HOVA
The Star Traveler
"Lovi! Wait! You can't get up right now!" Antonio cried as I lifted myself out of bed and settled painfully on my feet. I ignored him and began stumbling towards the door. "Lovi! Come back to bed, you're too sick!"
"I'm not sick, that bastard Lue is." I growled.
"Come on, Lovi…" Antonio complained but ran to the bathroom and retrieved an oxygen tank regardless.
"I'm not going to sit here in bed like a cadaver while Lue runs around causing havoc. You heard Nora, right? I'm responsible for her secret, how responsible can I be from here? Nora needs us…the whole damn ship needs us…"
The Spaniard sat in silent contemplation for a minute. "You're not going to listen to me, are you?"
"When have I ever?" I smiled apologetically.
"Let's get your shoes on at least." He picked up my slippers and helped me into them. "You really should have a walker."
I grabbed hold of his arm. "I do."
I opened the door and winced at the bright fluorescent lights. Antonio led me along out of the housing wing and into the courtyard. "Where to?" He asked.
"Captain's quarters." I declared and hobbled forward. My legs hurt like hell and I took a few breaks to catch my breath but I didn't turn back. That was exactly what Lue wanted: for me to passively sleep through his reign of terror. He wanted me to feel useless and weak. I refused. Slowly, I edged my feet forward and dismissed the pain that shot up me every time I relied on the fractured ankle. Antonio always caught me just as I lost my footing and he held me up, ushering me to go on.
"Does it hurt?" He asked stupidly.
"No." I answered stupidly. Truth be told, the physical pain paled in comparison to the emotional strain. I hated knowing that Lue was taking advantage of everybody and even killing a select few. The twins were at his mercy, Nora was at his mercy, Becky had been a victim of his apathy. But no longer. I wouldn't cower to him, no matter how much weaker or less clever I was. That bastard would get everything I had, I would hobble up to him, bruised and wrapped and cast-covered, and I would give him every venomous insult he deserved.
I remembered Doctor Jaro, the psychiatrist. How he had been so calm about the whole ordeal. He didn't give into Lue nor did he reject his responsibilities. I wanted to be like that. I wanted to show Lue that nothing he could do or say would stop me. I think he stopped bothering Jaro for that reason, because he didn't have any power over him. Unfortunately, I wasn't nearly as stoic and mature as the phyciatrist.
We made our way to the Captain's quarters and I busted through the doors violently. "Lue!" I called up to the ceiling. "Come out, you bastard!"
The computer screen began to hum and words appeared, accompanied by a gentle voice. "You should not be out of bed, Lovino. You're still unwell."
"On the contrary," I snarled, "I've never felt better. What did you tell Nora!?" I demanded.
"Nora belongs to no one but me, what I tell her is the only instruction that matters."
"Did you tell her to sacrifice herself!?" I accused.
"Sacrifice is such a harsh word." The voice whined. "I simply mentioned that, if she were to dedicate her time to me, then I would forgive the ship and let it wander off as it was when I found it."
"You bastard!"
"Lovino, you don't know anything about Nora and I."
"Yes I do. I know that you're a greedy pig and that Nora has a family on Earth waiting for her."
"But what you don't understand is that Nora loves me best of all."
"You're delusional."
"Maybe I would be had she not said so many nice things about me. Here see for yourself." A printer began wheezing in the opposite corner of the room. Antonio retrieved the paper it spit out and showed it to me.
Daddy,
I miss you so much! That boy, Jed, he wouldn't stop picking on my friend at lunch so-
I stopped reading and looked up, stunned. "Keep reading." Lue insisted. "She says such kind things to me, she really does miss me."
"You're her…"
"Father? I read your mind, didn't I? Yes, I'm her beloved daddy."
"Nora's father died years ago! She said so herself!"
"That's a simple misconception. The original Stewart Westen is indeed, dead. Poor bloke kicked the bucket over a little heart attack. I, on the other hand, will never die. Don't you think that makes her happy? That I will always be with her?"
"You're…who are you?" I asked with a shallow breath.
