Inside the hut, Solas and Anders sat cross-legged across from each other and Solas guided them both into the state required to enter the Fade, much like Anders had done months earlier in order to search for Hawke.
Anders felt the familiar tendrils of the Fade pulling him in, although this felt a bit different somehow. He had never done this before with another mage and he thought that might be it. Once there it still seemed different. The familiar green-grey, shifting light wasn't there, or the myriad deposits of lyrium.
Instead he was standing in a field near a barn, sun streaming down his face. His breath caught in his throat when he realized where he was. He was … home. Back in the Anderfels on his parents' farm. The shock knocked the wind out of him and he collapsed to his knees. He then realized there were two other figures next to him, one was Solas, and the other was clearly Justice, a green ethereal ghost of himself.
Anders scrambled to his feet, "Why are we here?"
Solas looked at Anders with some bemusement over his confusion. "I thought it best we come somewhere familiar to you, this place seems quite burned into your memory."
"It should be, it's the farm where I grew up. I tried hard to remember every detail of it after I was hauled away by the Templars. I never thought I'd see this place again."
Justice then stepped forward, looking like the stalwart warrior Anders remembered from the first time he'd met the Spirit in the Fade.
"WHY ARE WE IN THE FADE? WHY MUST YOU CONTINUOUSLY DELAY OUR MISSION?"
Anders looked at his old friend for a moment and replied "Our mission ended when we blew up the Chantry and incited the Mage-Templar war."
"NO. THERE IS YET MUCH WE CAN DO."
Anders sighed and looked at Solas. "Do you see what I have to put up with?"
Justice turned towards the bald elf "FEN'HAREL, MY OLD FRIEND."
"Hello Justice. I had wondered where you disappeared to all those years ago." Solas responded.
Anders looked even more confused. "Wait … Fen'harel? The Elven God Fen'harel? Why are you referring to Solas by that name?"
"THAT IS THE NAME HE IS KNOWN AS." Justice replied simply
Anders looked at Solas, his eyes full of questions. "Anders, I will answer your questions, but let us first do what we came for. Let us try and send Justice home."
Anders nodded.
Solas turned back to Justice and asked "How have you fared in the mortal realm?"
"NOT WELL. IT IS FRUSTRATING. ANDERS WANTS JUSTICE FOR HIS FELLOW MAGES, YET HE IS UNWILLING TO DO WHAT IS REQUIRED," Justice says with an edge of anger to his voice.
"That is because such actions in the mortal realm have consequences. Consequences that Anders should not have had to face. Justice in the mortal world is not as simple as it is here in the Fade," Solas explained. "I think, my friend, it is time for you to return home. Anders has done much to change the fate of mages. It is up to others to help the process along now."
"THERE IS STILL SO MUCH THAT COULD BE DONE," Justice growled
"And they will be done, my friend, but not by you. It is time for you to go home now, and leave Anders in peace" Solas said firmly.
Justice turned to Anders "IS THIS TRULY WHAT YOU WANT?"
"You know it is Justice. You know how tired I am of the fighting. You know how sick I feel when I think of all the innocents who died back in Kirkwall because of us. That … that wasn't justice." Anders looked sad. "Somehow when you became joined to me, my own anger and bitterness twisted you into something else. A spirit of vengeance perhaps. I don't know. I just know what we did, didn't serve justice to anyone."
The spirit stood quietly, as if thinking over all of Anders' words carefully.
Solas stepped closer to the spirit "I can sense the conflict within you. Anders is correct, your purity of spirit has been corrupted. Twisted. Let me help you. I think I can restore your purity, if you'll allow it?"
Justice looked at the elf and after a few moments, nodded.
Then Solas began weaving his magic, engulfing the entire spirit in a blue glow. Anders could see the ethereal spirit twist and contort. After agonizingly long minutes, the magic stopped and Justice had shifted from a green ethereal being to a blue one.
"It is done. How do you feel Justice?"
"I feel … renewed." Justice said, with a much softer edge to his voice. Then, all of a sudden the spirit began to wail, almost in agony. "No! Why? Why did we let all those innocents die?!"
Anders understood the anguish. It's the same anguish he felt every day since Kirkwall. "We didn't just let them die, Justice. We caused their deaths."
"That … that was not justice. You were right, friend Anders. Being inside you must have corrupted me. I would never … could never … have conceived of such a thing. Why did you corrupt me like that?"
"I had no idea that my own anger and bitterness would twist you like that Justice. For that, I am sorry. I hope you understand now why I need you to go home now." Anders replied.
"Yes, you are right. It is time. I do not wish to be twisted like that again. I hope you find the peace and happiness you seek, friend Anders." Justice reached out and gave Anders an ethereal embrace.
Justice turned back to Solas. "Thank you, Fen'harel. It is good to feel like myself again after so long. Will you come visit with me as before?"
