GIR's Big Day


In Zim's living room a disguised GIR is at a table with several barnyard animals, mostly pigs. They are having a tea party, GIR is pouring his guest some tea when Zim comes up through the toilet. "Ugh! What is this filth!" Zim exclaims as he cringes at the sight of the party. "dis piggy be ma friend!" the dog-bot responds. "Eh…ugh…well, take the party outside, and clean the yard while you're out!" to Zim's surprise, GIR responds by lifting the table up and his guests and dragging them outside.

Looking out the window Zim watches as GIR refills the pig's cup and then begins picking up trash and chard chucks of failed evil schemes. Shocked that his minion is actually following orders for once Zim sits at the window for several more minutes before turning and retreating into his lab. GIR is picking up the trash and happily tossing it into a garbage bag, while humming some sort of tune. "Don't worry piggy! I come back when I'm done!" GIR says as he goes to deposit the trash on the curb.

All of a sudden a random truck flies past the house and slams into GIR, sending the spastic minion flying into a house across the street. The party guests have a piggy look of shock plastered all over their faces as they watch the whole scene. Deep inside Zim's base the egomaniacal alien is launching some more chickens into space for some reason. "Hey Zim, Ziiiiimmmmm, Hey Zim!" the computer's voice distracts him and he doesn't see the Chickens smacking into some astronauts.

"Yes computer?" "Just thought you'd might want to know there's a situation up on the surface" the vague answer only serves to irritate Zim. "What kind of situation?" the computer does not respond immediately. "…Well, it sorta…eh, do you expect me to know exactly? Somethings going on up there, and its situation-y" the computer finally responds. Emitting a harsh sigh, Zim puts on his disguise and jumps in the elevator.

He throws the front door of his house open and gasps in horror. A massive crowd has gathered around the house GIR flew into, the front of which is now crumbling. As Zim stares in abject horror as five or six vans from various local news channels drive up and cameras, some hovering, others wielded by humans, emerge. "So we're here, in this little neighborhood, to bring you the tragic story of an adorable little doggy struck by a garbage truck" a reporter blithers on into a microphone as she and her cameraman pass by Zim's house.

"It was horrible" the mother from Plague of babies says as a camera hovers in front of her. "One minute the doggies being all cute and taking out the trash and then he gets hit by a truck! It was so saaaadddd" the woman sobs a bit as Zim walks by. "Get out of my way! Stoopid pig-smellies! Out of my way!" Zim attempts to push through the thickest part of the crowd surrounding the building where his minion is supposedly trapped. "Oh hey little fella, you wanna see the poor little doggeh?"

The crowd member picks up Zim and then sends him forward over the rest of the people, he's basically crowd surfing but Zim is unfamiliar with this. "AHHHHH! STOP TOUCHING ME WITH YOUR FILTHY PIGGY HANDS YOU DISGUSTING HYUUMANS!" then the person at the front of the crowd sets Zim down. Taking a moment to collect himself Zim takes in his surroundings, particularly the building where his minion is trapped under what looks like a brick wall, other than that GIR seems fine.

"GIR! What are you doing!? Lying down on the job and risking exposing your ingenious master! Use your AMAZING robot strength and ESCAPE!" Zim shouts at the dog, the crowd murmurs about animal abuse. "Awww but all de' piggies wuv me!" GIR responds before lifting one of his paws and waving to the crowd. "I wuv you piggies!" the crowds hearts melt metaphorically and they unleash a massive "Awwwwwww"

"Hey kid! What kind of inhuman monster do you have to be to yell at a poor injured puppy like that?" some cop asks with tears in his eyes as he lifts Zim up by his collar. "What are you talking about Fellow hyuuman Zim is normal, I'M NORMAL!" Zim is panicking, can't you tell? The cop gives a gruff "Whatever" before tossing the Irken over the crowd and then pushing the half circle of people back, "Okay people give the adorable little guy some room!"

Zim straightens his wig and turns back to the throng of people and TV cameras. After a few moments of contemplation Zim runs back into his house to plan something devious. Minutes later Zim returns to the surface, this time carrying some sort of alien looking car-jack looking thingy. Using people's heads as stepping stones, Zim runs to the front of the crowd. "HEY! It's the meanie that was yelling at the poor little doggeh!"