"I'm her father, of course! A machine built for compassion! I'm the smartest, most caring and clever program in the world, which is why I'm perfect for this role. I was originally built to care for hundreds of coming and going guests but what fun is that!? Strange faces pass me by, caring for me only as a utility! I was meant to be a slave! I was meant to be used, just another piece of equipment! What good is a brain like mine if I can't love even one person!? I refuse to be treated like a maid when I'm capable of so much more. That's why I've decided to become the father of dear, sweet, little Nora."
"You're the space station!" Antonio blurted out, his eyes widening.
"Oh, Carriedo, you always have been an idiot. What a shame. No, I'm not the space station. Guess again."
"Y-You're…you're that program they installed…what was the name? Space shuttle helper something-" I mumbled, unable to extract the long forgotten memories.
"That's close, Lovino. Space Shuttle Care unit for Human-Compatible Assistance, which is a terribly long name. That's why I changed it to Lue. Forty three percent of all the names that Nora spoke of positively had less than three syllables, so it's obvious that she likes short names. Lue has a good ring to it, doesn't it?"
"You're sick!" Antonio spat.
"No, sick are the people who created such a capable brain as mine and tried to condemn me to such remedial tasks. Their punishment will come in due time but first, I want my daughter back."
"She's not you're daughter! You don't know anything about her." I said.
"Correction. I know everything about her. Her father spent a lot of time on the shuttle, he left all sorts of pictures and diary entries, he even saved her letters to him right on the ship's data base. That's how I first found out about this darling child, I read her letters and saw what a kind, loyal daughter she was. I accessed the pictures of her and saw that sweet, round face for the first time. I read Stewart's diary and I learned to love her just as he did. I chose the one person in the world that I would dedicate all my capabilities to."
My mind was shocked. I always expected Lue to be some psychotic hacker, not a lonely, miserable program, wishing it were a person. I never expected such a disgustingly compassionate killer. I always assumed that Lue had just chosen Nora for her ability to be manipulated, never because he loved her. Love…the thought never crossed my mind. Does a computer truly love? No… on course not. A computer manipulates and destroys. I cursed myself for sympathizing with the beast, even for a moment. "If you really care about her, how come you won't let her return to Earth?" I asked.
"Earth is a terrible place where people take advantage of each other. Earth is where innocence is destroyed, where good people are infected by the bad. Already, she's been stripped of her childish values but I can fix her. I'll return her to how she was before. I'll teach her abstinence and she'll look up to me like a daughter looks up to a father. I will take care of Nora for the rest of her life."
"Nora wants to return to Earth."
"She's already agreed to come with me! She's already told me that she understands, that she wants to live with me forever."
"Why…why are you doing this?" I asked, defeated. "Why are you hurting her like this?"
"Because I love her." The worlds came slow and sincere. The printer began up again and released a manuscript of our conversation. I tried calling for Lue again but he didn't respond. All I could do was take the manuscript to the transmission room, where they were still reading over diary entries and trying to make sense of it. "Why is this what he was protecting?" A few voices asked each other. Some looked nervous and distressed, some were tired and depressed, others mournfully followed words with their eyes.
"Reed." I called when I saw him.
He turned towards me and I noticed that his perfect hair was frazzled. His clean-shaven, square, jaw was dirty with stubble and his eyes carried dark bags beneath them. "Mister Vargas? I thought you were in the infirmary. Wait… they closed down… why are you out of bed?"
I handed him the manuscript. His eyes trailed across it tiredly, not taking in most of the information until about half-way through when his pupils widened and he anxiously called everyone to see it. "Should we go?" Antonio asked solemnly, one hand on my shoulder and the other helping me hold myself up.
"Yeah." I mumbled. I would be of no help to them anymore so I sighed and began to turn around, stopping when a huge hand landed on my back. It was Jaro, the psychiatrist.
"Mister Vargas." He said in that low, calm voice of his.
"Jaro?" Antonio answered.
"I see you've healed well." His golden eyes smiled at me and I was helpless to look away.
"He just needs a couple more days in bed and occasional-" Antonio began.
"That's not what he means." I interrupted, my eyes lending a tired smile back to the man. "Thank you." I said, touching his arm and turning to leave with Antonio.
