Though he had enjoyed the evening before with his old friends, Gohan watched the clouds go by as he flew towards school the following day, thanking Kami that it was the weekend soon. He sighed to himself in frustration as he tried to think of valid excuses to explain his sudden departure the previous day. Today he would have preferred to just not go to school altogether. But he thanked his Saiyan reflexes when he had said this to his mom, having barely ducked out of the way of that dreaded frying pan of doom: his mother's usual weapon of choice when it came to disciplining her sons. He had received an earful about becoming an out of control delinquent after that, and of course, Chichi had blamed Goku. Even when his poor father wasn't with them, he was getting all the blame.
He sighed as he landed on the rooftop once more and walked to his classroom, no longer confronted with questions about his arrival techniques from annoying 'bullies'. He was greeted again by Serena, Amy, Molly and Lita. He smiled at them, but sat on the other side of the classroom by the window instead; he was going to attempt not say anything for the day, so he could figure out what to do. An idea had been bothering him since his tal with Bulma. He folded his arms on his desk and placed his head down, closing his eyes weakly.
'Piccolo?' Gohan called, using the weak telepathic connection that the Namekian warrior had taught him about so long ago.
'Yes Gohan? Why haven't you come to the lookout for training yet?' Responded his former master.
'I'm sorry Piccolo. I couldn't tell my mom that there was something else to worry about! I don't think we need to train just yet. That strange energy hasn't shown up again. Maybe it was a misreading?'
'Gohan! You know it wasn't a misreading. Your duty as a Saiyan warrior is to protect this planet. You know you need to train! You've fought some of the creatures this enemy is sending already. What's going on with you?'
Gohan could hear the genuine concern in his teacher's voice, underneath his anger, and released a weak sigh, 'I'm sorry Piccolo. I want to be there for my mom right now. I've fought these creatures and they're not very powerful. If that first ki shows up again, then I'll come to start training.'
'Gohan, if that ki shows up again, it might be too late.'
Gohan cut the connection, unsure why he had even tried to speak to Piccolo about this. He knew that all Piccolo would speak to him about would be continuing his training. He felt like he needed a friend to talk to about this, but he didn't know anyone. He sat up and looked outside, wishing again that his father were still alive.
Though Bulma's advice had been useful, he still wasn't sure what to tell his new friends.
Amy watched Gohan from across the room with a thoughtful and worried gaze. Their new friend had disappeared so suddenly yesterday, and then appeared to be very down spirited today. They hadn't been able to find him after the Sailor Scouts were called to duty. When they had returned to the arcade, Andrew told them that Gohan had come in, collected his stuff and left very quickly.
"Do you think he might be mad at us?" Serena asked Amy, following her worried gaze to the dark haired boy across the room. "I mean, he might've thought that we left the arcade without him?"
Amy shook her head in uncertainty.
"Should we try talking to him?" Lita asked and Amy shook her head again, continuing to look worried about her new friend.
"No." Amy said quietly, "I don't think we should bother him just now. But I'm worried about him guys, he looks so troubled." The others nodded as they continued to observe their friend.
Amy smiled slightly as she saw him gently blowing his black bangs out of his eyes without much success, his short spikey hair sticking out at rough angles, as though cut by a very inexperienced barber. Somehow, it was a look that suited him well, and Amy couldn't shake this feeling that she had seen that same hairstyle somewhere before.
"Oh do you think it's because Darien was asking about his dad?" Mina suggested, pulling Amy out of her thoughts.
"WHAT! You think he's like this because of MY Darien!" she angrily shouted at her friend. Mina cowered in fear as she faced the loud and squeaky moon princess.
Mina quickly waved her hands in front of her face, "No! I just meant maybe he's like this because we mentioned his dad again? Maybe we shouldn't ask about his dad and his training so much? I mean, there must be a reason he gave it up to start with! I know if I'd lost my dad, I wouldn't like people to keep asking me about it and I wouldn't like to be reminded about it a lot either. We might've mentioned it too much?" Mina said wisely, crossing her arms and nodding as she spoke. Serena looked over at their friend once again, with a concerned gaze.
"I'm going to go talk to him." She suddenly said, getting to her feet. Only to shrink back down as Miss Haruna called the class to attention, and began teaching them literature.
