CHAPTER FOUR: DREAMS AND MARSHMALLOWS – BELLA

I was in a familiar place. It was bright, and moss-covered trees surrounded me as I walked in a meaningless direction. I had the impression that I was supposed to be searching for something. The old feeling of not remembering what I was looking for started creeping up on me, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I woke up screaming.

But the feeling stayed distant. I couldn't understand why until an enormous russet-colored wolf came into my view, only ten yards away. The wolf was beautiful; I knew it was Jacob, just by looking into his eyes. He jerked his head, indicating I should follow. I clumsily—God, I even fell over in my dreams!—followed Jake the Wolf as he turned and headed deeper into the green forest.

We walked—well, Jake gracefully padded soundlessly along, while I stumbled over every microscopic dirt particle—for what seemed like hours and hours. Then, finally, we stepped into a place I'd only been twice in my life. The first time had been with Edward, of course, and the second time was when Laurent had almost killed me. It was the day I'd gotten my first glimpse of Jake in werewolf form; I could understand why the meadow was significant to him as well.

When I broke through the dense trees into the clearing, Jacob was nowhere to be found. A terrible sense of familiarity washed over me, as I found myself, once again, alone and disappointed. Any moment now, Laurent would step through the trees opposite me.

I stifled a scream as a tall figure emerged. I relaxed, seeing that it was just Jacob, phased back into a human. He came toward me and crushed me to his chest when he'd finally reached me. He pulled me down to lay in the grass next to him.

Jacob's beautiful russet skin did not glisten like a million diamonds in the sunlight. His deep brown eyes were not a brilliant shade of topaz—nor were they crimson or ebony. His soft, yet muscular features were not impossibly flawless or perfect by any means. And yet the meadow was so much more magical than it had been with Edward.

The long grass swayed in the breeze as a complex orchestration of birds, bees, and cicadas saturated the air contained within the clearing. Jacob was at my side, peaceful and unafraid of his nature when he was with me. He turned to look at me, to gaze into my eyes. His eyes held so much warmth and love for me, I felt my eyes tear up.

Jacob reached over to wipe away the few drops that had escaped my eyes and fallen onto my cheeks. Though it was a sunny day, his warm fingers made me shiver. Jacob hugged me to him.

I laid my head on his warm chest and traced random patterns on his bicep. I felt him shift, and I looked up at him. He put his hand on my cheek, then into my hair. He pulled me closer, ready to kiss me. The world around me darkened until it was gone altogether.

I kept my eyes closed for a little while. I wanted to bask in the aftermath of my dream. Jacob's arms were around me in reality, too. I breathed in his scent and wished in vain that I could stay frozen there with Jacob forever.

Finally, reluctantly, I opened my eyes. Jacob was staring right at me, one corner of his mouth turned up in amusement.

Oh my God, what is he looking at? Is it my hair? Do I reek? I didn't shower after yesterday's cliff diving. . . I was suddenly very self-conscious, and my mind ran through a dozen reasons for the look on Jacob's face.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked insecurely. Jacob's smile widened.

"Do you know you talk in your sleep?" I flushed crimson.

"What did I say?" I demanded. I could remember my dream. What I couldn't remember was any conversation within that dream.

"Oh, nothing important. You just kept saying my name. A lot. I lost count. The first time it scared me half to death. You sounded so. . . I don't know. Lost? Uncertain? I thought something was wrong. But then I realized you were still asleep." My blush, if possible, deepened.

"I'm sorry I scared you," I whispered, embarrassed.

"Oh, Bells! You don't have to apologize! It's not like you can control it! But I am curious. . . Was it a good dream or a bad dream?"

I thought about his question for a moment. This time through the dream, I hadn't wandered aimlessly, searching for God knows what. I'd had a purpose this time around, something to follow. And, of course, Jake had been there, and he'd been warm and gentle and. . . everything I'd ever wanted or needed in a relationship. Yes. It had been a very good dream. No Edward, no panic, no waking up screaming.

"Good," I replied. "In fact, it was the best dream I've had in a long time."

"Mmm, maybe you should spend the night more often," Jacob murmured in a low voice, pulling me closer.

I gladly snuggled into Jacob's comfortable chest as his arms tightened around me. I was a perfect fit, as if God himself had carved out a home for me in Jacob's arms. I draped my arm over Jacob and traced the defined muscles in his back.

Jacob's breathing became shallow. He angled toward me, ready to kiss me, when he suddenly became rigid.

"Damn, Billy's up," he said in a disappointed voice. "And he wants to know what's going on." He rolled out of bed, then reached for my hand, pulling me up. I stumbled a little at the sudden shift of gravity in my brain and Jacob grabbed me before my tripping turned into a full-on assault of my fragile body.

"Easy there, Bells, no need to rush," Jacob said, holding back a laugh.

"But—but. . . won't Billy think that we. . . I mean, I'm in your room and I slept over. . . Won't he think we were. . ." I couldn't bring myself to finish, and I blushed furiously.

