DC: I do not own nor profit from any of JRR Tolkiens characters or works.
A/N: Thank you for the reviews so far. I will always try to personally respond if I can (I can't respond to guests.) I have been trying my best to edit this bit by bit, so I will hope there isn't too much overlapping. I know this chapter goes a little faster, but I really wanted to focus a little more on them together. Enjoy!
This is a re-edited chapter, so I am hoping that you enjoy the changes that have been made. When I am done with the re-edits, I will give a brief outline of the changes made for those who have already read the chapters. :)
Many months went by, as Beriadanwen became more and more immersed in elven culture. She spent most days with Haldir, teaching him, and telling him of her home, while she began teaching him the more advanced techniques to her fighting, what she called martial arts. It was about time, as Haldir had not been entirely impressed. He vented to one of his fellow sentries one evening that he had pretty much known what she was teaching him already, and that if this was so impressive to the Rivendell sentries, then they had more teaching than he thought.
Arbethiel had been teaching Berri about elvish medicine on the days Haldir worked with the guards. It seemed so simple to her, though there was more to it than just herbs and incantations. It was the power of the Valar that they called upon, a power she did not have access to. Even still, she did well enough to prepare wounds for the powers that Arbethiel wielded.
One of her favorite places to be in the evening was the Hall of Fire. There, she would listen to the songs of the elves, and sometimes Elrond would tell her stories of battles long past. If Haldir was there, she'd find herself glancing at him on more than one occasion. On other evenings, the fires were quiet, and she could retire there to read what books she was lucky enough to find in westron. Haldir would usually spend his evenings in conversation with the other guards, but his mind would often turn to Berri. Haldir did not understand fully why he felt so drawn to her. Perhaps it was the way she turned combat into a graceful dance, or her laugh, but whatever it was, it caught his attention, and kept it long after their evening departures.
It had been quite some time since they had first met, and she only got under his skin in the best of ways. It was fortunate that his brothers had stayed behind to protect the woods of Lorien, as they surely would have noticed this subtle change in him. It was the smile that he gave her even when she wasn't looking. Or even the way he watched over her as she napped in their little training clearing. With as much as they had trained during the day, she usually needed a nap to refresh herself, and Haldir found his protective nature fulfilled watching her as she mumbled incoherently or groaned in her dreams.
He wondered in those times, if this is why the lady Galadriel had been so insistent in his departure to Rivendell. Orophin and Rumil were just as skilled as he was, and were perfectly capable of assisting these new guardians, but instead, Galadriel insisted he go. While he was irritable for having to leave his post, he now was happy he had been chosen for this. Perhaps Galadriel knew this would happen, he often thought. That he would find someone to fill this void in his life here, even if it's temporary. Galadriel was wise in these matters, and her guidance was not one to deny. It was really, in many ways, unfortunate. Because no matter how much Berri smiled at him, and no matter how much she made him laugh she was still betrothed to another, and it was a promise made that she could not formally break.
On that particular afternoon, Beriadanwen had been teaching him offensive attacks, and it had indeed been a heavy sparring day. They both gleamed in sweat, as they tried to outmaneuver the other. When Berri moved in to strike, Haldir unexpectedly pulled her in throwing her off balance and threw her to the ground. She landed heavily, as Haldir closed in, pinning her. This was the best pin he had gotten on her over the many months of training.
"Very good Haldir, you are coming along remarkably." She sighed breathlessly, shifting her wrists under his strong grip. Haldir wasn't thinking of his grip, he was enamored more with her eyes. How they were blue like his own, but carried so much emotion whether she had felt them or not. He could see everything in her eyes, as if he were looking from Ilmarin, but he was not looking out across Arda, he was looking into her very soul. In there, beneath the ice and pain was a flicker of a flame that longed to be fanned, tended and brought into an inferno.
"Haldir, I think we can stand now." She blushed, turning her head as nervousness claimed her once more. Reluctantly, he pulled her up to her feet, but he did not let go. It felt as though a spell kept him from releasing her as he focused on her, feeling her pulse quicken beneath his fingertips, and her cheeks flush. Haldir couldn't stop himself as he brought his lips down onto hers. It was as much of a surprise to her as it was to him, but she, surprisingly, accepted him and returned the lock.
