fears away in the back of her mind.


Quinn went out to the field; she couldn't stand another moment, in what felt like the tiniest space in the world. All day long Quinn had Sam to keep her from having a breakdown because the death glares she got from Santana were more frightening than a verbal encounter. He was hilarious and interesting; they didn't ever have an awkward silence. But he had to warm up for the game and so did she.

In the locker room Quinn saw Brittany's lips tremble while Santana held her face in her hands and whisper to her words Quinn couldn't hear. Quinn stood from afar, her locker was next to them and she didn't want to interrupt. She saw how Santana caressed the other girl's face and how the shaking of Brittany's head turned to a nod. Santana gave her a warm smile and walked her to the sink, to wash the tears from her face.

Quinn did that, she was responsible for every tear that came out of Brittany's eyes and for breaking the happiest girl in the world. She wanted to go over there and take her in her arms, to say that she didn't mean any of the nasty words she had spat at her and that she loves her, both of them, no matter what. Quinn just put her bag in her locker, rearranged her ponytail and went outside.

She waved to Sam, he waved back and was on his way to her until Sue yelled at them to start the quick practice before the game.

"Listen up, useless excuse for a team!" The old lady scream in her megaphone, "Because Fabray took Pierce's marker or some shit, we have a few changes in position. Lopez and Pierce will switch places with Forbes and Gilbert for this game and we'll see how it goes. Lopez, Fabray, it's on you if anything goes bad." Santana nodded and Quinn lowered her gaze, "Now let's see what you've got."

Although it was understandable, Quinn felt ashamed. And yet, she didn't do anything to change it.

After the 'cheerios' routine on the second half of the game, Quinn knew she was in trouble. The first half of the game was pretty good; the football team led by ten points and the crowd was loud. Quinn and Santana didn't talk to each other, but the squad preformed well. But then it all crumbled. Literally. The girls fell and ran into each other, which cause the crowd to laugh and shout at them.

Quinn saw Sue come towards them; steam metaphorically poring out of her ears. "Lopez, Fabray, in my office! NOW!"

With her head low, Quinn paced to her coach's office. "Quinn! Wait up."

"Sam? Hey, great game." She tried to smile, but she was scared of the old lady.

"Thanks. I wanted to check up on you, are you ok? Did you get hurt?"

"No, no I'm fine."

"Really, Fabray?!" Santana came from behind her, "You think now is the time to catch up with your boyfriend?"

"He's not."

"I'm not."

"Don't care, just hurry up. Coach is going to kill us and I don't want more trouble." She brushed them off and kept walking.

"I'm sorry, I have to..."

"Go, go. Talk to me afterwards."


The room was quiet and you could've cut the tension with a knife. Sue sat behind her desk and examined the girls; she rested her head on her hands and narrowed her eyes.

Quinn moved uncomfortably in her chair and played with her rings; she knew Sue had great observation skills and she was petrified that she would figure it out and out her. She didn't have the guts to look at Santana, but she heard her moving in her chair as well. Sue could be scary even if you don't have anything to hide.

"Well, what should I do with you?" She looked between the two nervous girls, "I thought you were the perfect combination, that with you two at the top there would be no chance of losing. Today you prove me wrong and you can't even look me in the eyes! I don't give a shit why you're not talking to each other, but you're grown up now and silent treatments aren't acceptable."

"Coach, I promise it won't happen again." Santana spoke up. Quinn turned her head to the side and her heart skipped a beat; Santana's skin was glistening from the sweat, her hair was messy and she bit her lips. Quinn thought she was so adorable.

"Of course not, because if it happens again I won't be so forgiving and you know what I'm capable of." Sue stood up and walked to the door.

The two cheerleaders got up, but froze when they heard Sue's voice again, "Tut-tut, you're not going anywhere."

"What?!" They said together and exchanged looks.

"You heard me; you're staying here until you get your shit together. I'll come check on you in a while."

"You can't do this! I have somewhere to go, things to do." Quinn finally opened her mouth.

Sue chuckled, "You can go see your boy toy later. If you want to stay on the team, fix it!" She got out of the room and locked the door.

The awkwardness in the room was almost unbearable; both girls stood next to each other, they swayed from side to side and looked at anything but each other.

