Her comes chapter seven, and it's not even an Aprils Fool's joke.

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"WHAT ASS-BACKWARDS SHIT HEAP DID YOU CRAWL OUT OF THIS MORNING?!" Tarnor shouted at the top of his lungs at the woman in front of him.

It took all of Khepri's willpower not to lean away from the man bellowing in her face at a truly abominably early hour. It had become an unfortunately familiar routine to be woken long before she wanted to be and yelled at before the start of another miserable day. Every single day, the Jaffa with the burn scar on his face would throw them out of bed, chew them out for looking tired despite the fact that he was the one who hadn't let them go to sleep until about five hours ago and then march them off for an exhausting run through the woods, only after which they would be allowed to eat.

It didn't help that the Jaffa himself looked far too well rested.

Years had passed since that first celebration(which was now hosted annually) and everyone currently enduring this hell knew why they were going through it. The Emperor had apparently grown tired of waiting for them to change their attitudes and had cooked up this idea as a means of breaking them out of it, something that Tarnor reminded them of every few days, along with assurances that something else would be tried if it didn't work and that they had the 'honor' of testing for the correct method.

Everyone knew that they were here because neither Emperor nor Empress had the patience to slowly guide them away from their beliefs of gender superiority and were going to grind them into the dust if that was what it took.

All of them being regular humans under Goa'uld dominion, they'd never been allowed any kind of martial training, so being placed under a Jaffa master had been a wildly unpopular move. Unfortunately, their grumbling and protests had only made the whole thing harder on them, quickly teaching them to keep their complaints to themselves.

Khepri had no idea how long they'd been at this. Day after day of exhausting activity with no end in sight. An endless stream of running, hiking, camping, hunting, fishing and a slew of other activities, many of which required cooperation with others. Of course, the whole thing was for the most part organized in such a way that the only people you could cooperate with was the opposite gender.

It was no secret what they were trying to achieve with this, but that didn't make it ineffective. Especially when refusal to participate was often followed by a lack of food and you couldn't eat pride.

But it wasn't just people from her village and the three male dominated ones(still a concept she found both baffling and infuriating), there were also some volunteers present. That anyone would volunteer to go through this was yet another baffling thing, but they did. It was mostly men, though there was also a smattering of women among them, all willing to go through this because they wanted to fight the Goa'uld.

Khepri had always believed that Bastet was a benevolent goddess that protected them in exchange for a few of their men, but this place had made her doubt that. There were many people here who had tales of Goa'uld cruelty, stories of how they forced people to work for them in terrible conditions, abducted their most skilled and most beautiful and many other things.

At first, she had been smug about it, claiming that Bastet was better than that, but then someone had pointed out that their world had probably not held anything of value to the Goa'uld, except for the people themselves. The man she'd been arguing with had said that after the mine near their village had run dry, the Goa'uld had all but forgotten about them, except for the occasional raid when they needed slaves.

Khepri had wanted to deny it, but she had to wonder how Bastet would have reacted if they'd refused to hand over the men. There had after all been times in the past where a few extra hands would have been invaluable in working the fields, but none had ever dared refuse.

The Emperor had even held a lecture once or twice, explaining in detail what the Goa'uld actually were and what they did with their lives.

Despite everything however, Khepri refused to believe that Bastet was simply one of many and not a goddess of any kind. She had especially refused to believe that the goddess she'd been taught to revere and worship for her entire life could be a slimy serpent with delusions of divinity.

She'd tried to rally her sisters to not be swayed from their faith, but the Emperor had been very persuasive and she knew that they were wavering, especially when years had already gone by and there was no sign of Bastet.

Even her own resistance was crumbling, despite her determination to not be swayed. She was just so tired and wanted to go home. She'd already decided to keep her opinions on men to herself from now on. Even though she still thought of them as inferior, it just wasn't worth going through this in order to say it out loud. It wasn't as if life on this new world was bad, despite having to adjust to longer days, milder seasons and other minor nuances. Their lives had in fact been steadily improving, but she resented the forced changes to their way of life.

Men existed to work and father children, while women made the decisions. They were the ones that ensured the survival of their people and that was how it had been for centuries. Surely something that had worked for so long couldn't be wrong, could it?

Neither the Emperor nor the Empress seemed inclined to agree.

Seeing that Tarnor had nearly finished yelling at everyone, Khepri snapped out of her tired daze and foced a focused look on her face. Looking bleary eyed and inattentive during this morning ritual tended to invite trouble.

She wondered what they would do after the daily run. She hoped it would be one of the less physically demanding things like swimming or gardening. For all that the exercise had turned her body incredibly fit, Khepri was desperate for a break.

"After we come back and you're finished with breakfast, you are to make your way to training ground two for lessons on sword fighting with commander Setsuna!" Tarnor bellowed loud enough for all to hear.

Though nobody let out a peep, everyone could well imagine the unified mental groan resounding in all their minds.

"At least we'll get to rest while they're healing our bruises." The young man next to her muttered.

Khepri's lips twitched into a slight smile in spite of herself. Taro often managed to find some kind of gallows humor in their situation. She decided to approach him about partnering up for the later swordsmanship practice. While still not enthused about partnering with a man, she didn't really have a choice in the matter and she knew Taro slightly better than most since his bed was right next to hers.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"They're looking cheery." Naruto commented from where he was sitting as he observed the procession of men and women walk tiredly towards the bathing area to wash off the sweat.

His lips quirked into a grin when his ears caught some happy exclamations from there as they discovered that all the water had been heated for them. Usually, they had to wash with cold water because if they took the time to heat it themselves, they'd miss breakfast. He'd been hard enough on them already and figured they deserved a little treat.

The idea of getting himself a stereotypical drill sergeant had just been too tempting and he hadn't been able to help himself. Tarnor was particularly well suited for it with that nasty burn scar of his.

Next to him, Setsuna snorted and sipped at her morning tea, but did not speak. They wouldn't be cheerful for very long once it was time to pick up a bokken and show her what they had learned.

Te'lok merely sighed and resisted the urge to roll his eyes, which was in and of itself an expression of exasperation he'd picked up from Naruto.

"So how are they doing?" Naruto asked, unperturbed by their attitudes.

"Better." Te'lok admitted. "They now work together and cooperate without complaint, though it remains stilted at times."

Naruto grinned in satisfaction. Nothing brings a group of whiny bitches(and he included the men in this description) together like a common enemy. But it couldn't be some distant enemy like the Goa'uld or even someone unassailable like himself and Xanna. No, to get a proper sense of simmering resentment going, you needed someone closer to their level. Eventually, they would resent that person more than the one they used to and would bond over their common resentment.

In theory.

It didn't even matter that they knew that this was all done on his orders. Tarnor was the one yelling at them and making them miserable day in and day out.

"We'll have to see about organizing something to smooth that over." Naruto mused. "Maybe a survival exercise in the wilds, or a team based competition of some sort that would pit them against some of the younger warriors."

"Splitting them into smaller, more managable groups and scattering them across the forest with a hidden Jaffa minder would work best. It would forge tighter bonds than a single large group and some of them might even indulge in sex as a form of stress relief." Setsuna adroitly inserted her own opinion.

"That's good, I like that." Naruto grinned.

Te'lok once again resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Of course he would like that.

Still, he had to admit that while he'd been initially dubious about this odd idea, it was definitely working. Under the Goa'uld, he would have expected nothing save than torture and death in exchange for the insolence and defiance that these people had showed.

But Naruto did not want to break them, quite the contrary even, but he did want them to adjust their world views to something more sensible.

Most of the societies now present on Erius tended to be somewhat patronizing towards women, with the noted exception of the one that had been part of Bastet's domain, where the situation was reversed, but it had been steadily changing under Naruto and Xanna's influence. The occasional loudmouth still showed up every so often and made noise on the subject, airing various opinions on the inferiority of women, but usualy didn't last long. If they didn't get silenced some other way, eventually either Naruto or Xanna stepped in and dismissed them in the same way that one would dismiss a petulant child.

It was different for the four societies where such views were taken to extremes however, especially for Khepri's people. Even if they were left to their own devices, they would have had to change soon enough due to outside pressures. Being surrounded by people with more moderate views had already been generating a festering resentment among the oppressed genders that would have no doubt ended in violence if something wasn't done.

The people taken from Bastet were especially in danger of this, since they were outnumbered more than most and unlike in a reversed situation, the dominant gender did not have any raw physical advantage.

When Naruto had shown up years ago to ask Tarnor how good he was at yelling, Te'lok had been confused and Tarnor had looked both confused and intrigued.

After a baffling conversation on needing something called a 'drill sergeant', Naruto eventually managed to explain his idea in an understandable manner.

