Words can't even begin...


The next few days were nothing but a blur. I didn't talk to either John. I was too afraid one of them hated me, or maybe even both.

Saturday morning, I finally rolled out of bed and crawled down the steps. The house was empty and the sound of silence pierced my ears. No food sounded good, so I passed the kitchen and plopped down on the living room couch.

There was nothing on TV. I was trapped in a world of nothing. Finally, I dragged myself out of the living room and back up to my room to get dressed for a run. Maybe the fresh air would do me good.

Just as I pulled on my Nike's my phone vibrated from across the room and I raced for it, desperate for any type of civil conversation.

It was John O'Callaghan. At first I wasn't going to answer, but I knew I had too. I knew I'd regret it if I didn't.

"Hello," I answered as I hit talk.

"Hey Lace, do you have any plans for the day?"

What was this? Was he asking to hang out. Five days ago he didn't want to see my face. Did he forget everything that had happened?

"No, I was about to go for a run," I replied, "why what's up?"

"Well I'm going to visit the campus today and I wanted to know if you wanted to come with me?"

"Campus? As in college campus?"

'Yeah ASU," he replied, "come on it'll be fun."

"John I thought you hated me."

"I don't hate you Lacey, but we do have a lot to talk about." He sighed and waited for my response.

Fiddling with them hem of my shirt, I contemplated whether I should go with him or not. If I did, I'd have to see where we was going, what was taking him away, and if I stayed we might not ever have this chance to talk again.

"Fine I'll go," I finally replied, "when are you getting me?"

"Fifteen minutes?"

"Okay, I'll change. See you soon."

"See ya," John replied before he hung up the phone.

I placed the phone back on my night stand and kicked off my Nikes. Pulling my shirt off over my head I started towards my closet and through the door open. John's shirt I'd worn on the last day of school hung before me and I grabbed it. Throwing it on, I searched my closet floor for a pair of jean shorts and pulled down my running shorts and spandex.

Fully dressed, I entered the bathroom and began to wet my tooth brush. I squirted on some toothpaste and turned the electric bristles on. As I brushed, I opened the cabinet and pulled out some cover up. After spitting in the sink and rinsing out my mouth, I squeezed some makeup into my hand and began applying it to my tanned face. Random threads of dark cherry hair fell into my face and I tussled them away from the bridge of my nose. Finally, I brushed out my main and did a double check in the mirror. Not bad for a ten minute clean up job.

Grabbing my phone, I padded down the stairs of my room and slipped on my vans waiting at the bottom. The front door was unlocked, (thanks for caring about my safety mom), and I pulled it open and took a seat on the front steps. John would be arriving in a short time and I didn't feel like waiting inside.

The shadow of the house shaded me from the Saturday sun, and I clenched my eyes nearly closed as I checked down the road to see if John was almost here. Feeling a vibrating in my pocket, I reached for my phone read the screen. John Gomez.

"Hello," I answered.

"Hey Lacey," he soothed, "how ya feeling?"

"Fine," I replied, "so I take it you don't hate me either."

"Hate you? Why would I hate you? Everyone thinks it's awesome that we had sex. You have no idea how many "atta boys" I've gotten…"

"John we didn't have sex!" I exclaimed, "and don't tell people we did!"

"I didn't tell anyone," he replied, "you told John we did, he must have told people."

"Great, just fucking great!"

"It kinda worked out though, if you think about it. I mean, you're still going to be with John and people actually now my name now. I'm not just Stephen's little brother or Kennedy's friend. I'm the guy who had sex with Lacey Monroe."

"Congratu-fucking-lations," I mumbled, "but you have to tell the truth John, we both know damn well that we did not sleep together."

"And that's everyone who needs to know!" John exclaimed, "who cares what anybody else thinks!"

"I care John, I'm a virgin. Do you think I want people calling me a slut?"

"No ones going to call you a slut," John assured me, "really this whole thing will be old news by next week."

"John, I am not going to pretend to lose my virginity. That's weird and crazy and I'm telling the truth."

"Please Lacey, can we just keep it a secret. Please."

John pulled in the driveway gave my a quick wave. I hopped up off the step and started heading towards the car.

"Look John, I have to go. We'll talk about this later. Bye." I hung up the phone and slid into John's car.

"Who was that?" he asked.

"Gwen," I lied, "just checking up on me."

At the mention of Gwen, John cleared his throat and pulled out of the driveway without a word. We peeled down the street and I plucked John's sunglasses off the top of his head.

"They look better on you anyway," he joked as I slid them on my face.

"So…" I leaned over, "what would you like to talk about first."

"The Melissa thing," John answered, "that needs to be cleared up now."

"Okay then, clear it up."

John rolled up the window and blasted the AC as we merged onto the freeway. He turned to me and cleared his throat; "first of all, I've never slept with Melissa, not once."

"Good to know," I replied shaking my head.

"And second of all, she is definitely 100% not pregnant. She only thought she was; she came to me two months and she was really worried. I told her to take a test but she was too scared her mom would find it. So every Tuesday we'd drive to Planned Parenthood and every Tuesday she'd chicken out and make me drive home."

"Why was she so worried?" I asked, "okay, she's pregnant but she's almost 18, and the father…wait. Who would have been the father?"

"I can't tell you," John replied, "I promised her I wouldn't tell anyone."

"Come on John, it's me Lacey. The girl you tell everything too!"