They didn't have their cell phones to distract them and it was obvious that Sue wouldn't let them off the hook easily, even if they had to stay there all night long.

Santana stood a few feet from Quinn, which gave the blonde a chance to let her eyes wondered; because of the sweat their uniforms were tighter, hugging Santana's curves perfectly. Quinn didn't understand how a person can always look so damn sexy; in the morning, when she's drunk, when she's tired. In her eyes, the girl in front of her was the most beautiful creature God ever created.

"What?!" Santana turned around.

"What, what?" Quinn raised her eyebrow and forced herself to look only in Santana's eyes.

"I could feel you staring at me; if you have something to say just let it out and get it over with." Santana leaned on the table.

"I wasn't staring and I don't have anything to say."

Santana chuckled, "really? Nothing? Not even a lame 'I'm sorry'?"

Quinn's heart started to throb fast in her chest and her hands became sweaty. She could've handled the talk with Brittany, but the conversation with Santana was about to be ten times harder.

"What? Suddenly you can't speak? Someone took your tongue? Cause yesterday you seemed to have a strong opinion." Santana arched her eyebrows in challenge.

"It's not like that." Quinn didn't know where she was going with it, but she had to say something.

"Not like that?! So you haven't crushed Brittany's soul to dust just because you don't like the fact that she's into girls?" Santana's tone was cold, just like hers was the other day.

"I..."

"I don't want to hear excuses, Quinn! I thought highly of you, but you failed when we needed you the most. You should've seen her; she stormed into my room and I couldn't do anything to calm her down. For hours she didn't stop crying, I've never seen her like that." Santana's voice was shaking and tears formed in both pairs of eyes.

"I never intended to act like that; I just couldn't control my mouth." Once again Quinn didn't know if she wanted to crush her lips on the other girl's lips or to break down the door and run. It was a torture; the room was stuffy and Quinn's body was going crazy with fear and desire, she could see how angry Santana was with her and she wasn't sure it was fixable.

"Cut the bullshit! You can talk like that to anyone, even me, but to Britt? I can't believe you! That girl is pure good. She wanted to tell you for so long ago, but I always told her that we shouldn't, that you wouldn't be ok with it, that we would lose you..." Santana took a deep breath, "But she kept saying that we're best friends and nothing can come between us. She was sure that even with your family's views, you'd support us. If to be honest, after awhile I was too. It only makes sense that the person you've known for years would love you no matter what. Guess we were wrong." She looked to the side and brushed the tears from her eyes.

Quinn wanted to punish herself for not being a good person before being a good Christian. She had no idea what to say or if she even could stay close to them, but those girls meant the world to her. She couldn't control the tears as they streamed down her face and it got harder to breathe; her mind was close to blowing up and her body was affected by it in full force. Quinn tried to find words, to decide what she should do but it just made her panic grow.

"Q?!" Santana quickly rushed to her when she saw what was going on, "Hey, look at me." Quinn was desperate to get air into her lungs, averted eyes and locked them with the brunet's, "Good, now calm down, everything will be just fine. Focus on my voice and take deep breaths, slowly."

Quinn did as she was told; her eyes closed at the moment Santana's left hand cupped her face and her right one held her waist.

"Just clear your mind and breath, I'm here with you." Santana's voice was concerned and she stroked her cheek.

The feeling of Santana on her made Quinn more relax and slowly her body calmed down. Her senses were off, Santana's closeness and touch confused her as much as they relaxed her. Quinn's body got warm and she bit her lips when she felt Santana's breath on her face. They were inches apart, Quinn only needed to close the tiny gap and that's would've been it.

"Get away from me!" Quinn pushed Santana off of her and went to the other side of the room.

Santana shook her head, obviously in shock.

Quinn turned her back to her, she couldn't bare to see the hurt look in her eyes.

"I just."

"Drop it, S."

Quinn heard Santana sighed, "I just wanted to make sure you're alright."

"I am, so leave it." Quinn hugged herself and went even further away in the room.

"Since when do you have panic attacks?"

"I don't, it's just the small space."

"Of course. Is it really the end of us?" It was clear that Santana was attempting not to cry again.

"I... I... Don't know." It was just above a whisper.

