The State of the Union
Leaving Greece broke my heart. I got very used to our little romantic love nest and the beautiful days and hot nights. The only thing that made it bearable was that Erik promised me we could go back for an anniversary.
We flew back to Athens and then to Zurich. It was 8:50 AM Swiss time when we arrived and then we were to catch a connecting flight to NYC at 10:05. We were really too tired to go out into Zurich and we feared getting lost so we just stayed in the air port. I got a few more small things for people back home at the duty free shop before settling down with coffee at one of the in air port cafes.
"I love that I can smoke inside here," I said as Erik and I waited for our flight.
"Olivia, have you ever considered giving up smoking?" Erik asked me carefully.
"Why does it bother you?" I asked him. I realized I had never asked his opinion on the subject.
"Well, not really," Erik said in the same cautious tone, "But I am thinking of your health Olivia…and in the future the health of our child,"
I stared at him, "Erik, I can stop whenever I want to, and I would never smoke if I was pregnant with our child; I would never do anything to hurt our baby," Smoking during pregnancy caused low birth weight in babies. Not to mention the fact that given Erik's history our baby might be particularly vulnerable.
"Olivia, I'm not trying to offend you; I just think it might be easier for you to give up smoking if you start now rather than wait until you get pregnant," Erik spoke gently to me, "And besides it's bad for you! What if you got…lung cancer or something?" Erik's biggest fear was that I would die and leave him alone.
I sighed. I hated being preached to, but this was my husband I was talking to. I knew he had a point but I really didn't want to admit it. To avoid this I just looked away, putting down my cigarette.
It felt like an eternity before we were home again. When the pilot announced that we were over New York City I felt a wave of joy and relief. As wonderful as it is to travel I will always enjoy coming home.
Next to me Erik felt a similar excitement as coming home. With a jolt Erik realized how the city had truly become his home and how all he longed for was our bed and our apartment, and of course our dog. Poor Sammy; Erik missed him so much.
It was odd, when Erik had come to his old house under the opera; he had felt none of this excitement about coming home even though he had lived there so much longer.
By the time we got off the plane it was almost one in the morning. We were tired and very jet lagged; I was glad Erik seemed slightly less tired than I was and I relied on him to get our luggage and a cab. I sort of stood there with my eyes half closed and leaned on his body for support.
As much as I had hated leaving Greece I loved seeing our apartment door again. Erik was about to unlock it when it opened for us.
"You're home!" Andy had been waiting up for us. She and Leo had been apartment sitting and I couldn't help but wonder what they had blown up in our absence. Andy quickly stepped aside and let us in.
Once over the threshold Andy embraced up both in turn, "How was the trip?" She asked excitedly.
"Andy," Leo came over to us both. He was dressed in his night clothes already and looked as ready for sleep as I felt, "They just got home! We can nag them tomorrow,"
I nodded in agreement, saying goodnight to Andy and Leo and then stumbling sleepily to our bedroom. Oh what a wonderful sight our own bed was! I just fell on top of it and shut my eyes. Vaguely I heard Erik bring our luggage into our room. The bed sagged a bit under his weight as he sat next to me.
"Olivia darling," He called gently, "Don't you want to change?"
I shook my head and nestled into the covers. I heard Erik chuckle and he left the bed for a moment. After changing, Erik came back and took off my shoes, my pants, and then my shirt so I could sleep comfortably.
As nice as our hotel in Greece had been I loved our own bed more. I sank happily into our sheets and into Erik's arms. I loved his embrace…I loved him so much.
"Well, the honeymoon's over now," Andy said to me the next morning. We both had to return to work the next day and Andy and Leo would be going home to San Francisco.
I nodded, "But what a honeymoon it was," I smiled happily at her. Erik had gone and taken Sammy for a walk and Leo was in the shower.
Andy laughed, "Did you two ever leave your room?"
"Yes! We went sailing!" I said in our defense, though I knew quiet well what had taken up most of our time.
"Is sailing Greek lingo for sex?" Andy asked me innocently.
"No!" I hit her shoulder and handed her a cup of coffee.
"So how was Greece? Tell me all about it," Andy said, giving up teasing me for the moment.
