Thank you for the comments! Thanks as usual to Lisa, who puts up with a great deal and helps me make sense of my nonsense for you.


On the whole, Scorpius would say that getting punched in the face started his day off badly.

"Weasley - what are you doing?"

That wasn't his voice; he was too busy trying to stem the flow of blood from his nose. Somebody shoved tissues in his hand, and he was better placed to look on his assailant.

Hugo Weasley. Marvellous.

"Bloody hell, Hugo," Scorpius said, tentatively running a finger along the bridge of his nose with his tissue-free hand, before determining it hurt too much. "What was that for?"

"You know what it was for," Hugo spat back, crossing his arms over his chest.

Scorpius was reasonably sure that the only thing he knew right then was that his nose really, really hurt.

"You are ridiculous," the first speaker informed Hugo haughtily, and now Scorpius recognised April's voice. "Come on, Scor, let's get you away from the animals, and to Madam Longbottom. So much the better if we come across any teachers on the way." She directed this last to Hugo, who looked all the more defiant.

When they were some way from the scene of the crime, April asked in an undertone, "So, what was that for? I didn't know the Weasleys went in for unprovoked assaults."

"Not a clue," Scorpius answered truthfully, sounding rather nasal. Personally, he thought Monday mornings were bad enough without unnecessarily aggressive Weasleys making them worse. Thank Merlin he had a free first thing. "Must have eaten my cereal too loudly for him this morning."

"I'm surprised the Ravenclaws didn't off you for interrupting their study if that was the case," April said, a little too casually for it to be natural. He ignored the comment, worried about being either too dismissive or too effusive over Rose, and pushed through the infirmary doors.

Madam Longbottom might have been his favourite member of staff if it weren't for the fact that every time he saw her at close-quarters, he was either ill or bleeding. He took the tissues away from his face, and gave her the most apologetic, pathetic look he could muster.

True to form, five minutes later, he was feeling decidedly better. Madam Longbottom, having fixed his nose and cleaned him up, held out a cup of tea. He took it with the foreboding feeling that an interrogation was about to follow. He was correct. With April seated next to him on the bed, Madam Longbottom pulled up a chair in front of him. "Now, Scorpius. Would you like to tell me what happened?"

Not a chance. "I fell. Into a door." Scorpius sipped the tea gratefully; it was almost worth getting injured. Well, maybe not quite. "A big door. Big handle."

"Right," Madam Longbottom said, in a tone that suggested she didn't buy his flimsy story. What did he care - he wasn't going to use his best excuses to keep Hugo Weasley out of trouble. "And is the door going to turn up in five minutes, looking worse than you?"

"Madam Longbottom, I would never hit a defenceless door," Scorpius said, affecting an offended air. "I thought you knew me better than that."

"I don't understand why you're defending him!" April snapped. Scorpius shook his head at her; he knew it was not that she didn't understand, but more that she didn't like the reason why.

"April, will you leave us for a moment?" Madam Longbottom asked, her eyes fixed to Scorpius.

Scorpius winced as April obeyed; he knew that he was going to like this even less than a broken nose.

"Scorpius, you don't have to tell me anything. But it's noted that you've been avoiding your yearmates - sitting at different tables, and so on. If you're being bullied, I can't do anything about it unless you let me know what's happening."

"I'm not being bullied," he answered, feeling uncomfortable. "I got a new girlfriend, and realised I'd outgrown some of my yearmates. Nothing more. It wasn't a Slytherin door that I fell on."

"Understood," Madam Longbottom said delicately. "I'm here to talk if you need me, though. I'm good for more than just physical injuries."

Scorpius smiled at her, suddenly filled with the impulse to hug her. Instead, he handed her back the tea, with a murmured word of thanks.

It wasn't until he left the infirmary that he realised that Hugo's punch had merely been first blood (which, he supposed, was kind of appropriate for Hallowe'en). The real war was taking place now.

Rose was glaring at April, fists clenched and eyes fierce in a way he hadn't seen for the past few weeks. April, by contrast, was looking utterly disdainful in as collected a manner as she could manage. It was her way to infuriate people by being as cold as possible; it had riled Scorpius himself more than once.

"Ladies," Scorpius said, in an awkward attempt to ease the tension. "I'm here now. You can calm down."

It was the wrong thing to say. Obviously. Rose turned on him, and for a moment, he thought he was going to receive his second Weasley punch in the space of an hour. "I'm perfectly calm," she snapped, in a not-very-calm way. Not that he was going to point that out. "You two are welcome to each other."