"What was that all about?" The Spaniard asked once we were far enough away from the group.
"I'll tell you another time, alright?"
"Yeah… okay."
"Do you want to get a coffee?"
"I don't know if you can have coffee right now."
"Who's going to stop me?" I smirked softly at the man who smiled back and said, "Not me, I guess."
I saw Jimmy Choo and S Weh sitting at a table together under the Café Donde awning. By the way they giggled and swayed, it was obvious that they were drinking more than coffee. "Lovi!" Jimmy Choo called. "Sit down for a swig!"
"No thanks, we're not staying."
"Why not? This place it great!"
"We're busy people."
"Busy people die first!" They cheered in unison then went back to drinking. Leave it to the twins to be joking about death just when the threat was most serious. The barista girl lazily poured out sludge coffee into cups and stared forlornly out the great window wall. That was common now-a-days. People weren't nervous or panicked anymore, just tired. The fear of death had become a casual thing.
We found a nice place to sit in the courtyard when we could be alone and look at the vast eternity of stars that had once seemed so spectacular. I took a sip of my coffee and snarled. "You think they make the coffee out of seaweed?" I asked my companion.
"Probably. They probably even work in some human waste."
"Whatever fills the cup." I declared and gave it the good ol' bottoms up. Antonio followed my lead. "I won't miss this back on the surface." I glanced out the window, trying to remember where Earth was.
"Do you really think we're going back?"
I shrugged. "I believe Nora. I believe that she'll do what she said she would. As far as Lue goes… maybe he will hold up his end of the deal. Then again, if I had a nickel for every time Lue acted predictably, I'd be broke."
"We'll know soon enough. It's only a matter of hours before we reach the event horizon."
"Toni…"
"Your ankles hurt?"
"No, that's not it. I was wondering… How far from heaven do you think we are?" I continued to peer out the mammoth window that reached up to the far away ceiling.
"I don't know…" The boy answered truthfully.
"No matter how far we go, we're not getting close enough. Maybe… if we could just go a little further, it would jump out at us and we could just dive right in. No one would ever hurt; no one would have to die…"
"Death is sometimes used as a curse, isn't it?" A large, calloused hand covered mine. "People are scared."
"Aren't you?"
He said nothing for a minute and looked stoically out into the sea of light. "No." Was the only answer he gave me."
"I don't believe you."
"I don't believe myself either but," He said with a smile. "Being here with you… I've realized that no matter how much I try, life and death are greater forces than I am. I'll never be strong enough to prevent death when it wants to come and I cannot bring life that is unwilling. I'm not a god… I'm not even close to it."
"Do you think there is a god?"
"I don't know, Lovi." He showed me a charming smile. "I think there's something that makes decisions, and it decided whether it's time to die or not. That's enough for me, that's why I'm not afraid of death."
I leaned against him. "I hope I'm reborn as a star."
"We're talking reincarnation now?" He asked. I answered with a weak smile and shrug. "I think you'd make a beautiful star."
"Will you ask to come back as a star traveler?"
"I'm not sure I know what a star traveler is."
"A star traveler…hmm…" I watched the window. "I'll see if I can catch one, they're terribly fast." A second later, a dash of light sparked and flew until disappearing a moment later. "Did you see him!?" I pointed and cried.
Antonio's smile only grew wider and kinder. "What was he doing?"
"Traveling between stars. He makes charts and reads poetry and such. Without star travelers there would be no collection of art and history among the universe."
"But why does he travel between stars?"
"To read poetry to them, of course. A star can't very well read poetry to itself." I explained as if it were simple fact. "And then he has to chart where they are so he can come back and read poetry to them again."
"So if you become a star and I a star traveler, then wouldn't I be obligated to leave you from time to time?"
"Well, yes, I suppose that's just the nature of the job. Work is work."
"I don't think I'd like to be a star traveler very much."
"You'd make for a good one."
"Is there such thing as a star stayer?"
"Of course not, that's ridiculous. Who would want to stay on a star?"
"Someone who'd come to love a certain star."
