You were at a red light, waiting for... absolutely nothing. It was late now; you two had the road to yourself. The street perpendicular to yours was bare, except for a thin layer of rain water covering the asphalt, turning it into a blurry mirror, reflecting the street lights. The heater blew hot air into your face. You reached up and turned the fan off. You were warm enough and you wanted her to hear this.
The street light tinted her and everything else red, as she sat in the passenger seat, hunched over, eyes shut, giggling and mumbling to herself. "Sippin' on Rum and Coke...", she mumbled. "Laid back, with my mind on my knives and my knives on my mind..." That last drink hit her hard. Like a hammer. She was hammered.
"Hey, Chara?" You reached over and touched her shoulder.
"Yeaaahhhhh?!" She looked your way and smiled, fighting to keep her head level and failing.
"So, uh," you said, "when I picked up the tab, I noticed there were a few extra drinks..."
"Oh, yeah! That was me!" She pointed to herself. "Don't worry, I'll pay you back... somehow..." She giggled. "Maybe when we get home..." She placed her hand on your thigh. "Or maybe on the way..."
"That's not what I'm concerned about.", you said sternly, looking straight ahead. "I thought you said you were going to take it easy."
Her smile faded and she retracted her hand. "I did. At first... Then I started having fun and... lost track of... things... I thought one more couldn't hurt, then another couldn't hurt..." She counted on her fingers as she enumerated her drinks. "Then another, then... a Mettaton for some reason..." She scratched her head, unable to remember why she ever thought that was a good idea.
"Hmmm." You frowned. "Yeah, ok. It's my fault, really." You sighed. "I should have kept a better eye on you. I got a little too absorbed in Sans's show... I shouldn't have let you drink that much."
"What's the problem?" She raised her hands into the air. "It's fine! I'm fine! Everything is fine!"
"You're drunk.", you said.
"So?!" She flung her hands further into the air, bumping the sun visor. A hidden chocolate bar fell out from behind it, bounced off the dash, and landed at her feet. "You've been drunk hundreds of times!" She pointed at you accusingly. "I remember, I was there!" She placed her other hand on her chest. "Why is it ok for you to get drunk but not me?!"
"No, no, it's not that-" You turned to her and held a hand up in front of yourself.
"Then what?! It's fun! I'm having fun!" The sound of rain drops hitting the windshield caught her attention, turning her eyes from you. "I'm happy. Or, I was..."
"Oh...", you said. "Sorry... I was just... worried?"
"Worried about what?" She crossed her arms.
"Oh, uh..." The rain picked up. The sounds of hundreds of drops of water exploding against the windshield could not be ignored anymore. You turned back to the road, reached up to the steering column, and turned the windshield wipers on. "Uh... You know..."
"No, I don't know.", she said.
"Eh..." You raised a hand into the air. "It's nothing, forget about it..."
She turned from the windshield and looked out her window. You looked back at the road and frowned. Then, everything went minty green. You placed your hands back on the steering wheel and accelerated. The two of you rode in silence for a while, the only sound coming from the road, the rain, and the windshield wipers scraping rubber across glass.
"Hey." She turned from the window and looked at you.
"Hey.", you said back to her, without averting your eyes from the road.
"I... have something to tell you.", she said.
"Ok..." You turned your head in her direction for just a second. "What is it?"
She pointed at you. Or tried to at least. There were two of you now and she didn't know which one to point at. She shut one of her eyes to make your twin vanish, then pointed at the remaining you. "I... love you."
"Oh!" Your eyes shot open. This was the first time. The first time she said she loved you. And it... wasn't news to you. Not really. She had expressed the sentiment in just about every possible way. Except verbally, of course. But hearing her say it? Hearing her express her feelings for you explicitly? Knowing that there was no question about it now? And knowing that... she knew it? And... accepted it? It was like... a revelation. And the fact that she was drunk out of her mind didn't lessen the impact. "Wow... Thank you... I... I love you too, Chara..." *Sniff!* You got a little choked up. Actually, a lot choked up. You tilted your head away from her so she couldn't see you overcome with emotion. You wiped a tear out of your eye and cleared your throat.
She smiled and fell back against the head rest. "We should... we should get married."