"Now, what was that all about?" Scorpius asked as Rose stormed off, folding his arms and giving April his best I'm-not-impressed-with-you look (borrowed from his father).

He must be getting good at it, because April relented. "I may have said one or two things about what I thought of her brother. But it was all completely true - he attacked you out of nowhere, entirely unprovoked. All you're doing is dating his sister."

Scorpius swallowed tightly, his throat suddenly dry. He had a feeling he knew why Hugo had been so aggressive.


"If you think I'm going to apologise to you, you've got another think coming," Hugo said, finding Scorpius outside his Defence class.

"I think that you're going to spend ten minutes chatting with me, or I'm going to let Professor Longbottom know what really happened to my face," Scorpius said in his most charming manner. "I've already checked, and the classroom next door is free. You can either talk to me now, or I'll engineer it so we get detention together, and you'll talk to me then. Believe me, I am extremely adept at getting detention."

Hugo called Scorpius a few extremely unpleasant and colourful words, which Scorpius took to mean he was impressed. The younger boy followed Scorpius into the next room without comment, at any rate, and sat on one of the desks.

Scorpius leaned back against the board, his wand within easy reach in case this went badly wrong. He was careful to be well out of range of Hugo's fists. "Stop me if I'm wrong, but I'm beginning to get the impression you don't like me."

With the infinite eloquence of teenage boys everywhere, Hugo shrugged.

"And it's upsetting your sister."

That was too much for Hugo, whose words bubbled over his surly exterior. "Upsetting Rose? You're one to talk. She told me everything, you know - you're just using her to get to another girl. You're disgusting."

"Rose knows the score," Scorpius said, feeling a little uncomfortable. "She agreed to it. We're just... friends who call each other boyfriend and girlfriend when other people are around. Honestly; I'm not trying anything on with her. It's been nice to get to know her, that's all."

"She doesn't know, though, does she? Your ex."

Honestly, Weasleys. Truthful to a fault. There would be no point in the scheme in the first place if April knew about it. "No," Scorpius admitted. "But-" he said hastily -"if that's how we get back together, then I'd tell her. Or you could." It was hardly giving way to Weasley, even if Hugo might view it like that. In Slytherin House, you expected to be manipulated. April would likely be more impressed he'd pulled it off than upset at the manipulation. He could always accuse Hugo of being a liar if it didn't go in his favour.

Hugo's eyes were unreadable, and as with Ron previously, Scorpius couldn't help but compare his face to Rose's. Hugo must favour their mother more, Scorpius decided, not that he'd had the chance to examine Hermione's face up close. Hopefully, he never would - it seemed as though he wasn't coming off best in any of his Weasley encounters lately. "Okay, Malfoy. I'll tell you what - it's Hallowe'en, so I'm feeling generous. Come eat with us at the feast tonight. You can bring Rose. Hex anybody, and the truce is off."

That was Weasley being generous? It sounded more like torture to Scorpius. He couldn't (wouldn't) refuse, though. He nodded his assent to Hugo; he didn't quite trust himself not to be rude.

"Great. See you later, then." Hugo weighted his bag in his hand, his mouth twisting in a way that brought to mind Weasley Senior. "I knew there had to be something going on - Rose isn't the type to go for somebody like you."

Scorpius was almost - well, scratch 'almost', he was insulted by that.


Scorpius made it through the rest of the day without being punched - which normally would pass without comment but, considering the morning he'd had, was a cause for celebration. And what better way to celebrate than the Hogwarts Hallowe'en feast, seated near some of his least favourite people?

Rose had been withdrawn all day, but then, Scorpius hadn't sought her out either, preferring to avoid having his head bitten off. It seemed to be contagious amongst the Weasleys; Albus had been oddly quiet as well. If you didn't count all those explosions that happened in Charms, which Scorpius didn't (despite the fact that his nose was still twitching. Never let it be said that he wasn't a loyal friend).

Scorpius wasn't holding out much hope that the rest of the family would follow suit over dinner (in fact, his favourite members being silent did not bode well for him), especially when he tripped over Roxanne on his way into the Great Hall.

"Nice of you to help me make an entrance," he drawled, holding the door open for her. The Hogwarts teachers had put on another excellent display, with several pumpkins hovering mid-air above each of the tables, cobwebs strewn liberally around, and swarms of colourful bats flapping around the room.

Roxanne collected the last of her items - apparently, her bag had split. "Thanks, Scor- er, Malfoy. You know I-" She seemed to abruptly take stock of her surroundings, and fixed her eyes on him.

