Disclaimer: If I owned Yu-Gi-Oh, I'd add more girls so we could get rid of a certain few insane yaoi freaks who make countless stories where Kaiba is doing Joey over a desk in his office. But, unfortunately, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.

"Okay, now we also have the fortunes of me, Ishizu, and Mai." Kaiba reported, typing really fast in the style of a movie hacker.

Kaiba will be Mare's next husband target, should anything ever happen to Yami.

"Just the thought of it makes me shudder," Kaiba whispered to himself. "Here's Ishizu's."

Ishizu is planned be the character who gets bashed after she shows up at Bakura's funeral to pay her respects.

"Oh, HELL NO!" Ishizu screamed, balling her fists. "That little bitch had BETTER get ready 'cause once I see her, I'ma BITCH-SMACK HER CRACKER ASS! AND THEN I'LL TELL HER WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS FOR HER!"

"Stop it, Ishizu," Mai grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her, "being a boring stereotype is exactly what this racist whore wants you to do! You have got to fight it!"

Ishizu shook her head back and forth, coming back to her senses. "You are right. I will only lower myself down to her level if I do that."

"Hold the phone, there," Yugi interrupted, "Aren't you Egyptian? How could you be that stereotype if you aren't even part of a society that has those types?"

"Simple; author ignorance."

"Author?" inquired Yami.

"We'll explain after Kaiba pulls up my fortune," said Mai, "and then Yami Bakura's."

Mai will just be forgotten. Seriously, no one will say another word about her again, she will just be forgotten. Same for Serenity, since she hasn't been of any use ever since she got her eyesight fixed.

"It's because I'm the only one who can compete with the author's beauty," Mai huffed, nose upturned.

"The author, Mary Sue, has the power to make herself the single most beautiful human being that ever existed," Ishizu told her jealous comrade. "There's no way you or any of us could ever even hold a candle to her."

"Then how do you explain it?"

"She probably doesn't have any use for you, seeing as how all the men are taken," Kaiba mused. "If you are mentioned, you'll probably just take up Tea's spot as the cheerleader or something."

"EWW! No way, I'm not cheering for anybody!"

Kaiba just shrugged and did some more typing. "Okay, here's Yami Bakura's. This will be the last one, unless I've forgotten some people."

"What about Marik?" Joey asked.

"Marik is in Egypt with Odion, he won't have anything to do with this," Ishizu explained. "Unless the author runs out of ideas or something."

Yami Bakura will be killed when he tries to destroy her sometime after the funeral.

"I don't want to puke blood again, surprisingly," Yami Bakura said as he fondled his favorite knife, "so I'm not going to let that fortune come true."

"Okay," Yami got up from the chair he almost broke last chapter, "now it's time for you to explain this 'author' business."

Kaiba stood up, facing Yugi and the rest of the group. "You already know that Mare, the Mary Sue, has stopped the vast majority of activity in our world. Well, ever since Mary Sue appeared, we've been studying, trying to find her weakness or maybe some kind of an explanation for her god-like powers. But we never found anything. No records whatsoever of her ever being born. Then, we discovered why through the necklace Ishizu somehow got back from Yami. Mary Sue is, in fact, an author from another dimension (author's note: The one we're in) who was born with the ability to transfer her being between dimensions. She can go into a cartoon and control it at the same time. In a sense, playing God in our world."

"So... she's unstoppable?" Trustan (Tristone?) asked.

"No," Yami Bakura answered. "We know how to destroy her. The key is through her duelist yami, who is, in fact, the real incarnation of the author. The appearance of the yami is that of a fat, odd-smelling, zit-ridden sophomore in High School. That's the author. That's why these people make stories about us, they watch us on television and then they make stories where they insert themselves. They do this to make themselves feel stronger or more special."

Mai jumped in. "Now, not all of them are like this. Some are just there to make an interesting story. But these Mary Sues are just sad, lonely girls from their dimension with no friends and no hope of any kind of romance. But, this is the only one we need to worry about."

"Well, gee-diddly-gosh," Yugi exclaimed, "how do we stop her?"

Ishizu picked up from where Mai left off. "Since Yami fell into our plan by mind-crushing Bakura, we now have a way to lure the Mary Sue in at her most vulnerable. The plan is, once Mary Sue finds out the faked death of Bakura, she will be very sad and lonely. We will have to do our best not to feel sorry for her, because she's going to use this as a crutch so she can get to Yami. At the funeral, we are going to lure her yami, the true author, out of hiding. Once this happens, we can beat her. The only thing that her yami is good for is dueling, which guarantees we can physically beat her if we can get her before she goes back to her stronger Hikari form.

At last, Tea managed to wrestle her mouth out of the duct tape. "THIS IS SO UNFRIENDLY!"

"How the hell did you get out of your tape?" Yami Bakura shot at Tea. "Oh, well."

"I'M GOING TO GO WARN MARE OF WHAT YOU'RE DOING!" Tea declared as she busted out of the rest of the tape and tried to run away. Thankfully, Mai and Ishizu restrained the dumb bitch and Yami Bakura tied up her legs.

"We're just going to have to leave her down here," Kaiba told the gang. "Now, the funeral will most likely start in a week, so we have time to learn how we can resist the dangerous charms and tricks of the Mary Sue. Let's get started now."

"GO GO POWER RANGERS!" Yugi screamed triumphantly.

TO BE CONTINUED...