AN: There's a longer author's note at the bottom. This chapter is mostly Sookie, because let's face it, she has a lot to say right now. Thank you to my two wonderful betas, Rox and FDM, because without them I couldn't have put this story out!

CH 7

The sun was starting to fade by the time I woke. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and sat up on the side of the bed. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do first, but the gurgling in my stomach answered that question for me.

Normally, Maggie had been serving me meals in my room, but this evening I thought I would surprise her and eat in the kitchen. I was still feeling a little weak, but I managed to stand on my own two feet and make my bed.

When I opened my bedroom door I was hit by the most wonderful smells. It reminded me of simpler times, when I would come down the stairs at home and Gran would be cooking. I let my nose lead me to the kitchen, and stood in the doorway watching Maggie fuss about the room.

I took in the décor, which definitely had a quaint countryside feel to it. "Can I help with anything?"

Maggie whirled around and dropped the metal colander she had in her hands. Carrots went flying everywhere and she just looked at me like she had seen a ghost. I couldn't help giggling, as she smiled and bent down to scoop up what was on the floor.

"Sookie, you're out of your room!"

"Yes. I was thinking maybe I could help you with dinner." My stomach gurgled again, trying to communicate with the world that it wanted to be fed. "As you can tell, my stomach was rather rudely saying it's hungry."

She said there was nothing I could do, but I insisted, so she had me sit at the kitchen table and cut up more carrots to replace the ones that fell onto the floor. It actually felt nice to be doing something except moping around in my room all day.

We made small talk, and I joked with her a bit. "That looks like an awful lot of food for just us. Are you expecting to feed an army?"

She was quick-witted, I'll give her that. "If you count Riley, then yes, I'm planning on feeding an army. Gracious, I don't know where that boy puts it all."

As if right on cue, the back door opened and in walked Mr. Suave himself. He was surprised to see me in the kitchen, but I could tell he was pleased too.

"It's about time you came out of that room. I was about to grab some nails and boards and close it up." Yeah, he needed to work on his sense of humor.

Once the carrots were done, Maggie added them to the pot and began making fresh biscuits.

"Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to wander a little."

"Not at all, Sookie. The stew will take a while."

I left the two of them chatting like peahens and went back to my room. Along the way, I stopped in the living room to check out the décor. Maggie definitely was into country cozy. The furniture was dusty blue color with shiny light blue flowers embossed on the fabric. The coffee table and end tables were a light oak, with intricate patterns carved up and down the legs. The walls were actually painted an ecru color, with very light cornflower blue stencils of flowers painted in between lines of maroon and gold. A few paintings of the countryside scattered the walls, along with what I assumed were family photos.

Passing through the living room, I grabbed my journal out of my bedroom and went to the patio to sit down. It was nice having instant access like that to the outdoors. Maybe when I get home, I'll do the same with my house.

Home. I hadn't thought much about it since I ended up here. A tiny part of me wanted to stay here and never go back. I liked it here, and it was the first place in a long time where I didn't feel overwhelmed by people and things.

It was a fool's thought though. I'm sure everyone thought I was dead. All the people who would have been affected by my death came creeping into my thoughts - Jason, Sam, Amelia, Bill, Alcide, Calvin, Pam…and Eric. I thought about picking up the phone and dialing home, if only to hear their voices. I didn't want them to go through the pain of thinking they'd lost me forever. I know how I'd feel if I lost any of them.

How could I have done that to them? How could I have let them go through the motions of mourning me and not feel ashamed of it? The guilt weighed heavily on me of how selfish I was being and I almost cried to Maggie to bring me her phone so I could call home. I missed them terribly, but at the same time it was probably better this way…at least for the time being.

It could be the wrong thing to do, I wasn't sure. I just knew that if ever I was to have a fighting chance at piecing myself back together, it would have to be away from the hovering, concerned masses. Oh, I know they meant well, but it was too overwhelming for me. Everything lately seemed too overwhelming to me.

I closed my eyes and thought about Eric. Poor Eric. He tried so hard to rescue me. The look on his face as he was dragged away was heart wrenching. He was a survivor though, and deep down I knew he'd triumph over whoever was attacking him. I'm sure I disappeared before he had a chance to go back to that cave to look for me. It must have been submerged by then.

