Days had been passing by quickly after that special night Michaela and Sully had shared.
Every night Michaela Quinn would stand at her window, wishing upon the stars to hear his voice again. But it never came. Only the intense feeling that made her body tremble and leaving her longing for more. He had the ability of setting her entire being on fire and showing her feelings inside of her she never knew existed, leaving her wishing the nights would never end. But with these feelings inside her, she had tried to make the best out of each day and was looking forward each night to be close to him again.
But tonight would be different.
After another long day, she finally wanted to put the last file down onto the finished stack of papers when she heard a knock at her door.
Sighing, she called out, "Come in."
To her surprise she saw William entering her office. He had been very distant in the last few days and Michaela didn't know if he wanted to give her the space she needed or if he wanted her out of his life.
"Good evening, Michaela."
Not sure of what was about to happen, she just gave him a short nod. "William."
"I came to apologize. I didn't mean to have stayed away from you the last days but I thought it would do us both good." If it would have been his choice, he would have stayed away from her even longer, but it wasn't.
"I guess you needed the space more than I did." Seeing the instant hurt in his eyes, she immediately regretted her answer.
"I am sorry William. I didn't…" but William interrupted her. Not wasting any time he came straight to the point.
"Michaela, I want you to rethink about the answer you have giving me. I…"
"Excuse me?"
Realizing that this had been the wrong approach, he softened his voice and tried it again, this time kneeling down next to her and taking one hand in his own.
It happened so fast Michaela didn't realized what happened until it was too late.
"Michaela, please think about it. We know each other for so long and you know that I care for you. I would be a good husband and…."
"William, what…?"
"I had a lot to think about and I am asking you here and now, Will you marry me?"
Michaela couldn't believe her ears. Had William just proposed to her? Here in her office? After she had denied even courting him? Anger filled her heart. How could he do this?
Pushing his hand away, she rose from her seat, taking him with her.
"William I thought my answer had been clear to you. I am not, and I repeat, I am not going to court or marry you. Why is this so difficult for you to understand? I don't love you!"
William saw the anger and disappointment in her eyes and he wished he didn't have to do that, but knew there was no other choice. But to avoid any further damage, he left for the door and just turned around before he was out.
"Your mother invited me for dinner tonight. She is expecting an answer." Wanting to leave as fast as possible, he didn't wait for any reaction and closed the door behind him.
Once outside, he leaned against the door. It was done. Closing his eyes he tried to calm his breathing. He wished he could go back inside and tell her how sorry he was and that he didn't want to do it. But he couldn't. He had to think about himself in this situation. He just prayed that she would think about her answer again and would come to the right conclusion. That a marriage with him wouldn't be that bad after all.
But he couldn't be further away from the truth.
Inside, Michaela stood frozen at her desk. She still didn't believe what had just happened. William had proposed to her even though she had denied courting him. And her mother! Did she actually had convinced William to propose to her? After all, she had warned her. But would her mother really be that cruel?
Not wanting to wait any longer and determined to find out what was going on, she packed her belongings and immediately left her office.
---
Stepping into the dining room, Elizabeth and William were already seated at the table. Realizing that this would be not going to her mothers liking tonight, Michaela tried to calm her racing heart.
"Good Evening Michaela."
"Mother, William."
Not wanting to be the first one to set the fire, Michaela kept silence.
She took the seat across from William and studied her friend closely.
His head was down and his hands were folded on the table. He hadn't said a word yet which was a sign for Michaela that William was very uncomfortable.
But Michaela couldn't control the curiosity anymore. Risking another outburst from her mother, Michaela was the first one to speak. Turning her head now towards Elizabeth, she asked, "Could you please explain what's going on mother?"
Instantly, noticing the bitterness in her daughters voice, she tried to stay calm and just answered, "William can answer that question."
Looking back at William, she spoke to him directly. "William would you please?"
But William still had his head down. Breathing harder.
With a more urgent voice now, Elizabeth spoke to him again. "William for heavens sake, would you please speak up!"
Nothing.
"William!"
Finally raising his head, he straighten his back. "I am sorry Mrs. Quinn but I cannot do that." Not giving her an opportunity to speak, he continued, now looking directly at Michaela. "Michaela, I am so sorry for what happened to day. I shouldn't have done what I did. I should have never asked for your hand. I hope that some day you can forgive me."
William knew that this was probably the end of it all. That he would lose everything in one single night. But he just couldn't do it.
