Guns and Chainsaws
Hey guys! Alito here. I was thinking of skipping this till I had more time, but it seemed just right as it was! Now then, this will be pretty long but I hope you can forgive me for that. I hope you all enjoy this one cause it was pretty fun to do. Also I want to thank the Lollipop Chainsaw walkthrough of "theRadBrad" on YouTube for the footage.
Now let's get to it!-!
Disclaimer: I own nothing at all in this. DmC and, Lollipop Chainsaw belongs to their original creators and NOT ME!
LET'S F-IN' ROCK!
4:12 p.m.
With her head slightly throbbing and her body feeling tired, Juliet finally awoken to the scene.
"Ow…" Juliet groaned as she sat up. She found that the sky was now in the afternoon setting with the clouds being a light orange and her ending up in some farm-like opening. She heard the sound of cows in the back ground mooing and the smell of manure was reeking.
"I-I think…we're in a farm." Juliet noted, "And I bet any minute now one of those stupid Dark Purveyors is gonna show up8 totally bumming our worlds. Don' you think guys...Guys?" Juliet turned to find she was all alone in the farm and no one else was around her. All that was there was the destroyed ship from the sky and wreckage everywhere. But no sign of Nick at all. Hell, not even Dante was around either!
"Nick?...Nick?-!" Juliet frantically called, getting up and looking around. "Dante?-! Anyone?-! Nick, where are you?-!"
"Right here, Juliet."
The voice made Juliet feel a small sense of relief as sh9 slowly turned to her lover once again. "Oh Nick! I was so- - Wh-What?-! What is this?-! I-I saved you!"
Juliet was horrified to see that her once lovely boyfriend had been now dragging his feet to her with half his skin rotting off him and his body now zombified right before her eyes!
"I was feeling so…ineffective." Nick said with a dreadful tone, "Y'know, just being a head and all...I thought it would be better to just go for the gusto. Y'know, get undead! The whole deal!"
"N-No! No!-!" Juliet exclaimed as she backed up from Nick, but suddenly felt as though she bumped into someone behind her. She was again felt with a cold chill down her spine as she could only mutter his name; "D-Dante…?"
"Oh, hey there babe. How's it goin', huh? Stick around…we're dyin' to party with you!"
The zombiefied Dante grabbed her by the arms and held her from running even with her struggling! "N-No! How can this be happening?-! No! No! NOOO!-!-!"
…
…
…
"Watch out! Watch out! I can't stop!-! AHHH!-!"
"Juliet! Juliet!"
"Blondy! Get the fuck up already!-!"
Juliet's eyes shot right open as she quickly got up to find she was indeed back on the farm again, and Nick was on her waist, still just a head, and Dante was still his normal punk self. However her relief turned to caution as a graffiti styled school bus came roaring through the farm and was now circling all three of them like a mad man was driving!
"Glad to see you're up." Dante said, "This weird bus just came out of nowhere."
"Rosalind!" Juliet called frantically, making Dante and Nick to ask simultaneously; "Who?"
"My little sister!"
"You have two sisters?" Dante questioned, "What do your parents just pop one out every day?"
"Let me guess; she's also a freakin' zombie hunter?" Nick gravely asked.
Within the bus was in fact a young sixteen year old girl from the window of the bus! She had blond short hair with a polka dot headband in her hair and her front bangs dyed pink. Her eyes were blue just as Juliet and Cordelia's were. She wore a pink short sleeved shirt with a black star design on it and a long beaded necklace on her neck. She also had bands around her wrist. "Hey Juliet! I came to save you! Something's wrong with this bus! URGH! It's really irritating! Is that a new purse? Hey, who's that guy with you?-! Wait! That's your boyfriend! He looks like Edward Cullen! Is that a decapitated head? FUCK ME! That's the coolest thing ever! AHHH! I almost hit a bird! Look out!"
"Okay. I'm gonna ask; Why's your sister so Bat shit crazy?" Dante asked following the bus with his eyes.
"Shut up! She's not crazy!" Juliet objected, "She's just…energetic!"
