-Chapter Seven-
-Here Without You-
A hundred days have made me older
since the last time that I saw your pretty face.
A thousand lies have made me colderand I don't think I can look at this the same.
And all the miles that separate
disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face.
I'm here without you baby
but you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you baby
but you're still with me in my dreams.
And tonight, it's only you and me.
Draco's POV:
I cannot bare the light of day. Its tormenting ray of life squirms beneath my skin. But I'm dark inside... I'm always dark inside. I've noticed something about myself, I always seem to destroy the perfect things in my life. I have a love, a love that makes me happy and smile once again, but now I fear I'm going to loose it all thanks to my stupid mistake. I wish I didn't go with Pansy. Speaking of Pansy; she's finally decided to give me "the silent treatment". I think it has something to do with the fact that she thinks I'm a fucking asshole and a "male slut". My finest hour, my happiest days are born now that Pansy has decided not to acknowledge my existence. Although something stirs inside, deep inside. Something knows she's up to something. It's all got to do with the way she looks at me, her eyes glistening and occasionally smirking- I can't help but notice she smirks somewhat broader whenever Harry Potter and I are in the same room together. I say grow up Pansy, now is not the time for juvenile immaturity.
Paranoia sweeps over me, piercing my skin and feelings. I'm paranoid. Everywhere I go it seems that someone is whispering quietly behind my back. It's like I'm walking round with a huge sign on my back or something. I don't know what's wrong with me I haven't slept since Pansy and I got back, because everytime I close my eyes I slowly die inside. I fear for Harry and I, we seem to fading, I can't bring myself to tell him about Pansy for I know it will just break his heart as much as it breaks mine. Possibility of forgiveness weighs on my mind but I know there's only a slim chance; the famous Harry Potter can be quite stubborn sometimes forgivness is nearly always impossible with him.
I seek to push everything away but it always finds a way back inside. I mean I haven't thought of my father for a while and yet now he's all I ever think about. Just the same old wonders- has he changed? Will he ever change? Can I ever bring myself to stop hating myself because I know that I can't hate him? Will I stop cutting myself over him? Simple things that keep me guessing. I know I can't stop cutting, I've become addicted, it's an everyday habit. I feel so trapped that all I want to do is break free, but every door is locked and I can't escape.
I can't breathe. I can't sleep. I need answers. I need the truth. I need Harry.
The lanterns flicker slightly and Professor McGonagall addresses us in her orderly fashion. She alls each of our names, mine before Harry's with a slight pause in between. Pansy eyes me and smirks. And that is it, the last straw with her. If she's going to ignore, then she should learn to do it properly. I don't need pathetic, childish behaviour right now.
I heave a sigh of relief when we put to work, transfiguring the usual crap. Harry gives it all his best shot and succeeds with a round of applause from Mudblood and Weasel, pathetic. I can't be bothered, it's all a waste of my life. Pansy gives up and eyes me. I roll my eyes and tilt back on my chair. But it useless she's already coming over and before I rest my chair back down she's sitting next to me with her fucking chest pressed out as a far as it can go. Even though se knows I don't care for her breasts she still insists on them being in my face.
"I know all about you Draco Malfoy." She whispers, flipping her braided hair over her shoulder.
"Cut the crap Pansy. You and I both know what you know about me so why don't you just tell me what it is that you want." I hiss and she rests her hand high up on my thigh.
"You and I both know what it is that I want." She whispers edging forward and I roll my eyes.
"Pansy get a hold of yourself we're in a fucking classroom with fucking people and you're trying to seduce me. Talk about 'slut'." I hiss and push her back.
I look around the class lazily and notice Harry watching us nervously. He's edgy and hates Pansy enough already. This is enough t drive him crazy, I could just imagine what he'd be like if I told him Pansy and I slept together.
"I see your boyfriend is jealous. Have you told him about us?" She asks, casually leaning back on her chair.
"What us? There is no us and there never will be. I love him, not you." I reply and she narrows her eyes.
"So you haven't told him about what when on at my house over Christmas?"
"He doesn't need to know, it'll only hurt him."
"Draco he's your boyfriend and you were unfaithful. He has a right to know. I think I should tell him."
"If you do that I will seriously kill you. Don't underestimate me, Pansy."
"Ok so you'd rather I tell your father instead."
I feel the colour drain from my face. I wouldn't time to kill Pansy if she told my father, he'd be to busy killing me. I glare at Pansy.
"You wouldn't"
"Oh yes I would, you see we had your father up for dinner after you left. We got along just fine. He seems to have taken a shine to me, so I think he wouldn't mind if I told him. Though I daresay he'd be extremely mad."
"You have no idea what you would do if you told him."
"So..."
"So what"
"You know what you have to do"
I glance up at Harry and we stare at each other til the bell rings. It feels like he already knows. I have to tell him, he'd rather hear it from me.
It's exactly midnight when Harry comes up the stairs. I however have been here for almost two hours. Just going over and over what I'm going to say. Harry embraces me but I do not embrace him back.
