Chapter 7: What Does Love Have to Do with It?
Marianne knew that she would have to attend engagement party hosted by Mrs. Jennings and others, but never in her minds' eye, could she have forseen the ways such a gathering would serve to humiliate her and ruin all she had accomplished.
She thought back to the week prior, when Elinor and Edward had nearly collided with the Colonel and herself. Elinor had slightly overreacted, but Marianne was touched by the ways her sister silently told Marianne that she loved her throughout the day. In all of the little things, Marianne saw the way her sister loved and the depth of luck and felicity that would be Edward's upon securing her hand in marriage. She wondered if admiring Elinor was a direct result of her experience with Willoughby awakening her to the consequences of her thoughts, or if, instead of it being left to chance, her admiration and respect for Elinor's view on the world had always been there, masked by the desire to experience all consuming passion.
Colonel Brandon never seemed to treat her differently in the midst of everything going on in her life. Always, whether she was sad, happy, or in between, she could notice no difference. That is not to say that the Colonel was not compassionate or understanding. She simply had realized how grateful she was to be treated without pity or gentle mannerisms simply because of her pain. By always treating her the same as he always had, Colonel Brandon helped her to feel normal. She smiled, laughing under her breath at the way that he responded to her mother, upon their arrival back at the cottage. They had merely been having a good time talking, but when they arrived back at the cottage, her mother had thanked him over and over for finding her daughter and seeing that she had arrived back safely once again. He seemed amused, looking first at her, and then telling her mother that it was no problem at all. She had been perfectly fine. There had been no need to worry, he said.
Colonel Brandon felt a little selfish, realizing how much he had wanted to continue walking alone with Ms. Marianne Dashwood. When they had arrived back at the cottage, he couldn't help but remember her exasperated mention of her mother imagining her to be a small helpless, fragile child.
"Marianne! Marianne!" Her mother had run out of the cottage, clinging to her daughter for dear life. He couldn't help but remember that only a month prior, he had carried Marianne's weakened body into a house, drenched and unaware of what was going on around her. He came back to the present and told himself that he need not worry about that day anymore, she was alive, well, and here with him. "Colonel Brandon, what would we have done without you? She might've never been found or worse gotten sick once again. Thank you for everything."
He smiled, trying not to laugh at the incredulous look on Marianne's face. "Mrs. Dashwood, I assure you that it was not all that dire of a situation, but nonetheless, I am glad that I could be of any help. There was no need to worry, she was perfectly capable of accomplishing everything on her own."
Mrs. Dashwood smiled, and he wondered if she thought him a good match for her daughter. While Marianne had been sick, and they had rushed back to her, he had told Mrs. Dashwood everything, knowing that she must she the truth plainly written on his face.
Marianne had thought that everything was going well. Edward and Elinor told the Colonel that they were engaged. He had responded amiably, and she was surprised to note his surprise. Had he not gotten her letter. He spoke openly about how much happiness they would have and that he looked forward to Edward taking on the parsonage, if he still wanted the position.
Joy was in the air and Marianne realized that with Elinor attached to Edward, and Edward attached to Delaford, that she and Colonel Brandon must always have some connection. In her mind, this was both cause for felicity and cause for despair. She wanted nothing more than to continue being friends with Colonel Brandon, but what should happen if he should marry. She was sure that such friendship as they had now could not continue if Delaford became the home of a new mistress.
She wondered if he had been interested in anyone before. She remembered that Mrs. Jennings had mentioned a love in his past, but she realized that she had never imagined that he might currently have such an interest in anyone.
He had not told anyone about the letter that Marianne had sent, merely because he loved the concept of her writing to him herself. The personal meaning behind such a thing was probably foolish, but it seemed as if no one in the Dashwood home had known about the letter or the contents that it contained.
About halfway through the visit, none other than Mrs. Jennings herself and Sir John Middleton with their host of dogs, came to the cottage, hoping to lift up the party even more with their news of an engagement celebration for the new couple, to happen two days from now.
"Of course, Colonel Brandon, you are invited as well, as a friend of all of us," Mrs. Jennings said. He could hear the pity in her voice. It was as if she was saying, you poor thing, I know you have no clue how to be social, but you can take a chance at it with us. He wondered if Marianne had felt that way with him after her illness, as if she was constantly party to the pity of everyone that she knew. Colonel Brandon knew what it was like to be wounded and wanted nothing more than to be treated as if everything were normal, as if you had never needed pity or forced friendship in the first place. He knew that people meant well, but from his experience, people's pity never helped him with anything.
If he thought that he could escape the trials of one the parties that he was doomed to attend, he should have known better.
"Mrs. Jennings, why would I miss the celebration of two friends? That would be most unwise." He smiled, even though he had the feeling that she had planned something for him that he would not enjoy at all. He looked to Elinor and saw her look back consolingly, like she was going, "You don't have to go if you don't want to." Then she looked from him to Marianne and back. Of course, he should have known that Mrs. Dashwood would have told Elinor as well. Though, he knew Elinor well enough to know that she wouldn't have given away such a valuable secret without asking first. She wouldn't have told Marianne, even though they were so close to one another.
He wondered what it was that Mrs. Jennings had planned, or any such plans would reveal his affections. He hoped not, because he wasn't sure that Marianne was ready to move on after so little time recovering.
Mrs. Jennings seemed kind to Marianne, but Marianne also knew that she was a gossip, even at the best of times. She knew that she was also a matchmaker, and now that she and Willoughby were no longer a pair, she would probably be at the mercy of Mrs. Jennings and her match making skills.
Sir John Middleton, she knew, was simply a social man. Marianne supposed him to be a man that enjoyed social gatherings, if for no other reason than they enjoy throwing balls and parties. He enjoyed being the person that created happiness and festive gatherings for others.
The next few days passed quickly as Mrs. Jennings and Sir Middleton were constantly coming back and forth between the big house and their cottage, asking Elinor's opinion on the food, the décor, the guest list. Marianne saw her sister, time and again, gracious and understated in her preferences assuring them that they could invite anyone that they wanted and that she was sure to enjoy any food that they placed before her. Marianne wondered at her sister's patience and wondered if she could learn from her sister's example.
Marianne, though she was curious as to what Mrs. Jennings had in store for her, was happy to be enjoying the good fortune of her sister and Edward. The only question, for her, about the gathering is what she would wear. She only had one or two fine dresses, but I anything, her mind was more contradictory than ever, until, to her surprise, her mother came back from a day with Mrs. Jennings, with dresses in hand for both herself and Elinor. She felt nervous, but she knew that she would wear the dress for the sake of her mother. The night of the party came, and she found herself getting into the dress, the maid helping Elinor and herself, get ready and do their hair. Elinor was shining. Marianne had never seen her so happy.
At the very least, she imagined that the party would last a few hours.
Marianne never would have guessed that she would not even make it through half of the party or that she would find herself running out into the night, anything to avoid what had been set before her.
