7
Renji stormed over to Rukia, completely abandoning the other girl he was with. Rukia could tell he was trying to keep his calm relatively in order, nodding a cold greeting in Rangiku's direction. 'Rukia,' he said, anger evident in his voice, 'what's this?' His eyes glanced threateningly in Ashido's direction.
'This is Ashido,' she replied, 'we were just playing table tennis.'
'Right,' he said coldly, not even giving Ashido a chance to formally introduce himself. 'Well I'll leave you two to enjoy yourselves.' He instantly turned around and began to exit the bar.
Rukia hesitated a moment, debating whether or not to follow him. Rangiku spoke up, trying to stop her but Rukia was already running outside after him, leaving Ashido behind in a state of confusion. 'Renji! Where are you going?'
He stopped at turned to face her, 'I'm leaving. From the way you were clinging onto that guy, it is obvious you've no interest in seeing me tonight.' There was a strong scent of alcohol on his breath she hadn't noticed inside. He eyes looked a bit bloodshot as well. 'Seriously, you're supposed to be waiting for me! What the hell are you doing out?'
'Excuse me?' she questioned, 'this is the first time that I go out instead waiting around my apartment for you! I was going to head back in time to see you!'
'Well thank god for that because it appears you can't keep yourself to one man.'
'I most certainly can! To my knowledge being table tennis partners with someone doesn't constitute infidelity. Besides, by what your friends say, you apparently need a tight leash.'
'They're only kidding Rukia!' Renji yelled, frustrated with her.
'No they're not! Renji I saw you dancing and flirting with that other girl! I know that you saw me looking at you with her so don't bother denying it!'
Renji rolled his eyes at her, 'She's just a friend! I've known her since first year. How long have you know that guy you were all over tonight?'
'I was not all over him,' Rukia said in an eerie calm voice, 'and I do not care if you've known her since your first year! You shouldn't be like that with someone when you have a girlfriend! But she probably doesn't even know I exist! You never let me hang out with you and your friends! Why?'
'You couldn't come out tonight because it was a senior's thing Rukia, you can't follow me around all the time like a kid you know.'
That comment struck a nerve with her, more than that, it just hurt. 'Follow you around?' she repeated sounding very beaten down, 'is that honestly how you feel? You think I'm just some child?' She felt very insulted—he managed to diminish her status from a girlfriend to a mere annoying child following him. Renji had gone out countless amounts of times for walks, coffee, lunches, dinners, pub nights with his friends since they had started to date. Was it normal to wait this long before meeting your boyfriend's friends? Especially when they all lived on the same university campus as you? Rangiku knew all Shuuhei's friends, and was going out with all of them rather frequently. Something wasn't sitting right with Rukia, and it showed on her face. Renji came over reluctantly (or so it seemed) and hugged her. He was having issues walking, balancing seemed quite the challenge as his hold on Rukia seemed more to support himself than to comfort her.
'Hey I'm sorry I didn't meant that,' he said affectionately, 'I'm sorry I burst in like that okay?'
Rukia held him back, mostly to stop him from knocking her over. 'Whatever,' she responded; desperately wishing he would back off of her. She was angry—this conversation was far from over, but there was no point at the moment considering he was clearly affected from the alcohol he had been consuming. A question came into her head, 'what were you doing here anyway? I thought you were at the senior's pub…'
'I was,' Renji admitted, 'a few of us came this way, thought we'd reminisce about the good ol' days of our youth as first years.'
Rukia nodded, not really knowing what to make of this. She didn't like how strongly suspicious of Renji she felt. It was irritating to her:
'There's no smoke without fire' her mother often said.
'But it is hard to see smoke in a fog,' her father would always add.
Rukia knew she was in a fog of confusion with Renji, and only time was going to be the wind to clear the fog away; any hidden flames of distrust would soon be revealed. Rukia just dreaded what may have occurred if she hadn't been there to see him with that girl… All of a sudden, a voice called out, 'hey! Renji!' it was a girl's voice, the girl Renji had been dancing with.
'It was great meeting up with you again Renji!' she called out to him, running over towards him 'I better starting seeing more of you, call me about that party Thursday!' She gave Rukia a sharp, demeaning look of superiority, and then left with her friends.
Rukia had never been able to justify the killing of another human being in her life—until that very moment. She felt the hatred shoot out from her eyes towards Renji. 'Seems like you did a lot of "reminiscing" with "old friends" Renji.' With that, Rukia began to head home, wanting desperately to get away from him.
Renji began to run after her and grabbed her arm, 'Rukia, Rukia I'm sorry okay? Nothing happened! I'm sorry it just… you know I—'
'You know, I could forgive the dancing Renji. I could get over that, but lying about another woman really isn't sitting well with me. No wonder you never want me out with you!'
'Rukia if you would just shut up and let me—'
'No! I won't shut up Renji. I have no interest in your pathetic excuses all right? I'll do you a favour; I will make this easy for you. We are done! I will no longer be following you around all right? Goodbye!'
'Don't walk off from me Rukia! It was just dancing! I am not cheating on you!'
'How can I be sure?' Rukia asked him not really expecting an answer, 'I can't be! You know, it was nice being with Ashido tonight, at least he enjoyed being around me!'
Renji looked as though an evil force of anger had just possessed him. 'What the hell did you say?' he asked.
Rukia realized that comment may have been overboard, but she did not care at this point. 'You heard what I said loud and clear. I'm tired of feeling like I don't mean anything to you! It was just nice to spend time with someone who—'
'You damn well better take back what you said Rukia,' Renji said, approaching her threateningly.
