I was intrigued when Julie gave me my first driving lesson - not just because it was Julie, and not just because I'd never been able to figure out the car without her quick, clever hands on the wheel. Because Julie made a sound that I couldn't identify at first.
I hadn't heard laughter in so long. Since, you know, the Dead didn't have a lot to laugh about, and very few of my victims found the prospect of being killed and eaten really amusing.
It wasn't a lengthy laugh - more of a chuckle, when I finally got the car headed in a straight line. The Mercedes seemed to rebel against having me behind the wheel. But then I was driving straight along the runway, our hair ruffling, with Julie laughing softly in the passenger seat, and it was a good thing there was nothing for me to run in to. I couldn't stop from turning my head to stare at the sound of the laugh. It matched her smile perfectly.
"Okay, two hands on the wheel, buddy." Julie specified, and I tried to return my attention to my driving.
I wished I had the ability to make her laugh. I wished my dull mind could come up with a premise and a punchline and hear her laugh properly. I wanted to see her eyes light up and her teeth flash and her shoulders shake in amusement. The sound of her laughter became another thing I treasured, another of the rare memories that stuck inside my head with perfect clarity.
Sometimes I heard a laugh in her words - like when she asked me about my records and called me a purist. Sometimes she laughed properly on its own, like when I showed her the viewfinder, and when she found my collections of glasses and used me to model them.
Despite the roughness of the world she'd grown up in, I suspected that Julie loved to laugh. Which suited me fine, because just like her smile I was entranced by her laughter, not just the novelty of it in my frozen world but the emotion that it conveyed.
Her laughter was better than her tears. Seeing Julie crying did something strange to my insides. It had the very first time I'd seen her tears, when I cornered her at the lab. It had shortly after that when I'd approached her in the plane - it had affected me so strongly then I'd tried to tell her. I didn't want her to cry. I didn't want her to be unhappy.
Now, as she told me about Perry, I could hear the tremor in her normally collected voice that warned me she was going to cry again.
I already knew a lot of things about Perry, of course. I had his memories firsthand inside my head, though they became secondhand as my own mind collided with his. But still, hearing Julie, the person who loved him, talk about him made me as uncomfortable as if my skin were starting to peel off. Maybe it was because I couldn't cry to express my emotion? The sadness got stuck inside of me, fighting to get out.
Sure enough, Julie raised her hand to wipe a tear from under her eye. I knew I was the cause of that tear. She was crying over Perry, and no matter how prepared she was for his death... it had come at my hands. She was crying because I'd killed the person she loved.
I felt like I would go to any lengths so that Julie never felt like crying again. I wanted to cry for her. I wanted to... to... I don't know. It was like me trying to read. I knew it should make sense, I knew I ought to be able to understand mechanically, but somewhere along the line something in me had broken.
But I wanted to fix it. If only I knew how to fix it...
When darkness fell that night Julie went to sleep early, her eyes closing as dusk drew in the last flashes of light from the sun. I thought about lying down on the floor opposite her, and for a moment I stood beside her sleeping figure, watching her.
I'd never noticed until now, but she had three earrings in each ear, two plain silver studs and a small black stone inset into silver base. I had to swallow a lump in my throat when I saw them.
A state of longing rose in me, mingled with something a lot more familiar. Hunger. Hesitating, I touched my pocket, checking how much I had left. The last thing I wanted while I had a human under my roof was to be hungry. Keeping Julie safe from myself was just another part of my promise. More than the physical need, I felt a different sort of desire to see more of Perry's life, to see Julie out in the sunlight.
This time was different. I was horrified when I realize I was experiencing Perry's last moments alive. Usually, when I get somebody's memories I go into a trance... I forget about being me, being what I am. It's part of what makes the memories so precious to me.
But I couldn't forget this time. There I was in Perry's memory, lunging towards him, my face - was that really my face? - twisted with hate. I was watching myself. I terrified myself.
My eyes shot open and I choked up what was left of my meal, horrified at myself. What was I? What WAS I!