In this moment, Haldir was decided. He had to have her, at least once, for this was the first woman that had made him lose control of his actions. If he did not, then he would lose her forever no doubt. But how and why was it that this human woman could stir so much emotion in him? Why not these elleths, who begged for his affection in Caras Galadhon? Haldir pulled away, realizing his fingers had tangled themselves in her hair as she removed her hands from his chest, stepping back. He found himself, for the first time, breathless.
Her lips were plumped and her eyes shone in sadness and contentedness at once. He wanted to say something, but his words were lost. Instead, he brought his hand up to her cheek gently stroking his thumb across her skin, delighting as she turned her cheek into his touch. "Haldir…" She sighed with a gentle groan on her voice. He could only smile in response, too absorbed in her for words.
Berri couldn't take it anymore as she reluctantly pulled away. That signaled the end of their lessons for the day, and in fact for the next week. Haldir could only watch sadly as she quickly left the clearing with tears on her cheeks. Berri made her way back to her talan as fast as she could, pacing back and forth crying behind the closed doors. What would she do? Her heart had been struck, she could feel the excitement that came with falling in love, but they were two worlds apart.
Her mind was flooded with reminders of Adam, both good and bad. But could she ignore her body when Haldir could make her feel things with one touch that Adam had never made her feel? Her heart sank. How could she start falling for someone here when she was seeking a way home? Why couldn't she have met him back home? Why here where there was no future? She was conflicted as she threw herself onto the bed.
She rested her head back, letting her mind wander. Her head was filled with thoughts of the possibilities, and her heart fluttered when she thought of Haldir. When she was younger, she would get the same feelings when Adam would call and talk to her, but after his first infidelity, that feeling faded. After his 3rd unfaithful rendezvous, she didn't have the fluttering heart, or the butterflies. Laying there in Rivendell, an unknown distance from home, she wondered why she had stayed with him at all. Maybe by that point, it was just a little less lonely than being alone.
But here, Haldir made her feel special. She had enjoyed his company during her time in Rivendell, and had admittedly grown quite fond of him. The moment his lips had touched hers, she felt lost in him. Something in her stirred and woke with fervor and passion that she had long forgot she harbored. It overwhelmed her as he kept his touch on her. Though she felt she could swim in him, she pulled away, embarrassed and scared at once. She can't fall for someone now. Even if she didn't want Adam, she couldn't fall for someone here.
Haldir stayed in the clearing, standing as he did when she turned away from him. She had responded to him in a positive way, but she had left in tears, and it confused him. It was a better kiss than he imagined it would be. It was pure and blissful, and it left his lips tingling wildly. He realized she was promised to another, and that she was hoping to go back to him, but maybe, just maybe, he had a chance. He had to try. But now he had put her in a terrible way to make her choose between him and her home. 'Perhaps it would be prudent to seek the council of Elrond on this matter' he thought. With a shake of his head, he left towards Elronds sitting room.
He could hear Berri's soft sniffling as he passed down the hall. He hadn't meant to make her cry, but he could not resist the urge any longer. His mind was unable to stop what his body was doing. A part of him thought to stop and ask her forgiveness, but he felt it would be most unwise at that moment and instead he turned away and continued to Elronds study.
Elrond seemed to be expecting him when he opened the door. With a proper greeting, Haldir sat in a chair across from Elrond.
"What brings the Marchwarden to my study today?" He arched a brow, sipping a goblet of wine, setting his leather-bound book aside. Haldir sighed, resting his chin on his fist.
"I have a dilemma, Lord Elrond." He shook his head, looking off into the distance.
"Uh huh, and what would that be?"
"You see, I am afraid I am becoming quite attached to Beriadanwen." He sighed in frustration.
"Is that so?" Elrond spoke amused. "And how would this be such a dilemma?"
"Because she is human, and does not wish to remain here."
Elrond chuckled. "Do not let mortality disrupt you. Do not forget that I myself was born half-elven. As for her return home, well, I cannot speak on that." He sighed.
"But that is the hardest part. What do I do? Surely she will not stay."