"Aw, don't worry, Bella! I'll explain everything to him. If you want, you can go ahead home to change or whatever and I'll meet you in about an hour. I gotta check in with Sam anyway," Jacob said, gently nudging me out into the hall.

I sighed, visibly relieved. "Okay, Jake, thanks." We walked passed Billy in the living room as he looked at me curiously. "Hi, Billy. Bye, Billy," I said as Jacob kept pushing me until we were outside. I turned on him. "You could've at least given me a chance to say hi!"

Jacob looked taken aback. "You did say hi! Besides, I wasn't going to give him a chance to embarrass you." I relaxed.

"Oh," I said, flushing again.

"Oh," he teased, tweaking my nose.

"Hey—" But my protest was cut off as Jacob swooped down and planted his lips on mine. My breath caught, and I was transported to a different world.

I suddenly got the feeling that someone was watching us. Thinking it was Billy, I broke the kiss and looked around Jacob. There was no Billy. Confused, I turned back to Jacob.

"Hey, Jake, Bella," a low voice said, not two feet behind me. I gasped and whirled around. It was just Sam. He nodded at me, then looked at Jacob expectantly.

"Well, I guess you should be going, Bells. Don't want Charlie getting the wrong ideas, ha!" Jacob seemed nervous. I wondered if it was because of the look Sam had on his face. Before I could think too much on the subject, Jacob led me to my truck. Kissing me, he said goodbye and I drove off, his anxious behavior still swirling around in my head.

I felt so much better after I'd showered and brushed my teeth. Charlie hadn't been there when I'd gotten home. I assumed he was at Sue's, helping her prepare for the funeral. Still wrapped in a towel, I went back into my room to decide on my attire for the day.

After throwing aside several outfits, I finally settled on a dark red blouse and faded jeans. I was running a brush through my hair when the phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered after the third ring.

"Bells?" It was Jacob. "Hey, I'm going to be just a little late. Sam's holding me up," he said, trying to make a joke out it, but I could hear something else in his voice. Not wanting to press the subject, I told him that I'd be okay for a few extra minutes and we hung up.

Those 'few extra minutes' stretched into an hour, and then two. I was beginning to get anxious; the laundry I was attempting to do was still sitting in the washer, clean and ready to be dried, where it had been for a half an hour. I kept getting up from my chair in the kitchen to peer out the window, as if Jake would appear any second.

Finally, after three hours of nothing, I gave in and called. When, after the fourth try, there was still no answer, I made up my mind. I'd just drive down to La Push. I'm sure I'd run into him eventually. I hopped into my truck and drove the familiar road into the small reservation town. Within minutes of entering La Push, I parked my truck firmly in front of Jacob's house. I was determined to sit there all day if I had to.

But before I had a chance to settle in, my door was violently wrenched open. I jumped; I hadn't seen anyone approach. I turned to see my attacker; it was Jacob. I sighed in relief, but then I noticed that he was quivering from head to toe.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, DRIVING UP HERE BY YOURSELF! DO YOU WANT TO GET KILLED? DO YOU WANT TO GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK?"

"Jake, what—"

"DO YOU REALLY THINK I FORGOT ABOUT YOU? I'VE HAD QUIL ON YOUR TAIL SINCE THE MOMENT YOU LEFT!"

"I—Wait. You had me followed?"

"JESUS, BELLA! VICTORIA'S GONE! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED! THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T WANT TO COME GET YOU YET!"

"Jake, we already know she's dead! Why are you—"

"DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS MEANS? FOR YOU, FOR ME, FOR EVERYONE!"

"Jake, I understand! If you don't want me anymore, I UNDERSTAND! YOU CAN STOP PRETENDING TO CARE!" I had no idea where on earth my last comment came from. I supposed it stemmed from all of my insecurities about our relationship. My life had done a complete turnaround from one single moment: The decision to turn my head. Now Jacob was shouting at me, and I was scared that those blissful twenty-four hours had been a hoax. That maybe he'd realized his mistake, and maybe he hadn't really imprinted on me. . .

My sudden outburst had snapped Jacob out of his frenzy. His body was suddenly still, and he was pulling me from the truck. He set me gently on the ground and wrapped me in his arms.

"Bella," he murmured, his voice completely opposite of what it had been a minute before. "How could you ever say that? How could I ever not want you? I love you, Bells. I'll never have to pretend with you. Do you understand that?" He squeezed me to him tighter.

"Yes," I whispered. And suddenly, tears flooded down my cheeks.

Pulling me back, Jacob looked at my tears and reached up to swipe them away. "Let's go talk," he said, pulling me in the direction of the beach. About fifteen minutes later, Jacob was sitting with his legs spread out in front of them with me in between, my back to his warm chest. He had his arms around me, and I felt at peace.

"So," I began.

"So," he echoed.

"Do you think maybe you can tell me what happened back there?" I heard Jacob sigh.

"Victoria."

"What about her?" A moment of silence passed before Jacob continued.

