A/N: Sorry it's taken a while to update. This one's a little void of action so hopefully you don't get too bored. I may be a bit tardy in updating for a while as I have a few things needing urgent attention, but will try not to take too long. As always, comments and criticisms are welcomed and encouraged.

Oh yeah, and I don't own twilight etc etc

End of last chapter:

"You stay away from me, you hear? I never want to see you again." Then I turned and walked to Logan's car never once looking back. As I opened the car door and sat down in the seat, I couldn't stop myself from adding "You were right all along Edward....you are the bad guy".

As I drove away all I could think of was that what I had just done and said to Edward was perhaps the single most stupid and smartest thing I had ever done to myself. And as I began to sob with gut wrenching tears I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was going to tear my heart to shreds more than anything else in this world could ever possibly do. Infinitely.

Chapter Seven

It felt surreal entering the hospital.

Most of the visits I had paid here were to tend to my injuries. This familiar place was suddenly an alien maze and I wandered aimlessly in confusion for what seemed like eternity until a gentle hand was placed on my shoulder.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked confused "Are you ok? What are you doing here?"

"I'm looking for my friend Logan" I muttered back.

I couldn't bring myself to look into his eyes. I was sickened by today's turn of events and I had no idea how I was going to verbalise all of what had happened and what it meant to me. I was unable to comprehend my own thoughts, let alone structure them into sentences to explain to others.

"I'm just going to see him actually" Carlisle replied in a cautious tone, as if sensing my distress but not wishing to unleash it at this point in time, "Follow me".

I followed him like a zombie. Eyes to the ground, moving rigidly and not speaking.

Carlisle paused on route and said "Bella, I'm worried. Shall we go to my office for a moment to talk...."

"Just check on Logan, Carlisle" I interrupted woodenly "And then we'll talk"

He nodded seriously and led me to the examination room Logan was in.

I almost collapsed with relief to see that Logan was sitting up and chatting to the attending nurse.

"Logan!" I rushed towards him "Thank god you're ok!"

"That is possibly an overstatement Bella" Carlisle chuckled good-humouredly, looking at Logan's chart "Three cracked ribs and 12 stitches to the back of the head. Nothing that won't heal though. Birds of a feather huh Bella!" And he shot Logan a warm smile that was impossible to resist.

"I'm Dr Cullen" Carlisle continued addressing Logan "and you'll be glad to know that I'm here to give you the all clear to go home. Apart from medicating the pain, there is nothing more that we can do for your injuries. Just try not to overexert yourself and time will do the healing for you. You will need someone to monitor you though for signs of concussion, is there someone at home for the next twenty-four hours that can do that for you? It states here that we've been unable to contact your next of kin"

"Ummm" Logan stalled. He shot me a panicked look. I knew that his sister was in no state to look after him, she couldn't even answer the phone. He obviously didn't want to divulge this information to Carlisle however.

"You can come home to my house Logan" I answered for him "Charlie, my dad, will be fine with it"

"Thanks" Logan replied relieved, scratching his head absentmindedly and then wincing with pain.

"Well that's settled then" Carlisle wrapped up "Bella, come with me to my office and I'll give you an information sheet about what to look out for and then you two can be on your way"

When we got into Carlisle's office he closed the door and looked at me intensely.

"What happened Bella, you look absolutely traumatised. It says on his chart that Logan reported a fall as the cause of his injuries, but the nature of the injuries and your state of distress hint to me that there is much more to this story than he is letting on"

I cringed, closing my eyes.

"Carlisle..." I started, but ended up simply letting an enormous sigh heave out of my body. How was I going to explain all of this?

"Please tell me Bella, you know you can trust me" Carlisle encouraged.

"I don't know what I know anymore Carlisle" I said meekly, silent tears spilling over my eyes and trickling down my face.

I looked up at him and simply said "Edward did that to him"

"What!" Carlisle exclaimed. He looked shocked, hurt and scared and was shaking his head wildly "Edward? How did this happen? Edward did that?"

I shuddered with my erratic intake of breath and couldn't stop myself from gently rocking in my seat. I clutched my arms across my stomach in an attempt to keep from losing it completely.