I turned to ground myself with Julie's sleeping figure, knowing that just looking at her would make me feel better, would cause the hole that gaped within me to be...
Gone.
Julie was gone!
I panicked, remembering too all well what had happened to her last time she tried to run for it. She wasn't safe outside the plane! I almost fell down the stairs, spinning in a full 360 when my feet touched the tarmac to figure out which way she'd gone. It took so long, my senses scrambled by my shaky thoughts, that I feared I'd forgotten how to track. Then I faintly caught her scent, so familiar to me now, and I don't think my body had ever moved so fast. I knew it was the right way when I reached the terminal.
What if something happened to her? Then it would be all my fault. I'd kept her here, foolishly thinking that I could keep her safe from my own kind. She would have been safe behind the walls. If Julie died because of me, I'd fall where I stood, curl up and waste into nothing. No, probably into a Boney, but surely they weren't capable of the anguish that consumed me now.
I heard her scream, over the sound of an engine. I knew it was her. The scream was like the laugh, like the tears - it called to me. I couldn't not answer.
She was crouched in the center of a circle of zombies, the whirring of a hedge-trimmer her only protection.
Move move move movemovemovemovemove! One of them had a hold of Julie by the time I reached them, wrenching the hedge trimmer from her grip then tossing aside her weapon of choice. I punched his jaw. Every bit of the terror that had been inside me suddenly about-faced into rage. I grabbed another who'd tried to harm Julie, and the crack of into a bench included his own bones.
Julie screamed again and instantly I dropped the body I still clutched in my angry hands, tackling the next zombie who had advanced towards her. Once he was down, a single smash from a bar kept him that way. The rest, when I paused to evaluate, were convinced to stay down either from my own rage or Julie's work with the hedge trimmer.
Julie released a breath and looked at the corpses on the ground, then looked up at me. I have no idea what my expression looked like as she met my eye. It probably couldn't accurately reflect how hurt I was that she'd tried to sneak away from me, nor how scared I'd been for her.
"You said a few days." Julie told me, regret and accusation mingling in her voice. "It's been a few days, R."
I checked that none of the bodies on the ground were moving, then nodded reluctantly.
I didn't want our time together to end. I'd never brought up that it might have been a safe time for Julie to leave, and it wasn't accidental. Now that the brilliant spark of her life intertwining with mine could be seen, I knew I'd be worse than blind if I couldn't see her anymore.
I had to explain it to her. I couldn't let her go. I needed her. I reached for the words.
Say something! Say anything!
Julie sighed. "I have to go home." she insisted. I struggled to get the words out. But in that split second, it wasn't like the times my voice had stopped working. It wasn't that I couldn't, it was that I wouldn't. I wouldn't tell her. I wouldn't keep her with me. This close call had opened my grey eyes. If I had been ten seconds later, ten seconds slower in getting to her, she'd be dead. Would I turn her into my prisoner to keep her away from her life? No.
I had to take her home. Her home. I wished that I could cry. I wished that I could scream. I wished that I had any way of conveying how I felt at that moment, in a way that she could understand.
The only thing I knew was that if I had to say goodbye to her, if she did have to go home, then I had to make sure she got there. I had kept her safe. I had to keep doing that until I couldn't be part of her life anymore. Reluctantly, I nodded, a woeful gesture of agreement when all I felt was turmoil.
"Ah, huh, sssstay to-gether." We couldn't stay together anymore, only making me more selfish to cling to he vibrant nature while I could. I managed to force the last word out even though it nearly killed me all over again. "Safe." The single need had built inside my brain until it felt like it had replaced my still heartbeat. Keep-Julie-Safe. Keep-Julie-Safe.
A growl that wasn't from me caught both our attentions as Julie's first attacker lurched to his feet. M! I hadn't taken the time to recognize him. I'd punched him in the face, my best friend. Even though it had been to protect Julie and I'd have done it again, I felt a flash of shame. Julie's jaw dropped a little and she took two steps back from M's imposing figure, angling me between M and herself.
