The boys had all blessedly believed Sirius when he told them that he had taken a fourth-year Ravenclaw named Nicole off to some secluded section of the castle when questioned about his whereabouts, though they adamantly agreed that this conquest didn't count towards the total end-of-year tally since Sirius didn't call her first, nor had he previously conquered Evangeline. (Remus was the only one that suggested it count anyway, saying that the precedent would make it easier for the others to score as well. His suggestion was met with fervent distaste.) The fact that he had washed and dressed before any of them had woken up had not crossed their minds. In truth Sirius hadn't slept, instead having spent the night in the bathroom, curled up at the bottom of the shower and trying to understand what had happened.

It wasn't like Snape had raped him. He could have stopped the smaller boy at any time: overpowered him, cursed him, or simply ran away. And worse, Sirius had felt his traitorous body's overwhelming satisfaction, had enjoyed each and every tingle of pleasure erupting just below his skin, and in fact could still feel the whisper of Snape's kisses along his spine. His memory didn't lie; he had kissed James and it was the best kiss of his life. And then with Snape…

A memory had resurfaced as the warm water ran over him. He was in third year, sitting with a pretty girl named Emily Brown in a room he'd discovered quite accidently one day, a dusty old storeroom filled with fluffy purple sleeping bags. They were kissing, Emily undoing her blouse with careful white fingers, but Sirius was thinking about how he could relate this to James later and make it sound exciting. The shock of her cool skin under his hand brought his mind back as Emily placed his hand on her right breast, but when she slipped her small hand down to his trousers…nothing. She had cried, assuming that Sirius just didn't think she was pretty enough, moaning and crying that she knew he had been with tons of girls before (though, of course, hers was the first breast he'd ever touched, and he had never done anything more than kiss). Sirius assured her that wasn't the case, that he was very sorry and had a lot on his mind, but the damage was done and Emily never spoke to him again. The boys all assumed he had tricked her into bed, and Emily never said anything to suggest otherwise. The scene changed, the girls changed, but the sad and sorry lack of interest was there in each memory he flipped through, dozens of girls crying because Sirius Black didn't find them attractive. The truth was lingering there in all his memories, and then he thought of Snape and noticed the way his body reacted- and Snape wasn't even there! – and he couldn't deny it any longer. His whole life had been a lie…and would continue to be one.


Perhaps because of his recent soul-searching, it was with a deep sense of dread that he watched Evangeline approach his group at lunch on Monday, her dainty pointed chin lifted slightly.

"Hullo, Sirius," she cooed, dropping into the seat beside him and flashing him a dazzling little smile, complete with a finishing lip bite.

"Oh, hello Evangeline." He would play this up, he decided, if only to keep his friends in the dark. He smirked at them, barely sparing the gorgeous girl beside him a glance. "All's well, I hope?"

Evangeline nodded, some of her confidence apparently depleted. "Oh, yes, it's just…" she trailed off, and Sirius ignored her for several moments before glancing up from his breakfast and mumbling, "Hmm?" distractedly.

"Well, it's just…I…" she cleared her throat. Her hand didn't seem to want to stay out of her hair. "Well, Kevin and I broke up, you know."

"No, I didn't realize," Sirius said with a whistle, letting the first hint of interest play in his voice. "That's…interesting." He flashed another smirk at his friends, who were watching the exchange with bated breath.

"Yes, well." She let out a breath. "I remember you were asking me about Hogsmeade."

"Was I?" With a furrowed brow, Sirius rubbed his chin. "Yes, I suppose that was you."

James snorted, and Sirius felt his heart leap. Evangeline merely quivered and nodded. "Yes, that was me. I, um…I was hoping you still wanted to go."

Sirius pretended to consider for a moment. "Well, poor Andrea won't be happy…but, yes, sure. Meet us in the common room, then?"

"Oh, yes!" Evangeline leapt up from the bench and landed a quick, flitted kiss on his cheek before dashing away to shriek with her girlfriends.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Girls."

James was laughing facedown into the tablecloth, his dark hair trembling. (Fleetingly Sirius considered stroking it before shaking the thought away fiercely.) Remus was trying very hard not to let his mouth twitch into a smile. "Did you really have plans to take Andrea?" he asked, and Sirius shrugged.

"No idea, mate," he said, standing. "Who can keep track?"


Hogsmeade weekend approached more swiftly the more Sirius dreaded it. His spirits were slightly assuaged, however, by the apparent silent treatment he was getting from Snape and his cronies. When the morning came to go into the village, Sirius found himself in something very close to a good mood. He dressed carefully, wanting to look his best if only so people would think he cared, and wrapped himself in a thick scarf Mrs. Potter had sent him for Christmas the year before. It smelled like James' house still, and Sirius carried this happy thought with him like a warm ember in his heart.

Evangeline was waiting in the common room, her cheeks as pink as though she'd already been outside. "Oh! I was beginning to worry!" she exclaimed with a nervous little laugh, glancing at the clock.

For once his little rudeness had not been staged; they actually were a bit late, and Sirius was hoping to make this date a brief one. He put his hand on the small of her back and glanced around for his friends as they made their way down to the village.

"Madame Pudifoot's, then?" Sirius said as they ambled into Hogsmeade.

Evangeline's eyes widened. "Oh…oh, sure!"

They entered the little restaurant and Sirius struggled to keep the distaste from showing on his face. Girls loved Madame Puddifoot's, for whatever reason, but he could hardly stand the place. All those soppy decorations, and that dreadful harp music…

Her hands moving expressively, Evangeline chattered away, blathering about a Charms report and her mother's garden and whether it would snow and Christmas break and soon enough Sirius was simply nodding and smiling, his mind wandering back to his friends. Evangeline's hand, warm from grasping her teacup, startled him into paying attention.

"This is all very romantic, Sirius," she sighed, obviously pleased. "I didn't think you were the type, really, and then at lunch, well…I wasn't sure if you were still interested, you know, and of course I still fancied you, so…"

She went on and on for what felt like hours. At last a casual silence settled upon them as the sun began to dip below the village roofs. Evangeline was positively glowing; apparently she felt this date was going very well. "Want to take a walk?" Sirius suggested at last, hoping to stretch his legs and get away from the stuffy warmth of the gaudy little tearoom. Evangeline nodded enthusiastically, so he led her outside and, with her still tightly grasping his hand, began to amble along past the stores at a slow pace.

Hogsmeade really was a lovely place, and despite Evangeline's honestly unwelcome presence, Sirius felt almost well for the first time in weeks. He chose to ignore the fact that his eyes were skipping over the Shrieking Shack.

"Sirius?"

"Mm?" He turned to Evangeline, half-surprised to still find her there beside him. She stretched up on her tip-toes and kissed him carefully. It was obvious she had been planning this moment for awhile, so Sirius acted along as well as he could, making little encouraging noises and rubbing her back. When she pulled away her eyes were sparkling with happiness.

"I've had an amazing time," she whispered, looking at his mouth.

"Oh, oh yes. Me also," he insisted with false merriness. Where were James and Lupin? He hadn't seen them all day. Of course, he'd been trapped in that dreadful shop…

"-I'd love to stay longer, I really truly would," Evangeline was saying, "but I've got so much homework to do, I mean that Charms report I was telling you about alone is-"

"It's fine, pet." Sirius gave her one of his most charming smiles. "Why don't you head on back? I don't mind; I'll just meet up with James and have a butterbeer, maybe brag about how lovely my date was and how jealous he should be."

Evangeline simpered and gave him another kiss, this one on the cheek, before waving and walking away. Sirius watched her for a moment, his face grim, before heading off in search of James.