I could barely feel him now and it could have been for any number of reasons. We hadn't exchanged blood in a while, although he mentioned something in the hospital about dangerous limits. Maybe it was because I was too far away. I had been shielding the bond between us when I was taken.

Maggie told me that some of the wards surrounding hers and Grace's house were protection spells, to make it harder to detect who was inside. Maggie also mentioned that because of my telepathy, she and Grace had taken a potion that would block me from reading their thoughts. It was just as well. I couldn't have concentrated very well anyway.

I opened to the first blank page in the book and began to write. At first, I wasn't sure what to say. I had never kept a journal before; not even a diary as a little girl. However, once I started, the words seemed to flow from the end of the pen without even bothering to ask me what to write…like it had a life of its own, and I lost all track of time. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately… losing track of time.

"I'm going to have to get you another journal if you keep that up." I looked up and Riley had been standing behind my chair, peering over my shoulder. "Who's Eric?"

I slammed the book shut. "No one you should concern yourself with."

He sat down next to me and stretched out his legs. "Really? Sounds like you and he have something pretty heavy going there. You know, I'd like for you to consider me a friend. I have two good ears that hear pretty well."

I scoffed. "Thanks, but you wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

Hmm, was that a dare? "Fine. Eric is, well, he's…" How the hell do I explain Eric to him? I wasn't even sure what he was to me.

"Eric is sort of my husband." I took a deep breath and blurted out the rest.

I told Riley about Bill, and then about Eric. I told him about the fact that Eric and I were bonded and that somehow I ended up pledged to him, which is considered being married under vampire terms. For some inexplicable reason, I also told him that I still couldn't trust that the feelings I had for him were my own, or whether they were from the bond.

When I was done talking, he stared at me for a minute before responding. "That is some predicament, huh. Well, I'll see your vampire bonded and raise you a half-demon/half-witch in love with a human."

"Excuse me?"

He laughed. "My mom's a witch and my dad's a demon. What can I say, I'm the good and the bad, but at least I didn't complete the trilogy and come out the ugly too."

Oh no! He did not just quote a Clint Eastwood movie title to me. That had me cracking up…typical male in any form. We continued talking about how it was for him growing up being what he called a "halfer". He had been dating a human until he revealed to her what he truly was. She didn't take it so well. He said that he has a hard time dating human women because they don't understand what it's like. It sounded vaguely familiar.

Riley said he dabbled in witchcraft, but wasn't as talented as his mom or aunt. Since he wasn't a full demon either, he couldn't do some of the things that his dad could. One thing he could do though, was something he realized I could do the first time he saw me.

"I'm able to apparaît too."

"Appar… Appa…? Whatever the word is, I've never been able to do anything like that. I'm only an eighth fairy, so I don't understand how I could have done it."

"It's a gift. From what I understand, fairies are gifted with certain abilities, but that doesn't mean they can just go off and use them. They have to be learned, mastered. Even though you aren't full fey, maybe you had the gift all along and didn't use it until now."

"I think I would have known if I had a gift like that. I've been in some pretty sticky situations over the past couple of years where that would have come in very handy."

"I don't know what to tell you. Maybe it was something that was passed on to you then. Did any of your fey relatives pass along a gift to you before the portals closed?"

I didn't have time to think about it as Maggie was calling us to dinner, but it was definitely something to consider. Did Niall do something to me before he left?

After dinner, Riley decided to bring out a deck of cards and I figured why the heck not. I had nothing better to do, well except write in my journal again, but I'd already done that before dinner. The name of the game was poker. I wasn't very good at it, but dare I say that I had fun anyway?

We used peanuts as chips, and I think Maggie was trying to let me win, but Riley was definitely taking no prisoners. After several hands, I was running low on "chips", so Riley said I could bet something else. I didn't have anything except the clothes on my back and we were most certainly not going there.

Can I just say that I suck at poker? By the time the cards were put away, Riley had most of the peanuts, I owed him a home cooked dinner, and letting him give me a tour of the town and countryside.

I had agreed to the terms on the condition that he buys the groceries. I obviously didn't have any money and I was not going to use up Maggie's food. We settled on tomorrow for the dinner since I didn't have to be at Grace's, and a tour the following day after my session.