M was about as pissed as I'd ever seen him.
"What!" He snarled at me accusingly. I was starting to feel like everyone blamed me for everything.
"Julie." I said by way of explanation. I think I tried to point at her for emphasis but my shoulder joint had seized, and I succeeded only in a jerky flicker of my fingers.
M stared at me with a horrible expression, like I'd betrayed him. "Living?" He questioned. "Eat." He tacked on, causing Julie's eyes to widen.
Determination rose within me. I wasn't about to hurt my best friend, the most important person in my life after Julie. But I wasn't about to let him kill her, either. I shook my head stubbornly, taking two steps towards M for emphasis.
"Eeeeat." M hissed, trying to sway me, but this wasn't something I was going to debate with him. I stared at him with what I hoped was my most steely expression, refusing to back down.
"EAT!" Burst out M in frustration. He couldn't understand what I was doing. That was okay since I didn't really either, and I didn't think he was willing to fight me over Julie.
Unfortunately, between our heated conversation and the earlier attack, we had drawn some unwanted attention. At the end of the room, the ominously scrawny shape of a Boney appeared.
"Ohmygod." Julie's voice was faint. She'd seen it. It had seen us.
Not good.
"We go." I said to both Julie and M, trying to point the way. My shoulder still wasn't co-operating but I guess Julie didn't need too much incentive to move in the opposite direction to the Boney now it was coming through the doorway and advancing on us.
"Eat." Murmured M once more as I turned to follow Julie, but even he didn't sound like his heart was in it anymore.
She let out a startled 'whoa' as she saw the groaning herd of Dead through the window, reaching one hand towards me - I don't think she realized she'd done it, since she didn't actually touch me, but it still caused that sudden blip inside my chest to resurface. One of the Dead clumsily clunked a fist against the glass. We were going to have the whole airport here at this rate. Julie stared for a moment, then a guttural screech from the Boney behind us reclaimed our attention. It was still coming towards us.
I grabbed her sleeve and pulled Julie down the nearest escalator. She switched on a flashlight she'd taken from my collection, but I couldn't be anything but grateful to her foresight. Anything that gave us a better chance of escape was welcome. We ran through a corridor and into a larger room with the Boney steadily catching us up - no surprise, since I wasn't so much running as lurching. I thought for sure it would catch us as he hightailed towards a door, but I slammed it in the Boney's face in the nick of time. It screamed in frustration and we both backed away. The menacing skull staring through the glass freaked me out, so I couldn't imagine what Julie must be feeling. It quickly gave up and ran back the way we'd come, to my immense relief.
"This way." I led her down an enclosed service road that led to the underground car park. She was running faster and a whole lot more evenly than me, but my strides were fairly long, so I was close behind her as we ducked under a half-open sliding door.
A trio of Boneys glared at us with death in their soulless eyes, just a few deadly steps away. Both Julie and I froze as they advanced upon us, moving in sync.
With a screech, a luggage cart barreled out of nowhere and mowed three of them down. I couldn't believe it when I saw the driver was M, and my relief was immense. He had forgiven me after all. I had my best friend back.
"Come with me." M instructed. I was sort of jealous that his voice, even if it was raspy, was so human-sounding. He didn't stumble over words as much as I did.
Nevertheless, I wasn't about to argue. I readily took a step towards the cart, but Julie protested with an outraged "What?!", staring at me in disbelief. "No!"
Apparently she hadn't forgiven M for trying to eat her yet. I looked at M for help.
"Want... to help." He assured Julie.
Julie looked incredulous and far from warming up to M anytime soon. "Who the hell asked you?" She spat, and M's lips twitched. "Huh. Like her." He told me approvingly. I attempted a grin and M held out his hand to Julie impatiently.
Julie transferred to gaze to me, her suspicion still evident. "It's... o-kay." I said as soothingly as I could. She huffed, but she stalked after me, grabbing M's hand a little ungraciously to pull herself into the seat beside him. "Sure it is." she muttered unwillingly, but she nodded towards the parking spot for our Mercedes. "Over there. The garage."