The enormity of what had actually happened hit me like a brick across the face. This changed everything for all of us and I had no idea exactly what that meant. All I knew was that this moment was the saddest I had ever felt in my life. I felt grief of losing any semblance of relationship with Edward. I was overcome with disappointment in the one person who I had thought to be perfect, and I was ashamed of the nasty and hurtful way I had reacted towards him. All the emotions I felt were at odds and in contradiction to each other and they felt so physical swimming around in my body that I was afraid I would throw up. The one overriding emotion I felt was responsibility for this whole revolting mess.

"I don't want to sound like a broken record Carlisle, but this is all my fault. Edward and I were having an argument and Logan was concerned. He ran over to me to see if I was ok, but Edward thought he was attacking him and...well you've seen the result"

Carlisle started rubbing his forehead violently and then moved his hand down to first cover his mouth and finally rest on his throat. He looked at me with such confusion and merely repeated "Edward did that?"

"I have to go" I said, suddenly on my feet. I was scared that I would break down in front of Carlisle and I was utterly sick of behaving so pathetically in front of an audience lately "Can I have those information sheets please Carlisle? I'm so sorry but I need to get out of here now. I'm sure Edward can fill you in on all the missing details"

"Bella wait" Carlisle called "Please, there has to be an explanation for this. In the whole time I've known Edward he has never once harmed an innocent person"

I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed heavily "I know it's not like him Carlisle, even I can see that. I just can't deal with this right now. I just need some time to make sure Logan's ok and process the whole situation, ok?"

"Of course" Carlisle said soothingly, handing me the pamphlets "But please come and talk to us about this when you feel you're up to it"

"Sure" I replied unconvincingly and quickly headed out of his office.

Standing outside was Edward.

He just looked at me with such a raw and unfiltered expression that I couldn't figure out what he was feeling. I could tell however that whatever he felt was as dark as night and just as frightening.

I wanted to say something, anything, but I just stood there looking at him and trying to hold back my tears. I wanted to tell him how much I hated him for everything he had done. I wanted to tell him that I loved him more than it was humanly possible to love someone. I wanted to beg him to reverse time and go back five months ago before everything that was good in my life was completely destroyed.

But instead I said nothing and walked away.

"Bella please wait" he called to me with a break in his voice. He was hurting badly from all of this I could tell.

I stopped and turned, looking directly at the floor.

"I am so sorry" He said slowly, his voice thick with pain "I honestly have no idea how that happened. I never wanted to hurt your friend Bella, honestly"

"I believe you" I said sadly, looking into his eyes "Now, please leave me alone."

"But..." Edward started, but I quickly cut him off. I needed to say what I had to before I lost momentum. This is for my own good I kept telling myself, but my words were traitorous to my heart.

"I can't do this anymore Edward it's just too hard. I honestly need you to stay away from me. I wish I could be as strong as you are, but I'm just a simple, fragile, stupid human girl...and I can't do this anymore"

Edward just looked at me with emotions I had no headspace to figure out and nodded.

"Goodbye Edward"

And I walked away.

I had no idea if I'd done the right thing and my heart was hurting so badly, but what other choice did I have. Honestly?

It was terrifying to think of what I was doing by turning my back on Edward, but I reassured myself with the thought that it was what he would end up doing eventually anyway. This fracture would occur regardless so best to do it before my heart gave up all notions of strength and rationality.

When I got to Logan's room he was already up, wincing in pain as he tried to pick up his stuff.

"Was that Edward's dad?" Logan asked offhandedly as I grabbed his stuff for him and led him out the door.

"Yeah" I replied, not able to elaborate for fear of letting go of my fragile grip on self control.

"He looks young!" Logan remarked "But seems really nice"

"He is" I said quietly.

As we walked towards the exit, my curiosity got the better of me "Why didn't you tell anyone what really happened?" Logan didn't owe Edward anything so I couldn't understand why he had protected him from trouble.

He just shrugged "What would it have achieved to get Edward into trouble" he said quietly "I've already drawn enough attention to myself today, I just wanted the whole thing to disappear"

"A man after my own heart" I said bitterly, putting my arm around his shoulder and then quickly releasing as I saw him cringe with pain.

As we were leaving the hospital Alice sprinted to our side.

"Hi Logan is it?" she asked.

"Ummm, yeah. You're Alice Cullen aren't you?"

