Chapter 6a

The amity of the previous evening had disappeared with the light of day. Priya was not an early riser on weekends unless there was something she wanted to do so the noise of Sheldon banging around in the kitchen and the TV blaring the selected episode of Dr. Who woke her and really pissed her off.

She stormed out of her room and began yelling about the time, the day of the week and the volume on the television but it was obvious that Sheldon was ignoring her, so deep was he in his routine.

"Sheldon, it is just barely daylight, it is Sunday, the TV is too loud and – and what in God's name are you wearing?"

"It's 8:15; yes it's Sunday and that means paintball and the television is not loud at all, Priya. And please, I know we agreed to forgo a formal Roommate Agreement but I am certain both of us would have included a clause regarding clothing when in the presence of the opposite sex."

She hadn't even grabbed her robe and the shorty silken translucent pyjamas she wore were showing much too much of Priya to a man she hardly knew (o' were that only true).

"Do not move from that spot. I will be right back." She glared at him and pushed the hair out of her face and then spun on her heel and rushed back to her room affording Sheldon a view of a nicely rounded derriere.

She returned a few moments later and started her rant but Sheldon simply held up a hand to 'shush' her.

"Don't you 'shush' me, Sheldon Lee Cooper! It is Sunday. It is early on Sunday morning. I like to sleep in on Sunday mornings unless something is pressing at work. Now – "

"Well, since you're up, why don't you come with us? Perhaps we could use you…as a distraction? We are playing in a tournament and we have two teams to annihilate."

"Me? Run around in black coveralls like some…idiot child? It's undignified. It's – "

"Oh, by the way, we totally decimated the City DA's office. Lawyers. They tried to argue every hit as a 'splatter'. In the end it didn't matter." 'A rhyme already in the day! Oh but this day is starting out so well!'

"The DA's office plays paintball? Who does? The clerks, bailiffs and secretaries?"

"Well, no. The prosecutors' team is trailing behind us and we play them twice. They eliminated the Pasadena Police Swat Team. They're pretty good, but we're better." She didn't' notice his twitching or the nervous tic in his eye.

Priya had a thing for prosecutors. She had once dated an assistant DA. She found the jurisprudence banter to be quite stimulating to her libido.

"I'm in. Do you have coveralls to fit me?"

"Leonard's. He left them here and since Penny lolls around in bed Sunday mornings, he lolls also. You're about the same height." He hadn't meant to diss Leonard but Priya's shields were up and she carefully examined everything Sheldon Cooper said and almost always took it the wrong way.

"You know, Sheldon, I dream about a world where it is totally legal and socially acceptable to slap stupid people."


Pasadena Paintball Park
10am Sunday

Priya Koothrappali was not a happy camper. Sheldon had been very thorough in his explanation of what happened in a paintball 'engagement' and what their overall strategy was going to be. She knew nothing about handling herself in a wooded environment and had always been basically a pacifist and now she was supposed to become a 'paintball warrior'?

"Sheldon, I've never handled a firearm and I never was allowed to play with toy guns or even play violent video games. I hope you don't expect too much of my performance today."

"Priya, all you have to do is distract the opposition, lure them into our kill zone, and your teammates will do the rest. Trust me, Priya. With the acting ability I've seen you display to date, we'll have an easy day of it."

"I think you have me confused with the blonde bimbo across the hall. I have no acting abilities. I am a lawyer and – "

"And you've been trained, programmed, and conditioned to defend guilty people even when you have proof of their guilt. That takes acting ability."

"Aww, Sheldon…I think it's cute when you try to talk about things of which your knowledge is both limited and probably wrong." Her sarcasm went right over his head, of course.

"And Penny is not a 'bimbo', Priya. She is my best friend and I'll thank you to keep a civil tongue in your head. I wonder if your residual feelings for Leonard aren't clouding your judgment. Leonard sought her out to attempt another doomed relationship. Keep that in mind. Penny loves quickly and deeply and Leonard's inability to totally purge his feelings for you is viewed by Penny as a 'deal breaker'."

"That is his problem, Sheldon, not mine. There was little hope that I would ever return to the US for any extended period of time and I thought it was best that we end it."

"You were the one who strayed and were unfaithful to Leonard. 'I loved you, Leonard' were your exact words, 'but you are so far away and I was so lonely…' and then you plunged the dagger into his back!"

"Perhaps you should be the bait since you seem to have the dramatic flare for it! Don't be concerned about me or what I do, Sheldon Cooper. This is my life not yours!"

"Leonard was my friend and you gave him something precious and then snatched it away from him. You gave him hope, Priya, and then your real self rose up and snatched it from him. Shame on you!"

"Why do you care so much about what happened?" She was honestly curious. Was Sheldon Cooper having real feelings for someone other than himself?

"Because they were my friends and I have precious few of them and yes, I am arrogant and selfish with them but when someone, an outsider, hurts them…I get angry, Priya and I don't like me when I'm angry."