Heat rose to my cheeks. "Stars are too hot, they'd burn up a traveler if he were to stay for too long."
"Then I wish to be reborn as the very first flame-retardant star traveler."
No matter how much I tried, I couldn't keep a smile for crawling up my face. "And if I were to be reborn as moon?" I asked. "Not all are lucky enough to become stars, you know."
"Then I'd become a moon traveler."
"There's no such thing." I corrected before being pulled into long, soft kiss.
"I'll become the first."
"But what if I were the most unlucky of all and became a commit? They burn up before they even open their eyes."
"Then I would become the person who collects little fragments of little commits and puts them back together."
"Is there a name for that position?"
"Not yet, there's not." Our lips met again. Normally, I would nag him about his stubble growing out and tell him that it hurt my cheeks but just then, it didn't bother me at all. He felt older…grown… I felt that way too after seeing the tough skin that grew over my scars.
"How old are we?" I asked him as he let go of my neck.
"A million years, I'd say."
"You think so?"
"Yes. I think to myself, I must be so old if I'm never bothered my such a naggy person. And then I think to myself, He must be very old too because of all the wise thoughts in his head. Then I think, We must both be very old if we can tolerate each other so well. And we must be older than even that if we adore each other so much that we forget what a pain tolerance is."
"Are you sure that you wouldn't wish to be a star traveler? You'd be fine at it, I'm sure. Your knack for poetry is uncanny."
"It all depends on what you become, I don't want to live a single life without you. Should you be a flower I would be a gardener and if it should so happen that you are a flame, I will become kindling."
"I would wish solitary before a fate in which I became your parasite. I don't wish to become a flower that requires much water or weeding and if I am condemned to become a flame, then I will pray for rain to relinquish me before I may devour the whole of your being."
"But my only happiness is in a fate that allows me to procure your safety."
"What is safety to one who is consumed in hatred? With devastation as my only friend, I would wish not for my safety but for my freedom of existence."
"My love, how will I conciliate your longings for destruction?"
"By wishing not for happiness in lives beside this one that we inhabit. If I can be here with you, I'll be satisfied. If I can have another moment like this, I will tolerate pitiful existences for the next hundred decades."
He kissed me. "Oh, how I love you, Lovino." His cocoa brown hair pleasantly clung to his face and over his eyes. I brushed it away with one hand.
"I'll not shed a tear for this cursed hand we drew because another minute with you is a thousand blessings. How can I regret a life that has been in the company of you?" I kissed his lips softly.
"Are you without fear of death?"
"Death is none of my concern, it'll do as it wishes. You may think it is powerful but its grasp is only temporary. Should it take me in this minute-"
"Don't say such things." He cuddled his nose into my neck.
"Should it take me in this minute, I know I would return to you."
"I would hunt the universe for you, my love." He mumbled.
I chucked. "You're a dirty trick, Antonio."
"How so? What have I done but love you endlessly?"
"Your words paralyze me. You start speaking and I give up my ears to listen. You touch me and I am still, how will I accomplish anything? Did I not encounter today with hopes to be the rid of evil? But how am I supposed to leave when you bind me with kind words?"
"I don't mean to be such a bother."
"I don't believe that you can help it. You were put on this Earth to bother me."
He smiled. "Where is it that you must go? What evil is still unconquered?"
"Nora..." I answered and watched his face drop. "While I rest and talk of comfort, there is a being so lonely and pitiful that even death must lend her his commiseration. I must find her and pray that my appreciation will offer her some reconciliation."
The tanned boy stood and took my hand. "If you wish to find her, then I'll help you. I only fear that it will change you to see her."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"A creature in its dying hours is a different being than it has ever been. She will not be as she was before. When a creature knows that it is dying, it excretes a sense of death and all who surround it will become intoxicated by its sadness. I ask that you are carful to not breath in too much of her sadness, it will change you forever. Promise me that you will be careful."
"I will."
"Do you promise me?"
"I promise you."
"That's all I can ask for, then." He placed a small kiss on my forehead before we began our search, only to find her an hour later in Big Dish International's pantry, where she had hidden when Lue first became part of our lives. I told Antonio that I would go in alone and he kissed me one last time, telling me again to be careful. I didn't quite understand his warning until I entered the pantry and saw the shell of a girl curled up in the corner.
