Chapter Six: Ancients

As a hero of the Candy Kingdom the Gumball Guardians let him pass, and as he was flying the Banana Guards never even noticed his presence. On a visit to see his former master Finn, he had learned of the arrival of another living ancient in Ooo. From what Finn had told him, the man was apparently struggling with a very familiar situation. The Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant felt his call to action. Today, he would be the candle and the match once again for another despairing ancient soul.

Reaching the hospital, he levitated himself outside the window of his latest prospective patient. Since his existential life crisis following Maja and Darren's assault on the Candy Kingdom, the Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant had found new purpose in life as a therapist. His ability to link into his patients' minds (with their consent of course) combined with his natural good nature and newfound wisdom made him exceptionally adept at his new calling. Maja herself had been his first patient. He cared for her as she was caught in her coma, and though initially bitter and resistant to the elephant's kindness, eventually developed a close bond with him. Though she still retained her power-hungry urges and somewhat sadistic general demeanor towards others, she now actively admitted the wrong in those feelings and showed a remarkable amount of restraint in acting upon them. Her transformation spread the word throughout Ooo, and soon others began seeking the War Elephant's friendship and counsel. Every now and again, when people were threatened, he would also use his skills as a war machine for the protection of others against evil, though he preferred the quiet life and never sought a battle like Finn or Jake would.

Extending his trunk to the window, the Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant reached out to the man asleep on the other side.

"Captain! Captain, can you hear me?"

Captain Warren awoke with a start and began frantically cranking his head back and forth, searching for the source of the voice.

"Be calm. I am a friend."

"Who's there?"

"I am outside the window. Do not be afraid. I will explain everything."

The Captain struggled, but managed to turn around to face the window. His jaw dropped and his eyes bulged in a look of surprise before he remembered himself and regained some sense of a neutral expression.

"I am the Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant. I am projecting these thoughts into your mind. Do not fear, this is as far into your mind as I shall go without your consent."

"You can see into my mind!?"

"Yes. As I have stated, however, I shall not disrespect your privacy by doing so without your permission."

Warren was clearly struggling to accept the concept, but managed to work another question out.

"Why are you here? What do you want with me?"

"I have been told of your arrival in this land. I believe that we share a similar past. I have come, as one old warrior to another, to help you cope with yours."

"I think I can cope just fine on my own, thanks." Warren scowled at the elephant as he said this.

"Then simply hear what I have to say, and I shall be gone. I was once one of many, a proud race bred to be commanded in war for the protection of our civilization. I am now all that is left, the last of my kind."

Warren's face softened.

"I'm sorry."

"When I came to this land, I was bound to the service of a new master, but he did not understand my ancient ways. I began to despair that my ancient ways had no place in this new world. My master saw into my mind and told me of my potential to thrive in this new world as my own elephant. At the time I did not believe him. I set out on a journey with no goal, no orders to guide me, no purpose. I looked onto nature and gazed into the setting sun. It convinced me to begin again, to take control of my destiny."

"How did that work out?" Warren asked with a hint of sarcasm.

"I dedicated myself to the service of others as I had always done, but in a new way. I found new use for my knowledge and talents. It has not only given me purpose again, but made me truly happy as well."

"Yeah, okay. Listen, I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine." Warren insisted.

"Very well, I shall leave you be, then."

The Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant turned around and jetted off at a rapid pace. He knew his objective for today had been successful. All he had to do now was wait.


Warren sat in silence, pondering the elephant's words. He was right; he did know exactly how Warren felt and what he had to deal with. It wasn't that the officer didn't want to talk about what was troubling him, it was more that he felt he couldn't.

From the sound of things, Finn had seen his share of hardship to be sure, but Warren saw the same look in his eyes as he did with many of his soldiers so long ago. That youthful fire still burned at the core of a surface hardened by adversity and pain. He couldn't bring himself to burden the young man with such the horrors he'd seen. He couldn't bear to imagine the boy's heartbreak if he told him the whole truth about what humanity had been reduced to by the time the bombs fell.

Something about the gummy princess put him on edge. Maybe many somethings, come to think of it. She looked not a day older than nineteen human years old, but her demeanor, her posture, the look in her eyes, it was all wrong. She seemed more a queen or matron than a princess, and Warren couldn't help but wonder if something more hid behind that fairy tale exterior. Warren also felt a tug deep in the back of his mind whenever he thought of her. There was something instinctive there that his waking mind didn't want to acknowledge. Was it because she was made of gum? Was this some sort of predatory instinct for food conflicting with his respect for her as a sapient being?

Aggressively pushing the thought aside, he focused his attention on the elephant. It had said it used to be a war machine. And the things it said gave Warren no reason to doubt it had seen combat. If it was a relatable and similar figure, why couldn't Warren bring himself to talk to it, either? Deep down he had a feeling he already knew the answer. For all his bravado and military discipline, Warren was afraid to face what was troubling him. He didn't want to relive the carnage of World War III. He didn't want to watch all those people in the bunker die again and again in his mind. He didn't want to see the burned flag in his dreams. He didn't want to accept that his people were gone, not enough left to avoid extinction even with the most drastic of measures. That kind young man would be the last human.

With a sigh, he closed his eyes. It was funny. He was only in his thirties but the war had made him feel ancient. And with its finale, now he actually was.


Princess Bubblegum sat in one of many of her hidden offices in the Candy Castle. In front of her was CCTV surveillance of the entire kingdom. Advanced computer software automatically sorted out areas by citizen, threat status, likelihood of appropriate response, etc. and displayed the sixteen most important cameras at any given moment on the center monitor. It was wrong tonight, though. It was wrong because while it showed the muggings, the anti-government dissidents, and even tracked a Lemon spy probing the kingdom's defenses, it didn't show that human in the infirmary.

Dialing up the camera manually, Bubblegum stared intently at the figure in the bed. His medical progress had been astounding, but that meant he would be up soon. He was still an unknown quantity at present, as much a potential invaluable ally for the Candy Kingdom as he was a potential threat. Too many uncertainties remained regarding his mindset, his motives, and his ethics. She would need to rectify that. Even with the information, however, she still had yet to devise plans to deal with whatever arose.

And here she was again, she thought. Always going on with plans, putting the welfare of the kingdom above all else. Only now did she feel a twinge of guilt at the thought of what she would do if he turned out to be an enemy. Where was that compassion she'd felt so much more of in her youth? Being a realist may have put her kingdom on top, but it certainly wasn't good for the soul. Sighing and slumping forward on the desk in front of her, she contemplated allowing herself to age.

Candy people were capable of biological immortality, but could allow themselves to age and die should they so choose. And the vast majority did. Add to that the fact that they could still be killed, eaten, or mutated beyond recognition and Peppermint Butler was second only to Princess Bubblegum herself in terms of age. But she couldn't allow herself to go just yet. Her last attempt at creating an heir hadn't gone very well, to say the least. Indeed, Goliad and Stormo's eternal battle had occupied one of the sixteen screens continuously for years.

With a sigh, she shut off the monitors and headed for her chambers to get some sleep. In the back of her mind, she heard Lemongrab's shrieks echoing.

"Too Old, indeed."