"Something's wrong, Draco. Just tell me what it is." He asks and we grab his hand and lead him over to the window.
I gaze up at the sky and heave a heavy sigh.
"I used to think that the stars were the maps of ours lives." I whisper and Harry gazed up towards the stars.
"I wish I could change my stars, then. Make them somewhat different. Then I'd be different too." He replied and I turned to look at him.
"I love you, you know that right." I say looking at him closely.
"Yes." He replied and growing slightly worried.
"And you know I would never do anything to hurt you, right?" I continue and Harry nods.
"What's this all about? You've been acting weird lately. I just don't know what to do. The other night when we together you didn't seem like yourself. You didn't try as hard as you usually did."
"I slept with Pansy."
He look taken back and my heart shatters. His fill with tears and I die inside.
"Sorry, what?"
"I said: I slept with Pansy."
He takes his hand away from mine and edges to the centre of the room.
"Why? Why would you do something like that?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know. God Draco were talking about sex here and the last time I checked that's a type of cheating."
"I KNOW. But I don't know why I did it."
"Try to explain so maybe I can understand a bit better, because right now I don't know what to think."
He breathes heavily and I slump to the floor and my body begins to shudder and I cry. I hear his footsteps coming towards me and he sits down next to me. I look up to see his face stained with tears.
"I'm so sorry, Harry."
"Why."
"I just don't know what happened. I had drunk too much and wasn't really myself. And then I saw Pansy, only t wasn't Pansy. I know this is going to sound stupid but I could of sworn that Pansy was you, she looked just like you. I was idiot."
"You were drunk. That's no excuse."
"I know, I know"
"Then what happened."
"We started to dance together and then I kissed her. I don't know why I did, I mean like I said she looked like you. We went up stairs and well... We fucked."
Harry nodded slightly and I leaned back.
"I'm so sorry."
"I can't do this."
"What?"
"This, us. Not anymore."
"So you've made up your mind, just like that. You don't want to be with me anymore."
"Exactly."
"Harry I love you."
"You love to be loved. You're not loved at home so you leech on to anything and anyone who can replace that. You're not a lover or a boyfriend, you're a leech and you live of other people's care and love because you can't get any at home!"
"That's not fair Harry. I do love you and it's not my fault that my father hates me. I didn't ask for it."
"Maybe you should have just done what he wanted you to."
"What? Become a death eater, join something I'm against. Fight with for someone I despise. Harry do you honestly want me to be on the same side as the man who murdered your parents, the same side responsible for your godfathers death!?"
"You leave them out of it!"
"Oh I get it now. It's ok for you to bring up my family. But it's not ok for me to bring up yours."
"Shut the fuck up, Draco."
"Make me. Harry I can't make you love me. But I know that I love you and I always will. I hope that maybe one day you'll realise that you love me too."
"Maybe I will and maybe I won't. But all I know is that right now I don't ever want to see you again."
His yelling echoes of the walls and tears stream down my face.
"So this it then. We're finished."
"Goodbye Draco."
I open my mouth so say something but he left. I heard his footsteps echo of the walls as he ran down the stairs. I've lost everything. Like I always do. I wipe my eyes and head down the stairs and back to the common room. I open the door, walk inside and flop down lazily in an armchair. I close my eyes and try to block him out. But it's impossible, my love overpowers my will and I'm helpless. I hear someone coming down the chairs and when I open my eyes I see Pansy standing in front of me clad in only her bra and underwear.
"Did you do it." She asked straddling my thighs and tugging my tie.
"No." I replied and she narrowed her eyes as I continued. "He did."
"Oh."
I opened my mouth to say something but Pansy grasped the moment and stuck her tongue down my throat. I shoved her off and she glared at me.
"You do remember what we talked about, right?"
"Yes."
She unclipped her bra and slid off her underwear, so that she was standing completely naked.
"Please me."
"Wouldn't you rather someone who actually wants you in this way. Wouldn't that make you happier."
"I'd be happy with you." She said pulling me to the ground as she continued. "I want you."
Sighing deeply I let her undress me with satisfaction and shove me to the ground. He began to kiss me up and down my body until she was ready. I knew this would be the first of many times to come where I'd be in this same situation. I rolled over on top of her and spread her legs apart. She looked into my eyes knowingly realising that I don't want to do this. She grabs my hips and pulls me closer so that her mouth next to my ear so that she could whisper...
"Fuck me Draco."
I lean in to kiss her and stop. It's not worth it. I don't have Harry anymore and she'll surely tell my father if I walk away. He will kill me for it. Life isn't worth living without him.
I walk away.
And everything I know,
and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love.
And when the last one falls,
and when it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won't take away my love.
I'm here without you baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and i dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
but you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, it's only you and me
Disclaimer: I own nothing, absolutely nothing Harry Potter related it all belongs to the wonderful mind of J.K Rowling. The song used is called Here Without You by 3 Doors Down.
Until Next TimeL.E