Gohan was only too happy to have a distraction from his own thoughts. But it was difficult to focus on the meanings of Shakespeare's Othello when he had bigger things on his mind.
'Dad, what would you do?' he thought to himself, mentally sighing. He knew what his dad would do in his place. When faced with a challenge, Son Goku would meet it head on; sometimes quite literally. He wouldn't be considering standing by and missing out on all the action. He pondered the situation the entire morning and had finally made up his mind when it came to the lunch period.
"Hey Gohan!" greeted Serena, as Gohan took his lunch from his locker. He smiled at her in his usual cheerful manner, feeling much better now that he had a plan.
"Hey Serena, how're you doing?"
Her face was suddenly uncomfortably close to his as she seemed to be analysing him. His eyes widened and he leant backwards a bit, trying to create a bit more personal space. "Uhh... Is there something on my face?" he laughed nervously.
Her face contorted into a frown and she backed away again, much to Gohan's relief. "I was worried about you Gohan." She replied, "You didn't want to speak to us this morning and we thought you might be avoiding us."
"We?" Gohan's innocent face looked past Serena to see the other girls wave at him slightly awkwardly. His large dark eyes looked at them curiously. "Why would I be avoiding you?" he asked genuinely.
Serena frowned at him again, "Well, we were worried that we might have upset you yesterday."
"Huh? Upset me?" he frowned, scratching his head in confusion. "How did you come up with that?"
"Well," Serena continued, looking slightly guilty. "I mean, if it's because of what Darien said then I'll make sure he doesn't mention it again. He didn't know and he was just trying to be nice. He's honestly a really great guy."
He looked even more confused than before, "I'm sorry Serena but I don't know what you're talking about. What did Darien say to me that upset me?"
Serena stared at him for a moment then frowned angrily, "Well, we thought you might be upset that he mentioned your dad. I mean, I know I'd get upset if my friends kept mentioning something like that when I clearly didn't want to talk about it." Serena folded her arms over and closed her eyes, nodding very wisely as she spoke. "So it's only natural that you cracked and got upset after Darien mentioned it too, because it meant we'd told someone else." She looked dramatically into the distance with starry eyes, interlinking her fingers, "We betrayed your trust and you just couldn't bare the thought of being around us after that! If you can ever forgive us, we'll try to respect your past more! I make no promises, I mean, me and my big mouth tend to speak before we think." She muttered as an afterthought, frowning at her own stupidity.
Gohan had stared at his friend for her entire performance. His eyes widened and his expression rather blank, not knowing how to respond to her little scene. He did what only felt natural and laughed. "Serena, you don't need to worry about that! I'm not upset!"
She looked up at him with bright eyes and he smiled back at her in his usual cheerful Son way.
"I don't mind talking about my dad! He was a great man and I'm proud to be his son. I love telling people about him." He smiled brightly and Serena felt a wave of relief wash over her.
"Phew! Gohan you had me really worried there for a second!" she laughed as he apologised. She looked at him with narrowed eyes very suddenly, which made him step back nervously at her sudden mood swings.
These teenage girls seemed to have more mood swings than a pregnant woman, and he should know. He lived alone with the most violent pregnant woman the world shall ever see.
"So tell me something, Gohan. Why were you so upset this morning if it wasn't anything we did? And why did you fly off yesterday when we were at the arcade?"
Gohan laughed nervously, "How about I tell everyone together? I'm pretty sure the others will want to know too." His stomach grumbled loudly, making Serena look down at it curiously. Gohan blushed, "And I'm starving!"
Serena's stomach grumbled loudly and she blushed too, placing her hands over it. "Me too!" she gasped and they both laughed, heading to the roof to meet the others.
They all asked him the same questions as Serena as he sat down with them, and Gohan felt touched that they cared so much, and guilty that he'd made them feel like this.
"Really guys, I'm fine. It wasn't anything you did. You should stop worrying so much." He laughed, "I was just tired this morning."
Mina and Lita exchanged sceptical looks and Amy just looked at Gohan with a concerned gaze. He felt as though she were x-raying him, and couldn't face looking into her eyes. He redirected his gaze to his food and began shovelling it into his mouth.
"Yeah right Gohan! What's your real excuse?" Lita suddenly exclaimed and Gohan looked up at her in surprise, mouth too full of rice to respond.
