Chapter Seven

Tony Stark stumbled into the kitchen, half dressed and half asleep. So far his honeymoon (even if it was taking place in Avengers Mansion) was going fairly well. After all, this was the first time he'd left the room in a little over a day.

He'd had to wait for Pepper to fall asleep before sneaking out of their room to go get some food. He couldn't keep going on empty like this, as much as he wished he could. Plus, he figured Pepper would be really... appreciative if she woke up to breakfast in bed. Tony grinned at the thought as he strutted into the kitchen.

He stopped short and had his second mini-heart-attack of the week.

"Morning!" Carter chirped brightly, a sly smile spreading slowly across her face. She was sitting at the counter, a coffee mug in one hand and Bruce's hand in the other. The scientist offered Tony an apologetic look for the scare they'd given him. Carter, on the other hand, looked pleased at her handiwork. "You know, we should really get a big dog or something. The security system is too polite; JARVIS actually invited us into the house."

Pretending that his heart hadn't just stopped beating, Tony waved his hand in the air dismissively. He continued forward, sliding into the chair across from them. From his peripherals, he noticed a sparkle. Carter was wearing an engagement ring.

Tony turned his attention to Bruce. "Finally grew a pair and asked her, then? How long did you carry that ring around in your pocket? Four, five weeks?"

"Three," Bruce muttered, looking awkwardly into his cup of coffee as his face flushed.

Carter turned to face him, an amused smirk on her face. "You had that with you for three weeks - and didn't bother to do anything about it?"

Bruce looked at her helplessly, opening and closing his mouth as he searched for a response. When he couldn't find one, he turned away and took a sip of his coffee, completely embarrassed.

"Well, if it's of any interest to you two, I went ahead and proposed," Tony continued, holding out his hand like a king waiting for commoners to kiss it. The two of them looked at the gold band on his finger with raised eyebrows. "And Pepper's pregnant!"

"You didn't waste any time at all, did you?" Carter asked as she reached out to clap Bruce, who had started choking on coffee, on the back.

Tony shrugged nonchalantly. "I work quickly. Get in, get out."

Bruce started choking again.


AVENGERS ASSEMBLE


"Is there something in particular you're looking for, sir?"

At the sound of the automated British voice, Logan jumped, smacking his head on the top of the refrigerator. His hand flew upwards to rub his new injury. That stupid JARVIS thing was going to get on his nerves, he could tell.

"Yeah, a beer," he grumbled. If he was gonna be part of this stupid team, he was gonna get access to their alcohol, no doubt about it. Unfortunately, as far as he could tell, all these idiots had was Poptarts. Who puts Poptarts in the fridge?

"Third shelve, back right corner, sir," JARVIS replied automatically. "If you're looking for something a bit stronger, I would suggest using Mr. Stark's personal liquor cabinet."

Logan pushed back a slew of boxes on the shelf JARVIS had indicated. Sure enough, there were a couple of Corona's hidden among the breakfast food. He grabbed one, slammed the fridge door shut, and made his way over to the counter. Wincing slightly, he slid out his claws. While they were good for slicing things (mainly people) open, they also served as excellent bottle openers. "Thanks," he muttered to the computerized butler.

A sharp cracking sound from behind made him whirl around in his chair, claws coming out again. A baseball bat rolled backwards on the floor towards a pair of feet. Attached to the feet was a startled man wearing nothing but boxers and a glowing blue thing in the middle of his chest, gaping at Logan.

Slowly, the man lifted a walkie-talkie to his lips. "Guys - there's some sort of Cat-Man in our kitchen."

Logan just raised an eyebrow. Cat-Man? Seriously?

Static filled the air as an annoyed female voice replied, "Does it have a tail?"

"No," the shirtless guy said, looking carefully at Logan. He seemed to be trying to go unnoticed. "No tail."

"Then's it not a cat. Go back to sleep, Tony."

"Carter, wait," a new male voice commanded. "Not all cats have big tails. Maybe Tony just can't see it."

Logan, who'd somehow managed to keep from saying anything till now, lost his patience. "I don't have a tail!" he snapped.