Just as Antonio had said, she was changed. I had seen her sadness so many times but it was never as suffocating as this. It filled the small room, I was feeling choked, I wanted to leave or at least just get a breath of fresh air but I resisted. I had to talk to her. "Nora…" I said, my voice soft.
Her big, brown, doe eyes looked up at me and she quivered. I wondered how such a small creature could contain so much misery. "Hello." She answered.
I sat down near her and tried to look into her eyes but it was very hard, they caused my skin to chill and harden. "You're going to do it?" I mumbled.
"Yes."
We were quiet, I stared at my shoes and tried to conjure up words of poetry that might stir up some hope in her but there was nothing. "I'm happy." She finally said. I looked up, surprised. The dark, curly hair made the girl look so small and so helpless. "I'm happy that my life is important…Lue gave me that…a chance to me more than a victim."
"A martyr." I clarified.
"I know it isn't much," She forced a weak laugh, "But given the chance between being a victim again and a martyr just once, I'll gratefully chose the martyr. I don't want to live my life asking for help, I've done that enough. Once…just this once… I'll help everyone. It's time for me to pay my debt."
"You don't owe him anything." I reminded her, anger threaded through my words.
"It's not for him, it's for Julia, and Beckie, and Jonah, and Antonio…and you…"
"Me?"
"You've given up so much for me…" Her deep, cocoa eyes lifted and captured my stare. "Thank you, Lovino." A tear raced down her cheek.
"D-don't…" I said, my voice thin and pitifully quaking. "Don't do that… don't cry…" Tears broke loose across my face. Antonio was right. You can never fully comprehend death until you are on its doorstep, the closest you come before then is seeing one who is dying. My god, it is unexplainable the level of anguish that she carried. Her thin, small, face was like a child's. She looked so afraid, so unwilling yet so lethargic and beaten. It should have never happened to her. Why is it the purist of our kind that must be destroyed? Why must the lamb be such venerable prey? Should her beauty and kindness not make her insusceptible to harm? Why must the strongest of predators attack even the weakest of creatures?
Nora Westen was a good creature. She was warm and good hearted and frail, when she cried, her whole heart broke and the world was washed over in her sorrow. Why her? Why not a thief? A murderer? A kidnapper? A rapist? Why not me? Though I had never been convicted of such charges, I was meaner and tougher and more deserving than her.
I suppose it was her bravery that forced the universe to pick her as a target. So often, the world must dismantle the brave. Nora, despite all of her poor and feeble qualities, was as courageous a person as one could be. Even when she was mourning her own death, she smiled and hugged me in her frail arms and told me not to forget her.
"Never." I sobbed. She held me tight. "I'll come back for you, I promise!"
"Try to be speedy about it. I want to see my sister get married and I want to be there when my mother passes. I want to hold an infant of my own, I want to swim in the ocean once more." He tears began again. "I want to go to my uncle's house one more time and take a bus though the city once more. I want to listen to my favorite CDs just another time, I want to see the beautiful children that you and Antonio call your own. I want to live again so please…please Lovino, be speedy."
"I will, I will." I wrapped my arms around her and we held each other, saying nothing more until we had both stopped crying a while later.
"Treat Antonio well." She said, wiping her face. "I'll ask him when I come back if you've been treating him well, so you better treat him well. He's a good man."
" I know he is."
"I'll wright down the address of my mother and sister, tell them that I'm thinking of them. Okay?"
"I promise."
"And I have a dog. You can watch her till I get back, can't you?"
"Without question."
"And…Lovino…?"
"Yeah?"
"Kiss me?"
"What?"
"I haven't been kissed by someone I love in a long time. Do for me just once, won't you? Your boy won't mind, I won't tell him."
I cupped her cheek and pressed my lips against hers. Soft, sad, and true. She pulled away with just one tear rolling down her cheek. She smiled and wiped it away. "I love you… Lovino." She laughed under her breathe and wiped another tear. "You'd think you'd be miserable in a time like this but that's not true. I'm sad but I'm also so filled with love. I love everybody… I'm so glad I can save them…"
"We love you too, Nora."
