He ended up getting his medication refilled and began taking it once more. The dullness seeped back into his life. He knew he was better for it, he felt no more bursts of anger, no more rash depression.
He knew it was better this way, but he didn't like it. If he really sat and thought about things, he still desired death above all. There were things in his life that made him happy, but it was always a fleeting type of happiness. He knew, deep within himself, that nothing could ever make him happy, not in the way one was supposed to be happy.
Even taking his medication, going to classes and therapy sessions, Obito could feel himself growing colder. The things that once excited him or brought him joy, no longer did. He simply, couldn't be bothered. He was really just going through the motions.
Anko noticed the changes, she could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice. She knew he and Kakashi hadn't spoken in quite a long time. Kakashi had largely been hanging out with her, spending as little time in their shared room as he possibly could. Kakashi had told her things about Obito and his own life that made her realize the two of them needed eachother.
She knew they were both hurting and Kakashi wasn't the best at opening up. She would make him talk to his roommate though, the rest would be up to the two of them.
Obito returned to his and Kakashi's room after a long afternoon of class. He dropped his messenger bag full of books upon the floor at the end of his bed before wandering into the bathroom. He took his goggles off and splashed some water on his face then replaced his goggles. He gazed at himself in the mirror, pale skin, pitch dark hair, orange goggles, the jagged scar on his throat, the black and orange long sleeved flannel shirt covering his torso.
The scar reminded him of how he had failed all those years ago. He had come so close..., only to be saved. And for what?
His gaze fell to rest on the sink. Glaring at it, as if it was the sink's fault for his failure and his unlikely savior.
He had wanted to be saved..., yes..., not in that way, but he had wanted it. He hadn't meant for it to go as it did, the repercussions of his actions...
No one was supposed to know..., much less get hurt. It was just supposed to be him. He was supposed to have died that day.
His head raised up slowly, his reflection glared back at him.
Kakashi Hatake.
One friend, one boy, one man...
That was all it took. That was the reason he had clung to life afterwards... To see him again, ask him why. For all nothing had changed, Obito knew his life would be intertwined with Kakashi's after that day.
He took a deep, steadying breath. Whatever would be, he needed to talk to Kakashi. Get everything out in the open.
He exited the bathroom, somewhat surprised to see Kakashi sitting on his bed.
"We need to talk," they said at almost the same time.
Obito guestered for him to go first.
"I have never felt before what I feel with you. I never had a friend before I met you. I never even felt before you."
Obito stood silently, looking down.
"You were the one person who did not hate me, and I, for some reason, did not hate you either. I grew to care about you. And then..., when you did what you did..., I was shattered. You wouldn't open up to me and I had no idea that's what I wanted you to do. When I found you and your note..., I went into Shock. You probably don't know, but for about a year..., I cut myself too. I was going to therapy for a year and half. I didn't know what to do. I was lost after I had found a friend. According to your note, you felt so much more than friendship for me. For years, I was confused about myself. I knew I liked you, but I didn't know what the hell that meant. I hated myself for saving you, I hated myself for possibly even loving you."
Kakashi had stood and was now directly in front of him.
"I wanted to die. I still do. I didn't mean for us to become anything. I knew I was falling for you, but at the same time, I still knew death was my ultimate goal. I didn't want to put you through the torment of trying to love me while I still felt as I do. I knew it would be hard on you, and I wanted to spare you that pain."
"Wouldn't that have been better than this?"
"I don't know. Because I still do love you, Kakashi. I never stopped. But death..., death is still foremost in my thoughts. I am never truly happy. Death is this ever-present thing. Always," Obito said softly.
Kakashi looked away for a moment before looking back at his long time friend.
"Then let me at least try. Let me..., let me at least be with you while you still walk. Give me that, at least."
"I don't want to hurt you though..."
"We've both been hurting..., maybe now, together, we can begin to heal?" Kakashi asked, looking up into Obito's goggled eyes.
Gently, giving him plenty of time to stop him, Obito tugged Kakashi's mask down and gave him a soft kiss.
"So be it."
Kakashi smiled, offering him another kiss before his mask was replaced.
They simply sat together that night, enjoying each other's presence.
Sitting together on Kakashi's bed, Kakashi was first to nod off, leaving Obito sitting there, awake.
He dug his phone out of his pocket and typed a poem in the memo app.
'This is what was desired,
on a level.
But on another,
Death is still desired.
Love or Death?
It is unknown which will prevail.
A thin line,
How long before the inevitable fall?'
With a sigh, he returned his phone to his pocket and snuggled down into Kakashi, holding his upper half close to his own. Whatever lay before them, they would face together. Come whatever may.