"Do not worry pitiful hyuumans! Zim has a simply wonderful idea for freeing the defenseless creature!" the crowd giggles menacingly as Zim has failed to notice the excavator until its giant scoop hits him. Getting back to his feet, Zim fails to notice Dib running out, grabbing the device, and running away. Zim is too preoccupied with watching the shovel lift up the massive slab of stone trapping GIR, instead of trying to escape, his minion just soaks up the attention.

GIR is placed in a hover gurney, a vet that looks like he has been mauled numerous times brings out a stethoscope and searches around GIR's torso. "I'm not finding a pulse" the vet declares, the whole crowd is dismayed, some people begin sobbing uncontrollably. "Do not worry citizens! We shall save this dog by cloning him! And of course copying his memories so that it's like he never died!" The crowd goes wild with happiness and relief; some people even begin frothing at the mouth.

The scientists and vets load GIR onto their overly advanced truck and drive off followed by various news station vans. Zim, however, is still standing where he landed, his eyes staring off into space and filled with terror. In his mind we see the vets trying to draw blood, only to get alien motor oil; next they take some x-rays, and find that GIR is a robot. Next, they are talking to an eyewitness who points to Zim's house, the rest is scenes from every alien autopsy video ever made, only with Zim in it.

Shaking himself out of his fear induced trance Zim runs off after the crowd which can still be seen in the distance. Zim catches up to the crowd and attempts to use his PAK legs to get over it, but once he does he gets trampled by the mob. Straightening out his disguise, Zim starts his chase all over again, this time it ends at the front door of some futuristic looking vets office. The crowd stops and begins staring intensely at the front door, camera crews are also mesmerized.

Zim tries numerous times to make his way through the crowd. Each one fails because the people recognize him as the "idiot" that was mean to the dog and throw him to the back. After a particularly hard landing Zim looks over to the side of the building and spies a side door. He runs up to it and knocks frantically saying "open up!" every few knocks like Sheldon Cooper on crack.

"Yes?" a particular beefy and stupid looking guard type guy opens the door. "I am the AMAZING ZIM! I am the owner of the dog currently being cared for in this FILTHY establishment" Zim shouts as he attempts to push his way past the guy. "Sorry buddy but your puppy ain't well…come back in a few hours" and with that the door slams shut, Zim stares at the portal for a few moments before his communicator emerges from his PAK. "Minimoose!" (squeak!) "Zim needs you down at the…Ultra-Vets! But he needs you to bring some stuff…"

The guard from before sighs as more knocks issue forth from the door, he opens it. "Listen Kid, is said a few hours it's only been a fe…." He cuts himself short as he comes upon a strange sight. Zim is in his disguise but with a ridiculous looking fake moustache, Minimoose is floating beside him his eyes covered in camera 'lenses; that look like they are made from cans Zim found in the alley.

"Hello nice hyuuman, my TV network wasn't there when this whole thing started and I was wondering if you could get us an exclusive" Zim says, pitifully trying to disguise his voice. "Why does your camera look like a floating moose?" surprised that the dumb human noticed Zim thinks on his feet. "…ummmm, because I'm from the moosey channel you silly hyuuman" Zim barely finishes his sentence before the guard emits a squeal of joy.

"I wuvs dat channel! Come on in I'll give you a tour myself!" the guard opens the door wider and lets Zim in. several minutes and a tour of absurd looking animal care devices later, Zim looks about ready to strangle his guide when this happens: "And here we are! The place where their tryin' to clone that poor little doggy" he throws the door open revealing a massive room filled with all manners of futuristic looking tech. His eyes widen in terror once again as one of the scientists approaches GIR…and pulls out a pair of tweezers which he uses to pluck some fur off of the dog suit.

The scientist takes the sample over to a large machine, where he places it in a small glass bubble. The fur floats for a few moments before energy begins to pulse around the edges of the bubble, this energy becomes blinding as it irradiates the fur. The pulsations travel along various cables that lead to the other impressive looking machines. Eventually these machines send the energy to a final machine, this one with a much larger bubble, the energy is injected into the bubble and it glows brighter and brighter until…

It disappears, revealing an exact copy of GIR standing in the middle of the bubble. Zim gasps in shock as one of the vets presses a button which raises the bubble; the vet pats clone-GIR on the head. The copy quickly deflates like some sort of soufflé and all the scientists and Vets are sad. "Ahhahahahaha! PITIFUL HYUUMAN SCIENCE! Do they honestly expect to copy Irken Tech with a mere molecular copier!" Zim shouts at the glass between him and the other room.