"W-what?!" You took your eyes off the road and looked directly at her.
"Let's get married!" She squeezed her fists together excitedly. "And I want to have a baby! No, two of them!" She held up two fingers. "A boy and a girl, just like Papyrus!"
"Ha ha... maybe... maybe someday..." You kept your cool as you turned your eyes back to the road. Once you were confident that she couldn't see your face, you let the horrified expression that you had been suppressing overcome you. Children?! You weren't ready for children! You were still a child yourself, really! The kind that needed a nightlight after reading scary stories about haunted video game cartridges on the Internet. You weren't ready for that kind of responsibility. You couldn't even keep plants alive. The fern Dad got you as a housewarming gift after you moved out didn't even last a week...
"I want to name the boy 'Asriel'!" She touched her first finger with her other hand. "And the girl... 'Alma'..." She touched her second finger.
"'A-Alma'?" You gulped.
She frowned and put her hands down. "I... I just like it, ok?" And just like that, her entire demeanor had just about completely inverted itself. You were surprised that the sudden change hadn't given her whiplash.
"Are you... ok?", you asked her, despite the answer being obvious.
"Yeah." She turned her head away from you and looked out the window.
You looked back at the road with a worried expression. Some time passed without any communication between the two of you.
She turned back to you. "Hey.", she said, sounding a bit more chipper than before.
"Y-yeah?" You glanced at her nervously, hoping she wasn't going to ask for a puppy now.
"Thank you." She put her hand on your arm.
"Oh! Uh, you're welcome?" You squinted, turned your head towards her slightly, and stared at her from the corners of your eyes. "What, um, exactly are you thanking me for?"
"For... everything.", she said.
"Oh! Well, uh, yeah, you're welcome." You raised a hand into the air and bowed slightly.
"No. I'm not. I don't deserve any of this..." She let go of your arm and looked down at her lap.
"Sure you do!" You said with a reassuring tone.
"No." She shook her head slightly. "I don't."
"Ok..." You dropped it. She was already upset and arguing with her would just exacerbate that. Alcohol wasn't fun. Not really. It was an emotional amplifier. And it didn't discriminate between emotions. If you were having fun, alcohol would make it more fun. But if you weren't having fun...
"I'm sorry." She looked back at you again.
"It's ok.", you said. "Really, I'm not mad-"
"No, it's not that.", she said. "I'm sorry about... everything. Everything I put you through, everything I put... everyone through..."
"Oh! Well, I forgive you..." You sighed. "I mean, yeah, things weren't always... great... But it all worked out in the end, didn't it?" You placed your hand on the back of her neck and massaged her.
"Yeah. It worked out for us. It worked out for me..." Anger showed in her voice and on her face. Her brow bent in the middle, pulling her forehead and eyebrows tightly towards the area between her eyes. "It always does, somehow..."
You put both hands on the wheel and watched the road. Time passed. You switched to the left lane, in preparation for the upcoming turn that would take you off the main road and onto the side streets that led to your home. "Almost there!" You smiled at her. Her head was slumped over and her arms where limp at her sides. She was out. No, she was beyond that. She had passed out.
You pulled into the driveway and turned the car off. You looked over at her. There didn't appear to be any change between her current state and the state she was in when you last looked at her. You leaned in and held your breath, listening. You heard quiet breathing coming from her open mouth. Ok, she was still alive. That was good. You placed a hand on her shoulder and shook her gently. "Hey, Chara, we're home." You spoke softly, using the same voice you used to communicate with children, dogs, and the mentally challenged.
"We... we gotta have a chocolate cake, though...", she mumbled without opening her eyes. "Screw that white stuff..."
Oh great, she was planning your wedding now... "Ugh..." You stepped out of the car, walked around to the other side, and opened the door. "Hey, c'mon, let's go inside! You can't sleep out here!" The wind picked up for a second, giving the air enough velocity to penetrate your jacket, your skin, and, you swore, your soul. "Brrr!" You're blue now. "And I can't sleep without my personal heater..." You rubbed your arms and shivered.
"I wonder...", she mumbled. "If I could get a sequined knife sheath made that would match the dress..."