"Lace, I can't."

"Tell me or I tell everyone your secret," I daringly replied.

"Which secret?"

"You know which secret John," I growled, "you know very well which secret."

"You wouldn't!" he exclaimed.

"Oh, I would…"

"Fine!" John laughed, "I'll tell you, but you can't tell anyone."

"Scouts honor," I replied, holding up the Girl Scouts promise hand.

"It's Kennedy."

I fell backwards in shock and soon as he said the name. "KENNEDY?"

"Yes, but do not and I mean do not tell anyone!"

"He's cheating on Gabi?" I whispered as if there was someone listening in to our private conversations.

"When is he not?" John rolled his eyes, "but him and Melissa are done and you promised you wouldn't tell anyone."

"Okay, and I promise I won't tell you're secret."

"Oh my god, I'd kill you."

John changed lanes and I turned the song up on the radio. I pulled out my phone and began flipping through old texts saved from John. One read; "I miss you more than anything. Can't wait to see you. Stay beautiful, John."

But not one text said I love you. Then I remembered the tiny blue envelope. I reached over and turned down the song.

"Hey John," I began, "I read the card."

"Oh you did, did you?" he replied, not taking his eyes off the road.

I nodded and placed a hand on his right leg, "do you still mean it?"

"What do you mean do I still mean it, of course I do. I always have, it was just hard to say it."

"But why?" I exclaimed, "John I've loved you for as long as I can remember. Love just comes easy for us, what would make you so afraid to tell me you loved me."

"Because I…"

Before he could finish my phone rang and I pulled it out of my pocket. Gwen was calling and I hit talk, knowing it was probably important.

"Hey Gwen," I answered.

"It's Gwen?" John whisper-yelled, "don't tell her you're with me!"

"Why?" I mouthed.

"Because she hates me!" he whispered, "she doesn't want us to be together!"

"Whatever," I mumbled and rolled my eyes, "what's up Gwen?"

"Well nothing now," Gwen replied, "I got stood up again, so I'm just going home. I was calling to see if you were home, maybe if you wanted to go out to lunch or something."

"Oh I'm sorry about the stood up part, but I'm not home. I'm with…Jess. We're going shopping in Phoenix."

"Oh fun," Gwen replied, "well I guess I'll see you later then."

"Wait Gwen," I exclaimed, "I have to tell you something!"

"What's up?"

"So John told me who Melissa's baby daddy would have been!"

John gasped and smacked my arm, "NO!"

I nodded and clutched the phone closer to my ear.

"John?" Gwen replied, "I thought you were with Jess…"

"I am," I lied, "John called me last night."

"Oh, right." Gwen coughed away from the phone and I could hear Madison whining in the background. "So who is it?"

"Kennedy!" I exclaimed.

John smacked his forehead with his palm and let out a deep sigh. I chuckled under my breath and listen to Gwen's hilarious reaction.

"Holy shit!" she gushed, "that has to be a hug secret! How did you get John to tell you?"

"I threatened I'd tell everyone a huge secret about him," I replied, giggling in John's direction.

"What? That he cries after he…"

"That's enough!" I exclaimed. But then it hit me; I never told Gwen that secret. I never told anyone that secret. What the hell!

"Gwen..how did you know…"

"Well I'll talk to you later, Lace. Bye!" and she hung up.

I let my phone drop into my lap and tried to wrap my mind around the situation. I turned to John and shot him and unsatisfied look.

"John, you know what's weird? Gwen knew your secret. You know the secret I threatened to tell…I didn't tell anyone, especially not her. How would she…"

"She would know because we've slept together," John replied.

"WHAT?" I exclaimed nearly jumping out of my seat.

"You had sex with John I might as well tell you the truth now," John began, " Gwen and I have been secretly together for a while now. Actually a long while. And Gwen isn't who you think she is. She's not Gwen…she's Carolyn."

"Are you insane?" I screamed, "what the fuck are you talking about?"

"Carolyn, Lacey! She's fucking Carolyn. She found out she was pregnant before the modeling thing and Gwen went for her. Gwen was murdered, not Carolyn!"

"What are you saying?" I exclaimed.

"I'm saying that Gwen is not Gwen! She's Carolyn! And Madison isn't Gwen's daughter, she's Carolyn's. Carolyn isn't dead. Gwen is."

"I don't believe you!" I cried, "this has to be a joke."

"It's not a joke, Lacey it's the truth. And there's something else you should know too."

The taste of vomit curled up my throat and I tried to swallow it back down, "don't fucking say it John. Don't say it."

"Madison is my mine. She's mine and Carolyn's daughter…"

In the moment John confessed his deepest darkest secret to me. Three cars a head of us, a black Mazda blew a tire and began swerving out of control. The white Toyota behind it didn't have time to stop, but instead peeled over into the other lane. And the blue Jeep Cherokee in front of us slammed on their brakes nearly seconds before slamming into the back of the black Mazda. And at that second John O'Callaghan had his eyes off the wheel and looking into mine.

I heard the brakes squeak and smelt the burning rubber but it was too late by the time I yelled "John look out." John's black BMW smashed dead center into the back of the blue Jeep Cherokee, which hit even harder into the black Mazda. And at the same time the driver of the blue Cherokee could realize he had been hit, I did have time to realize my head had slammed into the windshield before me and the world went red, then grey, then nothing but the smell of blood and cold, bone shattering darkness.