Tarnor had been terribly sceptical at first and had openly wondered why Naruto did not simply make a few examples, only to get an airy response about how that was for people with no imagination. It would shut people up to be sure, but it would in the end only support their point of view instead of change it. Remove them from any kind of familiar comfort though and they would have no choice but to adapt, especially when the situation was engineered for almost exactly that purpose.

Te'lok also suspected that horned god did not want to deprive himself of subjects that were willing to be insolent.

Even after all these years, he still had trouble understanding how Naruto could tolerate, much less enjoy it when someone was willing to insult him. Xanna at least made some sense in that regard, though she reacted differently than what he was used to. Instead of executions or torture, the horned goddess was fully capable of cutting a man or woman to ribbons(metaphorically speaking) with words alone.

Either way, Tarnor had not taken too much convincing to attempt it. He was a much older Jaffa than Te'lok and had seen far more battle. He was content to spend his time training the young despite his disparaging views on regular humans as warriors, especially women. It was a common attitude among Jaffa men, though most took care not to voice it around Setsuna for fear of being violently disabused of it.

Despite her small stature, the woman trained obsessively and had become quite the terror. The fact that she was the only one still receiving training from the Emperor was a source of much envy and no small amounts of fear.

"How did my last lecture work? Have they stopped thinking that the snakes are gods?" Naruto's question brought Te'lok out of his ruminations.

"It would seem so for the most part my lord, though Khepri and a number of her compatriots refuse to believe it. It does not look like they will fully abandon their faith in Bastet anytime soon." The Jaffa answered.

Naruto hummed consideringly and mulled the problem over. Though it wasn't of any great importance to him what they believed, even if it was stupid, past experience had taught him that it would invariably cause problems both major and minor. At the very least it could act as a catalyst for other things. All it took was one idiot in the future seeing a stubborn Goa'uld cult still existing, taking it as proof of their supposed divinity and managing to contrive some means of getting word back to the snakes.

That would inevitably lead to an invasion that would have to get slapped down in a humiliating fashion through the use of some actual divine power, which would probably suck all the fun out of it for Xanna and make her sulky and irritable.

Sometimes, Naruto wondered if it had been a mistake to get her to play 'Civilizations: Beyond Earth'. The limitations of the game had obviously annoyed her and given her some...ideas.

"Do you think they would be useful in a combat situation?" He asked.

"I would not trust them with the main offensive, but they should do fine as a rearguard at the stargate." Setsuna answered in a puzzled tone, knowing that Naruto had never intended to send them into battle at all. This entire training regime, though effective, had only been supposed to force them into a situation where they would have to work together with those they looked down on.

"I think I've got one of Bastet's mining worlds on my list of approved raiding targets." Naruto said musingly. "I'd bet my horns that she isn't bothering with the 'benevolent goddess' image there and the empire is stable enough to handle an influx of new people."

"Does that mean we are going on another raid Heika?" Setsuna asked, her expression projecting intense eagerness.

Tarnor might be happy with settling down and training the new blood, even Te'lok was not bothered by the lack of action, which wasn't all that surprising since he had already fathered three children, but Setsuna wanted to be out there, tearing apart the Goa'uld Empire.

The last few years of peace had not agreed with her.

"Down girl, we still need to prepare first." Naruto replied teasingly, amused as ever by her enthusiasm.

"I must object to this course of action my lord." Te'lok protested. "As long as they continue to believe that Bastet is a true goddess, taking them along on a raid to one of her worlds is a security risk. They may attempt to leave behind a message for her that would reveal our position."

"Yeah I know, it's adorable how clever they think they are." Naruto said in a tone of agreement.

Te'lok merely looked vaguely frustrated. Unlike the Goa'uld, the horned man encouraged everyone to think critically and the Jaffa felt that bringing them along like this was a completely unncessary risk. The same could be achieved simply by having Khepri's group assigned to helping the newcomers settle down when the raid was finished, never allowing them to set foot offworld.

He had seen enough to believe that Naruto and Xanna were truly gods, but they had never claimed to be all knowing. They could see far more than any mortal, but openly admitted that it was not impossible for something to slip past them.

"Don't worry yourself too much Te'lok, I'll be watching for it, but I want them to go with us. It'll have more impact if they see it firsthand." Naruto reassured with a more serious tone.

"We risk discovery every time we assault a Goa'uld held world, it seems foolish to compound that risk by taking untested and potentially untrustworthy warriors with us." Te'lok argued back. " You are being reckless."

Te'lok ignored the nervous tightening of his stomach at his own audacity at speaking to his lord like that. Had he spoken like that to Zeus, he would not be breathing anymore...unless the Goa'uld had been incensed enough to revive him in the sarcophagus and kill him again. In fact, he would have incurred a punishment simply for his first objection, much less daring to argue further.

Setsuna tensed and looked as if she was mere moments away from grabbing her sword when Naruto's hand on her shoulder calmed her down. The woman was loyal to a degree that would put just about any Jaffa to shame and did not lightly tolerate what she saw as insults to her Emperor's honor.

It was one of the reasons that she was so gleeful about handing out bruises during swordsmanship practice. It often rankled her that the horned man simply did not get upset no matter how insolent people were being. She just couldn't grasp how he could be so even tempered about being insulted by the people who were in his debt for the safety and prosperity he provided.

Te'lok knew that he was not in any actual danger, despite Setsuna's immolating stare, but it was not easy to overcome the instinctive reaction. A Goa'uld would have flown into a towering rage at that kind of backtalk, but he could see it for what it was now.

Insecurity.

The Goa'uld did not tolerate anyone to defy them, question them or even doubt them because they knew their power was built on lies.

Both Naruto and Xanna considered defiance to be long term fun, questioning them to be short term fun and doubt to be unimportant. They didn't care whether anyone believed them to be gods or not, it would not change what was.

All of that knowledge still didn't help Te'lok dispel the knot of tension in his gut when Naruto grinned at him, the disturbing gold-orange eyes full of amusement. "You can't play it safe all the time, but don't worry Te'lok, I'm sure Setsuna will protect you in case something goes wrong."

Setsuna snorted in spite of herself and the remaining tension left her shoulders.

Meanwhile, Te'lok stiffened slightly at the no doubt deliberate sting to his pride. It was hardly the first time that Naruto had made a pointed barb at his or some other warrior's pride. Indeed, it was something he did fairly regularly.

"If either one of us will need protecting it will be her, since she is the one who likes to mount reckless assaults on enemy positions." He retorted.

"Hmph, my 'reckless assaults' are usually the reason why the enemy's resistance is broken so quickly." Setsuna said smugly.

"Except for that one time when you got yourself killed during the initial charge and your warriors got bogged down laying a siege on the barracks that only ended when I came to reinforce them." Te'lok pointed out.

"It was a lucky shot." Setsuna said stiffly, internally seething at the memory.

That had not been one of her finer moments. Getting killed in the first thirty minutes of the battle and having one of her subordinates drag her lifeless corpse to the sarcophagi they'd brought along for resurrection and missing almost the entire battle as a consequence remained a source of shame for her.

The day had still been won, obviously, but not as decisively as it could have been and it had forced the Emperor to intervene rather more directly than was his wont. Still, it had served as an invaluable reminder of her own mortality and she had turned her 'reckless assaults' into 'calculated assaults' instead.

Naruto merely grinned at the banter and mentally reviewed all the things that needed to be done before the raid could be launched. The particular world that he had in mind had a local Goa'uld overseer, meaning that he would be able to have plenty of fun with him/her/it.

He could hardly wait.

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Approximately three months later.

Khepri stood nervously in front of the naquadah ring that allowed for transport between worlds. This would only be her second time through it and she was only marginally less afraid this time.

She didn't even want to be here, but the reward had been too tempting. The Emperor had promised that he would let them go home and leave them to their own devices if they joined this raid.

He had even promised that he would allow them to go back to their own planet if they so wished, though she knew that particular promise meant nothing. She doubted that there was a single man among her people remaining at this point that would actually agree to go back, and the Emperor would make certain that they knew that they were welcome to stay.

Regardless, she and several of her more devout sisters, all of whom had once been priestesess extolling the virtue of Bastet, had already decided that they would get this over with and go home, at which point they would tell their goddess everything, provided that they could somehow contact her. It would be glorious to see her goddess finally destroy these horned demons that had dared invade one of her worlds and steal away her people.

Just in case it would prove impossible in some fashion, Khepri also had a note stashed inside the uniform she'd been given, with the gate symbols of Erius written on it, which she intended to leave on the world they were about to attack. That note caused at least half of her anxiety, with the other half being caused by the fact that they were going into combat, even if they'd been told that they would be kept well out of the way.

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Naruto had known that the information he had on this mining world of Bastet's was most likely out of date even when he'd first gotten it, never mind now, but he had figured that it wouldn't be too bad given the glacial slowness with which things seemed to happen in the Goa'uld Empire.