"Ok, guess we're going to have to do this the hard way.", you said to... yourself. You reached down and unbuckled her seat belt, then placed one arm behind her back and the other under her knees and carefully lifted her out of the car. You pushed the door shut with your hip and carried her towards the front door.
She mumbled something incoherent.
"Huh?" You looked down at her face. "What was that?"
"Turkey jerky.", she mumbled.
"See?" You looked back up. "That's why that's not our safe word."
You reached the front door and stared at it for a moment. "Guess I should have unlocked the door before I picked you up, huh?" Maybe Flowey was right about you... You bent down and supported half of her with your knee, freeing up one of your hands to fish your keys out of your pocket. "If I drop you, I apologize in advance..." You pushed the key into the lock, producing a metallic grinding sound as the key displaced each individual pin to its correct depth, and turned. The door swung open slowly as you put your arm back underneath her and got to your feet. "Whew!" You looked down at her comatose face and smiled. "Here we are." You turned sideways and carried her over the threshold, into your home.
You took her to the bedroom and tenderly laid her down on the bed, before bending up and stretching your back. "Ooh! Guess both of us are going to hurt in the morning now!" You removed your jacket, threw it over your shoulder, kicked your shoes off, then reached down and picked them up. You turned and walked towards the exit, but stopped in the door way. You looked back at her, lying there, passed out on the bed. You walked back into the bedroom, set your shoes down, and tossed your jacket over the desk chair.
You sat down on the bed next to her and brushed the hair off her face. Your hand lingered on her cheek. She turned her head and snuggled up to your hand, with an adorable little affectionate sigh. You swallowed and blinked a couple times, then leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. "I love you.", you whispered into her ear. You sat back up and wiped another tear out of your eye. *Sniff!*
You got up off the bed and unbuttoned her jacket. You pulled her arms through the sleeves, then gently lifted her forwards and pulled the jacket out from under her. You tossed her jacket on top of yours, on the computer chair, and walked down to the foot of the bed. You unlaced her shoes and removed them, along with her socks. You returned to the side of the bed, unbuttoned her pants fly, and pulled the zipper down. (Un)*ziiiiipppp!*
"W... what are you doing?", she asked without opening her eyes.
"Agh!" You flinched back and nearly fell over. "Oh, jeez, Chara! You scared the crap out of me!" You placed your hand on your heart for non-patriotic reasons.
"What are you doing?", she repeated her question, her eyes still shut.
"We're home now." You moved closer and sat down on the bed next to her. "You were passed out, uh, I mean asleep. I was getting you ready for bed..."
"Oh.", she said. "Thanks. For a second there, I thought you were trying to take advantage of me..."
"What?!" You raised your hands into the air. "No, no! Why would I do that?! What kind of person do you think I am?!"
"Oh." She sounded... disappointed? That can't be right... "Why not?"
"Why not?" You scratched the back of your head. "Why not what?"
"Why aren't you trying to take advantage of me?", she asked.
"Uh," you said, "because I'm not a rapist?"
"Oh, right..." She frowned slightly. "Could you, uh, pretend?"
"Pretend?" You leaned in. "Pretend to be... a rapist?"
"Yes, please." She smiled. "While I pretend to be passed out?"
"Ugh..." You sat back up. "That turns you on? Why?"
"It's a kink." She shrugged. "I ain't gotta explain shit."
You laughed. "Damn it, Chara, you are one kinky bitch!"
"Mmmmmm! You know I love it when you call me that..." She reached her hands in the air and wiggled her fingers. "C'mere!"
"If you insist!" You crawled on top of her, into her waiting arms, and kissed her. After a dozen or so Rum and Coke flavored kisses, a disturbing thought crossed your mind, and you pulled back.
She kissed at the air for a couple seconds before she realized you weren't there anymore. "Hey, uh, don't leave me hanging here..."
"You know, uh, as much as I would like to take advantage of you right now...", you said. "I don't think now is a good time..."
"What?", she said. "Why?"
"Well, you see..." You ran a hand through your hair. "I don't think the sort of... motions required would be good for you in this state..."
"What do you mean?", she asked.
"Well, it's a lot of back and forth stuff..." You moved your hand back and forth, like you were scratching a record. "That could, uh, churn up your stomach..."
