A Season in Hell
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Beckett was quiet. He was wordless now that it was all out of him, Smith, the confrontation last night, the deal the man had made for their lives. And Beckett just stalked the narrow room and said nothing.
She paced, moving between his bed and the door, and he knew he had only a few more minutes to convince her before his mother and daughter returned.
And they couldn't be part of this.
"Beckett-"
She spun around and went on the attack, leaning hard against the foot of the bed, gripping his ankle. "Why are you doing this, Castle?"
Ouch. Tightly. "He was aiming - ow, Beckett - aiming for you."
Beckett sank back, letting go of him, and turned around like she might leave.
"Beckett, he was aiming for you and I-" Castle cut off, wincing as he pulled something trying to reach her. He shouldn't reach for her; he was skating a thin edge between drugged-oblivion and full-bore agony, and reaching out had been a terrible idea.
"Castle." She'd come back. A hand to his non-injured side, a soft push to recline again. His spine twisted with a flicker of the old pain, and he let out a grunt. "Lie down, would you?"
"Yeah, all right. Just-" He opened an eye and caught her arm with a hard grip. "Stop pacing away from me."
She bristled, but it washed right over her face and was gone. He didn't know what she was thinking, never had, and it was usually such a fun challenge, sounding her depths. Not right now.
Right now, he just needed her to agree to the deal. He was too tired to fight. He was just tired of all of it. "He would've killed you, Kate."
She flinched, but she stayed. "I... I do know that." Her hand was on his uninjured shoulder, smoothing the hospital gown over and over again. "You took a bullet for me, Castle."
"I was only trying to-" He didn't know. Save her life, for sure. But it wasn't that he'd thought the bullet would catch him instead. "I'd rather it be me laid up than you."
Her eyes flicked hard to his. "I'm the cop, Castle, not you. It's my job to take-"
"It's not about that," he muttered. He realized he was whining, but that wasn't really in his control right now. "We're partners, aren't we?"
She had her head down, her fingers ticking now at the clean blanket some nurse had given him. Kate didn't answer.
He cleared his throat again, tried to pull himself together. "Kate? Are we not partners or-"
"Partners," she said fiercely, her eyes now blazing on his. "Castle - how much do you remember?"
He blinked. "Am I forgetting something?" She wouldn't speak, just pressed her lips into a thin line, so he tried to drag it up for her, what was left of that afternoon. "I saw the flare of sunlight on glass and I knew. I knew what it was. Knew it was too good to be true, Montgomery putting an end to it. I guess I expected there to be trouble. So I jumped."
"And?" she said. Her eyebrows knit together.
"And - all the breath left me. No, first, I tackled you. Hit the ground, then the breath left me. I don't know. I guess I..."
"You were bleeding," she said. She lifted her hand to her forehead and rubbed at what he saw was a bruise.
He caught her elbow to pull her hand down. "Did I do that?"
She blinked and glanced to her fingers, then to him. "Chin hit me. Going down."
"I don't remember that," he sighed. Something passed over her face. "Kate?"
Her lips twisted into a strange smile. "Yeah. Sounds like a lot of it is a blur for you. But I, unfortunately, won't forget any of it. Burned on my brain." Her smile fell off her face.
He stayed silent as he watched her. She dropped her hand but caught his fingers, squeezed. Three times, as if she couldn't figure out what else to say.
Castle squeezed back, echoing her rhythm. Beckett let out a breath and gave him a firmer smile. "I was there," she said finally. "And I remember. Which is why I-" She swallowed and something about the way her eyes darted away made him nervous.
"Beckett?"
Her spine straightened. "I want to meet him. This Mr. Smith. I'm not saying I'm giving this up - there is still someone out there who nearly killed you-"
"Aiming for you," he insisted.
She flashed him a glare. "But until I talk to this Mr Smith, I make no promise."
"But?"
"But - for now - I'll stop."
Castle let out a long breath, relief cascading through him so sharply he felt dizzy. "Good," he croaked out. "Thank God." That had been infinitely easier than he'd expected - and she hadn't even walked out on him for asking her to quit.
"We're at a dead end anyway," she whispered.
Castle's eyes popped open and he gripped her hand even as she tried to release him. "A dead end?"
Beckett's jaw worked. "I've been at the precinct since they moved you to the unit. I've been trying to-" She shook her head. "Nothing. We got nothing, Castle. No forensics, no prints, not a single damn trace."
"But that's good," he cried out. "Isn't it? Makes it easy to stop, you don't even have to lie."
Beckett flinched.
He tugged on her hand and realized, with some surprise, that he still had a hold of it. She was holding his hand?
Well, he had nearly died. She was giving him one.
"Castle, you don't remember anything else?"
"No, I barely saw anything. A flash of light, Beckett. No face, nothing." He frowned as she glanced towards the door. He knew his mother and daughter would show up at any moment, and the ache in his back had begun to dig in, claws and teeth, but he kept her hand and tugged on her again. "Beckett?"
She was chewing on her bottom lip. He hadn't seen that particular move in a while, and it tugged on him. There was something she wasn't telling him. About the shooting.
"Kate. What's going on?"
She shifted on her feet and her head came up. Her eyes were suspiciously shiny, and it knocked the breath out of him, the words right out of his mouth. All he could do was stare at her.
"Rick," she said. Her voice was barely audible. And then she straightened up again and frowned. "You took a bullet for me. And I..."
Beckett trailed off, rubbed two fingers at that bruise on her forehead. Castle squeezed her other hand, hoping to give her whatever words she was looking for.
"I'm doing this all wrong," she whispered. "This isn't how I wanted..."
"It's okay. We don't have to get this guy now," he answered her. "We bide our time, Kate. We will get him, but we have to be smart."
Beckett laughed, rather desperately, and dropped her hand to cover her mouth. He didn't think it was funny, really, but evidently she saw something comical about his earnest belief.
She had kicked him out of her apartment the last time they'd had this fight. At least now he wasn't going anywhere.
Well, but she might. He gripped her hand tighter just in case.
"No, Castle," she sighed. Her shoulders slumped. "That's not what I was going to say." Just looking at her, struggling to gather herself together, it made him hurt. It made him hurt and it was nothing the drugs could touch.
He had the urge to apologize, but he didn't know about what.
"Actually, I was going to say - I was going to say that when you were shot, and I watched the lights go out in your eyes..."
"I'm not dead," he said, gripping her hand fiercely, wishing he had the strength to reach across and grab her other hand. Grab her. "I'm okay - going to be okay, Beckett."
She nodded. "You are. And I promised myself - promised you - I'd be honest."
"Okay. I-"
"Shut up, Rick," she muttered, shaking her head. "I'm - in love with you."
Castle's mouth dropped open.
And then his daughter and mother entered the room, arguing loudly, pleasantly over cafeteria food.
Kate's face flushed and her mouth snapped shut.
X