That night I went to bed practically exhausted, but a good exhausted. Without a doubt, something was happening to me, changing me, and I had to think it was for the better.

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PAM

"Pam, kom in hit." Now what does he want? Can't he see I'm busy tormenting the wannabe fangbangers? After depressing the intercom and dismissing a particularly rancid one, I walked back to his office and knocked.

"Enter." I opened the door and he was sitting forward, tapping incessantly on the keyboard. I could not see what he was looking at, but he had an intense look upon his face…more intense than usual.

"You called?" I dispensed with the formalities since it was just him and me. Plus, I was annoyed at being summoned away from my duties.

"Yes, shut the door and sit down. I have some information for you." I did as I was told. "This goes no further than my office, or your head will be severed from your body before you even utter one syllable."

Well, that sounded a bit ominous. He usually doesn't threaten me unless I've done something to provoke him. Did I do anything recently? I thought back. No, I hadn't been teasing him lately because of her, or rather the absence of her.

"Master, you know that I would never betray you. If you forbid me to speak of whatever you want to tell me, then I will not."

He stood up and came around in front of me, leaning back against the desk. "Good, because Felipe de Castro and his minions must not find out about this news until I am ready for them to find out."

I nodded and let him continue. He looked down for a moment, as if choosing his words carefully. Something he generally did to convey the right message. When he looked at me again, his eyes held something different, hope perhaps?

"She's alive." I stared back in confusion. She who? I was about to ask when he clarified things. "Sookie is alive."

"Really? But how? You said she drowned in that cave."

"Yes, we were all led to believe that she had perished. However, there was no body to reclaim, if you recall."

"Yes, I remember. You said she must have been swept out with the tide. Where is she? Why hasn't she contacted you?"

I felt as if he gave me the abridged version of the story. I knew damn well and good he went to see the Ancient Pythoness. I saw Patrick in here that night. It wasn't hard to put two and two together, since he worked for the Ancient One.

"She is in Ireland, in a small town called Castlebar. I will not go into how she got there from the cave, but suffice it to say that is where she has been. She has been resting and healing. I cannot say why she hasn't contacted me or anyone else since then, and rest assured, I will find out, but for now, just knowing she is safe and alive is all I have to go on."

Now came my biggest question. "Why aren't you on your way there now?"

"Good question. I have already asked myself that over and over. I know you saw Patrick here a couple of weeks ago. My trip to New Orleans was not just to check up on the reconstruction. I had a meeting with the Ancient Pythoness. She is the one who confirmed that Sookie was alive. She told me that I should wait, and that I would know when the time was right to go to my lover.

She also warned me that de Castro must not know about her visit, or of Sookie's miraculous recovery yet. I have the feeling she has something brewing, and it's not going to be pleasant. Felipe has become too greedy and possessive, and it is only getting worse. There are rumors that he is going to make a play for Edward Whitehorse's territories."

This was so much to absorb all at once, even for a vampire. So if I got this straight, my Master's bonded is alive and in Ireland. The Ancient Pythoness knows and doesn't want anyone to know, and de Castro is planning a coup of Utah, Arizona, and New Mexico. Yes, I think I had that straight now.

"Will you tell her brother and Amelia that she is alive?" I wanted to see him squirm a bit at that question. He didn't fail me and internally, a huge smile was plastered on my face.

"I haven't decided yet. I should probably tell them something, but if no one is supposed to know, maybe it is for their safety that they don't. The only reason I am telling you is because I know you will not betray me, and I may need your assistance soon with this matter."

Even though he was my master, I was still honored that he entrusted me with this information. "I will never reveal what was discussed in this office unless you tell me to do otherwise."

He dismissed me and I made my way back to the front door. My little human friend was alive. It made me feel happy to know that, for both him and myself. He'd been pining for her ever since he got back from South Carolina, and it was wearing on my nerves. It just wasn't like him.

The rest of the night proceeded as normal, except I had a lot more fun insulting the vermin who crossed the threshold and kicking out trouble-making fangbangers. I knew Felipe was about to get what was coming to him. My fangs ran down, and I ran my tongue over them. I just hoped that when the time came, I was in on the kill…so-to-speak of course.