"Huh?" She furrowed her brow weakly. "You're not worried about me burping in your mouth again, are you?"
You chuckled. "No, it's not that, but it's, uh, along the same vein... You see, if this receipt is accurate..." You rolled off of her, onto your side, reached into your pocket, and pulled out the receipt that Grillby gave you. "...and you really did drink all this..." You pulled the receipt apart, unrolling it like an ancient scroll. "...then, thanks to your complete lack of tolerance, small frame, uh, gender handicap... Well, I'll just come out and say it." You let go of the bottom of the receipt, letting it roll back up. "It's pretty much guaranteed that you're going to throw up fairly soon and, well, I'd rather it not be on me if I can help it."
"Oh." She frowned slightly.
"Yeah, sorry." You placed a hand on her cheek. "Vomit is a pretty big turn off for me. Much more than burping. Why don't we wait 'til tomorrow? Of course, there's still a chance you might throw up on me then, but I'd say it's much less."
"Ok." She nodded subtly.
"Alright. Thanks for understanding." You kissed her on the cheek, sat up, and stood up. "I'm going to go put our stuff away, then I'll be right back." You squeezed her hand.
"Ok." She squeezed back weakly.
You picked up both of your things and left the bedroom.
A little later, you walked back into the bedroom carrying a tall glass of water. "Ok, I've got some water here for you. I strongly recommend you drink it before bed. It should make tomorrow a little less awful."
"Ohgay.", she said.
You set the water down on the end table on her side of the bed. "I've left the lights on in the hallway and the bathroom." You pointed over your shoulder, at the open doorway where the the incandescent yellow of the hallway lights reached into the bedroom a short way. "If you need to, uh, you know, you shouldn't have any trouble finding the toilet.", you said, trying to reassure yourself more than her.
"Ahhrhht.", she said.
"Hmmm..." You tapped your chin. "Maybe I'll grab a bucket too..." You turned around and left the bedroom, only to return less than a minute later with the bucket from under the kitchen sink. "If you don't think you'll be able to make it to the bathroom in time, here's a bucket." You patted the bottom of the bucket a couple times, making a sound like far off native drumming. You set the bucket on the floor next to her side of the bed.
"Ok.", she said. "Thank you."
"Yeah, no problem. Just, uh, remember what side of the bed you're on. You need to lean left, not right." You leaned to the left. "Left, not right."
"Got it.", she said.
"Ok, cool. I'm going to change into my pajamas real quick." You removed your shirt and pants. "Alright, now I just gotta brush my teeth, then we can go to bed, ok?"
"Yeah, ok.", she said.
You left the bedroom for the bathroom, returning a few minutes later with your breath much mintier than it was before. In your absence she had drank the water you left her, finished undressing herself, and climbed under the covers. You quietly shut the bedroom door behind you, retracting the latch manually by turning the door handle back slowly. You took a few steps towards the bed, then realized how dark it was, how difficult it was to make out the door frame, how much time it would take someone, groggy from sleep, intoxicated, and with three, maybe four seconds before they projectile vomited, to make it out of the bedroom and to the toilet in time. You crept back to the door and stealthily opened it just enough that a little bit of the light from the hallway shone in, outlining the door in yellow, like a highlighter emphasizing an important section of text.
You walked over to the bed, threw the covers over, and climbed in. Ahhhh, nice and toasty! You leaned over to kiss your personal heater...
"Wait.", she said.
"Whoa!" You flinched back, just about falling out of bed and injuring your head. "Oh sorry, I just thought you were asleep again..." You caught your breath. "What... what do you need?"
"Nothing." She rolled over to face you, then opened her eyes. "I... I just want to tell you something."
"Ok...", you said, suppressing a yawn. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather wait until morning?"
"Yes.", she said. "I want to tell you now."
"Alright." You laid your head down on the pillow and looked into her eyes. "What is it?"
"They..." Her eyes turned downward. "They didn't do anything to me."
"What?", you asked. "Who? Who didn't do anything to you?"
"The people of my home town.", she said. "When we were in the car earlier today, you asked me what they had done to... make me want to hurt them, make me want to... get them first. The answer is... nothing. They... they didn't do anything to me. Nobody ever did."
