After 6 chapters, I still don't own Jackie Chan Adventures. You'd think that by now, I'd have some sort of dibs on it, but no. I don't own Jackie Chan Adventures. I never will own Jackie Chan Adventures. Let's see if anything changes after the 7th chapter. What will Uncle do in Austrailia? Can Jackie catch up to him in time? Let's find out!

Uncle was seated in the co-pilot's seat. This was a two person flight, and the person sitting next to him flying the plane looked suspiciously like Dr. Phil. Uncle didn't like Dr. Phil, so he pulled some chloroform out of his boxers and knocked the guy unconscious. Now, we don't know where Uncle learned to fly a plane, but he did, and he was flying it all the way to Austrailia.

Jackie needed to catch Uncle fast. If that old man was going for the Book of Ages, there was no telling what kind of damage might ensue. He might make himself owner of an adult magazine! He might make Jade stay forever! He might change the name to Fredrick's of Hollywoods to Uncle's Skimpy Finds! He had to be stopped, and Jackie was the only guy who could do it - unless of course, Jade had her say in it.

"Jackie - you can't do this alone - you need..." she was muffled by a piece of duct tape. "I do not need the J-Team. I can handle this by myself." With that, he left in Captain Black's mobile operations unit. The two of them were heading to Austrailia to stop Uncle. Captain Black really didn't want to know what Uncle could do with super powers, as he had seen what happened during the Viagra Adventure of '91. And the Viagra Adventure of '94. And the Cialis Escapades of '96. And the Levitra Fiasco of '97. And the Preparation H Debacle of '99. And the list goes on. Let's just say Captain Black did not want to be anywhere near Uncle.

Uncle arrived in Austrailia rather early. His first and foremost goal was to get himself on Austrailian National Television. He accomplished this by jumping inside a marsupial's pouch. Jackie knew he was going to try that at least once. He followed this up by mauling the Crocodile Hunter during a live telecast. Apparently what set him off was the Hunter saying "Why look at this fine specimen of complete flat-chestedness." Seeing as that was true, no one could figure out why Uncle attacked. He did though. The Croc Hunter was in the hospital for 11 weeks.

Jackie and Captain Black came into Austrailia about an hour after Uncle did. They could see the carnage everywhere. He brought in about 15 animals that weren't supposed to be in Austrailia, and they multiplied like Jades when facing Po Kong. Jackie was quite displeased to see the story about the Crocodile Hunter on the news, so he flipped the channel.

"There has been a massive car explosion on the interstate in San Francisco, USA, my friends. Apparently, a car carrying a rich Englishman was attacked by a red skinned demon with a lot of white facial hair. The demon then abducted the Englishman. His whereabouts are currently unknown. If you have any information, please call the hotline as soon as possible." Jackie also figured that that was bound to happen. You couldn't have Valmont for more than 5 minutes in that town without getting mauled or shot. The Helms Fish Cannery had basically turned into a JCA brothel in the span of three weeks. Valmont was the most popular guy in San Francisco, even outdistancing the mayor.

Jackie and Captain Black followed Uncle's trail. Sure enough, it led to the area in which the Book of Ages was located. Thankfully for them, Uncle had stopped to relieve himself in the bush, and Jackie had caught up to him. Uncle was not going anywhere. Or was he? Yeah. He was out of there with the snake talisman. Captain Black and Jackie followed the impressions of his footprints all the way to the temple where the Book of Ages was located.

The fight for the Book of Ages was not a pretty one. Punches were actually thrown, but Uncle was able to use his Japanese stun spell to freeze Jackie and Captain Black in their tracks. He then picked up the pen and began to write his magic words. Jackie figured that this was it, and prepared to say goodbye to the world when everything went black.

Jackie awoke in his own bed. He saw Captain Black standing over him. "Jackie - is there a problem?" he asked. Jackie looked relieved. "No - it was all just a dream." Or was it? Jackie looked out the window to see Uncle with his pants around his ankles - where there was normally an American Flag! Did Uncle really get the Book of Ages? Jackie couldn't believe it, so he turned on the TV.