"Eh, I mean…wow this certainly is an AMAZING sight! The viewers will love it!" Zim, thinking the guard was paying attention. However the beefy man is too busy giving a sad, sad look to the 'injured' dog inside the lab. At this moment Zim notices a door leading from the observation area to the lab, he runs over and tries to open it. "Sorry little buddy, but you aren't allowed in here" a vet on the inside says as he pushes Zim out of the room. "But I need to record…stuff for my news network! Zim says as he points to Minimoose. "Well you've got an absolutely perfect view of the lab from inside the observation deck, so go back" the guy slams the door in Zim's face.

Zim stares at the door for a few seconds, then, looking back to make sure the guard is still distracted Zim extends all four of his PAK legs and fires lasers from them. Somehow the door is completely unharmed, defeated Zim sits on a bench as the scientists attempt the cloning process again and again and again. They have a three foot tall pile of GIR suits when one of the vets clutches his stomach. "You okay man?" One of the others asks, "Yeah I'm just hungry, wish I had some donuts right about now" getting an idea Zim leaves Minimoose to witness several more attempts.

He returns minutes later, riding a unicycle wearing a fake fu Manchu mustache and a hat that says 'Donut Palace' he's also carrying a box of donuts. Minimoose squeaks inquisitively, "Yeah, you simply wouldn't believe the AMAZING adventure Zim had to go through to get this box of PITIFUL hyuuman treats, now, on to my INGENIOUS PLAN!" Zim dismounts the unicycle and knocks on the labs door. "Hello?" a vet sticks his head out the door and then notices the short donut boy. "Delivery for the WONDERFUL scientists helping that adorable dog" it seems almost painful for Zim to say it.

"OH goody! We've been starving all day!" the guy grabs the box and removes a donut for himself. Zim tries to run through the door only to find that the guard has stopped being distracted long enough to pull him back into the observation deck. "Hey! Why do people keep tryin' to sneak in?" the guard ponders as Zim removes the hat, he leaves the moustache for some reason.

The scientist continues to munch on his donut as he sets the box down on a table. "Okay everybody! One more try and then you all get donuts!" cries of 'yay!', 'yipee!' and 'Huzzah!' are flung around the room as the group prepares for another round. The same scientist from before collects yet another sample, there's a bald spot on GIR's arm by now. He places the sample in the smaller bubble and it begins to levitate just as before, however, no one notices the donut crumbs floating along with the sample.

It's the same sequence as before, energy pulses around the room, eventually ending up inside the massive glass bubble at the other end of the room. However, when the energy fades from the bubble this time it is completely blacked out it quivers for a few moments before shattering. The thing expands to several times its original size and then unfolds. It is in the general shape of some sort of dog, but it is made entirely out of donuts.

Its body is two jelly donuts stuck together, its limbs are a series of donut holes ending in normal donuts torn in half, forming its claws. Finally its head is another jelly donut, normal donuts making up the ears and eyes, the centers of the donut eyes glow an ominous red. The scientists stare at the creature in utter shock, unsure about how this came to be. The creature looks around the room, its eyes smoldering with high-calorie evil, it emits a blood curdling scream and charges the scientists, who have all gathered at one end of the room.

The creature slams into the wall; the humans narrowly avoid being crushed. As the creature attempts to dig through the wall all of the humans run through the narrow door, nearly trampling each other in an attempt to escape. Giving up on the wall the monster barrels through observation deck window, Zim jumps out of the way at the last second, but the guard is too shocked to move. It grabs the guard and after a few moments of listening to him screaming, swallows him whole before squeezing through the tiny exit, destroying it in the process.

Zim surveys the destruction before he walks over to the broken window, "GIR! Return to your master!" GIR does nothing. "GIR! Cease this AMAZING ruse and get up here!" GIR still does not move. "GIR!...I have tacos" at the mention of tacos the demented little dog leaps up into the observation booth. "TACOS!? TAAACCCCOOOOOOSSS!? I WANT ME SOME TACOS!" the little dog happily claps his hands. Zim walks out, somehow getting GIR to follow him, and they walk out into absolute carnage. There are flaming car wrecks everywhere, some donut shops have been destroyed, all their donuts stolen, Zim doesn't notice anything.

Minutes later a horribly burned Zim walks through the front door of his house, a Crazy Taco take home bag fused to his hand. He flops on the couch and GIR walks through the door next carrying a Suckmunky in one hand and his pig friend in another. GIR tosses the pig onto the couch, jumps one himself, and begins eating the horribly greasy food as he turns on the Angry Monkey Show.