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SOOKIE

I woke the next morning feeling more rested than I had in a long time. I stretched my arms over my head and aside from a little wincing, the physical pain was disappearing. I had no plans today except to make dinner for Riley and Maggie after losing to him at poker last night. I just needed him to pick up the groceries for me. He had to work this morning, so I gave him a list of items to get on the way home.

I threw on my robe and walked out onto the patio to sit a spell. Maggie was on her knees in front of one of the flower beds with her gardening gloves on. I couldn't believe it was already the first week in April. It feels like I've been here much longer, but I guess that's what happens when you're not paying attention.

Looking at Maggie, I suddenly had the need to be useful. She'd been so good to me, especially since I had no money and all the clothes I had been wearing so far were her hand-me-downs. It was a good thing we were similar in height and weight.

"Can I help with anything?"

"No thanks, Sookie. I'm almost done. You just enjoy the day today. It's supposed to be nice and warm."

I shrugged and made my way back inside to shower and change. Since Maggie was busy, and I was getting around a lot better, I decided to make a little breakfast for myself – coffee, toast, and oatmeal. I realized that Irish meals were a lot different than American, so the fact that Maggie had simpler foods I liked, really touched me.

Maggie came in after brushing her knees off. "Sookie, I'm going into town in a few minutes if you'd like to come with me. You haven't been away from this house except to see Grace."

It was a tempting offer. "No thanks. I probably should get away from here a little more, but I think I'd like to take my journal down by the lake and write."

"I think that would be a good idea. I'll come down and get you for lunch when I get back."

Maggie scurried off to do her own thing, and I grabbed my journal and headed down to the lake. I hadn't been back since I first appeared there; which reminded me that I had to ask Riley how that was done. If I really was given this gift, I wanted to learn how to use it.

I found a nice spot under one of the shade trees and began writing again in the journal. Riley was right about one thing. I was probably going to need another one soon. I don't think Grace was expecting me to write so much, but I had a lot to say.

Between the writing, the sun, and the warm spring breeze, I was getting very sleepy and must have dozed off. I was only half awake when something touched my nose and I tried swatting it away. The bug must have flown away and come back because it tried messing with my nose again. I swatted at the air again, rubbing the itch that it caused.

I was more awake when it hit me the third time, and I realized it didn't feel like any insect I knew. I inhaled deeply and the scent of spice and musk penetrated my senses. Yep, it was a bug alright – a big huge bug. He tried touching my nose one more time and this time I grabbed his finger.

With my eyes still shut I scolded him. "Stop it. I'm sleeping."

"Well, wake up sleeping beauty. It's lunchtime."

I pushed his finger away and rolled over. "No it's not, and I thought you were at work this morning."

His lips were almost against my ear and a hint of humor laced his voice. "It's not morning anymore, so get up because this lunch isn't going to eat itself. Then again, I'm pretty hungry, so I might just eat it all up."

I stretched lazily and sat up against the tree. Riley was sitting on a big blanket with a picnic basket in one corner and food already spread out for us.

"Oh, so you're assuming I'm hungry?" Just as he was about to come up with a smart-ass reply, my stomach growled loudly. We both stared at each other and burst out laughing at the same time.

We chatted about nothing in particular while we ate lunch. Apparently, he had a cancellation and decided to come home a little early. He also said he dropped off the groceries at the house, so everything was set for dinner.

I was looking out over the lake when an idea popped into my head. "Riley, can I ask you something?"

"Sookie, you can ask me anything. What's on your mind?"

"You said that you recognized how I had come here because you could, uh…do whatever that word you used was too."

He chuckled. "You mean apparaître? You can just call it teleporting or porting for short. It's easier to remember."

"Yeah, that. If I can really do it, could you teach me how?"

He smiled and winked at me right before disappearing. I noticed that right before he did, the air around him crackled with electricity. I jumped when something tapped me on the shoulder from behind. Riley was standing there with the biggest grin on his face.

"Okay, now you have to teach me how you did that."

He sat down next to me. "It's not as hard as you think, but harder than I'm making it out to be, at least at first."

Was he trying to kill me with riddles? "Um, what?"