"Fuck, I know that it's hard on you and you're concerned with what they'd think and that you should stay away. But Q..." Santana sobbed, "I can't lose you. I'd happily change it, but I can't do it either. Let's just put it aside, we don't need to talk about it or do anything that you're not comfortable with. Just please..."

Something inside of her kept telling her to turn around, to hug her tight and tell her that she'd never leave her, but it wasn't as easy as she wanted it to be.

"I want to, really, but I'm not sure I can."

"Can we at least try? I promise to you, nothing has changed and you'll see that."

Quinn faced Santana and watched as a sad smile appeared on her tanned face.

"I need some time." Quinn breathed out.

"Time is never a good sign." The smiled vanished and Santana's lips trembled.

"I know, but I can't go back to what we had. And I'm sure Brittany needs it to"

"The three of us need to take it slow, but I'm sure she'll forgive you. We just need to go back to our old selves."

"I wish we could, but we can't ignore what happened. The three of us need time to cool off and I need some space, but I'm not saying we're done."

Quinn decided she could live with that; she had Sam to spend time with besides Brittany and Santana and if it became too much then at least she tried.

Santana just nodded, "So you think you're ready to hear my side of the story?"

Quinn hesitated, but said yes. "No, you just scratched your nose." Santana giggled, "Its ok, we can wait with that."

Quinn blushed, Santana knew her better than anyone. Well, apart from the self harm thing and the huge crush she had on her.

"Q! If we're ever going to be ok you need to stop being so shy. I want my girl back."

Did Quinn hear right or did she lose it completely? Her girl? What was that supposed to mean?! That statement didn't do her good at all; weren't she and Brittany together? Did it mean that Santana liked her? No, that can't happen! How was she going to make it work if she needed to analyze every single word that came out of Santana's mouth?

"Q? Is this another panic attack? Damn Sue and her crazy ideas." Santana's hands were all over her again; the brunette checked her forehead to see if she had a fever and held her close to her.

"I'm ok, fine, sorry." Quinn mumbled and melted into her best friend's hug.

"You need to stop doing that, you worry me and I'll end up with some type of an attack." Santana whispered in her ear.

"I will." Quinn whispered, she didn't want to break their moment, she felt safe in Santana's arms.

Quinn tightened her hands around Santana's shoulders and felt the brunette doing the same. It was like her body was charged with energy and came back to life; only at that point she realized that it wasn't just a crush, her body was desperate to feel Santana close to her and her spirit was complete.

They were finally close to each other, after just a few days apart, and Quinn wanted to push Santana on the table and kiss her. Quinn's hands held Santana's neck as brown eyes look at her with curiosity. She dug her fingers in her skin and saw pain in her eyes, but Santana stayed quiet. It was a battle; to lose control meant that she could've finally felt Santana's full lips and releases some pressure, but she would've lost her, Brittany, her parents. There was too much at risk.

"Are we going to make it?" Quinn tried to keep her gaze steady.

"We will." Santana smiled the cutest smile Quinn ever saw.

The door slammed open and Sue burst in with a grin on her face, "So I guess you kissed and make up." The girls immediately put some space between them.

"We..."

"Don't care." Actually Sue was more than interested to know what was going on with her top three cheerleaders, but it didn't look like the best time and she enjoyed it too much. "This is the last time you pull shit like that! You're the captains so act like it or I'll crush you!"

They both nodded and walked out.

"So. Can I call you or is it too much?" Quinn liked nervous Santana.

"Tana."

Santana shook her head, "Ok, Whatever you need."

Quinn couldn't take the sadness she caused Santana, "Text, we can text." It worked; Santana gave her a small smile.

They went and took their stuff from the locker room and walked to the parking lot.

"Are you heading home?"

"Actually I have plans." Quinn felt like she was betraying her in some way.

"Sam, huh? Have fun."

"Thanks. Are you going out?"

"I don't think so; I'll just drop by Brittany's to see how she is."

Quinn knew that Brittany wasn't in a good state, but she couldn't control the jealousy; the other blonde got to have Santana in a way she'd never be able to.

"Take care of her."

"I will." It was time for them to separate "So. You and the nerds? Finally found your crowd?"

"Are you laughing at me, Lopez?"

"Just teasing." She had no idea how right she was. "Goodnight, Quinnie."

"Goodnight, Tana."


Spoiler alert- The beginning of Faberry friendship and jealousy.

'till next time.