He had been almost correct in his assumption. Most of the information was spot on; it was a planet with low-to-moderate naquadah deposits; it was held by Bastet and defended by the female Jaffa warriors of the Bast Guard and it had a permanent local overseer.

The differences lay in the defences, which had been tightened in response to his seemingly unstoppable raiding, and in the identity of the overseer herself.

The enhanced defences were not in any particular way troubling, since Naruto had been the first one through the gate and had easily smashed aside the Jaffa guarding it, allowing his own armies to march through and establish a perimeter with impunity.

The second difference, the identity of the overseer, was important for one reason and one reason only. In most cases, one Goa'uld would be the same as any other, but it mattered in this case.

It mattered because she was a Tok'ra spy.

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Zarin and her host Leah had been in their current position for only a short time, but it had already proven itself to be a profitable endevour.

It had taken Zarin years of running what amounted to errands for Bastet to rise sufficiently high in her favor, followed by a timely assassination of the previous Planet Lord that saw her elevated to the post. It helped that the Tok'ra were, as a general rule, more competent than their Goa'uld counterparts, being unburdened by the crippling(and often unfounded) arrogance that so characterized their race.

Bastet suspected nothing, as the assassination had been made to look like a raid to liberate a few dozen slaves and steal some naquadah. The Goa'uld knew that the Tok'ra needed hosts and naquadah just as they did.

So here she sat on a gaudy and uncomfortable throne, overseeing the work of the human slaves and siphoning information away from the frequent Goa'uld underlings that came to collect the mined ore. It was almost insultingly easy to get them to talk really, the fools had inherited all the arrogant self-importance of the Queen that had spawned them(who had herself inherited it from her forebears and then aquired some of her own) and felt that it was beneath them to simply fetch naquadah for Bastet.

Genetic memory could be a double edged sword in that regard.

Having no power to change their situation, they naturally did the only thing they could and complained to the first person that would listen to them, which was her. They likely had no idea just how much information on Bastet's and even some of her close ally Kali's operations they had given the Tok'ra.

Despite the throbbing irritation she felt at listening to their whining, she kept Leah's face neutral, even sympathetic while they spilled Bastet's secrets to her. All in all, Zarin situating herself here had been a great coup for the Tok'ra intelligence network.

Unfortunately, Zarin herself was unable to enjoy it, because her host was constantly miserable and couldn't even muster the will to take control of her own body when they were alone in the privacy of their quarters.

Leah had formerly been a slave in one of Apophis' mines and had joined the Tok'ra in the wholehearted belief that the Goa'uld needed to be destroyed. She was also heartbroken to see so many people suffering in the mines and being unable to help them.

They did what they could and managed to arrange more food and water to be given to them, as well as organizing a rotating work schedule to allow for more rest, but it just felt like trying to stop a landslide by pushing against it.

Even that much had been risky, since the Jaffa on the planet answered to Bastet and not her, if she appeared too merciful, they would report it and the System Lord would undoubtedly begin to suspect her of being Tok'ra. The only reason they hadn't done so already was because efficiency hadn't suffered due to the changes she had implemented.

That morning, Zarin had gone through the same little ritual that had become the norm for them ever since they'd been elevated to the post of Planet Lord. Wake up, bathe, shave legs, dress in the diaphanous silks which made the leg shaving necessary in the first place, eat the overly rich food expected of a Goa'uld, primp up Leah's hair until it shone, try to console Leah, fail to console Leah, feel sad as her host and friend retreated into herself once again, sit on the ugly throne, look imperious and feel their shared ass slowly go numb as they ran the mining operation for Bastet.

She had been expecting one of the usual crop of lackeys to come through the gate today, so she hadn't been particularly surprised when Nala, a woman of dark hair and very dark complexion and also the most senior Jaffa warrior on the planet, barged into the throne room without being summoned.

The female warrior went down on one knee as was expected of Jaffa when addressing a 'god' and spoke in a stoic tone. "My lady, invaders have come through the Chappa'ai. They have already overwhelmed the primary defensive positions and are making their way here."

"Which System Lord do they serve?" Zarin demanded, her voice booming deeply with the distinct tone that her species were able to impart to a host.

"They bear no markings on their foreheads and fight in a manner unlike any Jaffa I have ever faced." Nala admitted, hesitating before speaking again. "My lady, they use powers like the gods do."

Zarin's eyes widened in shock before she quickly supressed it and even Leah was drawn out of her mental isolation, interested in what was going on around her for the first time in weeks.

Quickly accessing the sensor terminal built into the throne, both host and symbiote felt a chill grip them as they saw the numerous life signs of the invading forces swarming around the Bast Guard positions and how far they had already come.

They understood now what Nala had meant by them fighting in an unfamiliar manner. They had split off into numerous squads and were harrassing the defending Bast Guard from all directions. Meanwhile the bulk of the enemy took strategic positions unimpeded and then simply overwhelmed the defenders. No wonder that Nala's warriors weren't able to fight back effectively, this was a completely different approach from the typical Goa'uld tactic of simply throwing their soldiers into battle and demanding victory.

It would also require that every squad have a capable leader, which was again impossible for an army of Jaffa, who were mostly made up of footsoldiers without the slightest understanding of tactics and strategy.

Could the squad leaders be Goa'uld? Leah asked from within, knowing that the allusion to 'godlike power' that Nala had made probably meant the use of kara kesh devices.

Unlikely. Zarin replied. Such a league of minor Goa'uld forming would not have escaped attention from us or the System Lords for very long and this attack strategy is too different besides. No, this is something else.

Could it be the Phantom? Leah speculated next.

Zarin froze for a moment as she considered it. 'The Phantom' was the moniker that most Tok'ra used for the unknown enemy that had been emptying Goa'uld planets for years now. The High Council was not happy with the name, but it had stuck on account of the fact that nobody really knew anything about this new foe the Goa'uld had apparently made somewhere. There were never any witnesses, nobody ever escaped or got out a message.

It was maddening for the Tok'ra just as much as it was for the Goa'uld, both of whom had assumed that at least one of the above would have eventually happened. The fact that the raids stopped just as the Goa'uld began to implement their plan to leave a single, loyal human spy on every planet had induced a great deal of paranoia among them.

It would certainly fit so far. An overwhelming assault through the stargate that allowed no real response and she could already see them securing the slave camp. Nala hadn't mentioned them being led by a clawed man with unshod feet, but he may have simply not showed up yet.

"My lady, we will be unable to hold them for long. You should escape and report what has happened here to our mistress." Nala's voice snapped her attention back to the kneeling Jaffa.

Zarin glanced back at the sensor readout and saw that it was the truth. There had to be upwards of a thousand enemy warriors on the planet by now, and the stargate was still disgorging more of them. That was far more than the number of Bast Guard that had been stationed here at the start of this invasion.

"What kind of armor do the invaders wear?" The undercover Tok'ra asked instead.

"They do not wear armor, merely a cloth uniform in dark colors." Nala answered dutifully.

Zarin paused for a moment of contemplation. It was looking increasingly more likely that they had indeed stumbled upon the mysterious new power in the galaxy. The Goa'uld liked their warriors to be armored if only for the intimidation that their clanking march caused among the people they oppressed. Certainly it did little enough to protect them from other Jaffa.

"Launch the Udajeet and fly over the enemy army, but do not fire upon them. See if you can locate who leads them." Zarin finally commanded.

"Knowing who their leader is will not help us now. We need the power of our goddess to drive away this evil." Nala protested.

"You dare question me?!" Zarin snarled angrily in a perfect imitation of a typical Goa'uld, Leah's eyes glowing in the way that a symbiote was capable of inducing in their hosts. It also made the eyes itch terribly, but it did serve its purpose.

Nala stiffened and replied instantly. "No my lady, I apologize. I will lead the flight personally."

"See that you do." Zarin replied in a clear dismissal.

The Tok'ra spy slumped in the throne as soon as she was alone, hoping that things would turn out alright. Staying long enough to gather information was terribly risky given the fact that the enemy was already knocking down the palace doors.

Strangely enough, according to the lifesigns sensor, they seemed reluctant to engage the defending Jaffa in the confines of the palace itself, apparently content to have forced them to take cover inside the building.

That would at least give her an easy escape should it prove necessary, though if it was the mystery attacker, Zarin had to wonder if they would actually be able to get away. It wasn't the first planet to be attacked on which the local overseer had a means of escape in the form of a Tel'tak cargo ship, and yet they had somehow not managed to escape in spite of it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto cocked his head curiously as several of those silly Goa'uld fighters flew overhead, much too far overhead for their plasma cannons to be of any use.

It wasn't hard to guess that they were on a scouting mission, so he gave them a cheery wave and let them go about their business.

Setsuna, Te'lok and the various lesser commanders had done well in this battle. The female Jaffa had for the most part been captured and the few fatalities were already undergoing resurrection in the sarcophagi that they'd brought along. Past experience with Bastet's Jaffa told him that they would probably be bitchy and annoying for a while, though not quite to the level of Khepri.

