A/N: This is the final letter. It is kind of my favourite but the one i hate the most too. Thank you to everybody who has read these and anyone who has reviewed. I hope you have liked Love, Cassie. Aisling
Dear Sirius,
As I once said to you in a letter long ago, I have no idea what to say. I miss you so much. Not seeing your face everyday, not hearing your voice around the house, not being able to wake up next to you every morning. It seems so much lonelier here without you. I tried to tell you all of this before but it is so much harder to do it in person and only now do I realise how much of a coward I am.
I'm sick Sirius, very sick. I have little more than a week left to live and that is the real reason I went to visit you. I wanted to see you once more, to be able to tell you goodbye and how much I love you. We both know that I didn't exactly get that far so that is why I'm writing this. I would love to go back and see you but I don't think I have the energy to go to Azkaban again, or to have another fight.
And finally my darling, I reach you. You, Sirius Black have been the most irritating, frustrating, hair wrenching, mind boggling, infuriating person I have ever met. You have turned me into a nervous wreck and the nagging wife and I shall never be the same because of you. There is so many moments when, looking back now, I still wish they never happened, that we never had to deal with all we did. And there is some days I feel so guilty thinking that I wish I had never found you in the first place. Because than I would never had to lose you. In sixteen years, you have given me some of the worst moments in my life and I hate you for it. But than there was those moments, the ones that I love you for, and they outweigh the bad ones about a million to one. I love you Sirius, I think I always have, even back when I did everything to deny that I liked you. To be honest, I'm a bit surprised I still do. It's so different from when we were seventeen and we declared our "undying" love for each other . And sitting here, writing to you, I realise just how much I meant it and just how much I do now. Don't get me wrong. You're still the worst thing that happened to me, but you're my best thing too. I wish that things could go back to the way they used to be. That I could fall asleep in your arms and not have to worry about what the consequences are of what horrors tomorrow will bring. That we could be together again and forget about the world and all our problems and we could focus on us. But I know that will never happen in our lifetimes, but I will be waiting for you, in a time and place where it will be possible.
I know you Sirius and I know how you'll feel when you read this. Please understand that this in no way intended to hurt you or guilt you. It is to forgive you. I know you'll find some way to blame yourself and I don't want you to. Even if you were here, there is nothing you could do to help me. You can't save me. And besides, you have to stay strong for Harry. There's going to be a day when he needs his Godfather more than anything and you'll be there. I only ask one thing of you. Don't ever tell him about me. He probably won't remember me and he doesn't need another person to cry over. Dumbledore has sent him to live with Lily's sister, for reasons which I can't explain right now. I hope he is safe there and that they'll treat him right.
Anyway I guess this is good bye for now.
I love you,
Cassie