Rukia felt herself walking backwards from him. She was forcing herself to remain brave. 'Is that a threat? I am not afraid of you Renji.'
'So you'd rather be with that idiot? Is that what you want?'
'I want to be with someone who actually enjoys being with me! Not someone who runs about with other women!' She began to storm off just as he approached her.
Renji began pleading with her, trying to stop her with his strength, grabbing her arm. 'Rukia god dammit! You know I'm in love with you! Why would you think I would do that?'
Rukia couldn't believe his words. He loves me? How long have I wanted to hear that, of course he says it now… 'Please just get away, get off!' Rukia threw his arms off of her. Tears came but she fought with all her might to keep them from falling.
Renji began to get very anxious and upset. He held her face in his hands gently, not wanting to let her go, 'I love you Rukia,' he said, his eyes so passionately piercing into hers. 'Please Rukia, I'm sorry.'
It didn't matter what he said because she was done. She had been feeling so off about the two of them, their age, their friends, their lives it seemed were just not working. Although they both wanted to, they resisted touching one another. 'Rukia,' he began again, 'I—I can't let you end this…'
Rukia stopped and turned around. 'Who is she Renji?'
'We… we dated, back in first year, things didn't work out obviously. We have kept in contact… she's a good friend, nothing more. She's interested in Izuru actually, which is why she was asking about Thursday.'
'Right,' Rukia replied. This would explain her cold stare in my direction. Something was still troubling her. She didn't want to have to say it, but Rukia was starting to think there wasn't any other option, 'Renji I… I don't think we're supposed to be together anymore. We quarrel constantly and I just feel there are always problems between us. You're, you're so much older and have this established life and I just, I don't fit in it.'
'Rukia don't say that,' Renji said pulling her close to him, 'I am sorry I've been making you feel that way, but you're wrong. We're just working out some issues.'
'We'll only grow apart if we stay together,' Rukia said, managing to keep her tears locked up, 'if we don't break up now life will just separate us.'
'Hey, I promised you that I wasn't going anywhere Rukia. I do not want to lose you. You're the best thing I have in my life. I can't imagine my future without you in it, it's impossible.'
Tears escaped from her eyes and Rukia slowly pulled herself away from Renji's touch. 'I'm sorry Renji, I just don't know if can do this…'
She clenched her fists and proceeded to run home. Renji did not chase after her. Rukia felt numb to everything right now, even though she was crying she felt no tears on her skin. She got into her apartment and lay on her bed, staring aimlessly out of the window. Reaching behind her headboard, she picked up her diary but could not muster the strength or courage to write down felt her sadness overtake her. She threw her diary on the opposite side of her room and tried to just fall asleep on her bed.
The image of Renji and that girl would not leave her head. Did he have no sense? Or did he really just not want to be with her like that anymore? But then why did he say those sweet things… Rukia felt stupid to think it, especially now, but when she first met Renji, she could just easily picture how their lives would be as they grew older. She just… felt as though they were meant to be almost. What else could explain why she adored him so much? As much as her brain told her she was doing the right thing, the most logical thing… she felt such growing despair and emptiness at the thought of not having Renji in her life.
But would he really wait three years for her to graduate? Then of course there was medical school after that. He would surely move on to some amazing career, he was so brilliant after all. He had many connections, research opportunities, and was a sure acceptance to any and all the graduate schools he had applied to. Would they be able to manage a long distance relationship? Rukia felt as though her worries had transformed themselves into hands that were strangling her. She did her best to blank her mind, and eventually succumbed to sleep, letting her subconscious claim her mind…
%%%%%
Hisana nearly jumped through the roof at the sound of the house phone ringing. Calming down, she answered it. 'Hello?' Who could this be…
'Hisana? It's Tatsuki, what are you still doing at mum's?' she asked.
'Oh nothing just, just going through some of her belongings. To organize and what not,' Hisana answered, deciding to avoid mentioning the diary to her sister for now.
Tatsuki sighed, 'I'm sorry I can't help you, it's just… it's still so fresh in my head and—'
'No, Tatsuki please don't worry I understand. It is very hard for me as well.'
'Shall we have dinner together tomorrow? Or coffee? Whatever is easiest.'
'Yes, perhaps coffee is better, I doubt I will be finished going through mum's belongings by tonight.'
'Wow, mum was a closet packrat hey? Never would've thought. I will call you tomorrow Hisana, take care.' Tatsuki then hung up the phone.
Hisana rested the phone back down and stretched, standing up and moving her legs. She looked back at the diary on the bed. She had been at her mother's way longer than intended. Sitting back down, Hisana took out a few photos her mother had placed in the diary. There was a photo of a couple, on the back of the picture was her mother's writing 'Mum and Dad' it said. These are my grandparents. Then there was a picture of Rukia with two younger girls, and their mother labeled 'Me, Yuzu, Karin, Mum—the Kurosaki women!' Karin had such a striking resemblance to Tatsuki, and Hisana couldn't get over how much she and her mother looked alike. Looking at the next photo it was a picture of Hisana's grandfather and a very handsome looking young man on the back it read 'Father and Ichigo'. Hisana felt a tear escape, Ichigo was so identical to her late brother Kaien; it was unbelievable. The last photo was one of Ichigo and Rukia, holding one another and smiling. The inscription on the back though was not in Rukia's writing. Based on what it said, Hisana knew it had to be Ichigo's. Her eyes widened in shock and she instantly began to continue to read the diary… It was already beginning to darken but there was no way Hisana could put it down now.