Good times abound.

He wasn't sure if Bastet was a strategic genius that had figured out that having an all female fighting force in what was a otherwise male oriented warrior culture would make them all the more loyal to her, or if she was just a man hating cunt.

It could go either way, but he was hoping for the latter because it would be more fun. The idea of asexual parasites being sexist was hilarious.

Speaking of man hating cunts...his gaze swung over to Khepri again, smirking at the nervous sweat beading on her forehead.

It was just too cute how she thought that she was being clever with the idea of leaving a message behind. He'd stayed at the gate with the rearguard just to make her sweat. They didn't need him at the front lines anyway.

"Khepri." He said suddenly, making the woman jump with a startled yelp and drop the zat'nik'tel that she'd been given.

Naruto snickered.

"Yes?" She asked stiffly, pride stinging and cheeks flaming over being laughed at.

The horned blond grinned again, amused at her barely respectful tone and address. She was too afraid of him to be insolent right to his face, but tried to assuage her pride by speaking to him in clipped tones.

The joke was on her though, because Naruto didn't care how she talked to him. He'd never told anyone to call him 'my lord' or something like that, people seemed to just naturally defer to him and Xanna. It was always amusing when someone picked up on this and tried to see how far they could push things.

"I'm sending your group over to the slave camp, explain to people that we're taking them through the stargate to somewhere safe. Provide medical attention and water as necessary. They probably won't put up any kind of fight, but be careful anyway." He instructed.

"As you wish." She acknowledged rather snootily and turned to do as she'd been told.

Naruto rolled his eyes and caught the gaze of a nearby Jaffa troop leader that was looking as if he was trying not to smile. The man pasted a serious look on his face by reflex and nodded when Naruto jerked his head towards the retreating woman in a clear indication that he was to go with her.

"And Khepri..." He said casually, making the woman freeze in place. "when all the slaves have been sent through the gate, come talk to me and see if you still want to leave messages behind for Bastet to find."

The sudden smell of cold terror wafting off the former priestess made him raise an eyebrow. Honestly, if he was going to do something gruesomely painful to her, he would have almost certainly done it before now.

Khepri eventually unfroze and began to walk forward robotically, as if afraid that every step would be her last. The minor Jaffa squad leader followed after her and rallied their respective groups, keeping his mirth carefully concealed.

"Well, time to go kill me another Goa'uld." Naruto said to himself with a sigh once they were gone, bouncing off the big rock he'd been sitting on. "And I still don't have any clever one liners or cryptic messages thought up. Woe is me."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Zarin ruthlessly supressed the nervous crawling sensation that was giving her a full body itch. It didn't help that it originated form both host and symbiote.

When the Udajeet had returned with definite confirmation that there was a strange barefoot man with horns sitting by the stargate, they had known for certain that it was indeed the one they had been seeking information on for years.

Despite Nala's strenuous objections, she and Leah had decided not to attempt an escape by Tel'tak. Circumstantial evidence from previous raids suggested that it would be futile.

There was also the consideration that this could prove to be a powerful new ally for the Tok'ra. They had precious few of those and this warlord had already proven his ability to be a nuisance to the Goa'uld.

If that were all, Zarin would have gladly arranged for a meeting with the Tok'ra High Council. Unfortunately, the only thing they knew for certain was that he had no problem attacking and angering the Goa'uld. For all they knew he could be just as bad as them.

Zarin was however gambling that he wasn't, based mostly on the fact that he had sent his warriors to the slave camp and was apparently sending them through the stargate to some unknown planet. It was of course possible that he was simply poaching slaves from the Goa'uld for his own use, but his rather kind treatment of them contradicted that.

Unless of course he simply wanted healthy slaves. The productivity that Bastet demanded from this particular mine usually resulted in death by exhaustion within a few years.

Please stop thinking like that. Leah pleaded, her hopeful optimism for the coming meeting withering as Zarin's more pessimistic outlook kept finding grim alternatives for every possible good sign.

I apologize my friend. Zarin replied contritely, having truly not wanted to worsen her host's worry. It is too easy for me to see evil intentions in everything.

Instead of answering, Leah sent feelings of reassurance to her longtime companion, projecting the feeling that at least neither one of them would face this alone.

A few more minutes passed in suffocating silence, the nearby form of Nala and her remaining warriors arrayed against the walls, visibly clenching their jaws as the tension ratcheted steadily upwards.

Zarin had told Nala to lay down their weapons and let the invaders leader through.

The proud Jaffa had of course objected and in fact nearly turned against her, but Zarin had coolly told them that they were surrounded, outgunned and outnumbered to a hilarious degree. The only reason that they hadn't been defeated yet was because the enemy had thus far not deigned to storm the palace, which they were fully capable of doing at their leisure. In addition, she claimed to 'sense' that the enemy 'god' was vastly more powerful than her, making escape impossible.

The Jaffa women had not liked it, but had finally stood down after Zarin had added that she had no wish to carelessly throw away the lives of noble warriors in a hopeless struggle, especially when they had already fought so valiantly.

The expression of value for their loyal service, empathy for their sense of honor and of course the superstition that the Goa'uld cultivated among the warrior race had finally served to sway Nala into ordering her subordinates to abandon the defense and await their conqueror in the throne room.

Why is it taking so long? Leah finally asked mostly for the sake of saying something.

That was indeed a good question, more than enough time had passed for the mysterious invader to have made his way to the throne room. From what she'd been able to see on the life signs sensor, he had taken a leasurely stroll through the halls.

But he was nearly at the entrance now.

Nearly a full minute later, the door finally slid open and admitted the horned man, who stopped to take a curious look around the room before entering.

Zarin stood from the much disliked throne and spoke with as much dignity as she could muster. "Greetings, I am Zarin."

"Naruto." He replied simply and moved forward.

"I find myself placed into a state of bewilderment," He continued casually as he ambled into the room. "usually, the Goa'uld would try to use their remaining Jaffa as a meat shield to cover an escape attempt, not surrender to spare them."

The Jaffa in question gripped their staves tighter as his eyes passed over them. He hadn't seemed this intimidating when viewed out of a death glider, especially with the way he had waved at them.

Zarin and Leah were no more resistant to intimidation than the Jaffa, though Zarin at least took a mild solace in the fact that an escape attempt had obviously been anticipated and would have no doubt been countered somehow. It meant that she hadn't foolishly squandered a chance to save Leah and herself by staying. If they were doomed, then they would have been doomed either way.

A rather morbidly fatalistic bit of comfort, but the Tok'ra had long since learned that yout took what you could get.

"There was no use in prolonging a hopeless battle and needlessly throwing away the lives of noble warriors." Zarin answered.

Despite the grim situation, the Jaffa women visibly swelled with pride at the words.

Zarin kept silent about the fact that concern for the lives of the Jaffa had not really been an issue, but rather a hope that surrender would make him more favorably disposed to her. There was no love lost between Jaffa and Tok'ra, even though the Tok'ra were well aware that the footsoldiers of the Goa'uld were little more than unwitting pawns.

"Is that so?" The horned man asked speculatively, his eyes narrowing slightly. By this point he was standing within arms reach of the undercover Tok'ra and loomed over her due to his considerably greater heigth. "What if I told you that you're an incompetent idiot and that I've had more challenging battles against children?"

Chakra powered ninja children, and he hadn't been a god then, but that was all besides the point.

While the Jaffa tensed and seemed to be restraining themselves from attacking the horned man to redress the insult, Zarin merely balked slightly, wondering both why she had suddenly been insulted and at the strange wording of it.

He is attempting to provoke a reaction from you. Leah advised in a burst of insight, seeing that the speculative look was still on his face.

"Those must have been some very interesting children." Zarin replied cautiously, taking heed of her host's observation. Leah's innate ability to read a person's facial expressions had always been a great boon to them and she had never been more grateful for it.

Naruto grinned broadly at the reply, which he noted was completely absent of bruised ego. "Well you certainly are something different. Different is good, different is fun."

"If it pleases you lord Naruto, we could adjourn to a more private setting to discuss the terms of my surrender." Zarin said next, hoping that he would get the hint that she wanted to talk to him in private.

Judging by the severely amused look on his face, he probably did. It wasn't as if she was in any position to be dictating terms after all.

"And what is to become of us?" Nala interrupted rather demandingly, something that she wouldn't have dared to do if Bastet were the one here.

Naruto turned to the Jaffa woman with a raised eyebrow. "If you want, you can help my soldiers by showing them where all the naquadah, weapons, gliders and anything else of interest is stored for easier looting."

"This planet and everything on it belongs to Bastet." Nala interrupted again, her tone confrontational and angry.