"Of course. We have much to discuss, you and I. You have gone through a very unique experience and I would like to learn from it." Solas replied.
Solas then stepped back and cast another spell, producing a swirling portal. "Use this portal my friend. It will take your spirit form physically back into the Fade, and separate you from Anders permanently."
"Goodbye Anders, take care of yourself," Justice said. "I hope you will visit soon, Fen'harel."
"Goodbye Justice. I'm sorry for everything. I hope you will be well," Anders replied.
Justice nodded before moving forward and slipping through the portal, back into the physical Fade.
At that moment, Anders felt … free. Freer than he had felt since … since the last time he stood in that very same field in the Anderfels, before the Templars came and the nightmare that his life had become had started. He fell to his knees and began to weep. He wept for joy and sorrow and for a deep well of so many other emotions.
Then Anders began to feel like something was … missing. At first he thought it was losing the presence of Justice after so long, but … no that wasn't it. Then he realized, every time he'd broken down and sobbed like this over the past few months, Fenris had always come to embrace him, to soothe him. Anders realized he missed feeling that here.
Now with Justice gone, would Fenris even want to embrace him like that? The only reason he had been doing it was to help keep Justice in check. That would no longer be necessary. Anders hoped they wouldn't go back to their old bickering. He liked the friendship he'd built with Fenris, and was now afraid to lose it.
Anders finally calmed down and looked up at Solas. "What now?"
"Justice has returned to the Fade, where he belongs. You are now free of him Anders." Solas replied calmly.
"Thank you, I … I don't know how much longer I … I could have gone on with Vengeance eating at me like that." Anders stammered.
"No need to thank me. I came to help an old friend of mine get back home where he belonged. I am pleased I was able to do so without harming either of you." Solas said sincerely.
"Why did Justice call you Fen'harel?" Anders asked again.
"It is merely a nickname, one my Spirit friends have given me." Solas replied dismissively "I spend much time walking the Fade. I can sense you have recently also spent much time here. Tell me, what were you seeking?"
"I was searching for Hawke. I heard he'd been trapped physically in the Fade and I was trying to find him, to rescue him. I miss him so much …" Anders eyes welled with tears again.
"I did the same, after the rest of us made it out of the Fade. However, I was unable to sense anything of him. I'm sorry, but he truly is gone."
Anders wailed again, his heart clenching in sadness. Hawke was really gone. The grief overwhelmed him and Solas knew it was time to end their Fade adventure. He grasped Anders and shook him, before whispering in his ear "Wake up!"
The next thing Anders knew, he started awake, back in the cabin, staring at Solas. Justice was truly gone. He could no longer feel the Spirit's presence.
Anders began to weep … he wept in relief, he wept for the loss he hadn't expected to feel. He never realized how empty he had felt before the Spirit was within him, and the void he had left was immeasurable. He also wept for the memory of knowing that Hawke truly was gone. Anders' body was wracked with sobs and he just couldn't stop. He felt lost.
Solas rose and went outside, "Fenris, I believe Anders has need of your presence. Justice is gone."
Fenris ran inside to find Anders on the floor weeping and he rushed to the mage's side, holding him close and comforting him again. All the times before he'd done this without thinking, but he now remembered Varric's words from earlier now and he began to realize what this looked like.
Fenris also began to realize, as he held the mage close that he had indeed come to feel affection for Anders. More so than he'd been willing to admit to himself until now. He kept trying to push the thoughts aside. Anders had never indicated he wanted more than friendship with him and with their past together, he didn't think anything more was even possible between them.
Anders clung to Fenris, weeping, but grateful that Fenris was still willing to embrace him, to try and comfort him.
Anders began whispering through his sobs "He's gone … he's gone."
"Yes, mage, Justice is gone. Solas told me," Fenris said, trying to sound soothing.
"N .. no … you don't understand. Hawke. He really is gone. He didn't survive in the Fade. Solas confirmed it. Oh Maker … Hawke!" Anders began to weep anew.
Fenris felt fresh, hot tears fall at the news, although he no longer felt the crushing weight of grief as he first had. A part of him had already accepted Hawke's loss.
Fenris tried to calm Anders "Hush now, mage. We both miss him dearly, but we've known for months he was gone. I do hope this news will keep you from trying to wander the Fade alone again."
Anders started to take deep breaths, trying to calm himself, to focus on the reality that he no longer had a Fade spirit inhabiting him, pushing aside thoughts of Hawke for now.
Once Anders was calm, they stood and went outside with everyone else.
"It feels strange … not to have this constant voice in my head now. It's almost … peaceful," Anders said with a sigh of relief and regret. "Thank you Varric. Thank you for bringing Solas to help me finally be free."
Trevelyan wandered over and clapped a hand on Anders' back "So, want to come back to Skyhold with us?" he asked with a roguish grin.