"Yeah, you don't expect us to by that do you? You've looked really troubled all morning." Mina agreed and Gohan looked at them both in surprise. He hadn't realised how observant girls were sometimes.
Sometimes.
"Uh, well. My old master, Piccolo, has been trying to get me to start training with him again. I've been thinking about whether or not it's a good idea." Gohan looked down at his food, picking at it sheepishly as he spoke.
"Well, why not? It's always good to learn more and it'd be worth it to become the best." Lita spoke enthusiastically and Gohan looked at her.
He smiled at her spirit and encouragement. Turning his gaze to the sky, Gohan was reminded of his father: always wanting to be the best he could be, always trying to be stronger and doing everything he did with a carefree smile. "Yeah, that's what I used to think." He said, more to himself, a sad smile gracing his lips as he thought of his father. "It's what my dad always taught me. He devoted his life to doing good and helping other people and becoming stronger." Gohan paused for a moment, feeling shame as he finally admitted it aloud, "I don't like to fight. But it's something I feel I have to do."
"You don't have to do anything you don't want to, Gohan." Mina said, smiling at him cheerfully.
"Except math." Serena grumbled from the sidelines.
"SERNEA!" shouted the others and she shrunk against their loud voices.
"Sorry!" she quickly apologised and Gohan laughed. He looked down at his food and continued to speak.
"I feel like I haven't had a choice in what I do since I was a kid. Piccolo was a tough teacher, but he was my first real friend. And he taught me to be tough and to rely on myself; to be independent and self-reliant, just like my dad was when he was my age. And when I was training with my dad, it was really different. He was kinder than Piccolo, but he's stronger too, so he was always scared that he'd hurt me." Gohan frowned as he thought of their year together in the hyperbolic time chamber, "I advanced a lot faster with him once we got past that though. But after he died, I gave up fighting."
He felt his fists clench in anger as he continued to speak his mind, not really paying attention to the fact that his friends were listening intently to his words. He felt tears brim his eyes as he thought to that fateful day, and he fiercely tried to blink them away.
He could still see that last look he received from his father before he teleported Cell from this world. He could still hear his father's voice helping him in that final kamehameha wave. He felt the weight in his heart that, no matter how many told him otherwise, he knew to be true.
"It's my fault." Gohan finally said, in a voice so quiet it was barely above a whisper.
He couldn't believe that it still hurt him so much after so long. He thought he had learnt to deal with the loss. Being able to speak about him seemed so much easier a few minutes ago. Whenever he thought back to the last time he saw his father, all he felt was guilt and remorse.
"I was strong enough and I didn't finish it when I had the chance." Gohan whispered, his fists clenching even tighter as he began to shake. He felt someone touch his shoulder and he looked up to see the gentle blue gaze that belonged to Amy; she smiled at him softly.
Gohan realised what he'd said to them all.
"Gohan-" Amy began and he shrugged her hand off his shoulder, getting to his feet very suddenly.
"I'm sorry, I- I need to be alone for a while." He stuttered quietly, his voice breaking slightly with emotion. He then rose into the air and disappeared behind the clouds; away from human eyes.
He sat on his father's Nimbus cloud, a gift Goku had received as a child for the kindness in his pure heart. Gohan admired the beautiful Nimbus cloud and, for the first time in a good few years, Gohan cried over the loss of his father.
A/N 1: I know this probably seems a bit too emotional for Gohan, but I don't think there was a true reflection of how a father's death can affect his child in the anime. Obviously, we don't see how the family learn to deal with Goku being gone, we just have to assume that they do. I always imagined that it would be something difficult to get over. Especially in Gohan's case, where he was only 11 and knows if he had destroyed Cell when he had the chance, then Goku would still be alive. It's important for what happens later on in the plot as well, so please don't be angry with me about this behaviour!
A/N 2: I've got a LOT of project deadlines coming up over the next few weeks (3 this week, 3 next week, 2 the week after and 2 more the week after that! I swear my lecturers are trying to suffocate me under all this work!) and I don't get very long to do them since we only get the specification 2 - 3 weeks before the work is due. So if my updates slow down, I do apologise. But bare with me, I'm going to try to write and update as much as I can!