"Hence why it is called looting." The horned man replied patronizingly, making the woman fume. "After that is done, with or without your help, you are coming through the stargate with us and will eventually be able to join my army if you want. Otherwise, you can live out your lives as ordinary citizens of my empire."

Two dozen staff weapons were primed and aimed at him with deadly intent. "We would sooner die with our honor intact than serve the enemy of our goddess."

Naruto smirked. Bitchy and annoying.

Zarin panicked a little and cursed the stubborn pride of the Jaffa. So far, Naruto had been extraordinarily reasonable, far more reasonable than she had dared hope for to be honest, but if they attacked him after already offering surrender...

Well, she doubted it would end well to say the least.

Just as she was about to snap a possibly futile order for Nala to stand down, there was a flash of movement and the bulbous emitter pods of every staff in the room fell to the ground, rendering them into nothing more than unbalanced clubs.

A thin, majestically curved sword that was as long as a man was tall was now pressed point first into Nala's neck, making the Jaffa female freeze as it threatened to give her a new breathing hole.

So fast! How is it possible for him to be so fast? Leah boggled.

I do not know, I have never heard of such a thing, but it explains his confidence in coming here alone, surrender or not. Zarin replied, just as stunned as her host.

"That's not an option I'm afraid." Naruto said casually, as if he wasn't holding a sword to someone's throat. "Aside from those here, all of your fellow warriors that were captured earlier have either already been sent through the gate or will be after they are brought back to life. You can join them of your own free will or you can join them under coercion, but you will join them. If you find yourself unable to tolerate the changes in your life, then you are free to end it, I promise that you won't be brought back if you decide to do that."

The sword was withdrawn and resheathed down his back after that, leaving only the long hilt visible. The Jaffa women glared sullenly but dropped their ruined weapons to the floor, resigning themselves to their fate.

Zarin knew that he wasn't really giving them much choice in the matter, since Jaffa culture viewed suicide as a disgraceful act and Naruto was clearly determined to keep them alive. She suspected that they would all end up joining his army, depending on how persuasive he was. If nothing else, they would come to respect his strength.

Anything further was interrupted by the sound of many feet walking down the hallway outside.

"Heika, " Setsuna greeted as she entered the room with a dozen warriors at her back. "all resistance has been quelled and the extraction of the slaves should be completed in four to five hours at the current pace."

Zarin quickly analysed the newcomer. She walked with the confident stride of one who was not the least bit intimidated by either the Jaffa or supposed Goa'uld present, a great rarity for humans in this galaxy. Her uniform was well made, but not so well that it would indicate a heavily industrialized society. Just as Nala had reported, none of the newcomers wore armor, though the woman had steel bracers and greaves for some reason. It was a distinctly odd place to have armor and yet leave the rest of her body unarmored. Finally, there was the bizzare juxtaposition of a sword and several daggers in addition to the zat'nik'tel hanging in a customized leather holster at her waist.

All in all, she looked quite formidable despite being the shortest person in the room. While neither Zarin nor Leah understood the language that had been spoken, the newly arrived woman had the mannerisms of a subordinate reporting to a superior officer.

"Excellent, have everyone who isn't busy with that join up with Te'lok and help him with the looting. These ladies may or may not help you with that, they haven't decided yet." He said, waving a hand over at the somewhat lost looking Jaffa women, this time speaking in Goa'uld for the benefit of everyone that wasn't him or Setsuna.

Setsuna simply nodded but then gave a pointed look at the destroyed ma'tok staves littering the floor, taking his cue and speaking in the same language. "Heika, was it not you who said to seize as many intact weapons as we could?"

"Yeah, but they tried to kill me and I got a bit excited." Naruto admitted with a rueful grin.

He really missed his frequent sword fights against Karasuba. Setsuna was getting to be very good herself, but she'd never have the same superhuman power as the Black Sekirei.

"I see." The woman said simply, electing not to comment on that. "And what of this one?"

Zarin suppressed the urge to take a step back at the cold tone and rather murderous stare that this woman leveled at her. As if her general disposition wasn't enough, the way that she fondled the hilt of the sword sheathed at her hip gave a clear idea of what she was hoping the next order would be.

"There's something strange about her, so she stays alive for now, but I'll let you do the honors if I decide to kill her." Naruto replied, reassuring Setsuna but causing deep worry for Zarin and Leah.

The room emptied after that, the defeated Jaffa women leaving with Setsuna in a distinctly sullen mood.

"Now what is up with you?" Naruto said to Zarin once they were alone in the room, stalking around her curiously. "You seem to be a Goa'uld but don't act like one."

"I am-"

"SHH! Don't ruin the mystery for me." Naruto hurried to interrupt, not wanting her to spill the beans.

"But-"

"Shh!"

"Plea-"

"Shh!"

Rather exasperated, Zarin stopped trying to tell him that she was not actually a Goa'uld.

Meanwhile, Naruto had prowled behind her, planted his nose into the crook of her neck and inhaled deeply.

Naturally, the undercover Tok'ra agent jerked away from the disturbing act and looked at him oddly.

"You even smell a little different." The horned man said musingly, paying no heed to the reaction. It was hardly the first time he'd creeped someone out by doing that after all. Honestly, people would let a dog sniff them without complaint, but when he did it, it was suddenly creepy?

Discrimination!

He can smell the difference between Goa'uld and Tok'ra? Leah asked, both shocked and impressed.

I am glad the Goa'uld do not have this ability. Zarin replied with a mental shudder. It would be our doom if they find the homeworld of this species and take them as hosts.

They would find that very hard to achieve.

If all of their kind are as fast and strong as he is, then that is undoubtedly so, but the Goa'uld would need only a handful and it would not help against an attack from orbit.

You'd be surprised.

What do you mean by that Leah?

What do you mean 'what do I mean'? Weren't you just talking to yourself right now?

No, I was talking to you!

I did not say anything Zarin!

If I was not speaking with you, then who was I speaking to?

Getting pretty crowded in here isn't it?

Overcome by shock as Naruto's voice resonated in their minds, Leah lost consciousness and Zarin was similarly too shocked to stop it, meaning that she got dragged along for the ride.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Zarin and Leah woke up to the sound of a repetitive tapping sound. Taking a quick inventory of their surroundings, they realized that they were lying on top of the bed in their quarters.

The tapping sound was Naruto clacking a claw against a stone tablet and looking pensive.

"You wouldn't happen to have anything rude and possibly cryptic you wanted to say to Bastet would you?" He asked hopefully.

"You can speak to my mind." Zarin said slowly, that single thought overshadowing all other concerns.

"I can do a lot more than just that, but that's not important right now. I'm more concerned about leaving a properly annoying message for the catgirl."

"No wonder you were able to frustrate all efforts at locating you, if your species' evolution has progressed far enough to develop such powers." Zarin continued with her off topic musing, her mind filled with images of such a powerful race helping the Tok'ra destroy the Goa'uld once and for all.

Naruto sighed. Clearly, Zarin had no concept of priorities. "Alright, since you're obviously going to be no help with this, how about you tell me what you are now."

Forcefully pulling her composture back under control, she answered. "I am Tok'ra."

Naruto cocked his head, the name seeming familiar, but only barely. "Wait...isn't that the name of that rogue sect of Goa'uld that was trying to overthrow them?"

He hadn't bothered looking them up beyond their name and what they were trying to do. He'd sort of assumed that it was just another band of Goa'uld. Maybe he should have paid more attention.

"We still are." Zarin answered with a nod, gratified to know that he had heard of them. That should make things much simpler, bypassing the need to convince him that they were nothing like the Goa'uld.

"You're really bad at it." Naruto said sagely. "Thousands of years and barely anything to show for it."

"Had it not been for us, they would not spend so much time fighting each other and would have turned their eyes to the rest of the galaxy instead!" She replied heatedly, rather offended at how he was dismissing their work.

"Maybe." He replied with an uncaring shrug. "I notice that your host is still perfectly sane and actually seems to enjoy having you wrapped around her spine."

"The Tok'ra do not take unwilling hosts. As a consequence, our hosts also become our closest friends and confidants." Zarin explained, ascribing his knowledge of Leah to his obvious telepathic ability.

"Like a built in best friend." Naruto grinned. "Could I talk to her?"

"Certainly." Zarin agreed easily, wanting to do everything she could to dispose him favorably to the Tok'ra.

Naruto watched curiously as she dipped her head and then raised it again. Her body language and presence shifted, even her scent subtly changed.

"Greetings." Leah said, her voice lacking the distinct reverb of a symbiote.

"Greetings." Naruto echoed with a grin. "Leah was it?"

"Yes." She confirmed, starting to get a bit uncomfortable by the toothy grin and amused stare. She had always felt better letting Zarin do the talking and just offering advice or insight.

"You're adorable." He declared with authority after a few seconds.

She really was too, looking all shy with the deep black hair and brown-ish coloring of an Egyptian descendant.