"Yes, but please don't let the name put you off" She said with a warm smile "We're not all so feisty"

Logan chuckled at that and added graciously "Tell your brother no hard feelings, from what I gather the whole thing was just a bad mistake on both our parts"

Alice looked touched and surprised at that statement "Thanks Logan, that's really good of you. I hope somehow we can make it up to you!" and then turned to face me "I know your probably sick of all the drama today Bella, but could I please just steal a moment of your time before you go?"

"Sure" I replied "Meet you at the car Logan? No theatrics this time I promise!"

"I'm beginning to think that if it involves either of us, or worse both of us, that theatrics are definitely inevitable!" Logan laughed back "Nice to meet you Alice. See you in a bit Bella" and he headed out the door.

Alice and I stood looking at each other and I broke the silence first.

"Does this change anything between us?" I asked frightened.

"I was just about to ask the same thing!" she exclaimed before lunging at me and embracing me.

I was so thankful that I hadn't lost absolutely everything in the last 24 hours.

"Thank god" I whispered in Alice's ear "I didn't know if you would hate me for how I reacted just before"

"I understand where you were coming from Bella" Alice said "But you need to know that Edward didn't mean to hurt Logan. He is as shocked and horrified by what happened as we are"

"I do know that Alice"

"Then why are you still telling him to keep away from you?" Alice asked confused.

"Because it was like the final nail in the coffin" I explained "Things kept adding up and adding up and I knew it was a matter of time before I lost my hold on what is left of my heart. The incident with Logan concreted the fact that I need to do what I can to survive this whole situation. I don't belong in your world anymore than you belong in mine" I ended, my voice softly fading with the regret of what I had just said to Alice.

"Yours?" Alice asked.

"Humans" I answered with a small smile "Our biggest concerns should be things like getting into college or what to wear next Saturday night, not whether or not I will be slowly tortured to death by vengeful vampires or whether my 100 year old ex-boyfriend will end up maiming my new friend"

Alice smiled, but through it I could see real pain.

"I love you Alice, and I always will. I also have no doubt that you will forever be a large part of my life, but right now I just need some breathing space to try and remember what it is like to be human"

"I don't think you're doing the right thing" Alice said quietly "I know that we can make this work Bella"

"Maybe" I whispered back "Nothings set in stone Alice. I just need to stand back from the situation for a bit, you know, let my head rule instead of my heart to see if that makes any difference to my mess of a life"

"Let me know how that works out" Alice smiled sadly.

"As if you don't know already" I joked back.

She just shook her head worried "The thing is Bella, I honestly don't know. My visions are not behaving lately and so many peculiar things are happening that all I do know is that we are headed for big trouble."

"I can feel it to" I replied seriously "I promise I'll call you tomorrow Alice ok? Just give me the rest of the day to marinate a bit on what's happened."

Alice looked so worried, but she nodded at my request.

Just as I was walking away she grabbed my arm. I looked at her expectantly, but she just shook her head.

"Alice, what is it?" I asked, knowing there was a deluge of thoughts invading her mind.

"Edward would have never hurt your friend Bella. It doesn't make sense and I don't like this. Something is happening and I'm terrified"

"Like I said" I reassured her "I'll call you tomorrow"

"Please" Alice begged "Please don't turn your back on Edward. I can't elaborate because it's not my place, but he would rather die than see you hurt"

"If that were the case" I said too coldly for my liking "Then the last five months would be a figment of my imagination"

I tried to banish the shocked look on Alice's face as I left her standing at the hospital entrance from my thoughts as we headed home. It seems I was hell-bent on hurting everyone I loved today and I was definitely growing weary from the weight of my guilt.

"Bella" Logan said hesitantly as we pulled out of the hospital carpark "thanks so much for the offer, but perhaps it would be best if once we get you home I head back to my place. Your dad doesn't know me and I'm not too sure if he'd like a stranger crashing the night at your house with all the murders that have been happening lately"

"He won't be too thrilled" I admitted "But it can't hurt to try"

"There's another thing" Logan continued "with your dad being who he is....well, if we tell him about my sister I'm scared he'll think she isn't fit to take care of me and report her to child services. I can't do that to her, she's got enough on her plate"

"Well then we'll lie" I replied grimacing. If there was one thing I sucked more at than anything else it was lying. I hated doing it too, but I didn't want to make Logan's life more difficult than it already was at the moment "Lets just see what happens, ok?"