"When the guys went to burn her body, it was gone. All they could find of her was her hand." My body suddenly seized in panic, but Jacob held me down. Victoria! Oh God, oh God, oh God!

"Calm down, Bella," he commanded, and I felt myself relax. "All we can figure is that when we threw her body and head into the forest so you wouldn't see it when you woke up, they must have somehow landed too close to each other and sealed themselves back together. But she's wounded. She's missing a hand and she just came back from the dead. It'll be a while before she attacks again, if she attacks again. The whole pack was out all night searching, and the followed her scent all the way east across the state. She's gone, Bella, but dammit, I was so scared! I didn't mean to yell at you, I was just so worked up and I didn't want you to freak out! All I could think of was your safety, and when Quil told me you'd left, I just went into a blind rage! You're such a danger magnet, Bella, I was just scared that. . . I don't know, that the bloodsucker would pop into existence right in front of you. I'm sorry."

I listened to Jacob with increasing relief. She was gone. Maybe not for good, but perhaps just long enough for me to get out of Forks. Maybe I'd move here, to La Push, to be with Jacob. Then I'd have the protection of the entire pack and they wouldn't have to go out of their way every night to keep patrol over me.

"Jake, it's okay. I'm sorry. I should've just stayed put," I insisted.

"Don't apologize, Bells. I was just irritated because I'd been patrolling the borders, and that filthy rotten stench was everywhere. I mean, the scent was old, but still. After a while it just puts us in a bad mood."

"What exactly is it that you smell anyway?" I asked, curious. I'd always thought they smelled wonderful, but I was human. That was the nature of the beast. They were supposed to be attractive in every aspect to their prey. Lucky me, though, that I should happen to run into an entire coven of vegetarian vampires. I laughed bitterly to myself.

"Think of vampires like marshmallows," Jacob said suddenly, as if he'd come up with the perfect metaphor. It was the last thing I'd expected to hear. Did he seriously just put the words 'vampires' with 'marshmallows?' I thought to myself. The two were absolutely nothing alike. Marshmallows were so soft and fluffy and vampires were so. . . not. The only thing they had in common, perhaps, was the coloring.

"Did you seriously just compare vampires to marshmallows?" I asked incredulously.

"No. I said the smell."

"Vampires smell like marshmallows?"

"No. Bells, would ya let me finish?" I was silent, and he continued. "Think about walking in the supermarket. You know those s'more displays with the graham crackers on one side, chocolate bars on another side, and marshmallows on the third? Well when you walk by, all you can smell is the marshmallows, and it's so tempting, so you buy some. Then you get them home, put 'em on a stick, and roast them over a fire. While they're cooking, they smell so damn good that all you can think about is getting them closer, in your mouth. While you're busy thinking all this, you don't notice they've burnt, and when you finally get them to your mouth, it's too late. They smell disgusting, and something that was once so attractive has shown what it could become."

Okay. I was officially confused. Were we talking about smells or the nature of vampires? I asked him.

"Hmm. . . I suppose I was talking more about their nature. . . well, they do kinda smell like burnt marshmallows."

"Jacob Black, that is the worst analogy I have ever heard!" I teased.

"Hey, I tried, didn't I? Cut me some slack!" He laughed. The air surrounding us seemed to crackle with electricity as Jacob's breathing became shallow. I knew what he wanted to do, and I turned my head to accept it.

It was the best one yet; our lips buzzed with the same energy that was floating around us. I turned my body so that I was crouching in front of him, and he laid back, pulling me down with him. Our kiss deepened. It was intense, and I felt like there was no stopping us now. At least not me. Where I'd been responsible enough to stop last night, I wasn't sure I wanted to stop now. Jacob's tongue entered and explored my mouth, and I willingly allowed it, and even ventured so far as to try it out myself. I had never been allowed to do anything so intimate with Edward. Leaning on Jacob, I was suddenly aware of his body, and I realized that I could feel his excitement. My heart pounded erratically.

Fortunately. . .even though part of me was a little disappointed, Jacob knew me and respected me enough to break off the passionate kiss. "Bella. . .I want this, I do. But. . .I know neither of us are ready. I want to make sure that we won't regret it, and I want the timing to be perfect. I love you, and I want it to be special for you. I just. . .I don't think losing our virginity on a sandy beach exactly qualifies as romantic. I sound like an idiot, don't I?"

I was pleased. Jacob, albeit a sixteen-year-old hormonal teenage boy, actually cared about when and where we first. . .intensified our relationship. I couldn't be more ecstatic.

I smiled at him. "I love you, Jake." He smiled my smile.

"Wow, really? I was afraid you'd be mad, then I was scared that I was way off the mark and that sex was the last thing on your mind. I didn't want to offend you." He sounded so relieved that I just had to laugh at him.

"Well, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about it. But I'm glad you stopped. Anyway, you need to get ready for Harry's funeral," I reminded him. He nodded.

"And you will be at my house. With the door locked. You aren't going anywhere near Forks tonight. Not until we're positive she's not coming back." As he said this, the forest behind us rustled and an enormous creature stepped out. I shrieked.