"Thank you." Leah replied, fidgeting even more uncomfortably at the odd compliment.

"Anyway, since your friend isn't up to helping me figure out a rude message to leave for Bastet, do you have anything you'd like to say to the catgirl?" He asked, hoping that Leah would have something. This lack of ideas for a message to leave behind was really bugging him.

"No, I am sorry." She said apologetically. The Tok'ra did not bother taunting the Goa'uld, so nothing came to mind.

"That's alright." Naruto sighed despondently. Apparently he would need to resort to something more 'low-brow', simply because he couldn't think of anything sufficiently funny. He did of course have a vast amount of pussy jokes, but they would all be wasted because of cultural and translation issues.

Leah and Zarin incredulously as he pulled out a rather accurate, blazing pink replica of a penis from somewhere in his clothing.

"What do you think?" Naruto asked, presenting the item for the Tok'ra to inspect.

"Why would leave that for Bastet to find?" Zarin asked incredulously, having retaken control as Leah was too busy being embarrassed.

"So that she can go fuck herself." Naruto explained patiently and proceeded to helpfully carve 'go fuck yourself' on the stone tablet.

"I do not understand, is there an explosive inside it?" Zarin asked in confusion, inwardly cringing at the idea of that thing exploding mid-use. "Bastet would never fall for such a simplistic trap, nor would she make use of such an item."

Which was why she didn't try to caution him away from doing it. Killing Bastet at the moment would only help Ra.

"Not even if it does this?" Naruto asked triumphantly and flipped a small switch near the base of the hot pink dildo, making it vibrate intensely.

"...Not even then." Zarin answered blandly, having no idea how to react to what she was witnessing. Who would even make such a thing?

"Well that's her loss." He said with a flippant shrug. "There's no bomb in it to begin with, it's all about sending a message."

Taking a deep breath Zarin forcefully pushed aside her confusion and focused on what was actually important.

"The Tok'ra High Council extends an invitation to speak to you about the possibility of an alliance between our two peoples." She said formally.

Strictly speaking, she did not have the authority to be saying that. The High Council would have wanted more information before starting such talks, but Zarin knew that they would leap at the chance to ally themselves to someone this powerful.

"Sure, I guess." Naruto responded non-committally. "I'll go with you to your secret lair after we've stolen everything of value here."

"You have the authority to negotiate on behalf of your nation?" Zarin asked in surprise, having figured him to be a purely military leader.

"That's a safe assumption, considering that I'm the Emperor." He said with amusement.

"I see." She said slowly, feeling very grateful that he didn't seem offended at the blunt way that she had been speaking to him. Even the Tok'ra High Council could get a bit prickly if you were too informal with them. She had assumed that 'Heika', as his subordinate had called him earlier, was a rank of some sort, but it was apparently a form of royal address.

With the suddenness of a lightning bolt, Zarin recalled that there was an important piece of information that Naruto really should be made aware of.

"One of the palace servants is a spy for Bastet, he carries a palm sized Long Range Visual Communications Device modified for extreme range and will attempt to contact her as soon as he can to reveal the location of your planet." She said hurriedly.

"Oh, the Goa'uld finally got around to trying that idea did they?" Naruto responded mildly, not at all concerned by this information.

"You knew they would attempt this?" The Tok'ra agent asked in confusion.

"I knew they would try something eventually, though it took them a lot longer than I expected it to. Given that they don't have the resources to heavily fortifiy even a fraction of the worlds they control, it was inevitable that they would come up with the idea to leave a single expendable spy on every world." He explained.

"Should you not inform your soldiers of this?" Zarin asked pointedly when he made no move to do so.

"My mate is on the other side and he's not going to slip anything past her." Naruto snickered, his amusement coming both from how laughable the idea of a spy getting past Xanna was and from the Goa'uld version of spouse. Calling Xanna his mate made him think of mating, which was really just the animal version of sex...which could be very appropriate for them sometimes.

Zarin looked dubious, but did not say anything more. If he was so confident about it then there was probably nothing to worry about, especially if his mate had powers like his.

A few seconds passed in silence, during which time Naruto became bored. Zarin and Leah had only been passed out earlier for a grand total of ten minutes, which still left quite a long time before they'd be done with the planet.

"You wanna have sex to pass the time?"

"What?!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hours later.

Khepri was exhausted and felt like bursting into tears on top of it, a sentiment that was shared by many of those around her who had never been on one of these raids, her fellow former priestesess in particular.

While she had known that it was a mining world where people toiled for Bastet, she hadn't expected it to be anything like this.

Prior to coming here, she had pictured it as a place where strong men worked for the glory of the goddess who protected them.

The reality turned out to be a far uglier thing. Men had worked here, but most of them looked half starved and exhausted and they weren't alone. There had been plenty of similarly bad off women and even some children present.

Khepri had kept a supportive smile on her face as some of them thanked her for saving them from the 'evil goddess', despite the shame burning a hole in her chest. It had been less than a day ago that she had held a secret service dedicated to the glory of Bastet(though she was starting to doubt that it had been secret at all). It would have been easier to bear if they had been angry at her.

As bad as that was though, it was still better than the ones who simply stayed quiet and let themselves be led around as if they didn't understand or care what was going on around them. One such man she recognized as having been taken from her village by Bastet some years ago. He had just recently become an adult then, but he had been strong and handsome. Khepri had been proud to be able to send him to their goddess when the time came, certain that she would be pleased.

He looked neither strong nor handsome anymore, but rather like a much older man that was ready to fall over and die at any moment. He listlessly drank the water given to him and obeyed as he was directed to the stargate, showing only an apathetic lack of interest the whole time.

At least it was finally over, the last of the former slaves having been sent through the gate, whereupon they became the problem of those on the other side.

Feeling rather numb from the whole experience, she made her way over to the stargate where the horned Emperor was sitting, apparently in conversation with local Goa'uld overseer that had turned out to be a spy according to rumor.

Khepri didn't really care about that right now. Even the reverberating voice that she had long associated with divinity and had only heard before from Bastet on the one occassion that she had met her didn't phase her.

"...I know that the sarcophagus is dangerous to use repeatedly, but since I only allow it to be used to bring people back from the dead, it's not a big deal." Naruto was saying rather dismissively.

"Even that is dangerous as the device can cause addiction." The supposed spy argued.

"Well then it's a good thing that Xanna and I are the only ones that can decide who gets to use it and when." Was his airy response.

His interlocutor huffed, indicating that this argument might have been going on for some time.

Not really caring if she was interrupting something, Khepri walked over until she was standing right in front of the horned man and waited until his eyes turned on her with a questioning eyebrow being raised.

"Yes?"

His eyes had always frightened her, they just looked so threatening and evil. Then again, the rest of him had also frightened her, everything from his size to his horns to his claws and fangs looked so menacing.

She didn't feel particularly scared right now though, something that was due mostly to the hollow feeling in her chest.

"You are a bastard."

Khepri payed no attention to the stunned look on the face of the Goa'uld or Tok'ra or whatever she was, keeping her eyes firmly locked with the unnaturally bright ones of the horned man in front of her.

His face took a distinctly amused cast as he replied mockingly. "I love you too kitten. I take it you had an enlightening day?"

Instead of answering, Khepri took the note with the stargate coordinates for Erius that she had intended to leave for Bastet to find, crumpled it into a ball and threw it at him. It bounced off his forehead and landed in his open palm.

"I am going home and I am not returning to the training camp." She said woodenly.

"If that's what you want, a deal is a deal after all." He replied in a tone of amused agreement, rolling the crumpled note between his fingers.

Without another word or waiting for a dismissal, Khepri turned around and walked through the active stargate, almost able to feel him grinning at her back.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I do not understand, how can you allow your subordinates to disrespect you so?" Zarin asked with her brow creased in confusion.

Though the Tok'ra did not demand worship in the way that the Goa'uld did, a certain respect for one's superiors was still expected.

"She's just upset because I pulled a dirty trick on her and it doesn't matter anyway. I've gotten things my way and her token show of defiance doesn't mean anything." Naruto explained, subtly vaporizing the note in his fist.

"I see..." Zarin said dubiously, clearly indicating that she did not actually see.

They lapsed into silence and simply observed the activity around the gate. With all of the former slaves having been sent through the gate, all that was left was to do the same with their ill gotten gains.

In the past few hours, Zarin had been a bemused witness to the rather appaling thoroughness and efficiency of their looting, clearly something that had been done before on multiple occasions.

They had taken everything. The naquadah stores that had been meant for Bastet, the data crystals for the sensors and Tel'tak(which had later been destroyed since it was too big to fit through the stargate), the weapons and armor of the Bast Guard and the small complement of Udajeet. Once that had been done, they had turned to the palace itself and stripped it completely bare. Every sheet and curtain, every mattress and cushion until there was nothing left but bare stone.