"Guys, it's talking." Tony Stark's eyes grew wide, and his body stiff. "What do I do?"

"You could reply," the girl from before suggested.

Tony shook his head as if his friends could see. "No, I don't think he's seen me yet."

"I'm not blind, you fucking idiot." Logan raised his claws in the air menacingly. He shot to his feet and stalked forward, beer in one hand. Once he was in Tony's face, he growled, "Or deaf. I can hear you."

"Oh." Tony glanced down at the ground, then back up with a scowl. "How'd you get into my house? You're like the third person today to just Apparate into the kitchen."

Logan stepped back and snorted. He retracted his claws before crossing his arms over his chest and fixing Stark with his best 'I hate you' glare. "Your security system let me in."

"Told you we need a dog," Carter insisted.


AVENGERS ASSEMBLE


Carter leaned against the wall, closing her eyes and wishing that Tony had just hit Logan over the head with the baseball bat while he'd had the chance. Not that she didn't like the guy (she actually hadn't spoken to him directly), but if Tony had done that, she'd still be in bed right now.

With Bruce.

Anyways. Looking skeptically at the intruder, Carter moved off the wall and began to circle him. He just gave her a look, then produced a cigar from his pocket, followed by a lighter.

He blue a puff of smoke in her direction. "Got a problem?"

"Got an inhaler I can borrow?" she countered, waving away thick smoke. Her nostrils and throat began to burn as the parts she missed entered her lungs.

Logan gave a somewhat satisfied smirk at her response, and made a point of blowing the smoke in the other direction this time. Carter shrugged, guessing that that was probably the closest thing to a friendly gesture that she was going to get.

At that moment, the rest of the Avengers (minus Thor, who was with his girlfriend, and Natasha, who was on a mission in some disclosed location) entered. Steve had managed to get fully dressed, Tony still hadn't put on a shirt, and Bruce and Clint were wearing their pajamas. Well, Clint was partially in his pajamas, partially ready for battle. His bow was slung over his back, and he looked ready to shoot the first person who spoke too loudly.

Bruce made his way over to Carter and wrapped an arm around her waist. Grinning, she leaned into him, feeling much warmer than she'd been a minute ago.

Steve froze in the doorframe. "Ji - Jimmy? Jimmy Howlett?" The Cap looked like he'd seen a ghost. "Is that - I don't..."

Logan narrowed his eyes at Steve, but it wasn't menacing this time. It was calculating, like he was thinking really hard. Like he was trying to remember something. "Name's Logan," he finally responded gruffly.

"Oh, I - " Steve's face grew red and he looked down at the ground. "I'm sorry. You looked like someone I knew a long, long time ago. But it couldn't be, so..."

The other man grunted.

"Uh, yeah, I got a question." Clint raised his hand. "Who is this guy?"

"Well," Tony began, an exhausted look on his face. "As he said, his name's Logan. And, according to JARVIS, he's the newest member of the Avenger Initiative. Not that anyone let us know ahead of time, of course."

Clint leaned back and gave Logan a look that clearly said 'I'm judging you'. "We don't just anyone, you know."

"You're one to talk, cupid," Logan snarled.

"What'd you just call me?" Clint's eyes were wide, and he started forward, bow drawn.

"I think what Clint's trying to ask," Bruce said quickly, getting everyone to turn their attention to him, "is what makes you..." He searched for the right word. "Um, super, I guess."

Logan's lip curled upward and he rolled his eyes. Then, there was the shrieking of metal as long, silver-looking claws grew from in the in between of his fingers. Steve made a choking noise, Bruce's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but Clint held his ground, eyes only widening ever so slightly.

A smirk crossed Logan's face. "They call me Wolverine. You're boss thought I could be an asset."

"He was only off by two letters," Hawkeye muttered as he turned away.

It was too late; Logan had heard him. "What'd you say to me, bub?"

The archer turned to face Wolverine, a very pleased look on his place. Oh, this was not going to end well.

"I'm going to bed before anyone gets murdered," Carter announced. "Could whoever lives through the night pick up donuts in the morning?"

With that final request, she grabbed Bruce's hand and dragged him off.