"Ok" Logan smiled back, but I could see he was nervous as hell.

When we pulled up home I noticed Charlie's cruiser in the driveway along with another vehicle...Jacob's rabbit.

I couldn't help but groan out loud, which didn't escape Logan's attention.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Jacob, the boy from the reserve I told you about, he's here"

"Do you want some of my painkillers to take the edge off?" Logan joked in reply

"Don't tempt me" I laughed back.

Jacob and Charlie were sitting around the kitchen table. Charlie opened his mouth to say something and then quickly snapped it shut when he saw we had company.

"You must be Logan" he said finally and Logan blushed furiously. Charlie gestured to Jacob "Jake here has been filling me in on the high school gossip."

"Yes I am he" Logan replied embarrassed "Nice to meet you Mr Swan"

"I hear you had a run in with Edward Cullen" Charlie continued "I must admit I'm very surprised to hear that. Although he may not be at the top of my Christmas card list, I didn't think he was capable of behaving like I've heard he did today"

"It was a misunderstanding" Logan muttered.

"What, like you accidently ran into his fist?" Jacob interjected.

"Actually" Logan replied looking at Jacob with a crooked smile "You're not far off the mark there. In fact, your spot on"

Jacob and Charlie laughed, and I heard Charlie mutter something about trusting me to find someone as equally injury prone.

All thoughts of continuing the conversation were thwarted when Jacob filled the room with a booming whoop, jumping to hit feet and looking out the kitchen window.

"NO WAY!" he yelled "GET OUT!!!!"

"What" I exclaimed, terrified at what Jacob had just seen or heard.

"Tell me, man, that that isn't a 57 Cadillac Coupe de Ville out there! Oh man, it is isn't it? Far OUT!!"

I had to smile. Even though I was still wary of Jacob after last night, I couldn't help but warm to his outpouring of childish excitement over Logan's car. I knew it looked pretty cool, but had no idea that it would drive men wild like it was.

Charlie also got to his feet and let out a shrill whistle between his teeth "Logan, that is one sweet car you have there"

Logan beamed at this and I could see he was just as excited by it as the others were.

"Yeah, pretty good car huh! It was my grandfathers"

Jake and Charlie just shook their heads in rapture.

"I'm pretty ashamed though. I try to keep the outside looking mint, but there are major mechanical problems with it. The engine is totally on its last legs, but I have no money to invest in it. You don't happen to know any cheap mechanics do you?"

Jacob looked at Logan as if he was about to kiss him passionately. Still shaking his head, he headed towards Logan "I think you may indeed be my new best friend" He said while placing his arm around Logan's shoulder and leading him outside to the car.

I had to laugh out loud when I saw Logan attempting to hide the pain that shot through his body by Jacobs embrace. Neither of them could hear it though as they were out the door at lightning speed and now hovered over the car with lust in their eyes.

"He seems nice" Charlie said, still looking out the window at the car.

I was shocked. Charlie was a man of little words so he must have really warmed to Logan to say that. I couldn't blame him though, there was just some unique quality about Logan that made it impossible not to like him.

"I'm glad you think so" I said "because I was going to ask if he could stay the night tonight"

Charlie spun to face me and said gruffly "I said he seems nice, not that I like him so much I would trust him alone in the house with my daughter! Why on earth does he need to stay the night here?"

"He needs to be monitored for concussion and there's no one else he knows that is around tonight"

Charlie was about to say something when we both saw what was about to happen coming.

Open mouthed we watched the comedy of errors unfold.

As Jacob was closing the hood of the car, Logan absentmindedly put his hand on the edge of the hood engrossed in conversation. It slammed down hard on Logan's hand and he yelped in pain. Snatching his hand out he stumbled back and off the curb, losing his balance and splaying himself out onto the road. Jacob gave him a hand back up, but Logan's feet slipped on the gravel and he crashed back down onto the road, violently landing on his butt. Logan grimaced in pain, picked himself up and proceeded to dust the gravel off his clothing, all the while trying to regain pride and composure.

Charlie turned to me with amused look and said "On second thoughts, I think the boy is no danger to anyone but himself. And I have to work again tonight so it would make me feel a whole lot better if someone was here in the house with you. So I suppose he can stay. But only for tonight"

"Thanks" I smiled in return, thankful that Logan's circus performance had distracted Charlie from probing further into Logan's situation.