"Oh! Let me show you," I went to one of my bags and got out the camera Erik had given me once. I plugged it into my laptop and downloaded the pictures,
"Ok this is a picture of the hotel," I clicked on the first picture and enlarged it.
"Oh wow that's beautiful!" Andy stood behind me and leaned over my shoulder.
"And our room," I said, hitting the next button.
"Oh God! No wonder you never left!" Andy laughed.
Midway through our little slide show Erik returned and Leo got out of the shower.
"Erik you look so handsome," Andy said to him as we reached the picture of him on the boat. Modestly Erik shrugged. He still had no idea how to react when people complemented him.
"Honey, I'm standing right here," Leo teased her.
"Oh I think you are handsome to," Andy said in an exasperated tone.
Leo laughed and turned to Erik, "This is what you have to look forward to mon amie, 'oh I think you are handsome to,'" Leo laughed, "Welcome to marriage,"
We said our final goodbyes to Andy and Leo the next morning before we left for work and they for the airport. We made them promise to come out again soon and they said they would be out again at the latest for Christmas.
My first day back at work was not so bad. Everyone welcomed me with knowing smiles, knowing that I had spent the last week having sex with my new husband.
Erik experienced the same. First from Greg, who was still with Susan.
"So how was the honeymoon? Wild?" Greg had come in to drop off a list of changes to a design that would make it compliant with NYC zoning laws.
Erik shifted, a bit uncomfortable with the topic. He had never had what one would consider a normal sex life, and he had never been comfortable with the subject because for a long time it was the only thing he could not speak with authority on. Opera, architecture, magic, language sure; but a woman's body…that had been a shoe of a different color.
"It was quite pleasing," Erik said, making Greg laugh at his euphemism. Erik reached for another topic, "How is Donna?" As every father loved to talk about their child Erik knew Greg would take the bait.
"Oh! Poor little thing is sick," Greg cleared his throat, "I think I might be catching it too,"
"That's too bad," Erik said sympathetically, "What does she have?"
"I'm not sure, I hope it's just a cold," Greg mused, "Susan is worried, she wants to take her to the doctor,"
"So she and Susan get along alright?"
"Oh yeah, I can't thank you enough for introducing her to me Erik," Greg said seriously, "She's an angel, and she loves Donna…what about you and Olivia? Are you going to have kids?"
Erik's head spun, how had they gotten back to the topic of sex? "Well, we think so…we won't start trying for at least a year though,"
Greg nodded, "Well do it," he spoke as he began to leave Erik's office, "I swear you never know how much you can love something until the first time you hold your child,"
After Greg left Erik's mind began to wonder. It wasn't until he looked down at his blueprint and realized he had drawn a bassinette how far off he had been.
Erik made to erase his sketch, but thinking again he folded it and stuck it in his desk. He went back to work, but he didn't stop smiling. He kept thinking that from now forward, it would just be me and him and our little baby.
At that moment I called him, "Olivia! I was just thinking about you," Erik was happy to hear my voice.
"You're just saying that so I'll think you're sweet," I teased him.
"No! I really was thinking about you," Erik insisted.
"Well I do really think you are sweet," I smiled in my office.
"Alright then," Erik laughed, "I miss you darling,"
"Oh I miss you to," I said, "But listen, I won't be home tonight for dinner; the girls want to get together and I haven't seen them since the wedding and I need to tell them all about Greece so I won't be home until later,"
"Oh," this took Erik completely by surprise, "Well when will you be home?"
"Around ten," I said in a cherry voice, unaware that Erik had just snapped his pencil in half in surprise.
"Oh…alright…I'll see you then," Erik said in a low voice.
"Ok, love you," I hung up the phone.
"Love you two," Erik said quietly, setting the phone down on the receiver.
Erik looked down at his snapped pencil in disbelief. He had thought that I would want to spend every possible moment with him. Meanwhile I was going off on my own with my friends. What about our family?
He tried not to think about it later that night when he got home to an empty apartment.
"Just you and me for awhile Sammy," Erik said to the excited dog, patting him on the head. Erik plopped down on the sofa and switched on the television but nothing interested him.
