WARNING: this chapter may cause tears, difficulty breathing and feels
Lol enjoy my sexy readers
I gradually became aware that I was bleeding. My wounds had all healed so I knew these were fresh. I was next aware of deep slices from my stomach to my chest. A whimper escaped from my lips and my eyes opened slightly. I saw only darkness before my eyes adjusted and I found I wasn't in my cosy little flat any more. I was in some kind of garage.
I only had to turn my head slightly to the right to locate the demon I had loved for as long as I could remember. "Se..." I began but then he looked at me, his eyes glowing with hurt and rage.
"Don't you dare invoke that name."
There was silence for a while as my fresh wounds healed before I spoke again. "What...did I do?" I asked softly, looking at him but my vision was blurred. I blinked out the blood in my eyes and my vision came into focus. There was silence for a long while before Sebastian stood.
"She's dead." he said softly. "Torn to shreds."
"Amy?"
"Obviously." he growled and turned to glare at me. "Her soul had been sucked out through her mouth. No one but a demon could have done that." He moved closer, approaching almost lazily but I could see it for what it really was; he was pacing himself. He wanted my suffering to last, he wanted to drink in my fear and feast on my guilt. "I know it was you, boy. I just want you to tell me one thing." He abruptly shoved a knife into my abdominal and I screamed. The pain was familiar but no less agonizing. It reminded me of the moment I became a demon, when he punched his hand through my torso. "Why?" he demanded when my screams subsided into sobs. "Why did you do it? What did you have to gain?"
"I didn't..." I spluttered, blood filling my mouth as I coughed. The wound wasn't fatal but then nothing was really fatal to a demon now. "I swear..." I choked out. He looked down at me, his head tilted like a confused dog that didn't understand his master. It was a look I had received so many times when I reminded Sebastian of my own humanity.
Oh they hurt, memories. My world was tearing into pieces and I honestly didn't care. I was happy just to gaze into the face of the man I have loved for over a century. It seemed he finally believed me for he ungraciously ripped out the knife in my stomach. I cried, of course, like the pathetic creature that I was. I curled up on my side, bleeding heavily for a while until my wounds re-healed one last time. I lay there, on my side. I felt like I was falling through a hole in the sky. This stranger, for that's what Sebastian was for the moment, watched me as I felt myself loose my sanity. He had touched my soul; I'd let him into my mind and I had let him into... let him into...
...my heart.
If he'd whisper to me, I'd believe all the madness, all the truths and the lies.
"Are you...are you crying?" he didn't sound sympathetic exactly. More astonished or maybe even just confused really. "You're crying, aren't you?"
My lips parted but I couldn't bring myself to say anything. Slowly, I shifted into a sitting position and blood dribbled out of my mouth. I felt a bit dizzy so I kept my head down. Besides, I didn't want him to see me in this state any more than he had to. It's not that I didn't want him to worry – I knew he wouldn't anyway- it was more a matter of my pride.
I'll tell you what I wanted to say: I wanted to tell him that of course I was crying. That I had just endured torture, that I still had the mind and body I had at thirteen because that's the age I'd been stuck with so of course I was bloody crying!
But I said none of this.
I slid off the table and my legs gave way beneath me. With a soft 'oof' sound, I fell to the ground and winced as my wrist took the full force of my weight. I tried not to vocalise my pain but it was hard when one is still wounded. Once again, I got to my feet with a slowness that no doubt irritated my once-butler. Eventually, I looked up at him and found myself gazing into those ruby red eyes for a moment before I lowered my own. "Are you...going to hurt me some more?" I asked but it sort of came out in a reluctant mumble.
He almost smiled. "No," he replied. "But you will help me find the demon who took Amy's soul. You owe me that much at least."
How dare he?
How
Dare
He?
"No." I snapped, suddenly furious.
"No?" he repeated.
He must have lost some brain cells over the years.
"No," I confirmed. "I owe you nothing."
"Nothing?"
God he was slow.
"Nothing." I was crying again. "You...you tortured me. You hurt me in ways I can't even..." I had to stop to breathe for a moment and to turn away. I couldn't look at him. I just couldn't. I loved him so much and it hurt. "If I ever owed you anything, that has been scratched off. You have made my demonic existence pure misery. I have spent my life running and hiding in fear of running into you. I left that night … I ran because I couldn't stay when you clearly … clearly didn't want me to stay. When I was human, this was easier. I could … I could pretend you cared. I could pretend because you took on my nonsense with a smile." I swayed as I gasped for breath and I grasped the table for support. It wasn't exactly an asthma attack. I hadn't had once since I was human and this felt different somehow. Looking back, I think it was an anxiety attack. "And then I was turned against my will and you just weren't... Sebastian anymore. You didn't smile, you didn't...you didn't..." I had to stop there for a moment. "You...you had my soul, Sebastian but you chose to crush it rather than preserve it. You and your spite."
Sebastian chuckled softly. "Careful, young Lord. That sounds much like a love confession."
I shook my head and let myself sink to the floor. "Why would someone love someone like you? You destroy and robbed me of any chance of happiness. You tried to kill me and you tortured me... I'm but an empty shell. So go on. Hurt me some more. In fact, just kill me. Just... kill me."
There was silence for the longest of moments but he didn't kill me as I had hoped. He just lifted me up in his arms and carried me out. It felt like old times for a moment, like I had never been a demon and that I was still just the human Ciel Phantomhive that Sebastian had longed for, hungered for. He took me back to my flat and lay me in bed. I was too exhausted to protest and I soon passed out.
When I woke... he was gone.