Jacob and a very sheepish looking Logan re-entered the house. Jacob's face was scarlet from all the laughing.

"Even when you pick a normal human to befriend, you have to make it interesting" he whispered in my ear and I smiled back at him.

"I'm sorry about last night. Can we talk about it later" he followed quickly and I nodded in reply.

I hadn't heard the phone ring, but when I turned my attention to Charlie he was just replacing the phone to the cradle.

"I have to go sorry, there's been a possible sighting just out of town. Jacob, are you going to stick around a while?" Charlie asked. He obviously hadn't lost all protective suspicion of Logan.

"Yeah" Jacob replied "I'll defiantly stay for tea if Bella's cooking!" and gave me a wink.

The rest of the evening was easy and pleasant. Jacob and Logan got along really well and it was nice to be forced into normalcy for a few hours. Although I had the sensation of a dull ache and dread surrounding my thoughts about Edward, I was surprised that I was able to push them to the back of my mind for the time being. I knew I would have to deal with the emotions and problems today had created, but I was also relishing the pleasant distraction Jacob and Logan provided. They were so alike in their ability to ease me from the heaviness of my heartache and I was thankful I had both of them here to help me smile tonight...it was the calm before the storm I had no doubt about that

After tea Logan offered to do the dishes. I protested, worried that it might be pushing it with his injuries, but he wouldn't take no for an answer.

"It will give you a chance to talk to him" Logan whispered in my ear while Jacob was in the TV room trying to find a suitable channel to watch "With all the damage I seem to have caused for you today at least let me give some time for you to perhaps sort out one of the things that have troubled you"

I looked at him quizzically "What do you mean about the damage you have caused?" I asked.

"I know what happened with Edward today is going to make things even more complicated for you. I hate the fact that something to do with me has made you unhappy or added more stress to an already stressful situation!"

"Logan, you need to stop blaming yourself this instant!" I scolded him "You weren't responsible for Edward's actions!"

Logan beamed back a smile "And you need to start taking your own advice" He retorted smugly before limping over to the sink and turning on the tap.

He looked at me, then at where Jacob was and gave me a wink while mouthing the word 'go'.

I sat down on the couch and Jacob followed my lead. We sat there pretending to watch the television for a while in silence before he began.

"Bella" Jacob started "I was such a jerk last night and I'm sorry. I still believe you should keep away from the Cullen's, especially after what lover boy did today, but I am thoroughly ashamed about the way I treated you. You were right, what I was doing made me no better than him and I don't want to occupy the same wound in your heart as he does. I'm different to him Bella, I need you to know that"

"I forgive you Jake" I reassured him, taking hold of his hand "But only if you forgive me for being so ungrateful for everything you have done for me"

"You don't owe me anything" He replied "I don't care about you in order to get something back in return. I do it because there is no way I could not." He looked sadly away from me before continuing "I know where your heart lies and I'm not kidding myself, but at the same time I am acutely aware of where my heart lies. Bella, there is not a damn thing in this world that could stop me from trying to be part of your life. I know sometimes my actions tell a different story, but I hope that how I make up for my mistakes also lets you know how much I care"

Tears welled in my eyes. Jacob was so truly wonderful and loving. Again, I felt complete shame at being so undeserving, but at the same time was deeply grateful and happy that our bond had not been severed.

"Thank you" I choked out "Your irreplaceable to me Jacob Black, I hope you know that"

"Of course" Jacob sighed, relaxing back onto the couch "Where else are you going to find another sucker to follow you around like a puppy dog and blindly worship the ground you walk on?" and then he gave me a huge smile before yelling out "How are those dishes coming along Logan my brother"

I smacked him hard across the shoulder, understanding his attempt at a subtle joke. "Logan does not resemble a puppy dog, nor does he worship me" I said, embarrassed by what Jacob was implying.

"Of course not" Jacob replied with a grin from ear to ear while I continued to scowl at him.

"All done" Logan said as he joined us in front of the TV "Now what?"

"Now" I spoke "We forget all about how crappy things out in the real world are by delving into some brain numbing television viewing"

"Perfect!" Logan beamed.

The rest of the evening was wonderful. There was no talk of werewolves or vampires, no discussions of broken or wounded hearts, just simply three friends relaxing and being normal teenagers.

