Take Me As I Am

Chapter 7

By JewWitch


Rachel woke Quinn up on the first day of Christmas break with "Jingle Bell Rock" on the stereo and a mountain of tinsel thrown onto the bed, practically bouncing with excitement at the chance to share her family's annual Christmas preparations with her girlfriend, who was pleasantly surprised to learn they'd be celebrating Christmas at all. Since they'd already lit the candles for all eight nights of Hannukah, she'd assumed that Christmas was out—but Rachel explained that they'd always celebrated both, since Michael's family was Methodist, and Christmas was very important to them. They spent the first day of vacation finding the perfect tree, then picking out one new ornament each before unpacking any of the old decorations (another family tradition). Rachel picked a heavy silver ornament in the shape of a music note; Michael found a gingerbread man dressed in hospital scrubs; Jacob chose a blown-glass Santa riding a sleigh piled high with presents; and Quinn found a simple white dove, slipping it into the basket without comment.

Rachel noticed how quiet the blonde girl was on the ride home, and worried over how sad she must be feeling at her first Christmas without her family; but rather than say anything and risk making her feel worse, the hyperactive starlet went out of her way to include Quinn in every aspect of their own holiday traditions, from the decorations and lights that they managed to pin to every inch of the house, to the special iced sugar cookies and peppermint cocoa. Sensing that Rachel's happiness depended on hers, Quinn tried to show her nothing but smiles; but there were moments, when the dark-haired girl was laughing with her dads over some shared memory, that the pregnant girl couldn't help wondering what her own parents were doing at that moment, and whether they missed her at all.

By the time Christmas Eve rolled around, the Berry house was so alight with festive energy that it almost resembled a holiday theme park. Quinn was unusually quiet, not out of melancholy this time, but nerves—Michael's father, younger sister and brother-in-law would all be arriving any moment for Christmas dinner, and no matter how many reassurances Rachel tried to give her that they would all adore her, Quinn seriously doubted they'd be thrilled to meet their granddaughter and niece's pregnant charity-case of a girlfriend. It didn't help that the smell of the roasting turkey made her race to the bathroom for an extra round of puking just after she'd put on her best white dress, either.

Sooner than the blonde ex-cheerleader was prepared for, the doorbell rang, and the population of the house was doubled. Rachel introduced Quinn to her grandfather (who she addressed as "Poppy"), aunt, and uncle with her usual beaming smile, and Quinn tried her best not to notice their eyes all going straight to her growing stomach when they shook her hand. She was painfully grateful when Michael whisked in and swept his relations into the living room for eggnog, and Jacob announced that he needed the girls to help him in the kitchen. Soon enough, they were all seated around the elaborately decorated dining room table, groaning under the weight of an enormous holiday meal that just barely fit on the large table, even with the extra leaf in for company. Quinn was so nervous, she could barely eat—a noticeable change to the three Berrys, who were used to seeing her polish off an entire jar of pickles in a day.

"Honey, do you want something else?" Jacob asked kindly, unknowingly making Quinn's nervous stomachache double in intensity when Michael's father glanced over with a disapproving expression.

"No, I'm fine," She murmured, shaking her head.

"You sure?" Rachel asked, squeezing Quinn's knee under the table. "'Cause yesterday we practically had to padlock the fridge to keep you away from that stuffing."

"I'm fine, Rach," Quinn snapped, and for a moment an awkward silence fell over the table.

"Well, young lady," Rachel's grandfather rumbled, his voice a deep, rich bass note, "We can all see that you're eating for two. I assume the baby will be given up for adoption when the time comes?" Quinn's cheeks flushed scarlet, and she stared down into her lap, hands clasped nervously on her knees.

"If that's what Quinn wants," Rachel said, slipping her hand between Quinn's in her lap.

"If?" the old man chuckled a little patronizingly at his granddaughter. "What other options do you think there are, here, pumpkin?"

"There are plenty of options," Rachel replied hotly, sitting up a little straighter, clearly bristling at her grandfather's presumption.

"Michael? What do you have to say about this?" The old man demanded of his son, still looking like the whole thing was nothing but a big joke to him. "You're not about to raise a stranger's bastard, are you?"

"Poppy!" Rachel yelled, jumping up in her chair so fast it fell backwards, clattering to the floor.

"Honey, calm down," Michael said, but his voice wasn't its usual soothing timbre. "Dad, we just haven't talked it through yet, all right? Nothing's been decided."

"Well this is just ridiculous," the old man stormed, his deep voice growing slightly louder and more intimidating. "What is there to talk through? These are children. Who's going to raise this baby? My granddaughter? Adoption is the only option you have left, young lady! My son's family has already been more generous than I'd have advised, and if you expect them to take on a baby too"—before he could finish his sentence, Quinn was out of her chair and bolting from the room, too humiliated to even defend herself.

"Quinn! Wait!" Rachel cried, jumping up from her newly-righted chair to chase after her girlfriend, who was already out the front door with her car keys in hand. "Don't listen to him, Quinn! Please, just wait a sec!" But Quinn couldn't wait; she was blinded by tears and humiliation. Rachel chased her out into the snow, but the smaller girl slipped going down the front steps and had to grab the railing with both arms to keep from toppling over. By the time she righted herself, Quinn's car was pulling out of the driveway into the thickly billowing snow. Rachel stared after her, trembling, for only a moment; then she stomped back inside, threw on her parka and grabbed Quinn's, and marched back to the table, eyes blazing.

"Give me your car keys," she said to Jacob, holding out her hand expectantly.

"Honey, you need to calm down," her dad said gently, glancing across to Michael with a you-need-to-help-me-here expression.