She reached up and tenderly patted his cheek and smiled. "Don't worry, Sheldon, I don't like you even when you're not angry."

She laughed at the look on his face and turned to walk over to where Winkle, Howard, Bernadette and Raj were standing around trying hard not to watch the 'Priya & Sheldon Show' but still hanging on every word said.

Bernadette watched in horror. Rajesh tried to mentally communicate with his dear friend to curb his temper and not do anything rash. Howard watched with barely concealed glee, anticipating Sheldon's act of violent retribution. Winkle watched, not having a clue what they'd been arguing about but interested enough to see just how 'Dr. Dumbass' would respond. Her money was on him tucking his tail between his legs and running away.

Priya deliberately swayed her hips and walked as if she were a model on a runway knowing that Sheldon was watching her every move. The coveralls were tight across the chest and the material strained where her ample breasts stressed the zipper. She knew that she had a great body and wasn't shy about using it to get attention or her own way. Her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.

She yelped in pain and thought for a moment that she'd been stung by something on her left butt cheek. She yelped again a second later when a yellow paintball pellet struck the exact center of her right buttock just as the first had struck her left. The tightly stretched fabric did absolutely nothing to mitigate the force of the impacts.

No one said a word although when Priya turned to confront Sheldon there was a gasp from the assembled crowd and a wolf whistle from Howard. Even Winkle was impressed.

"Bazinga!" Sheldon had fired from the hip and struck her ass in exactly the places he'd 'willed' the pellets to strike. He rarely missed. After all, he was a Texan.

She didn't exactly charge but she did run up to him, ball her hand into a fist and punch Sheldon in the eye. It wasn't what anyone had expected, least of all Sheldon Cooper. He ended up stretched out to his full length, blood gushing from his left eyebrow, stunned and mortified.

"You – you – ass! Get up, Sheldon. You're lying in the dirt. You know what lives in the dirt, Sheldon? Insects. Microbes. Get up from the filthy, germ-laden dirt." She gave him her best haughty look - and the finger – and strutted over to the picnic table beside their 'safe house'.

His friends rushed over to where he lay and Howard glared at Priya but then stooped over and he and Raj half-carried, half-dragged Sheldon to their 'safe house' shack and flopped him on the picnic table just in front of it. Bernadette poured water from a plastic bottle over his face and then wiped up the blood from his split eyebrow.

"You know, it was hard not to overhear your argument, Priya. He was right, y'know? Don't, please, don't ever tell him I said that but he was. Leonard is just not used to women and what we do to men. I really thought he and Barbie had a shot but then you came back and – "

"I did not come back to be in a relationship, Dr. Winkle. This is a great opportunity for me to achieve a junior partnership in my law firm. It is difficult being a woman in a man's profession, even in the US.

"I can relate to that but it still doesn't explain why you and Dr. Dumbass here are living together."

"I did not contact Leonard and my presence in his former apartment is for another reason entirely. Leonard is engaged. I had nothing to do with his inability to explain his feelings to the blonde. It's not my business and certainly not my problem."

"You're begging the question, Counselor. Why are you and Sheldon Cooper, a man who clearly can barely tolerate your presence, living together? Surely you make enough money to afford a rather nice place – if that car of yours is any indication of financial security."

"It is a very complicated situation, Dr. Winkle, and I don't feel comfortable discussing it. Why is everyone so interested in what Sheldon-jaan and I do in our personal lives?" The 'jaan' just slipped out as she watched Bernadette minister to Sheldon. She felt bad about his eye but rationalized that 'he started it' and her ass still stung.

"Why? My God, Sheldon Cooper decides to allow a woman to reside in his apartment – a woman who, by the way, he thinks is even more arrogant and conceited and self-centered than he is? If you weren't the woman in question, counselor, wouldn't you be curious?"

The blare of the loudspeaker announced the end of the current round of play. Once again the D.A. Prosecutors had bested their opponents. Team Physics was now tied with them


"Bernadette, please fetch me my backpack. I have prepared for this contingency although I really thought it would be Leonard who would be injured."

He dug around and pulled out a first aid kit that was replete with things that would allow a surgeon to operate. One never knew when the Apocalypse might occur.

"Please use the butterflies and then spray the area with Nu-Skin and it'll do well enough that I won't miss the tournament. We've all put too much effort into this to let it slip away from us because I couldn't control my temper but, Gods, that woman gets under my s-ss-skin s-s-simply by being in the s-s-same universe!"

"Hold still, Sheldon. I can't butterfly a moving target!"

Sheldon ignored Priya except to dispatch her on her mission of distraction.

"Use that uncanny whine of yours to attract those men and women to their doom just like the sirens tried to do to Ulysses." He turned and walked away from her rather than have to deal with her.

"Perhaps I'll be Circe; after all, all men are pigs!" She strutted off in the direction of the ambush, muttering curses about tall assholes who knew too much about too much and absolutely nothing about being even remotely human.

'Sometimes I wish I was a bird. So I could fly over certain people and shit on their heads!'