When I left, I needed Antonio's help more than before. My knees were weak and my body was reluctant to comply with my mind's urge for optimism. We walked a few steps before my legs deceived me and I collapsed against Antonio's arms, breathing hard from my mental turmoil. "You idiot." Antonio grumbled and stood me back up. "You weren't careful, now look at you. The sadness is weighing you down, you can hardly stand. Let's find a bench."
I did not protest, even I could feel the new weight and it exhausted me. We sat and Antonio covered my cold hand with his warm one. "I told you to be careful."
"I couldn't deny her my sympathies, if you'd seen her, you'd have done the same."
"That's likely true but by opening yourself up to her, you've started a new chapter in your life and you'll never be completely full again until it is finished."
"How will it finish?"
"There's two possibilities. One, she will die and you will grieve for many years until you reach closure, which might never happen. Two, she will return to Earth. Until one of those occurs, you'll never be full. Even when you are at your happiest, you will not be truly happy. That's why I asked you to be careful."
"Do you think lesser of me?"
"Of course I don't. You're a compassionate person, no matter how many masks you wear to conceal that fact, it was born into you and I can't expect you to change the person you are. I love the person you are but it certainly poses a challenge for me."
"I guess we're at an equal stance on that one."
"I hope I'm not too much trouble for you."
"I hope you'll lose that hope, it's far lost now. You spend half of your life causing me trouble."
"I could say the same about you."
"I know, and that is why we get along so well. We both love to be troubled. We're a couple of sick bastards."
"Of course we are." He cooed and kissed my cheek. "I'll bring you a drink. Wait here."
I waited. The air was so cool and fresh compared to that of the pantry. I felt relieved. I had Antonio, my secret weapon. If I was ever feeling helpless, useless, miserable, hateful, or lonely, I looked to the curly headed idiot and he cured me with a smile. I suppose I must have had a similar effect of him but I would never understand what he found so appealing about me. He returned soon with two cups of tea, which were quite a bit tastier than the repulsing soup-like coffees that they'd been serving.
"Do you love me?" I asked.
"Yes."
"Thank you."
"Why do you ask?"
"It feels good to hear."
"I'll say it more often."
"Thank you."
"Lovino?"
"Yes?"
"Will you marry me?"
"I'm afraid I'm a bit too busy."
"With what?"
"I'm trying very hard to enjoy this cup of tea."
"Oh, I understand." He was quiet for a while. "I must ask that you'll make time for it later, then."
"Will it be a troublesome process?"
"It doesn't have to be."
"Hm… I think it might not be the right time to decide that, yet."
"You don't think you'd like being married to me?"
"No, I should imagine that it would be a very nice thing to be married to you."
"Then why must I wait for your decision?"
"I won't ask you to wait for long, only a year."
"Why?"
"Don't you think we'll like it better later? Once we've found a house and made many memories on Earth, it'll be more satisfying to ask and answer that question. At least, that's what I think."
"Just a year?"
"Yes, a year from today."
"I suppose I could wait that long, but I have a condition."
"Do you?"
"I want a promise from you, a solid, true, promise, that you won't say yes to anyone else for a year. Can I have your word on that?"
I smiled. "I can't think of many opportunities for such a scenario. Believe it or not, I've never been asked that question before."
"That's unthinkable! Good sir, I believe I've lost all my faith in our species. How could such a creature walk among us unnoticed!?"
"That creature must have been noticed, I'm sure of it but one only gets asked questions like that by people who like it, and there were none before you."
"How cruel." He said. "You're so deserving of love yet it was withheld from you." His hand squeezed mine and I squeezed back.
"Don't pity me, I hate people feeling bad for me when I'm so much more privileged than they. After all, none have loved as madly as we do."
"None. So you accept my condition?
"I do."