"Haldir, I suggest you take comfort in what time you have with her now." Elrond started. "But remember, even the wisest cannot see all ends." He cautioned, and with a look, he dismissed the frustrated elf. Haldir stalked off towards his own room, his mind a muddled mess. He was more confused now than he was before he kissed her. How could such a simple gesture cause so much confusion? Was it this confusing for his brothers when they first kissed their wives?
Elrond could not return to his book immediately. Instead, he wondered if it wouldn't be best to invite an old friend to Rivendell. Perhaps not while Berri was there, but he could meet his old friend in Lorien for a private meeting was much needed now, and could not be put off. In the reaches of his mind, he knew Galadriel agreed.
His friend from Mirkwood, Canafinwe had noticed his sour mood the moment he laid eyes on him. "What seems to trouble you?" He bothered, sitting beside the elf who had been honing his blade.
"Honestly, I don't know what to do. I feel like for the first time, I don't know what to do." Haldir shook his head, slowly dragging the stone across the edge.
"What do you mean?" Canafinwe shifted with interest, his long sun colored strands falling over his shoulder.
"I could not control myself today." He spoke simply.
"What happened?" Canafinwe pressed. In his age, he knew there was a story he was missing out on.
"Beriadanwen, the traveler… I kissed her today." Haldir sighed, setting the stone aside, too distracted now to continue tending to his blade.
"Well, it's about damn time. The way I've seen you two, I'm surprised it did not happen sooner!" He chuckled, patting Haldir on the shoulder heavily.
"But, I do not believe it was wanted. I could not stop myself, my mind had no control." Haldir pressed. "I don't know what to do about it."
"Have you ever been with a woman Haldir?" Canafwine asked bluntly. Haldir snapped his head around, caught off guard by the sudden question. His mouth bobbed open and closed momentarily before he resigned himself to shyly shaking his head. "And you are, well over 300 years old, yes?" Canafinwe leaned back, propping himself up on his elbows, allowing his face to catch the full radiance of the afternoon sun. Haldir nodded slowly and thoughtfully. "Well that is your problem. Your bodies need for bonding is overpowering you."
"Yes, but how do I stop it?" Haldir gritted irritably. "I cannot assault her lips every time just because I cannot control my body." He shook his head, clenching and flexing his fist.
"Then sate it." Canafinwe shrugged. He caught Haldirs questioning glance and smirked, shaking his head. "No Haldir, I don't mean ravage the poor thing. If she cried from you kissing her, I can only imagine how she'd react to you bedding her." He stopped to laugh at the image, receiving a well-deserved punch in the arm from his perturbed friend. "I have never bedded a woman in all my long years, Haldir. But I have enjoyed the feel of sharing a bed with one. It has held my desires at bay. I would suggest finding one here for the same purpose so your mind may keep control." He suggested seriously. "But for now, I believe there is wine to be had in the feast hall." He grunted, pulling himself to his feet. Haldir watched him walk away, shaking his head at this elfs never ending love of wine. Perhaps he would have to find a woman to hold these urges at bay. But the question was who would be willing to do so?
It took nearly a week for them to get back to their training regiment. Haldir had kicked himself all that absent week. He should have asked for her permission to lay his lips upon her. But he knew either way that she had enjoyed it, which was promising to him. He would return to that clearing every day in hopes she would arrive, but for seven days, she eluded him. At meals, she would sit far from him, avoiding his gaze, but when her eyes did make contact with his, her cheeks would burn red, and she would quickly look elsewhere. Even when he had hoped to intercept her, she would manage to escape him, dodging into conversations to avoid having to speak with him.
For Berri's part, her mind drifted back and forth between her home and Rivendell. She could feel herself breaking and tearing, lost between her lives. Her mind mostly rested between Adam and Haldir. Sure, she had been spending the better part of her time with him here in Rivendell, but never did she imagine that he would kiss her. He had not even alluded that he had any desire to kiss her, or hold any affection towards her. Granted, she had to acknowledge at some point that he was attractive. She had to acknowledge that she felt comfortable with him as he filled their downtime together with history and stories. But she was still engaged to Adam, and for the first time in a very long time, she paid attention to the diamond solitaire that sat on her finger. But she didn't look at it with the same happiness that she did when Adam had set it there. Instead she looked at it with sadness, and, to some degree, anger. Berri actually felt a little bad that she had been avoiding Haldir, but he only complicated her thoughts. She could not face him and risk saying something she'd regret.