"I know, I know," he said hurriedly. "You'll disembowel me if you catch me talking to my ex-girlfriend again, you'll make me into owl feed if I don't get the notes to you on time, you don't want to be seen talking to me, but I'm afraid you'll have to take that last one up with your cousin because he invited me to join you for dinner."

Roxanne still looked rather stunned; he wondered, perhaps, if she'd been the victim of a prank that was wearing off. James Potter seemed the type to practise on his own family. "Al invited you for dinner with us," she repeated slowly. "Notes - what notes?"

"Did somebody cast a Memory Charm on you?" Scorpius enquired, as nicely as he could. "I mean, I knew you were the slow Weasley, but this is excessive, even for you. Let me walk you over to the others. I think you'll need the help."

"Touch her, and your wand will be so far up your backside that you'll be tasting it."

And that, Scorpius surmised as he turned to face James, was likely indicative of how the rest of the evening was going to go. Great. "Wouldn't dream of it," he said, holding his hands up in surrender. It would normally be a foolish move, but he was reasonably certain there were at least three teachers with their eyes on James at all times.

"Good," James rapped out, glancing down at Roxanne's armful of books. "I don't know how you've duped Rose, but you won't get your hands on any more Weasleys. Bloody hell, Ro- er, that bag isn't designed for that many textbooks."

"Thanks, James," Roxanne said dryly. "It's true; you are the best person to have around five minutes after an accident."

The best thing, Scorpius decided, would be to leave them to it. Pleased with his new-found wisdom, he seated himself next to Rose, before any of her family could decide to separate them. Albus was much less likely to back him up if the other option was eating. Hugo and Lily were opposite, but that could hardly be helped.

"Oh, Merlin," Rose muttered, putting her face in her hands. "What are you doing here? Go sit over by the snakes, there's a good boy."

"Albus invited him," Roxanne said helpfully, choosing the seat next to Scorpius. There could be no good reason for that.

"Albus most certainly did not," Rose said tightly, glaring across at Albus.

"Don't look at me," Albus said indignantly. "There's no way I'd voluntarily look at that face whilst I was eating. Hugo did it." Hugo nodded, after being prompted by Lily.

Scorpius was beginning to feel unwanted, a feeling which intensified as Rose served herself several ladles of garlic soup - "To ward off vampires," she explained, to general amusement - and James planted the rest of the serving bowl in front of Roxanne.

"It's your favourite," he prompted her, with a side glance at Scorpius. "Here, Rose, don't eat all the fried onions - leave some for Roxanne, too."

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Scorpius focused on his own meal, which he thought to be a safe plan, until he realised that the Weasley clan were all drinking from their own flasks. "Potter, I swear, if you've fiddled with the pumpkin juice again, I'll-"

Hugo smiled sweetly at him, causing Scorpius to lose his train of thought. "You'll what, Malfoy? I think you'll find yourself a little hoarse if you try anything."

"Horse h-o-r-s-e or hoarse h-o-a-r-s-e?" Scorpius muttered to Rose as an aside. One, he was willing to risk. The other would mean missing dessert.

"Don't ask me about spelling, Scor," Rose answered; Scorpius had to turn his face away from her breath, choking quietly. "You know I'm terrible at it. Pass me the potatoes? I think I overdosed on bhajis."

Roxanne placed a calming hand on his arm. "They haven't done anything to the juice," she said in an undertone. "Just sit quiet, and eat, and leave as soon as you can."

It was sound advice, even if Roxanne didn't usually have his best interests at heart. Albus, however, appeared to have other ideas.

"So, Scorpius, mate," he said, one of his challenging smiles fixed to his face, the sort normally reserved for Quidditch matches. "I think now would be a good time to talk about your intentions with our Rosie here."

Rose began to choke on her mouthful. Even whilst she was turning red, she was shaking her head vehemently at Albus.

"Oh, Al, how could you forget that we already talked about this?" Roxanne said brightly, watching as Scorpius rubbed Rose's back. "It was around the time we discussed James and Polly."

"We never discussed James and Polly," Hugo said slowly, bolognese dripping off his fork. "Prissy Polly? Polly Perkins? That Polly? She gave me a detention last week just because I was snogging Rog-" Lily kindly cut him off by clapping her hand over his mouth.

It was a tough call as to whose face was redder at that moment; Albus's, or Hugo's. Scorpius pursed his lips, something beginning to dawn on him.

"You can stop now, Scor," Rose croaked, and he realised that his hand was still on her back.

