Final Authors' Note
Roo: (stunned) So I just finished reading Breaking Dawn…
Marcy: (stunned) Erm…me too…
Roo: Wow. We thought that we had a hilarious joke going on.
Marcy: The worst plot idea imaginable.
Roo: "Pregnant vampire Bella joins the army."
Marcy: Stephenie Meyer totally, completely, and impossibly outdid us, crackfic wise.
Roo: She gave us "Pregnant human Bella gets a half-vamp mutant torn from her womb as Edward chews through her placenta before turning into a vampire and defeating the army."
Marcy: That makes our story look pretty tame and believable.
Roo: All that silliness that we came up with about Bella being a mind-shield and the Volturi being afraid of her…
Marcy: Who could have forseen that that was actually TRUE?? Crazy…
Roo: I was going to have Jake imprint on Jane, thinking that it would be funny and outrageous.
Marcy: Little did we know that Jake would imprint on the infant half-vamp mutant torn from Bella's womb. Jake gets paired with Edward's kid. Er…yeah. That takes outrageous to a whole different dimension.
Roo: And so the puppy fell in love with the baby sea monster.
Marcy: Stupid crackbook. Sick maschoistic readers.
Roo: Raises questions about what half-werewolf/shapeshifter, quarter-human, quarter-vampire people would be like.
Marcy: One of those aliens from "The Host" must have snatched Stephenie Meyer's body. It's the only explanation for how bizarre Breaking Dawn was.
Roo: The staff at "" said that if someone had submitted Breaking Dawn as a fanfic that they would have put it in the "Alternative Universe" or "Crackfic" sections.
Marcy: Probably "Crackfic."
Roo: So anyways…there's not really a point in continuing this story any more now is there?
Marcy: Probably not. We've been outcracked.
Roo: So we're jumping ship.
Marcy: Yep.
Roo: But fret not, faithful readers!! More crack will be coming your way!
Marcy: New realms of weirdness wait in our imagination! Now that NOTHING would surprise us, we know no limits!
Roo: Angela could be a witch!
Marcy: Ben could be the invisible man!
Roo: Mike Newton could be a merman!
Marcy: The Cullens could take Nessie trick-or-treating!
Roo: Hey! That sounds like a GREAT idea for a fic!
Marcy: It will be our next project!
Both: MWA HA HA HA HA!!
P.S. We both actually liked the book…despite its ridiculously weird plot. We were just stunned that this fic was closer to being the real plot than more normal Breaking Dawn fics like First Light by Blondie AKA Robin. I mean…Edward the Incubus and Jake the Glorified Nanny? Wow. And the line about Bella and puppies, when Edward was insane? Yeah…that just about made us lose it.