"Didn't know you could snort energy…" Dante remarked.
"Say hi, Nick! She won't bite." Juliet assured her.
"I'd like to believe that…" Nick cautioned, but decided to just do it anyway, "Uh…Hi, Rosalind."
Rosalind's bus started to still be turning around the three, gaining great speed as it did! "Shit! Sorry! It's not my fault! This bus is fucked up!" She then started to laugh almost manically as she drove around like an insane individual.
"Rosalind! These two are Dante, and Nick. Dante's the guy in the coat, and Nick is my boyfriend! The head!" Juliet set straight.
"Oh! So your boyfriend's the head?-! Wow! It's cool!-!" Rosalind exclaimed, "What's the bottom look like?-! Can you see the spine sticking out?-! Gross! Awesome! It makes me throw up! The other guys kinda hot!-! Oh MY GOD! What did I just say?-! Weird! COOL!-! I think I have a crush!-!"
"Sorry! I don't do teenagers…!" Dante called. "…Or psychos." He also mumbled.
"Uh, yeah. Nice meeting you too…!" Nick said, trying to be nice.
"AHHH! It talks!-!" Rosalind exclaimed, "AHHH!-! It scares me, and I love it!-! Not as much as Dante, but Scary fuckin' awesome!-!"
"Yeeaaah, I think she needs help…mentally." Dante suggested.
"Wait…You smell that?" Juliet said, grabbing her chainsaw off the ground.
Dante also began to notice the smell. It was a smell that was all too familiar to him. "Yeah. That sure as hell isn't manure…" Dante replied with E & I in his hands.
"Yeah. Something fishy is going on." Juliet cautiously said.
"Oh no. This is all totally normal…" Nick said sarcastically.
"AHHH!-! The breaks aren't working! No! AHHH!-!" Rosalind screamed as the bus came driving at Dante and Juliet at an incredibly fast rate! "It's okay! I got it all under control!"
"No, you don't." Dante sighed.
"YOU'RE RIGHT! SHIT!-!" Rosalind yelled as the bus came rushing to them like a train! However at the right exact moment, Dante and Juliet both jumped into the air, barely missing the bus! As the slow motion jumped over the bus, Juliet gave a smile and a wink to Rosalind as she gave a piece sign. Rosalind then looked to Dante and turned away from him, flustered with a heavy blush on her cheeks. Dante however sighed in disapproval. "Great…" He sighed.
The two both landed as the bus took off into the farm, driving away from the two!
"Oh, fuckballs! I almost forgot!" Rosalind called. She then threw something out of the bus window as she waved goodbye to them. "Happy birthday, Juliet!"
And finally she drove off deeper into the Farmland, the bus drifting out of their sights.
"Does shit like this always happen on your birthday?" Dante asked.
"Some birthdays, I just eat in graveyards." Juliet confessed.
"Graveyards? Seriously?" Nick commented, sounding like a question.
"Anyway, let's see what Rosalind got me!" Juliet giddily smiled. She ran off to get her gift and held it in her hands. It was a bit small but felt a bit weighted. She popped it open, and like magic, it opened up to reveal something pop out of it! It was a large cannon-like rifle with a rainbow wide nozzle on it! "Wow! Rosalind must have seen this on my Amazon wish list! I'll call it the Nick popper! Nick, I can shoot your head with this!"
"What?" Nick responded with worry.
"I don't even wanna know." Dante said, putting his guns away, "Come on. Let's go get your wacked out sister before she drives into a cow."
"Funny. I would've thought this would be the part where you say something flirtatious about her." Juliet sneered.
"How old is she?" Dante asked.
"Sixteen."
"Fuck it, she's not my type."
Juliet then made the Nick Popper vanish and grabbed her chainsaw once again. "Well let's get moving! Rosalind won't be able to stop on her own!" Juliet said. The two ran off after the bus, following the same route as the bus went! As they did, Nick suddenly remembered something; "Wait. I remember this place now."
"Do you?" Juliet asked.
"Yeah. This is the old O'Bannon Farm…a little rundown…" Nick said with a tone of nostalgia.