Well, if they were planning on messing with him, he might have a little fun of his own. He wrapped his arm around her, noting her squeak of surprise. "Sorry, pumpkin," Scorpius said easily. "I guess I just can't keep my hands off you."

By total coincidence (probably), the pumpkin hovering above Scorpius's head exploded at that moment, showering him in seeds and orange chunks. Rose remained mysteriously clean, though Roxanne had also been a victim of the blast.

"My wand malfunctions sometimes," Lily announced, with a wide grin. "I hope that didn't get anybody."

Choosing to ignore it, Scorpius grabbed a plateful of Trick-or-Treat Bertie Botts. "Sweets for my sweet," he said, picking out the vomit and ear-wax flavoured beans, and arranging them in a heart-shape in front of Rose. Who, he realised triumphantly, was definitely Albus masquerading as Rose, judging by the dubious way she was looking at the beans. Few people shared their familiarity with the varied flavours.

"I, er, I'm quite full, actually," she tried. "Thanks, er, darling."

"Lily and Hugo have gone," the fake Roxanne hissed.

Albus (who was possibly James, judging by his reaction to Roxanne's comments) swore violently. "Lily promised, she damn well promised that she wouldn't do this before dessert. Quick, let's-"

They were out of time.

The remaining pumpkins burst simultaneously, shattering across the room. Rockets soared out of the shell remnants, and for a moment, the sky in the Hall was obscured by a mass of smoke and dancing skeletons.

Then came the mice. Half the students leapt onto their benches, as hundreds of rodents raced over the floor - Scorpius didn't even realise his hand had found its way into Roxanne's until she squeezed his gently. "They're sugar," she murmured, and maybe it was just his fancy, but he thought he could hear something of Rose even though she was using her cousin's voice. "They're just a multiplied, animated version of our Hallowe'en stock."

"I am going to kill your brother," he replied. He meant it, too. Probably. Hugo was going to learn not to cross a Malfoy. Punches were one thing, but nobody tricked Scorpius and got away with it.

"My brother isn't at Hogwarts," she answered carefully, still playing at being Roxanne, and then cautioned him to cover his ears as banshees swept out of the sky on broomsticks, wailing away.

It seemed to be the final act. Scorpius rubbed at his ears, and was in the process of picking the pumpkin off him, when a hand landed on his shoulder. He looked up, to find Professor Longbottom standing between himself and Albus-as-Rose.

"The interesting thing about troublemakers is that they always seem to know what's going to happen next," Longbottom said pleasantly. "So, I suppose you know what I'm about to say."

James-as-Albus cleared his throat. "Time for bed?" he asked hopefully.

Momentarily, Scorpius thought it might work, and then he took another look at Longbottom's face. This was not the sort of house which held much stock in nepotism, more was the pity. "Detention. Albus, James, Roxanne, Scorpius, and Rose. Report to my office at six tomorrow. Rose, I sincerely thought you might have turned over a new leaf after our last chat."

Scorpius glanced at Rose-as-Roxanne, and saw her biting down on her lip. She had tried to caution him to leave as soon as he could, so he wouldn't get tangled up in the whole mess. Suddenly, he found himself saying, "Sorry, Professor. It was just a prank war between Slytherin and Gryffindor - well, between me and the Gryffindors. Rose was in the wrong place at the wrong time."

Longbottom shook his head. "Then this will discourage her from being at the wrong place at the wrong time next time. Go to your dormitories."


They didn't go to their dormitories. Albus and Scorpius headed to the Owlery so that they could be the first to inform their respective parents.

"You know what's interesting?" Albus said slowly, kicking at the floor. The Polyjuice Potion was wearing off, though his hair still bore a reddish tinge. "We've been best friends for years, and I don't think you've ever once tried to get me out of detention. You always tell me that if I get caught, it's my own fault - and the punishment will teach me not to get caught next time."

"It's true," Scorpius protested, hunting through his bag for his quill. "Damn it, if my mother gets wind of my detention before I can spin it, I won't get anything for Christmas."

Albus tapped Scorpius on the shoulder, passing over his own quill and ink. "I know. It's just that, you tried to save Rose from detention tonight. I'm wondering why that would be."

Scorpius shrugged at him. "She warned me about the banshees. It's good manners."

"All right. If you're sure that's all it is."

"What else would it be?" Scorpius asked, dipping the nib in the inkpot, and flicking ink over Albus (bugger, over Rose's robes... Never mind. She would definitely know the right cleaning spells). "Now, do you think my mother still believes in my innocence enough that I can tell her this was an unprovoked attack?"