I opened my eyes with great difficulty. I felt so drained and so weak. I ached almost everywhere. It took me moment to spot my mom and dad sleeping in two nearby chairs. My mom had her head resting on my dad's shoulder whilst he rested his own head on top of hers. I feared the worst. I genuinely thought I'd be waking up to an empty room. I thought they'd be with my baby. Was my baby okay? Did he or she make it?
"Mom? Dad?", my voice croaked. I sounded as if someone had had at my throat with a cheese grater. But it seemed to do the trick as my mom's eyes snapped open.
"Hazel", she rushed to my side, not really caring that she had woken my dad up too. She sat on the edge of the hospital bed, running her finger through my hair as her eyes scanned every inch of my face. My dad soon joined her, taking my hand within his own and kissing it.
"Is- is the baby okay?", I asked.
"She's beautiful Hazel", my mom smiled. She. I had a daughter. Gus and I had a daughter.
"She?", I managed to grin. My parents nodded. "Can I see her?". My mom nodded slowly as she gave a watery smile before getting up and leaving the room. My dad shuffled closer to me, my hand still held within his own.
"I'm so proud of you Hazel", he said.
"Thanks dad", I smiled softly.
"Here she is", I suddenly heard Mrs Waters. I turned my head as quickly as I could to face her. She walked towards me with a tiny pink bundle in her arms. She handed her to me, and for the first time I saw my daughter. She was perfect. Her hair was the same mahogany colour that Augustus's was and I swear, even though she was barely a day old, she had his crooked half smile. When I watched TV shows with new mom's who had just given birth asking who the baby looked like I couldn't help but scoff. "Its just been born! It probably looks like a potato", I'd always say. But now I get it. And she looked so much like Augustus I could feel my heart swelling in my chest. And then, just when I thought she couldn't get anymore perfect, she opened her eyes, and they were the most beautiful shade of blue I had ever seen, aside from her dad's. I slowly reached to kiss her forehead. Her skin was so soft, almost as smooth as silk.
"She's perfect", I grinned as my eyes began to fill with tears. Augustus was right; I was so in love. I could have stayed like that with her forever. And then, I started to feel sad. I wasn't going to get that long with her. Who knew how long I had left now? I felt the weakest I had ever felt. I knew it couldn't be long. My hands looked so grey against her skin.
"Have you thought of a name sweetie?", my mom asked. I looked up at her. That was something I'd thought about a lot. And I had made a decision that I quite liked.
"Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you about that- I want you to name her", I said.
"But Hazel-"
"Please. I'd really love it if you'd name her", I smiled weakly. My mom smiled back before bending down and kissing my forehead.
"I'll have to have a think", she said. Later that night, I laid in that hospital bed, thinking about my little girl with a proud smile on my face as I stared at the ceiling. I hoped Augustus loved her as much as I did. She was a little miracle.
"Hey honey", my mom crept into the room.
"Mom? What are you doing here?", I said, looking at the clock on the wall. It was 11:46pm.
"I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd come check in on you. I hate being in the house knowing your not in your room sleeping"
"You'll have to get used to that soon mom", I said honestly. Her eyes met the floor sadly as she sat down on the edge of the bed.
"I thought of a name. I wanted to run it by you first"
"Go ahead"
"Your dad and I want to call her Hazel-Grace". I was shocked. When I decided to let my mom name her, I thought she would have thought of something like Caitlyn or Suzanne.
"Why?", I asked out of curiosity.
"Well, then I can tell her when she's older that she was named after her mom, who is the single most strongest, bravest and wonderful person I know", she gave me a watery smile. I found myself crying once again. I was surprised I even had any tears left! I was so touched by what my mom had said, and I thought it was a beautiful idea. I held out my arms for my mom to hug me and we stayed like that for while. It was nice. Just being with my mom in silence. Listening to her breathe as she began to get tired. She left shortly after that and I had a sudden idea. I grabbed a pen and paper from one of the drawers in the table next to my bed and began to write;
Little Hazel-Grace,
I'm so sorry me and your dad aren't with you as you read this. Your grandparents have probably already told you why by now. If there was a way that I could be with you, living and breathing, believe me sweetie I wouldn't be writing this. I just wanted you to know that I love you with every bit of my beating heart. As I'm writing this, you were born yesterday and it was the best day of my life, besides the day I met your dad. The star crossed love of my life. He was a wonderful man Hazel-Grace, and I know that he would have loved you as much as I do. I hope your Grandma and Grandpa Waters have told you all about him. I know they will. Always know that no matter where you go in life, your dad and I will always be with you no matter what. I hope that you are a healthy, happy little girl because you deserve it more than anything. And I think your dad would want me to tell you to always remember that the world is not a wish granting factory, unfortunately things can never be perfect, but they can be okay.
Don't ever feel bad that we're not with you. We like our choices. I hope you like whatever choices you make in life.
All my love my sweet baby girl.
Mom.
I folded my little letter and stuck it in an envelope I found in the same drawer. I began to write on the front; Hazel-Grace Waters; My Little Miracle. I hated that I had to write that letter for my child. But I would cherish every single moment I had with her until the day comes when I leave this world. The next morning Isaac came to visit. I handed little Hazel over to him carefully with the help of my mom. I hardly had any energy.
"I love that new baby smell", he smiled. I laughed. "Hair colour?"
"Mahogany"
"Eye colour?"
"Blue"
"Well, I guess I'll finally know what it'll be like to have a female Gus in the world. Kinda wish I could have those robot eyes now so I could see her. With yours and Gus's good looks I bet she'll have to fight the guys off with a stick when shes older", he laughed. "He'd be proud you know Hazel"
"I know", I smiled softly. Isaac and I sat there in silence for a while as he held Hazel-Grace.
"You've done good Hazel", he finally said.
"Thanks. Good to know", I smiled.
"Do they know how long you've got?"
"We haven't spoken about it yet. But I don't think I have long", I sighed sadly. "If you knew what I looked like right now, you'd be glad you're blind", I joked.
"That bad? Yikes!", he laughed.
"I love you Isaac", I said suddenly.
"I love you too", he smiled softly. I did love him. Aside from Gus, Isaac was my best friend. He'd been there for Augustus and me and now he was going to be there for our daughter. I couldn't have asked for a better friend.