On the eighth day, Haldir was surprised to see her meditating in their practice clearing, preparing for a day of sparring. She must not have known that he was there, as he stared at her. He took in her sight, the pacific look upon her face that touched him, making him feel at ease. He almost didn't want to disturb her, enjoying this chance to be so close to her and fearing she may take flight at his sudden approach.
"Is the day well for you then?" He cleared his throat tentatively as she jumped slightly.
"Yes, it is. Good morning Haldir." She spoke softly, opening her large doe eyes to him. She had arranged her thoughts, finding herself able to finally enjoy looking at him again without being so shy as to clam up.
"I am surprised you came." He smirked, setting his bow and quiver aside. She blushed as her arms stretched high above her head.
"I debated, but I realize we have not been sparring for a week now." She sighed. He waited for a better answer than that, unstrapping his leather bag from his shoulder.
"So are you okay then?" He sat before her, as she rested her palms on her knees.
"I am fine."
"But you avoided me for the last week, I imagine you were not fond my kiss." He eyed her, hoping she would now answer him fully. She bit her lip, tapping a finger on her knee. It was a debate between a lie, a truth, or somewhere in between.
"On the contrary, I did enjoy it Haldir, very much so." She paused nervously. "I have enjoyed our time together, but I also would like to go home as well." She began to play at the crisscrossing of the fabric of her tunic. With a triumphant smile, he noticed her hands were free from jewelry as he began to stretch his limber body.
They resumed their training, but something was different. Beriadanwen didn't see it, but Haldir felt it. He noticed how she allowed his hands to linger, or how her eyes would change when he held her gaze while they stood close to one another. The way her heartbeat quickened under his touch. No doubt, she felt something more for him whether she admitted it to him or not.
It took a good long and trying month before she became more open and free with him again, as if nothing had happened. In all honesty, Haldir found himself lucky that he was able to press his luck and steal more kisses through the month with a more positive reaction from her. Some days she would smile shyly and leave him to tend to his other duties, and other days she would seem to sink into their lips embrace. Canafinwe was right however. Even though he did not lay with Berri, he felt the beast within him soothed by the kisses she allowed him. He had been spending more time teaching her archery and dagger throwing as of late, occupying her mind with more interesting things. Every day that passed during their training, she seemed lighter and jovial, attentive to his guidance and touches, which returned the smile to Haldirs face.
It was difficult for Haldir to have to leave her when he and Canafinwe prepared to take the trainees out for a three week long field training exercise. They were to test their skills in the field against the typical foes they may come across; a necessary step as fighting a target was far easier than fighting an orc. She had a small pout and frown on her features when Haldir told her he would be gone for the following weeks.
"But then who is going to make sure keep proper form on my archery?" She looked at him across from the table where they ate an afternoon meal. There were not many elves in the dining hall as it was an early lunch for them, with the intention of being in the field for the rest of the day.
"Well, you know Lord Elrond is a very good archer." He smirked, "one of the best in Rivendell if I must say."
"Yes, well…" Berri paused hoping for an excuse to come to her lips, but none came.
"You would rather have me train you?" He tempted.
"Well, yes." She shrugged. "I've just become more comfortable with you training me. Besides, someone might train me wrong and ruin everything you've taught me." She gave a sweet smile.
"Take the time to work with Arbethiel. I'm sure your healing hands will help when we come back, for I'm sure someone will get hurt." He chuckled at her sigh.
"I guess." She looked at her plate downheartedly. She had enjoyed Haldir's company over her time in Rivendell, spending more time with him than anybody else so far. Overall, he had become her comfort there. Without her parents to turn to, or her regular circle of friends, he had become the next best thing, but he did such a good job at being her support.
"Do not worry, it won't be as long as you think. I'll be back before you know it." He smiled at her, finishing his meal before they returned to the target fields.
On the day of the field training, Haldir was up bright and early in his silver and crimson armor. The sun had not yet arisen over the resting city as the other trainees and trainers gathered what they'd need for the drill. They were instructed to meet down at the archery targets before marching out through the hidden pass.