Stunned, Elizabeth put her hand on her chest. "How could you William! Didn't we talked about this? Don't you do any mistakes now."
"Mother!" Michaela had finally enough. She couldn't believe what she witnessed in front of her. But William interrupted her. "The only mistake I did was listening to your nonsense. And now I have risked the friendship with Michaela." Looking over to Michaela, he hoped for her understanding. "Michaela, your mother came to me with the thread, that if I don't convince you to marry me, she would do everything that I lose my license as a doctor. That I would never have the chance to practice anywhere else."
Elizabeth, who watched in horror what was happening, tried to interfere "Michaela don't listen to him. He…" But William didn't stop, all the while starring at Michaela. "I am sorry that I was not stronger. You know that practicing is my life as it is for you and that I can't imagine not being a doctor but I don't want to hurt you anymore. I care for you too much."
Now determined to finish, he rose from his seat, and steadied himself with his hands on the table, gazing back to a stunned Elizabeth. "Mrs. Quinn, I don't even know why I was afraid of you and agreed to your plan. But it stops here. Do what you want." With that, William grabbed his coat from the chair and left quietly.
Then there was silence.
Michaela starred at the empty place in front of her. She had prepared herself for anything, to confront her mother and William. But she had never expected what had just played in front of her.
At the very moment, Elizabeth tried desperately to find a way of convincing her daughter that nothing had been true of what William had said.
"Michaela, that is not true. I would never…."
"Stop."
"Don't you dare to…."
"I said stop mother. How could you do this to me? To your own daughter. And William! He had nothing to do with this." Raising from her seat, she continued. "I am not going to change. Change to suit your ways. To live a life you want for me." Pausing, she decided if she should go on. But it was already to late. "I guess you treat me like you do because I am unreachable for you. If you continue to treat me as you are, I believe there is nothing left for me here."
Then there was silence again.
Michaela thought that any moment, the silence would be broken by her mothers outburst. But there came nothing. Instead, Elizabeth rose from her chair, laid her napkin on the table and inhaled deeply. Never in her life had she thought she would say that to any of her daughters. Calmly she replied, "at least we finally agree, Michaela. If you want to continue to live under this roof, you better live up to what is expected of you, if you cannot do that, I believe you know what you have to do. Goodnight Michaela." Glancing a last time at her daughter, Elizabeth left, leaving a perplex Michaela behind.
Never had Michaela felt so disappointed before. Understanding her mothers words correctly, she would no longer belong to the family if she wouldn't change.
Michaela sank back down on to her chair. Stunned and angry at herself, she covered her face with her hands and began to weep uncontrollably.
Michaela didn't know how much time had passed but suddenly felt a soft hand on her shoulder. For a split second, she thought that her mother had returned but then looked into the eyes of her friend Miriam. Wiping away her tears with her handkerchief, Michaela was surprised to see her friend.
"Miriam, what are you doing her?"
Taking the seat next to her, Miriam took Michaela into her arms. "Oh Michaela, William told me what happened. He thought that you might need someone to talk to." Letting Michaela out if her embrace, she looked into the now reddened eyes of her best friend. "I am so sorry, Michaela. I can't believe your mother did that."
Taking a deep breath, Michaela left out a lout sigh. Not thinking about herself in that moment, she asked, "How is William?"
"Well, he will be alright but he is angry with himself that he didn't stand up to your mother sooner." Pausing, Miriam took her friends hand. "What happened with you and your mother? I guess she was not happy about how the evening turned out."
"Of course not, Miriam. And I think I did the worst mistake ever. I challenged her."
"Oh Michaela, what happened?"
"Well, I told her that I won't change and if she can't accept that, that there was nothing left for me here and she agreed. I don't know what to do now."
Not knowing what to reply at first, she just squeezed Michaela's hand. But then rose from her seat as she spoke. "Come on, you come with me. You can stay as long as you want. My husband and the boys are not home anyway, that gives us enough time to talk."
Not giving Michaela a chance to protest, she took her by her hand and pulled her out of the Quinn's house.
---
Both now sitting comfortable in Miriam's living room a while later, sipping at the hot cup of tee in their hands, they talked about the earlier events.
"I just can't live up to her expectations, Miriam. I never could. I feel like I am a burden to her that she can't get rid of."
"That is not true, Michaela. She loves you."
"Yes it is. The moment I decided to become a doctor, she did everything she could to make me feel guilty. That I should stop this nonsense and be a part of the women society. Always wearing elegant cloths, behaving like a real lady and accept suitors. I never did anything to please her. And sometimes I think she is right. Look at me. I am 31 and the only man in my life, is a man I met in my dreams."