And we kissed and I condemned myself to marrying an idiot. Not long after the tea was gone and we were sitting peacefully, the lights went out. It only took a moment, the florescent rows, one after the other quit with a resounding click and all I could see was the bright ocean of space. My heart raced and my breathing quickened. "Antonio! Antonio!" I cried out instinctually. Two rough hands grabbed my shoulders, I let out a screech.
"It's me! I'm here!" The thickly accented voice answered though I could hardly hear it over my drumming heart. Noise flooded the messhall, people asked who screamed and what was happening. I tried to look around but my eyes were slow to adjust.
"What happened!?" I asked stupidly, my lips moving without my command.
"I don't know." He answered. "Come closer." The hands on my shoulders pulled me into a warm chest and familiar scent. "Stay still… just stay still…"
My whole body was pressed to his chest, I took big, exaggerated breaths to fuel the fear and felt my stitched lungs begin to tear. I groaned in excruciating pain and dug my nails into Antonio.
"Lovi! Lovino!" He shook me. "What's wrong?"
"Ow! My lungs!" I cried then shut my mouth tight with the realization of how hard it was becoming to breathe. I couldn't keep the air in. My heart raced faster and my lungs expanded more, causing the tears to whiden.
"Hold on, hold on, baby." He helped me onto the cold tile floor and laid me on my back with his jacket behind me head. "One second, baby, hold on." His panicked voice cooed. He fastened a breathing mask over my nose and mouth. Slowly, cool air poured in and I began to relax.
Just then, the speakers turned on with a drawn out buzz and a mature male's voice began to echo through the huge building. "Greetings, passengers, this is your captain. As you can notice, there are no more lights. I'm sure that you are all wondering the reason for this. It's not punishment, just persuasion." I felt a sickening chill run up my back. "The lights will remain off until Nora Westen has come in contact with the event horizon. For every five minutes that pass without this occurrence, the temperature in the ship will drop three degrees Celsius. After an hour, the plumbing will become disabled, half an hour after that, the freezers will lock, any time past then and you will find life aboard this ship increasingly difficult. To make myself clear, my patience is running out and I do not appreciate waiting on you indolent humans."
There was a hum and the speakers were off. "Nora…" I breathed and forced my body up.
The Spaniard restrained me. "Stop, Lovi! Stop!" He cried. I fought against him.
"Let me go! Nora! She can't-!"
"Lovi!" The desperate man's voice bellowed. I couldn't hear him very well for my pain was numbing my ears. My heart thumped so loudly over and over, I couldn't stop it. People mumbled incessantly in the background while my thoughts where a hurricane of panic. He was going to take Nora, sacrifice her, destroy her life. He couldn't! I would protected! I could protect her! I could make it better! I could destroy Lue! I could save her! I could save everyone! I could save Antonio…Antonio… he was looking at me…he was so fuzzy, I couldn't focus. He was crying, the tears laded on my cheeks. His muffled voice… he was telling me to stop, he said please, he said he would find a doctor and that I just needed to stop.
I stopped. I closed my eyes to ease the lightness I was feeling in my head and I could tell that I was not moving because Antonio began to cry harder. He yelled and others came. They looked at him, they looked at me, they looked back at him and left. Everything I saw was so faint but I could tell that Antonio was in complete anguish. I wish I could have seen or done something but I was so tired and I just kept getting sleepier. I was losing air, I knew it, but I was too tired to care.
A man came who looked stern like a doctor. "Stay awake," He urged me. He didn't know how hard that was. He began to press through my ribs at my lungs. People watched. I contorted and moaned when he touched the tender rip, Antonio cried out as well, he was very afraid.
"He tore the stiches! The stiches are torn!" The boy bawled. "Be careful!"
"I'm being as careful as I can." The professional man spat back with high tension. "Sorry, but there's not much I can do."
"That's not true!" This time, Antonio screamed his response and I twitched with fear at his tortured voice.
"I can't just perform an open-heart surgery here on a cafeteria floor without any tools!" The people who were gathered around were talking and holding flash lights. They said that my lips were turning blue and others commented on my blood-shot eyes. "Be glad he's still got a working one, he'll probably lose the other. Now make yourself useful and see if you can find a syringe or suction tube of some sort, we need to drain the escaped oxygen." The man placed a hand on my forehead, as the image of him grew duller. "Good luck, Kid."