Jacob left quite late and whispered to me as he did that the pack were on patrol tonight so not to worry about anything. Logan got settled on the couch for the night and I headed off to bed.

I felt oddly secure, despite the increasing threat that lurked somewhere out there for me. Perhaps the normalcy of tonight had tricked my brain into thinking that maybe everything might work out ok.

I refused to let my mind wander to Edward and his family. That dull ache would still be there in the morning, so I may as well deal with it then and let myself enjoy what little comfort tonight had brought.

For the first time since I could remember I drifted easily into sleep.

Before I opened my eyes, I could see the flashes of coloured light even through my closed lids.

The night sky was still pitch black outside, but my entire room was filled with flashes of blue, red and white light and I sat bolt upright in bed.

My brain, still foggy from sleep, was struggling to make sense of what was happening and I had to giggle at myself when I hypothesised that the strange lights filling my room were probably aliens. I had a vampire ex and a werewolf best friend, so was alien abduction really a stretch of the imagination?!

I got up and walked over to the window for explanation. The lights were coming from police cars and an ambulance that were parked outside our next-door neighbour's house.

My heart dropped when I saw the medics wheel out a body swathed in a sheet.

Mrs Crittle had lived in the house next door for as long as my memory went back. She lived by herself, a widow for the entire time I had known her, and was very lonely. As a kid Charlie and I would often go for a quick visit or chat to keep her company. She was a lovely lady, but she was old and this was to be expected. I still felt deeply saddened none the less.

Taking in more of the scene, I began to feel fear creep up slowly from the recesses of my mind. If Mrs Crittle had simply passed in her sleep naturally, how did the police know? There was no one living with her to call them and even if there was they probably wouldn't have realised she had passed until morning. Furthermore, if she died of natural causes why would there be not one but 3 police vehicles out the front of her house.

My heart started pounding furiously when it hit me that something much more sinister had taken place here.

I ran down the stairs to see Logan sitting at the table, shaking furiously in what I assumed was shock as he talked to Charlie.

"Logan, can you tell us exactly what happened?"

"Well" Logan started. His voice was trembling and he looked like he was about to cry "I was asleep on the couch when I heard it. Such an ear-piercing scream, I've never heard anything like it before. At first I thought I was dreaming, but then I heard it again. I was half asleep and still very groggy as I ran out the front door to see where the scream came from. To be honest if I was completely awake I don't know if I would have gone to check it out...I'm too much of a coward and I don't know...." Logan couldn't finish his sentence. He put his face in his hands and started shaking even harder.

"It's ok son" Charlie comforted Logan, placing a hand on his shoulder "Most people would have had the same fears and reserves, you're not a coward."

Logan raised his head and gave Charlie an appreciative look before continuing his story.

"So I ran out into the street and saw two figures running from the house next door. I'm sorry Chief Swan but I must have been more asleep than I thought because I didn't see what they looked like at all. It's as if they were running at the speed of light. The only information I can give you is that I think one of them was female because she had long red hair"

I almost threw up on the spot...Victoria!

"The front door of the house was open so I ran in thinking I could help whoever had been screaming, but the blood....of my god the blood!" And at that Logan crumbled into tears, unable to say more.

I just stood there, midway down the stairs.

I felt all the blood draining from my body, my skin cold and damp.

Victoria had been next door, while I slept in an idiotic state of false comfort, and had murdered my poor sweet neighbour.

"Bella?" Charlie said and I was startled, I hadn't noticed that I had been sobbing out loud until I had drawn their attention "Oh Bella, I'm so sorry you had to hear that."

"Mrs Crittle?" I whispered, my voice breathless and shaky.

"There was nothing we could do Bella. We think she was gone even when Logan went to help. I'm so sorry" Charlie said, standing up from the table and walking over to me.

How could this have happened? How could Victoria have gotten past the guards I had no doubt had been stationed outside in the forest?

She could get passed the vampires and werewolves that were posted to protect me? She could enter any house she wanted and brutally murder anyone she felt like? She could do all this and still evade capture?

I was as good as dead and I knew it. Victoria would torture and kill me eventually, she obviously was capable of anything she wanted to do. I would just have to wait until she finally came for me. But for now she was simply playing with her food...

I barely even registered the fact that I was falling until my head crashed against the hard kitchen floor and my mind slipped into the sweet release of nothingness.