"What..." You shut your eyes partially, and not because you were tired.
"It wasn't revenge.", she said. "They did nothing to provoke me. They were just... the closest..."
"Huh? I... I don't understand..." You shook your head on the pillow.
"Neither do I." She reestablished eye contact. "I've just always been this way... I was born this way..."
"You've always been what way?", you asked.
"I've always had this... need.", she explained, her voice getting more emotional the more explicit she spoke. "This urge... to hurt, to kill-"
"Chara, wait!" You held your hand out in front of you. "Y-you don't have to-"
"I know." She placed her hand on top of yours. "Please, I want to. You deserve to know." She gently pushed your hand down onto the bed.
"Ok..." You swallowed. Maybe you did deserve to know, but you weren't sure if you really wanted to. Not anymore. Now that it seemed like you weren't going to like the answer...
"As far back as I can remember, I've felt this way.", she said. "Even when I was a child I wanted to hurt, kill, even... torture others..."
Your eyes opened wider. Your mouth opened involuntarily.
"Even then I knew it was wrong, but I wanted it so badly... and I still do." She broke eye contact. "I crave it. It's like... like..." She shut her eyes and thought. "...an addiction. It's like I'm a drug addict, but I'm addicted to... blood, violence, and... and... power... The feeling of... growing stronger, more effective, more... ruthless..."
You shut your mouth and swallowed again before opening it back up.
She shut her eyes tightly and took a deep breath. "And then one day I... I... I climbed Mount Ebott. I wasn't running away. I was doing it to... protect everyone. And to... punish..." She looked into your eyes. "I... I wanted to die." Her voice broke and a tear ran down her cheek.
You quietly gasped and covered your mouth with your hand. You felt tears welling up in your eyes.
She regained composure slightly and wiped her eyes. "But instead of dying, I fell... I fell into the Underground. And I met them... Asriel, Toriel, Asgore... The Dreemurs. They welcomed me into their family. I had been given a second chance. I tried... I tried so hard..." Her voice broke again. She shut her eyes tightly, forcing tears out of them. "But... I screwed it up again. I couldn't control myself. I...
I tricked him. I tricked my best friend, my brother. I lied to him, I manipulated him... I told him we would free the monsters. I told him it was ok. That it was justice. Revenge for trapping the monsters underground.
It was all a lie. I never wanted to free the monsters. I just wanted to kill and the means to do it. After we had collected the souls we needed, I wasn't going to stop. I was going to keep going, keep killing and killing until all of humanity was destroyed. Then... then I was going to go back to the barrier, back underground, and... and..." She covered her eyes with her hand and took a few uneasy deep breaths. Not yet... Not yet... She was determined to hold on, determined to get it all out before she completely broke down. "I... I wasn't going to stop..."
Tears were running down your face now. Your heart had sank down to your stomach and was painfully being digested. You couldn't take much more of this, but you were determined to hold on, determined to let her finish before you completely lost it.
"It failed. I failed. He... he was stronger than I thought. He fought back and wouldn't let me..." A tear rolled off her cheek, landing on the pillow below. "We got hurt... I remember the pain, I remember him forcing us back to the Underground. He just wanted to go home, wanted to see his family again...
I fought him the whole way. Even as we were dying, I refused to give up. I was determined. Determined to fight, determined to live..." She sniffled. "And so I did. I got to come back. I got a third chance. And what did he get? He gets to spend the rest of eternity as a flower, all alone, without a soul, without... without... love... And... it's all my fault..."
She looked back into your eyes. "I'm... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." She completely broke down, shattering into a million little tears. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Frisk! I'm sorry... Asriel! I'm sorry A-! Oh God, I'm sorry! Oh God... I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry..."
You completely lost it. You wrapped your arms around her and pulled her in tight. She sobbed into your shoulder, apologizing over and over to those she had hurt, for what she had done, for what she was... You sobbed into her shoulder, apologizing over and over for... for... you didn't really know. All you knew was that you were sorry.
You held on to each other and cried for... who knows how long? You don't remember when you stopped. You don't remember falling asleep.