The only thing left in the palace was Naruto's little 'gift' for Bastet.

The entire pile of loot was currently sitting near the gate and merely waiting for transport. They just needed to wait for at least half an hour for the gate on the other side to clear up before they could start bringing it through.

Zarin had hoped that she would be able to see the gate symbols for Naruto's world, but he had guided her to sit at an angle that prevented it. Apparently he didn't want her to know that particular bit of information even though he had agreed to meet with the Tok'ra High Council. Disappointing but unsurprising.

As the time was approaching for the renewed opening of the gate, it lit up in warning of an incoming wormhole and then activated with the characteristing eruption of unstable plasma.

"Looks like we've got visitors." Naruto commented blandly, not at all alarmed by this occurence.

Zarin was slightly alarmed, but conceded that there was indeed little reason for it. There were dozens of warriors loyal to Naruto wandering around the gate and close to two hundred still in the immediate area and that wasn't even counting Naruto himself. The gate on this planet saw relatively frequent visitations by Bastet's lackeys to pick up the mined naquadah, but there was no feasible way for them to come through with enough force to overcome those odds.

Moments later a rather haughty looking Goa'uld in a female host stepped through, dressed in the typically ostentatious manner of their kind and a half dozen Bast Guard walking behind her.

Her haughty expression quickly melted off her face as a multitude of zat'nik'tels were pointed at them.

"What is the meaning of this?" She demanded harshly, eyes glowing with indignation at being threatened.

"You just stepped into a big pile of shit." Naruto explained helpfully, making the Goa'uld spin towards him.

The gate shut off behind the newcomers, poignantly underlining the fact that they were now stranded in the midst of their enemies.

I know that, as a Tok'ra, I shouldn't be enjoying the terror of another being, but this is simply too good. Zarin thought to her host at seeing the newly arrived Goa'uld go pale with obvious recognition as to who exactly Naruto was.

Well I for one am glad to see that at least one of Bastet's lackeys will meet their doom here. Leah replied, feeling nothing but glee at the impending doom of the Goa'uld in front of them. They'd had to listen to this one whining about how unfair it was that someone of her obviously superior stature was forced into being an errand girl for Bastet, all the while there were people being worked to death practically a stone's throw away.

"Shol'va!" The Goa'uld spat, staring at the unbound Zarin and Leah venomously and coming to the mostly correct conclusion. She was ignored entirely.

"Heika...?" Setsuna began questioningly, already setting herself into a ready position.

"She's all yours." Naruto confirmed with a smirk.

Needing no further prompting, Setsuna charged at the suddenly panicked looking Goa'uld.

Several zat'nik'tel discharges rang out and all but one of the Bast Guard dropped into unconsciousness.

The Goa'uld tried to aim her kara kesh at the charging woman, only to receive a dagger through the emitter jewel for her trouble, rendering the device useless.

While her charge yelled out from the pain of having a sharp blade impaled through the palm, the remaining Bast Guard aimed her bulky staff towards the swiftly approaching woman.

Setsuna had long since predicted it though and shifted sideways, forcing the Jaffa to waste a precious moment to adjust her aim with the cumbersome weapon. That moment proved to be more than she could afford as Setsuna reached her and launched herself into a spinning roundhouse kick, smashing her steel clad shin into the side of the Jaffa's head. No matter how durable Jaffa could be, that kind of hit was not something you took and stayed standing.

Continuing the movement, Setsuna performed an iaijutsu strike and relieved the screaming Goa'uld of her head.

"Very nice." Naruto said as he gave a slow clap at the performance while the surrounding soldiers cheered.

I guess that explains why she only wears greaves and bracers. Leah thought, somewhat stunned at the display.

Zarin agreed mutely, just as stunned. It was not everyday you saw a normal human woman(and a rather small one at that) simultaneously take apart a Goa'uld and a Jaffa as if it was nothing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto didn't bother to suppress the grin on his face as they walked through the crystalline corridors of the Tok'ra's underground base, one of them at any rate.

Every time that they passed another Tok'ra, they would gape at him like a particularly shocked fish.

If he'd known it would be this much fun to build a ridiculous legend of himself, he might have done it sooner.

Next to him, Zarin and presumably also Leah were not having quite as much fun as him. In fact, Zarin was starting to become rather snappish as her fellow Tok'ra kept leaning in with the rather silly question of 'Is that really...?'.

Of course it was really him, who the fuck else walked around barefoot all the time? Aside from Xanna that was.

"Please wait here for a moment while I brief Councilor Thoran." Zarin said and hurried off to do as she'd said.

Naruto merely nodded and made a 'go ahead' gesture, with a grin still on his face. He suspected that he was being treated rather more solicitously than was normal for the Tok'ra.

His ears could quite easily pick up the conversation between Zarin and what he presumed was Councilor Thoran, as well as the general hubub of excited gossiping between the other Tok'ra present on the base.

You'd think that what was essentially an organization of spies and saboteurs would have better things to do than gossip, but apparently not.

Taking a little stroll around the room that Zarin had left him in, Naruto concluded that it was rather boring. Once the novelty of a secret underground lair made of crystal wore off, you realized that the whole thing was entirely dull. No sun, no plants, no entertainment, the only thing that actually gave the room some character was a pool of water that was apparently made for drinking.

Deciding to be a bit of a dick, Naruto stuck his head into the water and started drinking.

And drinking.

And drinking.

When he finally took his head out of the pool, there were several dozen liters of water less in it, enough for a mortal to have internally drowned ten times over already.

He'd just dried his hair when Zarin returned, this time accompanied by a pale man that was getting on in years. He probably didn't see much sunlight either if the pallor of his skin said anything.

"I greet you on behalf of the Tok'ra High Council Emperor Naruto. I am Thoran and I coordinate the efforts of the Tok'ra in this region." Thoran said as an introduction. "Zarin tells me that you wish to discuss an alliance."

"Really?" Naruto asked back with a quirked eebrow. "I was under the impression that it was you who wanted to discuss an alliance."

Thoran frowned slightly at the turnabout in wording. It might seem like a minor issue on the surface, but it could determine who had the upper hand and he wanted it to be the Tok'ra.

"Merely a matter of semantics." Zarin interjected before the whole thing could escalate. She'd spent enough time around Naruto by now to have noted his penchant for going off on irrelevant tangents and she also knew that Thoran was not the most diplomatic of the High Council, but it couldn't be helped since this was the base from which she and Leah operated at the moment. "We both oppose the Goa'uld and could do so more effectively together than apart."

"While I hate to poke holes in the enthusiasm of a beautiful woman, I have to tell you that we aren't exactly opposed to the Goa'uld, they just happen to be in the way." Naruto said honestly.

"What do you mean?" Thoran asked warily.

"My mate and I are intending to establish our own empire and the Goa'uld are in the way of that. Since they also happen to be a bunch of incompetent idiots, we've taken to stealing their stuff and relocating their people to speed up our growth." The horned man explained, privately thinking to himself that he really needed to figure out a way to get around the need to speak Goa'uld. As far as languages went, it was the dumbest one he'd ever spoken.

Maybe some kind of psychic hocus pocus? It was something to consider.

"You did not tell me this." Zarin said, feeling rather stunned at the turnaround.

"You didn't ask." Naruto replied with a smirk.

"Regardless, you have the ability to strike at the Goa'uld in ways that we lack and we maintain intelligence on their movements and force disposition. An alliance between us could benefit both, especially if some of your people would be willing to become Tok'ra hosts." Thoran proposed. While the revelation of imperialist ambitions were a cause of some concern, Zarin's report on their rather humane treatment of the slaves working in Bastet's mine allayed that to a considerable degree. If the Tok'ra fed Naruto information, then they could control where he would strike.

There was also the fact that Thoran had very high hopes that there would be at least a handful of individuals among this odd but incredibly powerful horned species that would be willing to blend with a Tok'ra symbiote. According to Zarin's quickly summarized report on the power wielded by Naruto, a Tok'ra agent like that could be used almost like a one person army.

And even if that didn't pan out, the Tok'ra could always use a population of humans that was willing to blend with them.

Naruto grinned, easily seeing what the Tok'ra councilor was after. No matter where you went, as long as there were thinking people present, so too was a lust for power.

"There's another thing that I didn't tell Zarin." He said, still grinning.

"What?" Thoran asked, once more wary.

"Aside from my mate and I, the people of our empire are entirely human and Jaffa."

"Has your species not left your homeworld then, or are you simply not native to this galaxy?" Zarin asked, frowning in confusion.

"Species?" Naruto echoed, highly amused at what he was about to say. "We don't have a species, we're gods."

In the sudden silence that permeated the room, the near inaudible splashing of water in the nearby pool might as well have been a tsunami.

"You believe yourself to be a god?" Thoran eventually said, his voice turning cold with anger that there was yet another tyrant with delusions of divinity in the galaxy.