He was trying to rationalize; of course I would still go out with my friends. He knew how much I cared for them, even if it did mean leaving him alone. Erik knew that I wasn't really choosing them over him.
"But it feels that way doesn't it?" Erik asked aloud to the dog as he climbed up on his lap.
"Well, spill,"
This was the general demand I received from all the girls at the dinner table. I smiled and began,
"Well, we went to Greece, Santorini to be exact,"
"Oh my God!" Susan shirked, "It's supposed to be beautiful there!"
I nodded, "It is! It's so gorgeous; look I printed off these pictures," I handed around the stack of photos I had printed off my laptop, "And our room was so romantic! We hardly left,"
"So, how was the sex?" Rebecca asked me, as though this was the most important question…which I guess it was.
"It was amazing," I said truthfully. With a smile I motioned for Rebecca to lean over and I whispered in her ear the events of our wedding night.
With a yelp of joy Rebecca turned to Jackie and said in her ear what I had just told her.
"Oh God it's like a dirty game of telephone," I laughed as Jackie giggled and nodded impressed before she turned to Susan and told her. Susan just looked shocked,
"I would never let Greg do that to me!" she cried.
"You know, I never though it would be my thing either, but it was…" how was I supposed to describe what it was?
"Orgasmic?" Rebecca helped me.
I nodded and laughed.
I left dinner that night fully up to date on all that was going on. Susan and Greg looked like they were headed for the alter, Rebecca was most impressively still with her model boyfriend, and Jackie and Brent had gotten back together and then broken up twice in one week. At the moment they were just friends…who had sex.
As I walked home I realized I was very late. It was well past ten. I hurried up to my apartment. Even though I had lived in New York City for years, I still did not feel comfortable walking alone at night. I almost felt like someone was watching me.
I hurried to our door and opened in quietly, thinking Erik might be sleeping. Far from it he pounced on me the moment I opened the door.
"Where were you Olivia?" He cried, "You said you would be home by ten!"
I was a bit taken aback, "Claim down Erik; dinner ran late that's all,"
"Well why didn't you answer your phone?" Erik demanded.
"I turned off the sound while we were eating; you know how I hate it when phones go off in restaurants," I had no idea he would be this upset.
"I was worried to death about you," Erik said sternly, "I thought you had been kidnapped or killed or something,"
"Because I was an hour late? Come on Erik be reasonable!" I pushed past him and set my purse on the counter.
"I am being reasonable!" Erik argued, "I just wanted to know that you were safe!"
"Stop being dramatic Erik," I said evenly, "What's gotten into you? Of course I was safe,"
"It's just," Erik began, "That's always how the stories start; someone is late coming home and then their body turns up in a ally somewhere,"
I stared at him, "Erik, were you watching Law and Order?"
He shifted, "Maybe,"
I laughed, "Those are made up!"
"But they are based on true stories!" Erik spoke adamantly.
I nodded. It did throw me off that he had been so incredibly worried, but I suppose he had a point, he was only concerned for my safety. I slid my arms around his waist, "Well I'm home, and next time I will call and tell you if I am going to be late,"
Erik happily embraced me, kissing the top of my head, "That's all I ask,"
I looked up at him, "Bed?" I asked.
He nodded in agreement, "Bed," What Erik didn't let on to was that he had been more than worried about my safety. He had been lonely and angry that I was not home.
The next day at work I got a very excited call from Jackie. Apparently, she had landed us all tickets for the opening of a new club that Saturday night. Of course I told her I would go. After I hung up I thought about Erik; clubs were never his thing. I doubted he would want to go.
That same day at work Erik got something not so nice. Greg came into his office coughing like mad and saying he was going home. By the end of the afternoon Erik felt hot and dizzy. He went home early and collapsed on the sofa.
When I returned I found his sprawled out on our couch, his hand was dangling off the edge and Sammy was licking it affectionately.
"Erik," I said gently, "What's wrong?" I sat down next to him and took his face in my hands, "You feel warm,"
He nodded, "Greg had something and he gave it to me,"
"Did you take your temperature?" I asked him.
"No, I got home and I sat here," Erik moaned, "And my stomach is killing me,"
"Alright well I'll go and get the thermometer and see if we have any Ginger Ale," I hurried to our bathroom and rummaged around until I found the thermometer. I went back to Erik and told him to hold it under his tongue.