M looked over his shoulder to make sure I was clinging well enough to the back of the cart, told us to hold on, and revved the cart into action.
Julie breathed a sigh of relief as M parked us a few paces from the car. "Oh, I am so happy to see you right now." She breathed, while her words stirred restlessly inside me, though I couldn't figure out why.
M stopped me with a tug to my hoody as I clamored to the ground. "You okay?" He asked me earnestly. I looked at him in surprise, reverting to a shrug-nod that Julie no doubt would have told me off for. I did make the effort to speak except it came out closer to an exhale than the word 'yes'.
"Um, R?" Julie's voice was shaky and I turned towards her to see a small gang of Dead had gathered in front of her, shifting restlessly as they took in her rich Living scent.
They weren't attacking her yet.
Keep calm. Keep calm. Don't make any sudden movements. I slid to Julie's side, then moved a step in front of me, my eyes never leaving the crowd, trying to spot if any of them were about to cause trouble. Weirdly, I didn't feel the same all-consuming anger rising in me as when Julie had been under attack from M's group. I was ready to defend Julie, if I had to, yes. But somehow I didn't think I would have to. Watching them, the crowd seemed... different. Then, as Julie huddled a little closer to me, something happened to completely claim my attention.
Julie took my hand in hers.
My mind wiped. In those few seconds, I forgot about everything. M behind us, the Dead in front of us, the fact that I was going to loose Julie very soon. All I felt was her warm fingers inside mine, my entire world revolving around that simple contact.
Every smile, every tear, every laugh I'd witnessed - I experienced all of them at once. I was blown away. I turned to her, my eyes going from her face to our joined hands. It took all my effort to remember where we were and that we were in danger, and drag my gaze away, back to the crowd.
When she took my hand... it was like they felt it, too. As if the emotion was so strong I could project it from myself. For what seemed like hours Julie and I stood in front of that crowd of Dead, then, with quiet confidence, I led Julie forward through their ranks. They shifted back then began to part to let us through, while Julie clung nervously to my sleeve with her free hand.
"You. Drive." I hated to break the moment and the pair of words became two sentences as I struggled to voice them.
"Good idea." Julie dropped my hand and an empty sort of loss filled me as she rushed to the drivers' side door. She started the engine was the crowd dispersed behind us and I dropped into the passenger seat.
A hoarse roar from the terminal made us both look up. Julie gaped, then hastily threw the car into reverse and backed out of the parking spot, making for the outbound road as fast as she could drive.
The rain began to fall as we pulled away from the airport. I was leaving my home without needing to hunt for the first time all in my hazy memories. I was sitting beside Julie, driving into whatever tomorrow would greet us with, in completely uncharted territory.
I hadn't know what to say to her just a few short days ago when she entered my life. Now, faced with the thought of saying goodbye to Julie, I knew nothing had changed. I'd never be able to find the words.
To Superhero, Bones, Ravenclaw, Vid, Jusea, and Brigid, and all my readers and followers - thanks! Shoot me any questions, criticisms, or things you'd like to see happen in a review :)
To give you guys and anybody following a heads-up, I'm debating a name change. This fanfic has wound up covering a wider scope than I first envisioned and I now see myself carrying through until the end of the movie with it. 'Trying' worked well for the three or so chapters I initially planned. I didn't expect the enthusiastic response from my readers - one of the main incentives for me to expand my fanfics - nor just how much I'd have to say while looking through R's eyes.
On the topic of a sequel, I've decided that I'll be doing two. The post-Warm Bodies sequel I will, I'm afraid, not be the next one I write. After some great insights from Vid, I've come to the conclusion that to make a future fanfic work, I need to understand Julie better, because both she and R will have a lot more to say and I'll be in uncharted waters. So I will be doing Warm Bodies from Julie's POV before I embark on the next little adventure. I'll keep you posted!