"I also believe myself to be blond and a truly spectacular lover." Naruto confirmed with a haughty toss of his shiny golden hair, giving Zarin and by proxy also Leah a wink at the last part of his sentence.

Why am I having to suppress a blush from you?! Zarin asked her host incredulously.

I can't help it, it's embarrassing! Leah said in protest. And you have to admit that he is rather charming.

He just claimed to be a god, There is nothing charming about that! Zarin denied vehemently.

He doesn't seem to be very serious about it though. Leah pointed out.

Taken by surprise at her host's words, Zarin took a closer look at Naruto, who had now taken to making silly poses and twitching his pectoral muscles in her general direction. She had to admit that Leah was right, Naruto was definitely not looking very serious about his supposed godhood.

"Naruto, do you actually believe yourself to be a god, or did you just say that because you knew it would provoke a reaction from us?" She asked pointedly, deciding to forgo formalities since he didn't seem to care about them.

"Oh I'm a god alright." Naruto asserted firmly.

Thoran was still frowning thunderously but allowed Zarin to keep talking since she seemed to have a better handle than him on the apparent madman in front of them.

"And what if people refuse to believe you?" She continued in the same tone.

"Well, they can also refuse to believe that I'm blond or an incredible lover, it won't change my hair color or my ability to make women pass out from pleasure overload." The horned man reasoned.

This caused the two Tok'ra to look at him quizzically, completely unable to understand how someone could have enough ego to claim that he was a god and yet not so much that he would be angry if nobody believed it. Or maybe he was simply so massively arrogant that nothing could penetrate that bubble of self assurance?

Regardless, he clearly wasn't hostile to the Tok'ra and could be of help in bringing down the Goa'uld. They could always turn on him later if this strange attitude of his became a problem to the galaxy at large.

"We seem to have veered away from the subject at hand." Thoran said carefully.

"Quite." Naruto agreed. " So...Zarin, Leah, how about we retreat somewhere with a horizontal flat surface and a reasonable amount of privacy? I guarantee that you'll be convinced of my godhood in short order."

"Our answer remains the same as the first time you asked Naruto." Zarin replied dryly. Inwardly she was somewhat amused at the amount of gratitude Leah was throwing her way for dealing with the horned man's perverse propositions for both of them.

"Oh come on." Naruto said with an exasperated exhale. "Does nobody in this Universe have sex for fun?"

"If we could refocus on more important matters?" Thoran said with a noticeably strained voice.

"This is important!" Naruto protested and descended into dark mutterings about how his empire was going to be a bastion of sexual pleasure in a galaxy full of prudes.

"I believe that any further discussions of an alliance between our peoples should be made with the full council in attendance." Thoran spoke over him in the same strained voice as before.

"Ehhhhh, some other time maybe." Naruto drawled. "I've got Emperor type stuff to do back at home and I shouldn't keep my lady waiting. Don't worry, I'll show myself out."

Immediately after saying that, he turned and walked around a corner.

"Wait!" Zarin called and rushed after him, only to freeze in surprise as the corridor turned out to be empty.

"Where did he go?" Thoran asked in bafflement, having been only a step behind her.

"I do not know, he just...disappeared." She replied, equally baffled.

A several hour long search was conducted, during which absolutely no trace was found of the horned man. No other Tok'ra found him roaming the corridors and the ones guarding the stargate did not report its activation.

Thoran, Zarin and several others gathered in the same room that had been used for the meeting with Naruto after they called off the search, trying to come up with some theory as to how the horned man could have vanished so thoroughly.

They did not come up with any plausible theories and nobody wanted to talk about the implausible ones.

Sighing tiredly, Thoran leaned on the edges of the water pool and stared at the refractions of light in the liquid. Somehow, he just knew that this was far from the last that they'd heard of the horned man who believed he was a god.

Then he frowned. The pool was looking rather depleted.

"Did we not fill this pool with fresh drinking water this morning?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Some time later.

Bubastis, Throne World of Bastet.

Bastet was simmering in irritation.

Another of her worlds had been attacked and the shipment of naquadah she had been expecting was stolen alongside all the slaves that mined it. It was going to take weeks to get that mine back to the same level of productivity and she would need to divert a sizable number of slaves from other worlds in order to do it.

As was usual in these attacks, all of the Jaffa she had garrisoned there had also been taken. The only difference was that her newly promoted Planet Lord had also vanished instead of being killed and left behind.

Bastet couldn't be certain whether she had been betrayed or if the enemy had simply decided to take her along for some reason unknown to her. Either way it was a shame to lose her, since Zarin had proven to be a competent administrator, better even than the one that the treacherous Tok'ra had assassinated.

The death of her other lackey who had apparently blundered into her death did not even rate a second thought. There were always more where that came from.

What angered her the most however, was the fact that the spy she had planted on that world exactly in the event of such a thing happening had not contacted her. Either he had betrayed her or failed in his duty. This was why she hated relying on the worthless human slaves, especially the men. They were all incompetent maggots!

Her ineffectual fuming was interrupted by a knock on the door of her lavish chambers.

"Enter!" Bastet snapped waspishly.

The door opened to reveal her First Prime, a skilled warrior and general that had won many victories in her name. The imposing woman entered as she had been commanded, carrying a small chest in her arms.

"What is this?" The System Lord asked curiously, some of her rage abating due to curiosity and because her First prime had actually proven herself to be useful, unlike most of her servants.

"It is the tablet found on the recently attacked planet, your scientists have finished examining it and bid me to take it to you." The First Prime explained stoically.

Bastet frowned disapprovingly. She would be having a talk with those fools about their temerity in ordering her best warrior about as if she were a courier.

"You are not to listen to their orders anymore." Bastet commanded.

"As you command."

Satisfied that she had been obeyed, Bastet opened the chest and looked inside. She was irritated to see that whoever had prepared this chest apparently believed in redundancy, as the contents were also covered by a dark cloth.

She knew that it would more than likely be irritating, but she couldn't afford to ignore it on the off chance that some hint as to the identity and location of the mysterious horned man would be present.

Pulling away the cloth, Bastet froze in surprise and then scowled as the previous anger was stoked into a towering fury.

The First Prime did not so much as flinch when the chest was knocked from her hands and into a wall. It would not do to show weakness in front of her goddess.

The only sound in the room now was Bastet's heavy breathing as she regained control of herself, inwardly swearing that the horned man would endure a thousand years of torture before he would be allowed to die.

Bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz.

Bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz.

Both First Prime and System Lord slowly looked at the blazingly pink artificial penis that was now lying on the floor.

Bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz.

And vibrating rather intensely.

"So my scientists think they are funny do they?" Bastet growled out in a voice that promised nothing good. "We will see how funny they think their executions are."

Bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz.

"Dispose of that thing already!" The angry Goa'uld snapped.

"At once my lady." The Jaffa acknowledged and fired three rapid blasts from her zat'nik'tel at it, intending to disintegrate it.

BZZZZZZZZZZZ.

To their shock and mild horror, the pink abomination started buzzing even more intensely and began moving towards them.

"Kill it!" Bastet commanded in what was most definitely not a shriek.

Without thinking, the Jaffa fired her zat several more times.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

The now supercharged dildo began to move at what was starting to look like a dangerous pace towards them.

"You are making it stronger!" Bastet hollered in a minor panic. "Stop and KILL IT!"

The Jaffa settled herself into a fighting stance and prepared to stomp on the offending item.

She was unprepared as the hellspawned abomination launched itself through the air directly at her face, but still managed to catch it before it could hit her.

"Run my lady!" The First Prime ground out, muscles straining at whatever unnatural force was propelling the pink, penis shaped demon. It was vibrating so intensely that she was beginning to lose feeling in her hands.

Also, to her horror, it seemed to be trying to lodge itself in her mouth.

Bastet did as her First Prime advised and bolted from the room.

Meanwhile, the Jaffa female found the strength to throw the unholy thing across the room and make her own escape before it could violate her.

Breathing heavily outside the room, both of them jumped as they heard something crash forcefully into the other side of the door.

Bzzzz..zzzz..z.

They exchanged glances as the rather forlorn sounding buzzing trailed off, apparently signifying that the...thing...had finally died.

"We will never speak of this to anyone." Bastet said with a frosty warning in her tone.

"Speak of what?" The First Prime asked.

Bastet nodded approvingly. There was a very good reason why she liked her First Prime.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sitting on the ceiling, Naruto nearly gnawed his hand off in an effort to keep from laughing. He hadn't really intended to take the joke that far, but one thing had led to another and suddenly there was a demon dildo in existence.

He was already making plans to do something similar to Kali just to see if she and Bastet would tell each other about it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Well, that's the end of that.

I'm planning a lot of time skips in the next chapter unless I happen to get any new ideas, so we're likely going to be moving in fast forward soon.