"I'm guessin' you use to come here once upon a time." Dante inquired, stopping to here Nick out along with Juliet.
"Yeah. Back when I was a kid…it use to be so full of life too…" Nick said rather sadly, "I-I remember the horses and riding the hay wagon on summer days…It felt so long ago."
"Well how about we come back here. All three of us!" Juliet smiled, "Once we deal with these zombozos, we can all come back here and take that hay wagon ride some time. Okay?"
"Sounds pretty good." Dante smirked.
"Alright then." Nick smiled. "Let's take 'em all down then!"
"Hell yeah!" Juliet cheered. "Time to get chopping!" With that, all three continued on into the farm of deadly zombies, and a few other surprises ahead. As they ran through the pathway of trees, they came across a single farmer who seemed to be working on digging in the ground.
"Um, excuse me!" Juliet called.
No response.
"Hey, farm John!" Dante called more aggressively, "Can't you hear us over here?-!"
"Plow 'dem crops…" It said watery and dreadfully, "Cut the grass…IT NEEDS WATER!-!"
Suddenly, the ground where he stood started to crumble open and without warning, more zombie farmers appeared with the single farmer, all armed with pitch forks, ready to break heads in two!
"Oh, just freakin' perfect!" Nick commented.
"Oh don't worry Nick." Juliet assured him, "You act like this could get worse."
Ah, but that's exactly what was happening. And Dante could feel it as without warning, under their very feet, Juliet and Dante could see big bold letters suddenly appear under them rather demonically as a dreaded demon echoed voice filled the air, muttering "KILL DANTE"
"Oh fuck me…" Dante sighed. He knew just what was to come next. And sadly he was right. From the very ground itself came three of the same demons that appeared on Vikke's ship, but this time, they were armed with chainsaws as arms!
"Oh great!" Dante nagged irritably. "They copied your chainsaw and made one of their own to fight with!"
"Aww, I'm favored!" Juliet grinned, "I have swag stealers now!"
"Any other time this would be good, but now is not one of them!" Nick warned.
"I got the demons. You handle the old Mcdonalds over there!" Dante ordered summoning the Helihem axe.
"Got it!" Juliet agreed. The two broke off and Dante took on the demons, while Juliet handled the zombies!
"Hey there boys!" Dante called with malice, "Miss me?-!" Dante brought his axe down hard to the ground, creating a shockwave that blasted at the demons intensely, shooting them up in the air as well! Dante from there made Helihem disappear and jumped into the air with them, rebellion in hand; slicing them all up, while performing aerial sword combos!
Meanwhile on ground, Juliet was using a mixture of her pom pom martial arts and her chainsaw to make the zombies dizzy, and then finish them off with her chainsaw! With one last Helm Breaker, and one last slice of the head, the two were done with their respectable enemies, and regrouped while continuing through the forest-like path.
"So glad I just so happened to wear my zombie-fighting underwear today." Juliet assured herself.
"What?' Nick asked.
"Sensei Morikawa said wearing cotton underwear with little teddy bears or hearts is best for doing battle!" Juliet notified cheerfully. "He made me wear them to every class!"
"Wow. You really are a blond…" Dante mumbled.
"SHITMUFFINS!-! I CAN'T GET IT TO STOP!-! AAAGH!-! HAHAHAHAHA!-!"
"Wonder who that is…" Nick sarcastically wondered.
"That's Rosalind! Come on!" Juliet cried as she ran faster to the edge of a patio-like wooden place, over-looking another open field. Within that field was Rosalind's broken buss riding around in circles with zombies on it as well!
"Oh no! Their attacking the bus!" Juliet said fearfully! "We gotta kill the zombies!"
"On it!" Dante said as he pulled out Coyote-A and Juliet with her chainsaw blaster! Though the bus was going quite fast, the two were able to shoot the zombies, with excellent aim!
"These zombies are so ugly, I'm gagging!" Rosalind yelled out loud.
"Can't your sister shut up for twelve fuckin' seconds?" Dante exclaimed, reaching his limit.
"Twelve? That's a large number for her. Five sounds better." Juliet agreed.