I looked in our refrigerator. We didn't have any Ginger Ale, but I figured Coke would work just as well.
"This is for your stomach," I handed him the glass and he sat up, taking it from me. I took the thermometer from his mouth, "You do have a bit of a fever,"
"Wonderful," Erik grumbled. He suddenly let out a huge groan and headed for the bathroom.
Making up my mind I called Susan, "Hey sweetie,"
"Liv! How are you?"
"Well I'm fine, but Erik seems to be sick…he said Greg had something he might have caught?"
"Oh the stomach flu!" Susan said, "Donna had it, and then Greg got it; for them it only lasted about twenty four hours though,"
"Alright, thanks Susan,"
I went to our bathroom door and knocked on it, "Erik, Susan said Greg had the stomach flu…it should only last twenty four hours,"
"If I'm still alive by then," Erik called through the door.
For the next twenty five hours Erik constantly felt like throwing up or at least ripping his own stomach out. Remembering how he had reacted when I had gone out with my friends and come home late, I held off on telling him about my plans for Saturday night.
When he was felling better, I brought it up. We were eating breakfast and I decided to get it over quickly, like ripping off a band aid.
"Erik, the girls want to go out Saturday night, Jackie got some tickets to a club," I looked at him sidelong, wondering if he would be angry.
"Oh!" Erik shifted in his seat. He felt more sad than angry; he would be spending another night alone with the dog. "Well, how long will you be out for?"
"Late, maybe three?" I guessed, though I could remember nights out with the girls which had gone much longer.
"And this is just a night out…girls only?" Erik asked.
"Yes,"
"Well then, I guess I can use that time to get some work done," Erik sighed. As normal as he felt most of the time, he could not deny the fact that besides me he really had no other friends, or at least none that he would want to see on a Saturday night.
"I do feel bad about leaving him alone sometimes," I told Rebecca over the phone the next night.
"Why?" Rebecca shot back, "Why can't he just go out with his own friends once in awhile?"
I bit my lip, how was I supposed to tell her that Erik didn't have any other friends because he had not been in this century long enough to make many?
We spent Friday night in together. Erik was still feeling a little sick so we ate a very simple dinner. It was nice to get to take care of him a bit in his short illness. He resisted tooth and nail of course when I got a drink for him or when he had still had a fever and I had placed a cold cloth on his forehead. But men never want to be helped.
The next night Erik watched me get ready. I donned a slinky, tan colored Paco Robanne dress cut maybe a little too low in the front and a little too high on the bottom.
"I've never seen that dress before," Erik eyed me with suspiction as I got ready.
"Sure you have. I had it in Greece but I never got the chance to wear it,"
I fiddled with the zipped and Erik quickly came to my aid and zipped me in.
"Thanks darling," I gave him a quick peck on the cheek before returning to getting ready.
"So you think you will be out all night?" Erik asked dejectedly.
"Yes," I turned around to look at him. His eyes were downcast and he was playing with his wedding ring, "Erik, do you have a problem with me going out?"
He looked up. I could see the war within his eyes as he decided between what he thought he should say and what he meant.
"A bit of one I guess," Erik admitted.
I rolled my eyes, "Why?"
"Well, because you won't be here with me; you'll be out at some club in that dress with other men…" His voice trailed off.
"What? You don't trust me around other men?" I asked.
"No! I don't trust them around you!" Erik stood up and came over to me, lightly placing his hands on my waist, "I don't like the idea of them staring at my wife,"
I shook my head, "Erik, I can't stop going out with friends and just stay with you all the time, even if we are married,"
"Why not? You seemed to enjoy it on our honeymoon," Erik said, and a harder tone crept into his voice.
"Well that was only for a little while; now that we are back in the city it's inevitable that we will spend some nights apart," I stepped out of his embrace and went back to putting on makeup in the mirror.
"I just don't see what the point is in going out," Erik kept at it, hoping I would change my mind.
"The point is that my friend invited me out and we weren't doing anything special and it would be rude and stupid not to agree," I was getting a little exasperated at Erik's persistence.