He laughed. "I mean, once you learn it, it's fairly easy to do. It just takes practice. However, when you first start to learn it, you never know what's going to happen. I remember when I first started. Once, I ended up the middle of a bog. You have to be precise when you do it. Tell me, what were you thinking when you first disappeared?"

Not that I wanted to remember my last moments in that cave, but I knew exactly what I had thought. "I wished I could see my family again."

I wished I could read other supes minds because Riley shifted uneasily, carefully choosing his words. "You probably weren't specific enough. Maggie is your distant relative, or family too. You most likely wanted to seek out your nearest family, yet you unconsciously wanted to be far enough away from your home."

I never thought about it until now, but I guess it made sense. I had wanted to get away from Bon Temps and that cave, so when I said family, I appeared here. Even though Maggie and I were distant relations, I guess family is family no matter where you went.

That afternoon, Riley gave me a few teleportation lessons. Mostly he held my hand and transported us around Castlebar and then back to the lake. The first time I tried crossing the lake to the other side by myself, I missed the bank by a few feet and ended up in the water up to my calves. Riley appeared on the side and pulled me out. He was still howling as I dried myself off. The second time I tried shifting back to the shade tree, I almost ended up inside the tree trunk.

It was frustrating to say the least, but I was still having fun. On my third try, he told me to close my eyes, concentrate hard and think of Maggie's porch and how much I wanted to be standing there next to the table. I did as he suggested and when I opened them, I was standing in the exact spot I imagined on the porch.

I closed my eyes again and concentrated on Riley at the lake, and wanted to be right next to him, and when I opened my eyes, I was back at the lake.

"That was excellent! See, once you get used to it, it's not really that hard."

"But isn't it impossible to control? I mean, all I have to do is think about being somewhere and poof, I'm there. What if I'm planning on running errands and accidentally poof myself to those locations?"

"It doesn't exactly work like that. I'm thinking of Dillon's pub right now, but I'm not moving. It's because there's no true desire behind it. It's not something I'm concentrating on. When you teleport, your desire to go to that place has to be almost an overwhelming need. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, I guess it does. I mean, I'm thinking about being in my bathroom right now and getting out of these wet clothes, but it's not a consuming need."

"By Jove I think she's got it." I rolled my eyes and smiled as I picked up my journal.

"Thanks for lunch. Do be a dear and bring the stuff back to the house, won't you?" With that, I disappeared.

After another shower, because god knows what was in that lake water, and changing into dry clothes, I went into the kitchen to make dinner. Riley was sitting there looking his usual chipper self, and no worse for wear after our lesson.

He shook his finger at me. "I can see you're going to be trouble missy."

Although I was supposed to be making dinner for the both of them, they helped out anyway. Maggie cut the veggies while Riley made the salad. I concentrated on the chicken breasts and pecan pie for dessert.

Everything was delicious, and they both complimented me over and over again. I never really thought of myself as a good cook, but I did have some recipes up my sleeve. Since Maggie insisted on doing the dishes, Riley and I went out back and practiced until it got dark. At that point, he excused himself and went home, while I went back in and sat with Maggie for a little bit.

Once again, I was exhausted when I tumbled into bed, and it felt good to finally start sleeping through the night, at least without pain or discomfort. I still had a ways to go emotionally, but things were definitely improving all around.

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The next morning, I showered and dressed and ate breakfast. I was waiting at the front of the house for Riley, but he didn't show. I went back inside and checked the clock on the mantle. My session with Grace was supposed to start in about thirty minutes.

Again, I waited out front, but he didn't show. I was starting to get worried because the drive to Grace's was long, and we definitely weren't going to make it. I went back inside to ask Maggie if she had heard from Riley when there was a knock at the door. I rushed out to see him standing there casually, acting as if everything was fine.

"Not that I don't appreciate you taking time out to drive me to your aunt's, but we're supposed to be there in about ten minutes. We'll never make it now."

"Yes we will. There's more than one way to get to where you want to go. Do you have everything you need?" I waved my journal at him. "Take my hand."

Ohhh, I get it. He wanted us to teleport there. I could see where this would be coming in very handy. "Do you remember what Grace's house looks like? Can you picture us standing in front of the house on the flagstone path?"