"I'd rather it be a minute…" Nick commented.
With one last hit, all the zombies were finally off the bus, leaving it free to drive off on its own deeper into the farm with Rosalind screaming inside while laughing hysterically as well.
"There she goes…again." Dante sighed, putting coyote-A away.
"Then let's go after her!" Juliet ordered. "Wait! Look!"
They all followed the bus to find that it had finally crashed hard into a mountain side of the farm, smoking and looking pretty damaged!
"Rosalind!" Juliet called, jumping off the edge of the pier she was on, followed by Dante. "We have to go to her!"
"Then let's not waste time!" Nick commented.
"We gotta pile drive our way through!" Dante said as more zombies came up from the ground. Following them was more demons with chainsaws attached to their arms.
"Out of the way!" All three exclaimed as Juliet charged right through them with her Chainsaw lopping off the farmer zombies' heads, while Dante used his sword to storm through the demons with his sword breaking and slicing them apart! They both ran the way of the bus as quickly as possible and didn't stop for anything. While running to the bus, Dante could swear he was hearing something…he actually could hear the faint sound of singing, echoing through his head.
"Hey, Juliet!" Dante called.
"Yeah?-!" Juliet answered.
"You hear…singing?"
"Singing…Yeah, I kind of do. Think it's a dark purveyor?"
"Well whatever it is, it's creeping me out!" Nick fearfully said, "My heart is beating a million miles an hour!"
"Your heart?" Dante noted.
"Look, I know I don't have a body, but I can just feel something bad going on!" Nick shouted.
The three came to a giant bolder that was in front of them, blocking their way to getting through!
"Jeez! What's this doing in are way?-!" Juliet raged.
"Leave it to me." Dante grinned. He quickly summoned Helihem and slammed the giant axe to the ground, shooting a large shock wave that decimated the large bolder into small crumbles! The debris fell off to the sides as Juliet stood there amazed at how powerful Dante was.
"Wow! How do you always do those things with that axe?" Juliet wondered.
"I don't know. I just swing and stuff happens." Dante confessed, while making Helihem vanish.
"So in other words; you just say "fuck it" and do whatever?" Nick corrected.
"Yeah, that's about right." Dante agreed. "Now then, shall we?"
"Oh right! Rosalind!" Juliet remembered her fear for her safety returning.
"I sure hope she isn't dead…" Nick worried.
"Nick, why would you say that?-!" Juliet cried out.
"Sorry!" Nick quickly apologized.
"Then let's not stand here and wonder." Dante commanded. All nodded and continued on through the farm's gates and upper areas. Finally they had jumped over one last fence to the area where Rosalind's bus was, only to find it still moving, hitting the wall of rock, in order to get the zombies off of it.
"Oh, thank God, she's still alive." Juliet said with relief.
"I think our asses come first with that thing flyin' around." Dante pointed to a rather out of the ordinary sight. It was one of the farmer zombies; however he was flying in the air with his legs cut off to the thigh! He was also grasping a zombie made chicken! "Wow, and I was just thinking; "I wish there were some flying zombies around here." Wish granted." Dante sarcastically remarked.
"Why the hell would you think that?-!" Juliet questioned.
"I think he was being facetious." Nick noted.
"Wait, did you just call me stupid?" Dante questioned.
Before he could get his answer, the zombie threw the chicken in his hand, at them, but luckily they were able to dodge it before it got on them.
"Oh fuck that!" Dante threatened, pointing at the zombie, "No one throws a fuckin' chicken at me!"
Dante quickly summoned his scythe, Anarchy, and spun it around his hand, creating a whirlwind-like sphere of his scythe spinning, slicing up the zombie to the point that it had ripped in two before their eyes!
"That's what you get!" Dante smirked making Anarchy disappear.
"Wow…Guess I can see what part of your family you take after." Juliet remarked.
"Haha, Funny." Dante sarcastically remarked, "You should probably get your sis before she- -"
Before Dante could even finish that sentence, the yellow bus quickly backed up from where it was, and took a quick U-turn into another pathway, that went deeper into the farm and out of their sight!