"But I thought that the only reason you girls went out was to meet men,"
I rounded on him, my eyes narrowed, "What the hell do I have to do to prove to you that I'm not interested in other men? Because this insecurity is getting really old Erik,"
"But I'll miss you, I'll be here all alone," Erik continued pleading with me as I made for the front door and grabbed my purse.
"Erik, listen to me," I turned around and faced him with one hand on the knob, "I love spending time with you, and you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives together, but once and a while we have to be apart; I need to keep a little of my own life! Now I'll see you later,"
I left. Erik shut the door behind me and stood with his back leaning against it for awhile. He didn't know if he should be angry at me for leaving or at himself for making me angry, or just sad.
Sammy went to him immediately and began nudging his hand with his nose.
"In a minute," Erik promised him. Erik went to the window and watched me get a cab and hop in. With a sigh he took Sammy on his leash down to the street.
He was angry. He had every right to be insecure after all that had happened to him. Besides, one of the main attractions to marriage was never being alone again. And now he was alone, again. I left him to go out for a night on the town with the girls and a bunch of club hopping bachelors.
In the cab I was sure I had done the right thing. I had every right to go off on my own for a night. To make a marriage work you had to keep some things separate. And I couldn't just cut my friends out of my life.
But on the other hand, I did feel bad about talking so harshly to him. So what if he was concerned about what other men might try to pull? Wasn't that just a complement to me?
The cab pulled up to the club and I told myself to forget it. Now it was all about my friends and having a good time.
There was a huge line waiting to get in, but since Jackie had the best connections in town I found them all at the entrance of the club.
"There you are!" Rebecca cried when she saw me, "Come on! It's already getting full in there!"
I smiled and let the girls take me by the hand and pull me inside.
It was the picture of the trendy New York City club; loud music, dim lighting, and a huge dance floor. We got a table right in the heart of things.
"Isn't this amazing!" Rebecca laughed, sitting down, "Oh look at him!"
Rebecca pointed at a very attractive man sitting at the bar who smiled back at her.
"Don't you have a boyfriend?" Susan asked,
"So? I'm not dead," Rebecca threw a flirtatious smile and wink at the man anyway.
Four cocktails later everyone seemed to be having a good time; it was sort of hard to tell though because it was too loud and crowded to talk and in the dim light you couldn't really make out other people's faces.
It was strange though; this would normally be my idea of an ideal Saturday night. But it seemed like something was missing. And as much as I tried to forget and get into the atmosphere at the club, I couldn't.
I kept thinking about Erik, and wondering what he was doing. I wondered what he would have thought of this place.
After three hours at the club, I looked around and realized for the first time I might be beyond this. It had been my place for a long time, but now I realized, I just wanted to go home. The loud music and crowds of people and flashy lighted dance floor was just meaningless after awhile.
"I think I'm going to go," I said, turning to the girls.
"Oh! Do you feel alright?" Susan asked me.
"Yeah…I'm fine," I smiled and waved goodbye.
I threaded my way through the other people in the club and made it to the front door. I was waiting for a cab when I heard my name.
"Olivia,"
I jumped as though there were a spider crawling up my back.
"I thought you would be here tonight," Mark Berry came up behind me, "The honeymoon just ended and you are already going out alone?"
"Actually I was just going home," I said coldly. I stepped closer to the curb and hoped for a cab.
"Why don't you let me take you home? My car is just around the corner," Mark grabbed my shoulder and I jerked away as though I had been burned.
"Mark, I really need you to leave me alone right now," I glared at him and hurried to the curb, putting my hand in the air, "TAXI!"
"Olivia," Mark grabbed my hand so hard I couldn't pull away.
"Stop it, you're hurting me," I whispered to him without looking him in the face. For the first time I felt a real fear; what if Mark tried to force me into his car?
"Olivia, why are you trying to resist me? You know we belong together," Mark took a step closer to me, not letting go of my hand.
"No we don't Mark!" I yelled at him, thankfully drawing the attention of a couple making out in front of the club. Mark let go of my hand, "Stop following me, stop talking to me! Just leave me alone!" I walked further down the street and called for a taxi again.