"San Francisco has been declared the nude-est city on the planet by president Uncle today." Jackie's jaw dropped through the floor. "No - it can't be! What else did that guy do?!" He got his answer when he walked into the next room. "AHHHH!" Jade and Hsi-Wu and.... someone else? "Whoa, nellie." said Captain Black as he eyed a buxom blonde that had appeared out of nowhere, most likely work of the Book. Jackie counted the events on his fingers. First there was the flag. And president Uncle. And the blonde. And Jade and Hsi-Wu. What else could he have done? There's always one more thing.

There was only one more thing - but it was still one more thing. The results of the car bombing of Bartholomew Chang had given possession of Valmont over to Tarakudo. However, he didn't want it anymore. Valmont, however, was not too happy to let Tarakudo go. That was very bizarre indeed. Valmont walked around for about 20 minutes before he found the enforcers, who turned their noses up at him in disgust. Valmont was visibly upset at this. This was very strange indeed. Once Jackie had seen this, he had seen enough. Since Captain Black was busy cavorting with his new friend, Jackie recruited Valmont himself to fix this business.

President Uncle had just finished his next order of business. Victoria's Secret and Frederick's of Hollywood would now both be known as "Uncle's Skimpy Finds", just as Jackie had predicted. President Uncle had also just declared pants illegal. What a guy. Jackie and Valmont really didn't have time for this ridiculosity, so they hurried it to the airport as quickly as they could. Who could be in front of them but Daolon Wong, also trying to get to Australia to fix things, seeing as how his enforcers were now in love with him! A band of three was born.

Jackie, Valmont, and Daolon Wong discussed their plans. Valmont would make only women love him, Jackie would put Uncle back to normal, and Daolon Wong would get his enforcers off of him. It was a great plan - until President Uncle got word of it and dispatched his forces to Australia to stop them.

Naturally, Uncle's military forces included 900,000 GnomeKops. Jackie couldn't, for the life of him, figure out why anyone would want 2 GnomeKops, let alone almost a million. He found out when they all boarded the plane and made it dip into the ocean. Only Daolon Wong's chi spell kept the group afloat till they got to Australia. That's when President Uncle decided to take action himself.

Jackie, Daolon Wong, and Valmont arrived at the temple which contained the Book of Ages. Uncle stopped them at the door. "You people are not going any further! Uncle's changes will be forever! Jackie! You wish you had J-Team now, huh?" As a matter of fact, yes he did - but he had to make due with Daolon Wong and Valmont. Not exactly El Toro Fuerte and Viper, though Valmont did have just about as many suitors, if not more. They did a pretty good job though - they distracted him while letting Jackie get through to the Book of Ages. It was time to rewrite history - and this time, for the better.

Jackie began to write. "Daolon Wong's enforcers did not love him. Jade and Hsi-Wu detested each other. Valmont only loved women. Everyone who loved Valmont before loves him again. Uncle is not president. He is an antique salesman, and the American Flag is normal." Valmont stopped him. "Excuse me, but I don't like that line about everyone loving Valmont. Let's see how you react when you get valentines from a FLOATING HEAD!" Daolon Wong just laughed - then used his chi magic to erase the "WO" in women with no one noticing. He then decided that was too mean and put it back. Uncle was not going to let Jackie get away with this, but Jackie then added "Uncle cannot write in this book again." He then shut the book, and everything went black, much like it had before.

Jackie awoke again. Captain Black was once again at his bedside. "Was that all a dream?" Jackie asked. "AIYA! NO IT WASN'T! YOU BUM!" Uncle screamed from the next room before seeing the calendar. "AIYA! SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!" He scrambled out of the room. Jackie got up to see if everything was normal. Jade was her normal, stupid but single self. Ratso and Finn were trying to get Valmont to accept their Saint Patrick's day gifts. The American Flag was Stars and Stripes. The president was himself. The buxom blonde was still talking with Captain Black. "Oops..." started Jackie, but Captain Black stopped him. "Don't worry Jackie - if it's not broke, don't fix it!"

What diabolical scheme is Uncle planning for the remainder of St. Patrick's Day? What does it have to do with Jade's old Leprechaun costume? And who's posting naked pictures of every single character on the internet - is it Daolon again? Find out the answers to at least one of these questions in the next chapter!