"Fuck…" All three sighed.
Without warning, an annoyingly familiar chirping was heard from Juliet's chainsaw that they all knew full well of what it was.
"Just answer it…" Dante shrugged in surrender. Juliet did so by planting her chainsaw into the ground, and once again answering the phone.
"Hello?" Juliet said.
"Hey, it's Mom, Juliet."
"What a surprise…" Dante mumbled.
"What is it, Mom?"
"You're never going to believe this; Rosalind bought a BUS! Yes, you heard right. A bus."
"Oh gee, like we didn't see that one coming…" Nick mumbled.
"R-Really Mom?" Juliet said, trying to sound convincingly surprised.
"Yes! Why would anyone want a…? Goodness, what is wrong with that sister of yours?"
"Good question." Dante mumbled again with a smirk, seeing the annoyed expression on Juliet's face.
"Well, gotta go. Can't wait to see you!"
"You too! Bye, Mom." Juliet said. She finally hung up the phone and grabbed her chainsaw again, staring at Dante with annoyance in her eyes. "Was that really necessary?"
"Had to occupy myself somehow." Dante sneered.
"Well let's just keep moving." Juliet sighed. The two did so, running the same way as the bus, following it to where it could have gone.
"Hey, I just thought of a good idea!" Nick commented, "We could take a couple zombies and-!"
"- -Put 'em in a wrestling ring and make 'em fight to the death!" Dante grinned.
"I'd take bets to that!" Nick smirked.
"That's SO inhumane, guys." Juliet intervened.
"Come on! It'd be funny!" Nick peer pressured. The three continued on running till they reached a new area, which was out of the blue. It was another open field with a small group of zombie cows, all doing as normal cows would do; eat grass and moo. Slowly echoing through the air was the faint sound of singing once again. This time they were closer to see that it was in fact a female voice.
"It's that voice again." Dante noted.
"Who is that?" Nick wondered.
"I don't know, but there's something fishy going on here...Oh hey, check out that mushroom!" Juliet pointed to a rather large mushroom on the other side of the field. It was actually human sized and looked as though it was growing there for a very long time. They ran right to it and beheld it in its entire large splendor. "Wonder if something would happen if I cut it?"
"I don't think that's a good idea…" Dante commented.
"Why?" Juliet asked.
"I did some shrooms once upon a time and…well…When you've fought demons and been in their realm, it's pretty fucked up. But when you've fought demons while being in their realm, AND you're on shrooms…phew! Never do that shit again..." Dante warned. "So I don't think we should- -"
"Let's see what happens!" Juliet giddily said chainsawing the giant mushroom in two! Finally the mushroom was cut in half, and all of a sudden, a large green mist appeared from it and was inhaled by all of them.
"Oh great…" Dante face palmed.
"Whoa! That smells…it smells…so…" Nick's words faded as suddenly the entire area seemed to morph and spin before his very eyes.
"Wha-What's…happening…" Juliet dizzily said as the same affects were happening to her, making her dizzy. Without warning, Juliet fell over and was quickly unconscious.
"Shit…Looks like they're in there." Dante sighed. "Guess 'cause I'm a hybrid, I'm gonna need more in order to get in there and save their asses…well her ass."
Dante took a piece of the mushroom, and grabbed from his pocket, a piece of paper. He also pulled out a small cheap MP3 player and put the headphones in his ear. From there he played a rather relaxing Reggae song that echoed through his ears. He took a bit of the mushroom, and rolled it into the paper, licking the edge of the paper so it doesn't break.
"Time to take wonderland road again." Dante sighed as he lit the joint, and quickly inhaled the toxic smoke into his iron lungs, letting it fill his head. He finally exhaled and soon enough, he too felt dizzy and instantly fell over as well, joining Nick and Juliet into a worse kind of hell.
Finished. This was wasn't as long, or maybe it was. Anyway, It seems Dante had to get a little wet (smoke) in order to get to the psychedelic world of high road. Lol! Anyway, that's all I gotta say here.
Please review!
Bye Bye bee~