Glad now, that they could change the subject to a more pleasant one, Miriam reminded her. "But you know that he is real and that he feels same way about you. The only question is now, how you guys will find to each other. Did you have more dreams about him?".
Feeling her cheeks growing hot, she avoided the gaze of her friend and instead, turned her head and starred out the window. Closing her eyes, she remembered the last dreams she had. Feeling his hands worshipping every part of her body, feeling the taste of his kisses, his penetrating blue eyes.
"Michaela. Did you hear me?"
Opening her eyes, Michaela let her eyes wander back to the cup in her hand. "Yes, I still have these dreams."
"And?"
"Well, they are dreams. Nothing more. I stand at my window each night and I can feel him bit I don't hear his voice anymore. Maybe it wasn't meant to be."
"No, Michaela. I still see the glow about you when you told me what happened that night. That this is real. That you felt home for the first time. I remember your excitement about having heard his voice. He is out there, Michaela. Don't give up now!"
Loosing control, Michaela felt her tears anew. "Do you really think I don't know all this? I know I love him and that I would nothing more then to find him and spent the rest of my life with him. To feel his arms around me, to be kissed by his lips and stare into these beautiful blue eyes and know that nothing can separate us anymore. He is all I am thinking about. Wanting to know where he could be, what he was doing right at this moment. If he would be thinking of me as much as I am thinking about him. Sometimes I would suddenly turn around and desperately look back at the crowd in the hope of seeing him among the people. Thinking I had seen him but being disappointed every time again." Trying to stop her tears from falling she took a few breaths and whispered, "I don't want to give up, Miriam but I just don't know what to do any more."
Even if Miriam had tried to interfere, she couldn't have stopped Michaela from blurting out what had been inside her for quit some time.
"You know what I think?"
Gulping back her sobs, Michaela asked, "What?"
"I think you should go away for a while. You always wanted to see the world. Maybe know is your chance to start anew and you can find a place you can practice medicine the way you want it."
"But that doesn't solve the problem about him. No matter where I go, or what I do, I won't be happy if I don't find out more."
"If it is meant to be, you will find each other."
Seeing that Michaela considered her friends suggestion, Miriam rose from the couch and went over to a small table in the corner of the room, picked up a paper and walked back to Michaela.
Holding it now in front of her, she smiled down at Michaela. "Maybe this little town out west could help you. They are looking for a doctor. I found the advertisement yesterday." Handing her the newspaper, Miriam sat down next to Michaela again.
"What do you think?"
Michaela was reading it over and over again.
"Colorado Springs, Colorado. In desperate need of a doctor. Clinic and accommodation available. Please reply as soon as possible."
"Michaela? Michaela, what is it?"
Still starring at the ad in the newspaper, Michaela replied, "I don't know. I have this strange feeling."
Curious, Miriam asked, "what feeling?"
"When I read this, I get this incredible warm feeling. The feeling I have become to know so well in the last days."
"You mean…"
"It's the same feeling Miriam, The same incredible felling I had that night when I heard his voice."
"Well," Miriam answered with a laugh, "maybe you will find him sooner then you thought."
---
"But if you want to buy that land, you know you need to…"
"Go to town. I know," acknowledged Sully, finishing Cloud Dancing's thought.
Listening to the sound of fire burning, staring at it's glow and watching the sparks dance upward against the evening sky, Sully felt more at peace that he had in a long time but the thought of going back to town, tied a knob in his throat.
Cloud Dancing, who was sitting across Sully from the campfire, knew that it would be hard for his brother to face the many faces in town he didn't desire to see once again.
"I have told you before, that you have to let go of the past, before you can move on. But you have seen it in your dream. You have seen the future. The only reason that will keep it from happening is you, or do you think she will find you out here in the woods?"
Considering his replies, Sully had to admit that seeing some of his friends might do him some good. He at least knew from one little boy, who would be happy to see him.
And then there was, of course Loren Bray, Abigail's father, who would probably not be pleased to see him back in town.
But the thought of Michaela brought him back down to earth. Cloud Dancing was right. If he ever wanted Michaela to find him, he might not have another choice.
Pouring the rest of his coffee in to the flames, Sully rose from the log he was sitting on and told Cloud Dancing, "I know you are right but I need to sleep on it. Good night, Cloud Dancing."
Cloud Dancing watched him leave and gave a short prayer to the spirits to help him make the right decision.