"Don't walk away from me Olivia," Mark lowered his voice to a dangerous pitch and grabbed my shoulders from behind, spinning me around to face him, "Tell me, did you enjoy Greece?"
I felt the color drain from my face, "How did you know where we went?"
He smiled, a sickening smile that made me want to throw up, "I always know where you are darling," He took a piece of my hair between his fingers and twirled it the way Erik always did.
I slapped his hands away, "Get the hell away from me,"
At that moment a cab went by and I practically jumped out in front of it to make it stop. I threw the door open and jumped in, locking it before Mark could get in behind me. Mark tried to open it anyway, "Olivia!" He cried, hitting the window, "OLIVIA!"
"Drive," It was all I could get out and the cabbie pulled away.
I was shaking all over and I felt like crying. Mark was watching me, following me and Erik. He was obsessive and getting violent. What if he had taken me away in his car? He could have overpowered me, and he was clever enough to make up an excuse to any passing person who tried to help me.
What the hell was I going to do? How could I tell Erik? Nadir's words kept repeating in my head, "Erik would never hurt you, but he is jealous, if he thought someone else was pursuing you…"
On the other hand, how could I keep this from him?
I suddenly realized that I had not told the cabbie where I wanted to go. In a shaky voice I gave him my address. Before I went back upstairs to our apartment I took a moment to compose myself. I didn't want Erik to know what had happened until I knew what I was going to do about it.
After several hundred steadying breaths, I was ready to go up. I quietly unlocked the door and crept inside.
Despite attempts to enter unnoticed, Erik heard the door open, "Olivia?" He questioned in disbelief as he stood from the sofa and came over to make sure it was me.
I was so happy to see him again I almost lost all the composure I had just gained back. I managed to keep it together though. I smiled guiltily at him, "I missed you,"
His face lit up like a beacon, "Really? You did?"
"Of course I did!" I slowly walked toward him and slid my arms around him, resting my head on his chest. I took a deep breath, taking in the comforting scent of him.
Erik happily returned my embrace. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head and stroked my hair, "So you are home for the night?"
"Yes," I pulled him tighter to me, "So what were you doing?"
He laughed, "Watching crap on TV and drinking a beer,"
"Oh may I join you?" I asked in an overly enthusiastic voice and looked eagerly up at him.
"Of course my lady," Erik led me to the sofa, sat me down and retrieved a beer for me for the refrigerator.
It was nice, to sit there and just relax. His arm was around my shoulders and I kicked off my shoes and put my legs up on the sofa, my knees were over Erik's legs.
And in that perfect moment of marital bliss, I couldn't tell him. We were so happy, sitting there and laughing at the HBO movie he ordered. How could I bring it up? Maybe it wouldn't be a problem. I could handle it on my own. I could get a restraining order, which is more or less worthless in New York City but still a good precaution.
For the first time in my life I had found someone I wanted to be with even more than my friends; my husband. It felt nice, giving up my old life for this one was much better. This was where I wanted to be.
I took a deep breath and relaxed against him. In his presence the horror of the incident with Mark slid away. I felt safe and comfortable. Erik absently took a piece of my hair and twisted it between his fingers. When he did it I felt at peace, and loved even though it was just a simple gesture. I turned and kissed his cheek before settling against him again.
Beside me Erik was just happy his wife was home. He was blissfully un aware about the problems I was having with unwanted attention.
At work on Monday I decided to start filing for a restraining order. The reason they are sometimes worthless is because in New York City, people are bound to run into each other my coincidence. Mark knew where I usually went already, and if he was waiting inside before I got there than he had done nothing wrong.
I was surprised when my secretary told me a woman was here to see me about something extremely important. As I wanted a break from thinking about Mark I sent her in.
I was shocked when I saw how it was. All thoughts of forgetting Mark left my head. Facing me was Irina Berry; Mark's soon to be ex-wife.
"Hello Olivia," She said in a cold voice. She had a slightly Russian accent that drove men wild.
I didn't know if I should be cold back at her or just confused, "What do you want?"
"Don't act so coy Olivia," Her voice grew even colder, "Now I don't know why you did it and really I don't even care. I just need you to testify to the affair you have been having with my husband so I can get this divorce and be done with it,"