He of course, couldn't simply leave without saying goodbye to Beriadanwen. He imagined she would give him plenty of hassle for that when he got back if he did not. With his helm tucked under his arm, he walked down the hallway as silent as a shadow, stopping at her door. The early air was cool and crisp against his skin, as he breathed in the earthy scent. On the other side, he could hear her deep rhythmic breathing. His rap at the door stirred her as he heard her sheets rustling and a groan. He rapped again, hearing her feet patter across the floor. She was far louder than elves, he mused, wondering if she'd be bothered that he knew what she was doing on the other side.
"Good morning." Her groggy voice greeted him as the light in the corridor shed upon her sleepy face. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes, giving a deep yawn. Haldir stepped in, setting his helm on her dresser. His eyes watched Berri move towards the middle of the room, her formfitting tunic reaching almost to her knees, the sleeves a little too long for her slender arms, as they reached nearly to her fingertips. While she may not have meant for him to see her like this, she certainly didn't seem offended by his gaze.
The cream colored tunic stood out against her sun kissed skin and raven hair that was partly pulled over her shoulder. The deep cut at the neck of the tunic teased his eyes with a glimpse of her cleavage, but he swallowed his immediate urge. "Good morning Beriadanwen. I apologize for waking you so early." He smiled softly.
"It's alright. What's going on?" She took a deep breath, trying to wake herself up.
"We are leaving for the field drill, and I wanted to say goodbye." He offered, stepping closer to her.
"You're leaving so early though, what time is it?" She looked around, only having the vivid moonlight to light her room as her candle had gone out long ago.
"It is only a few hours before sunrise. We do not keep time the way man does." He watched as Berri stopped, rubbing her arms, no doubt the chill air a drastic change from her warm bed.
"Are… you wearing a skirt?" She stopped suddenly, looking over his armor with a squint. "No, I've got to see this." She took her candle, and stepped briefly into the hall to light it from one of the lit sconces on the wall, returning to examine his armor. Haldir stood there in irritation.
"It is not a skirt. It is the armor of the Marchwarden, thank you." He retorted.
"It looks like a skirt to me." She giggled, finding herself in a silly childish mood.
"It is not wise to offend an elf, milady." He cocked a brow, looking down at her, catching her with his serious gaze, snapping her from her playfulness.
"I'm sorry Haldir. You are right. That is a well-earned suit you wear, and wear it with pride." She suddenly felt very foolish. She hadn't meant to make fun of what it meant to wear the garment.
"Do not think you can offend me so easily. I suppose it does kind of look like a skirt, but it allows for very free motion." Haldir suddenly chuckled, catching Berri off guard, letting her see his more fun side.
"Oh you mean elf." She chuckled, resting her cheek in her hand, half hiding her embarrassed smile.
"Perhaps, but I can't spoil you with kindness all the time, now can I?" He stepped in, resting his hands on her arms.
"You call kicking my feet kind?" She referred to his training, when he would tap her feet with his to adjust her stance.
"It isn't kicking, it's guiding." He spoke dignified.
"Alright Haldir, whatever you say." She shrugged, sighing happily. "Well, just be safe and be careful out there, though I'm sure you will come back just fine." She smiled up at him. Haldir brought her into him, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, as she held him at the waist, her face turned against the cold metal of his breastplate.
"I will come back, and we can resume our training." He assured her as he moved to let go, finding resistance.
"No, your cloak is too warm to let go, just one more moment." She groaned, indeed feeling her hands warm up under his crimson cloak. She may not have felt it, but Haldir was battling against a maelstrom of mixed feelings inside. He only allowed a few more moments before stepping away.
"Do not worry, you will not even notice I've gone." He petted her hair. "But I have lingered far too long and the others are surely getting impatient. If luck is with you, you can spend time with my cloak when I return." He removed himself from her, gathering his helm under his arm, followed closely by Berri. He stepped back out into the hall, bathed in the yellowish light of the sconces, but stopped to turn to Berri.
She looked at him, her features pleasant in the light that shone upon her. She looked far more natural in this freshly awakened state. With a swift dip, he leaned in to place a gentle kiss half on her lips and half on her cheek. "I'll see you soon." She whispered softly. With a nod, he turned away, and left into the late moonlight.