"Give me your fucking car keys!" Rachel yelled, her face going red.

"Hey," Michael said sharply, his voice going so low that he sounded just like his father, sitting across the table. "Don't you curse at your dad, kiddo. And don't think we're sending you out driving in a blizzard, either. You've only had your license for three months, and it's getting nasty out there."

"You're right, Daddy, it is awful out. And Quinn's out there having a meltdown because Poppy was so mean to her, and she doesn't even have her coat, and she's going to crash her car or catch pneumonia or"—

"Rachel, calm down." Jacob stood and put both hands on his daughter's shoulders. "Of course we're going after Quinn. We just don't want you driving. We'll all go—that way when we find her, Daddy can drive her car home, okay?" Glancing between her fathers, and seeing both their calm expressions, Rachel's racing heartbeat slowed slightly; and she nodded.

"Fine. Let's go." She was barely aware of her dads telling her grandpa, aunt and uncle to stay and enjoy their meal, promising to be back as soon as they could. Rachel would have told them all to be gone by the time they got back; but it wasn't up to her, and telling off her family wasn't her top priority anymore. Not with Quinn out there all alone in a blizzard on Christmas Eve.

Once the three of them were in the car, Rachel had to admit she was glad to have her dads along. For one thing, it meant she was free to devote her attention to her phone, though she knew Quinn wasn't likely to pick up; when that didn't work, she stared out the window through the thick snow and growing darkness for any signs of the blonde girl's car. They drove slowly through town for nearly three-quarters of an hour without any luck before Rachel's cell phone rang. Neither of her dads had to ask who it was, judging by the expression on her face.

"Oh my God Quinn, are you okay? Where are you?"

"Can you come get me?" Quinn whispered, her voice rough and broken sounding. It was obvious to Rachel that she'd cried herself into exhaustion.

"Just tell me where you are, baby. We'll be there as fast as we can, okay?"

"Okay," Quinn sighed shakily, and Rachel could hear her sniffling quietly. It made her want to hit something. "I'm at the bottom of Old Mill Road…I think my car's stuck."

"Shh, it's okay, don't worry about anything," Rachel gushed, so relieved to hear her girlfriend's voice that nothing else mattered to her. "We're coming to get you, and everything will be okay."

Rachel continued to croon soothingly to Quinn over the phone all the way to their destination, terrified to hang up until she had the blonde girl safe in her arms. It was a slower journey than she would've liked; Old Mill Road was at the far end of town, out past the edges of the county plowing area, and Michael refused to go above 20 miles per hour in the falling snow. Finally, their headlights fell on Quinn's little red Chevy, stuck in a snow bank off the side of the road, and Rachel jumped out of the back seat almost before they'd come to a complete stop. She staggered through the thick snow and threw herself against Quinn's passenger-side door, only to find it locked.

"Quinn?" She knocked hesitantly, all the terrified, frenzied energy draining out of her when she saw her girlfriend's pale, tearstained face looking up at her through the fogged window. "Can…can I come in?" The blonde girl leaned silently across the seat and lifted the latch, and Rachel slipped in, wrapping her arms around the shivering girl with an involuntary sigh of relief.

"Sorry," Quinn whispered, laying her head limply against Rachel's shoulder.

"For what?" Rachel asked, genuinely flabbergasted.

"For ruining your family's Christmas. For ruining your life."

"Quinn. What happened wasn't your fault." Rachel grabbed her girlfriend's chin and tilted her head up, forcing her to make eye contact. It made the dark-haired girl's stomach twist to see the pain in Quinn's hazel eyes, red and puffy from crying.

"Of course it was," Quinn sighed, closing her eyes again. "Everything your grandfather said was true…I'm ruining your whole life, Rachel."

"Look, just stop it, okay? Stop punishing yourself! You made one mistake, one tiny mistake that millions of other girls have made before, and most of the time no one ever knows about it. Just because your luck was really crappy…it doesn't mean this one mistake should get to define who you are now. My Poppy was a big jerk, and I'm so sorry. I really, really wanted this to be a perfect Christmas…for you."

"Oh, baby…it's okay," Quinn smiled weakly, leaning her forehead against Rachel's and closing her eyes.

"Shh, c'mere…Jesus, you're freezing," Rachel groaned, rubbing her hands up and down Quinn's arms to get her circulation going. "C'mon, I've got your coat, and our car has the heat on. We can come back for your car after the plows come through." Quinn followed Rachel willingly to the warmth of the other car, where Jacob and Michael were waiting anxiously.

"Quinn, honey, I'm so sorry about how my father behaved tonight," Michael said as soon as both girls were safely in the back seat.

"It's not your fault," Quinn sighed, leaning her head against Rachel's shoulder in obvious exhaustion.

"Yes it is. We should've had this talk a long time ago, but…well, I guess we were trying to give you the time to think it through yourself, not push you into making a decision before you were ready. But we messed up on this one, kiddo. We should have at least talked about all the options before now. Then my dad wouldn't have been able to blind-side you like that. Really, honey, we feel just terrible."

"It's okay," Quinn insisted again, shivering a little as the warmth of the car started to bring her cold fingers and toes back to life. "I don't want anyone to feel bad anymore. We can talk about the baby tomorrow…right now I just wanna go home."

"That sounds good," Rachel agreed, throwing Quinn's coat over the shivering blonde girl like a blanket. "And then you need a nice hot shower to warm you up."

"Do you think there will be any food left when we get back?" Quinn asked meekly. Rachel laughed in sheer relief, and her dads grinned silently at each other as they pulled back onto the road.

"I'm sure they'll leave us a few scraps," Jacob chortled, winking over the seat.