I closed my eyes and concentrated hard. When I opened my eyes again, I was standing in front of Grace's house, but Riley was nowhere to be seen. I turned and looked around until someone tapped me on the shoulder. I must have jumped about ten feet.

"Don't scare me like that."

"Sorry. I guess we'll have to work on porting with more than one person later. At least you made it here on your own. See, you didn't even pay attention to directions or anything when we first came here, but because you remembered what the place looked like, you were able to see yourself there again. Cool huh?"

I nodded. "I have a few errands to run, but I'll be back before your session is over."

Riley disappeared and Grace came out to greet me. She made me another cup of tea, and we talked about what was going to happen in this session. Today we were going to work on me opening up and letting others in to comfort and help. I tried to show her my journal, but she held her hand up.

"It's not for me to read. That is for your private thoughts. It's a release mechanism so you don't keep things bottled up. If you can't express what's inside verbally, then write it out. It really does help. I can already see a distinct change in you just from the other day."

The layout was the same as before, except this time I didn't have to disrobe. The room was already swirling with vapors of my chosen aromas, as well as the music playing. I was very relaxed by the time she came into the room.

"You don't have to verbalize your responses if you don't want to, but I do want you to think about the answers carefully. Tell me Sookie. When you feel troubled or concerned, who is the first person that pops into your head that you would like to talk to?"

"Eric." Wow, did I just blurt out Eric?

Was he really the first person I thought about when I needed to talk to someone? He always did seem to know that I needed him, or at least needed to get things off my chest. He had a knack of getting me to open up…well, at least until this last time.

"When was the last time you saw or talked to Eric?"

I didn't answer her back. I remembered vividly every second of the last time I saw him, and began shedding tears. "It's okay to remember Sookie. It's in the past. It can't hurt you any longer."

How could it not hurt me anymore? The pain and sadness I felt was still very palpable. I replayed the scene in my head over and over again until I shouted his name into the air, watching him get dragged away from me. It hurt so much, the look on his face as he was pulled under the water.

I sat up on the table and grabbed a handful of tissues. "I'm sorry, I don't think I can do this today."

She turned on a lamp on the table next to her. "It's okay Sookie. It's going to take time. You can't expect to get over everything so quickly. Some things are just going to take longer. I'm going to clean up in here. Why don't you go into the living room and sit."

While I was waiting for Grace, I picked up my journal and started to write a few things down. As she entered the room, she looked pleased that at least I was writing down what I was going through.

"Would you like to talk about what happened today? Maybe you can start by telling me who Eric is." I nodded and told her about Eric, and about the last time I saw him.

"I ran away from him and from everyone because I didn't want anyone to get hurt. It was in vain though, because I did end up hurting him. He came after me and I knew he shouldn't have. He was injured and burned when he tried to free me, and in the end it was a futile attempt. He was dragged away from me.

"If I had to put a label on it, I felt guilty…about everything. He only wanted to protect me and I couldn't even let him do that. He said he loved me, but I'm damaged goods. How could he ever want someone who is that damaged? Besides, how can I trust that what I feel are my own feelings and not those from the bond?"

"I know about blood bonds. I have seen a few in my day. Tell me, can you feel him right now? Can you feel anything through the bond?"

I searched deep inside. "At first I could feel traces of him. I had been shielding the bond as much as possible when I left home. But now, he feels a little stronger, though still far away."

"Bonds are at their strongest when the people involved are close, both in proximity and in the heart. You need to learn to listen to your heart, Sookie. Blood bonds can only let you sense what the other is feeling. It can't make you feel something back that isn't there. When he's near, tell me what you feel?"

"Well, I know when he's coming because I start to feel calm and happy, or at least content."

"Do you not see that you feel that way because of your own feelings for him? He cannot control how you feel. You feel those things because deep down, you care about him and feel at peace when he's near. I hope you don't mind me asking, but do you love him?"

She had to ask the one question I had yet to answer for myself. Did I love Eric?

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AN: I know, I know… what a way to end the chapter. In the books, she hasn't really made up her mind how she feels about everything. So do you think she truly does love Eric? What's stopping her from trusting that she can separate what's coming from the bond and what she feels?

It seems like she's starting to feel a little better. Do you think she should have called her friends and family or was she right to wait until she felt more healed?