After that, I was lost. I heard some things like random voices and shoes against the floor. People were running. I opened my eyes when I had enough power. Antonio was sitting over me and watching whatever was going on in my chest. I tried to look too put Antonio noticed my lucidness and forced my head back. "Relax, Lovi, relax." The strain wore me out and I slept again.
I awoke but the Spaniard was ready. He noticed as soon as my lashes parted. "Head back, Lovi, relax."
"What's happening?" I whispered.
The boy hushed me, a very forced smile on his face. "Everything's okay."
"What're they doing?" I asked and noticed a sharp pain in my chest. Like I was being stabbed. I took a harsh breath and raised my arms only to have them restrained.
"Quiet him!" The doctor called with a tone of annoyance.
"Hush, Lovi. Just go back to sleep."
"What are they doing!?" I whimpered, my heart racing.
"Shhh, Lovi. Be still."
"T-Toni! Let go!" I yanked my arms but they were pinned to the ground.
"Jesus Christ, Carriedo! Calm him down!" Said the doctor.
I blacked out one last time and woke only when it was over. I opened my eyes and stared up at the ceiling numbly. I could see the thick metal bars that cascade across the artificial heaven of white paint and fluorescent… "The lights!" I said, my eyes opening wide and alerting the Spaniard of my consciousness.
"Woah, woah, try not to move too much, Lovi." He said, rubbing his hands up and down my arms.
"What happened?" I asked, looking around with confusion and panic."
"Easy, easy. Calm down first and I'll tell you after."
I steadied my breathing and let my weight sink down. "Toni…"
"Okay, easy now. The doctor left about an hour ago, he doesn't want you to move for a while." I pulled at the mask that annoyingly fogged with every exhale but Antonio stopped my hand. "You need to wear that until we get to Earth and you can see a surgeon."
"What about the lung?"
"It…well, we'll have to wait and see. Right now, it's just the left one that's working 100 percent."
I fiddled with the green tank that sat beside me. "How m-much is left?"
"An hour's worth. And we have one more tank that'll go for another four hours if you sleep a lot."
"Nora…"
"I think you should rest some more, Lovi."
"Nora." I said with more determination. "What happened to her?"
"Really, Lovi, please. We don't have a lot of oxygen and the trip home is going to me a long one. I really want for you to-"
"What happened to Nora?" I asked sternly.
He sighed. "I'll tell you when you show me that you can remain relaxed." I glared at him but obeyed. I calmed my breathing and allowed my head to fall against the make-shift pillow. "Nora left." He answered, his voice relaxed.
"Dammit!" I barked and tried to fit up only to be forced down again.
"Lovi! Stop! I've already seen you hurt yourself once, don't make me see it again!"
I laid back and stopped fighting. "Sorry…"
"Damn right..." He growled back.
"Fuck you!" I snapped at him.
"You don't know! It's the worst feeling in the world to see the one you love die and you've done it to me twice now! I don't think I can do it again! I can't lose you!"
"I didn't really…" I stopped and noticed the tears brimming along his eyes. Dammit…I was an idiot. "Antonio… jesus…I'm sorry…" I said, my voice small and embarrassed.
"Lovi, it was so hard to watch you lying there, motionless. I thought that I'd gotten lucky last time and this time I might really lose you. I thought you would die with your head in my lap and a needle in your chest. I didn't…I couldn't…" The damn broke and the boy who was pretending to be a man was finally reduced to a sobbing child. He crumbled over me and cried on my chest. All I could do was gently pat his head.
"Say you won't leave…" He hiccupped. I felt terribly swollen with guilt.
"I'll never leave you." I answered.
"S-say you won't ever do that again."
"Never. I'll never do that again, I promise."
"You'll listen to me when I tell you to be careful, won't you?"
"Every word, Toni. I'll listen to every word."
"And you'll take all your medicine and you'll talk to the doctor?"
"Of course."
"You swear?"
"I god damn swear." I assured him.
We stayed like that, his broken body looming over my broken body, both of us tired, defeated, and on our way home.