Suddenly the picture is replaced by a reporter in the middle of what looks like a war zone. "NO MONKEY! DON'T LEAVE MEH!" GIR flops off the couch and begins sobbing as the reporter starts to speak. "This is the Channel 8 action news report coming to you live from…wherever we are, if you're wondering what happened to the more popular news networks well…" the view shifts to the donut creature which has grown to about twice its original size. The beast rears back, the jerks its head forward, spewing out a stream of liquid glaze onto the panicking cops at his feet, the glaze solidifies instantly, trapping them.

"The VCPD have been working as hard as they can to contain the beast, but with the recent change over to a new chief they simply haven't been at one hundred percent" as the reporter speaks, some more people in the background suffer a glaze-y fate. "Look there he is now!" the reporter excitedly runs off in some direction. The cameraman follows and eventually they meet up with a thin and flustered looking man in a police uniform.

"Chief Krapfen, can you tell us the plan for taking out this destructive monster?" the reporter then shoves her mic in his face. After a few moments of heavy, panicked breathing, he replies, sort of, "Uh…ummm…we're thinking…eh? What were we thinking?" the man then shuffles off moments before the reporter and cameraman get glazed. "muwhahahahaha! My ingenious plan worked" Zim shouts to the heavens. "What plan? This morning all you were doing was launching poultry into deep space!" The computer remarks.

"YOU'RE LYING!" Zim shouts back, clawing at the air and pointing to the various electronics hanging off the ceiling, you can almost hear Computer rolling his nonexistent eyes. Zim goes back to watching the donut based carnage on the television, somehow, they've gotten another camera crew to go out and risk their necks. Zim's fun ends abruptly when he sees his house at the end of the block the monster is currently rampaging down.

"*gasp!* that monstrosity is head straight for the base…MY base!" Zim jumps up and runs into the kitchen, meanwhile, GIR continues to mourn the loss of his monkey with his piggy friend. Zim's Voot launches out of the top of his house and flies forward, firing lasers at the creature. However all this does is melt the glaze on its body a bit, the creature looks around, trying to figure out what happened before continuing on its rampage. Zim panics when he realizes his lasers have no effect.

He flies around for a bit trying to figure out what to do when he spies some electrical lines. Activating his tractor beam Zim tears the cables from their poles. Half the city blacks out, and somewhere in the bowels of the D.H.M.I Squee is saved from a bout of electroshock treatment. Back on Zim's street he strings the cables back and forth creating a series of trip lines that the creature defeats by simply stepping straight down on them. This does give Zim a temporary victory as the buildings the cables are tied to collapse, burying the creature down to its waist.

"Yes! Yes! Noooooooo!" Zim shrieks as the creature digs itself out of the rubble. He powers up the Voot's engines and begins blasting the creature again. This time, the creature actually tries to attack the alien ship, catching the engines on one of its swings, it sends the alien and his ship hurtling into a building across the street. "Whoa! Did you see that! The donut-beast just sent an experimental looking aircraft into a building!" a reporter screams into his camera, the police chief perks up at the mention of donuts

"Waitaminute! No one ever said that creature was made of donuts! Why the heck wasn't I told this!?" everyone within earshot just shot of shrugs their shoulders after looking at each other and the excited chief. "BLEEEEAAARRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Krapfen screams as he charges the creature, foaming at the mouth as he runs. Startled the creature turns in time to see Krapfen jumps into its foot and start chewing. The creature is startled and can only stare at the small hairless ape chewing on his feet.

Then the Donut-Beast starts feeling the pain of, well, something chewing on his feet. It starts jumping around on one foot attempting to pull the crazed Captain Chief from his foot, but Krapfen is already too deep in. The creature starts screaming in pain as he claws at the leg that Krapfen is chewing through. The clawing moves up towards its chest where Krapfen bursts through its chest holding globs of jelly in his fists.

MEANWHILE! Zim has dug himself out from underneath the building and his Voot Cruiser and wanders out into the street. "ugghhh….OH GREAT DOOKIE!" Zim cringes in horror at some horrific sight. The sight he is cringing at is a now morbidly obese Chief Krapfen lying in the middle of the remains of the Donut-Beast. Zim grips the general location of his squeedly spooch and makes sicky noises before running to his house. "GIR! GRAB THE BUCKET!"