a/n: thanks for all of the lovely comments. they are a treat to read, each and every one!
Chapter 7: Revelations
"Caroline?"
"Yes, Beverly?" Caroline looked up to find her PA standing in the doorway of the office.
"I've just e-mailed the final agenda for the Board of Governor's meeting and am about to leave for the evening. Are you all set with everything?"
"Yes, thank you. I'm about to call it a day myself. Just a quick walk through of the tour, to refresh my mind on the route and I'll head home."
"Good. Tomorrow's a big day. Rest well."
Indeed. The new Board would be visiting Sulgrave Heath for the first time as a governing body and Caroline along with the Department Heads had scheduled a full day of tours and classroom observations. The planning work was more administrative than anything, but Caroline fully understood the importance of making a good impression and wanted to win the support of the new Chairman from the onset, so she'd planned meticulously.
She set out on her route, recognising her motivation had very little to do with refreshing her mind for the following day's tour. Truthfully, she could do it in her sleep. In reality, the practice walk had more to do with the hope that she might catch Kate playing piano. They'd had no time to visit since the Saturday two weeks prior, and Caroline found herself missing the contact. Kate was such a gentle soul that her absolute judgment that John was a sodding arse couldn't help but make Caroline feel vindicated-and supported, which was the key thing, really. It was nice to have a friend in her court. Nicer still to have Kate as that friend.
She smiled when she heard the music well in advance of the auditorium. Kate was playing with intensity; the music crashing and ebbing and building and flowing and Caroline sped her step, eager to watch the performance as much as listen.
She entered the auditorium quietly and pulled up at the sight.
Kate was lost in the music, her body keeping time, hands flying over the keys. She'd taken her sweater off, and the pale sleeveless tunic she wore fit snugly highlighting the subtle tension and release in the muscles of her back and arms as she played. It occurred to Caroline that piano was a supreme way to stay in shape, if Kate were to be used as an example.
…
Kate had given in to the music. Her feelings, a mess of jangled nerves over the past two weeks, spilled onto the keyboard, and she lost herself in the self-arranged medley of well-known pieces. It was her favorite type of therapy.
The idea of Caroline had taken root months ago; of course it had. How could she not be attracted to that strength, intelligence and wicked humour? Not to mention beauty. Few things excited Kate more than a strong woman whose confidence was well earned. Despite attempts to reign in her feelings, Kate was suffering from a full-on crush.
And that was before Caroline had:
a) saved her life,
b) sat with her all night in hospital and
c) admitted her marriage had fallen apart.
This latest series of events had simultaneously cast Caroline as tragic hero and sent Kate into a tailspin. She spent most of her time at Sulgrave Heath nursing the delicious fluttering in her stomach, since every walk down the corridor or each faculty meeting brought the possibility of an encounter. Whenever she saw Caroline in the distance she could swear her heartbeat hammered, and she felt as though her tongue were tied in knots. She also suspected she wore her emotions on her face, so she avoided any real opportunity to interact at all costs. She was certain that Caroline had looked hurt when she sped away without so much as a how-do-you-do after yesterday's school assembly.
Kate all but groaned with frustration, and the music took on an angrier tone as she shifted into her version of Coltrane's Resolution. She shook her head as she played, mentally berating her foolish emotions.
It was all very sixteen-going-on-seventeen.
And then there was Roger. Full of youthful hope and charm. He was like a puppy. A Labrador, Kate reckoned: eager to please and confident that he could not be denied. He seemed to take Kate's disinterest as a challenge and kept finding new ways to drop by her room or chase her around the school. All the while, trails of would-be-lovers were incredulous at Kate's resistance to his winsome ways.
It was all very, very sixteen-going-on-seventeen.
The music sped up, transitioned to Coltrane's Pursuance, and Kate took a deep breath and played on.
She was almost forty-one years old. She should be over the butterflies and nausea and giddiness. She should be patient, calm and enduring. Just like The Queen. God save the Queen.
"Bloody hell!" Her fingers crashed down on the keys, the jarring dissonance wrecking the acoustics of the room. She wiped her brow, startled at how heated her playing had become.
"Two thoughts come to mind." Caroline's cool voice was unmistakable and Kate spun around on the bench to see the Headteacher standing in the aisle mid-way to the platform. "Someone has you thoroughly wound up and my god, can you play."
Kate shook her hands out and calmed her breathing as Caroline stepped up on the platform and sat on the small desk at the corner. She crossed her legs and Kate couldn't help but take in the shapely calves, crossed demurely at the ankles. She licked her lips.
Caroline tilted her head in concern. "Are you alright, Kate?"
Kate couldn't help but see the humour of the situation and she snorted with laughter. "Ah, Caroline. I'm working on it." Then, in an effort to change the subject she continued, "How are you? I'm sorry we haven't had a chance to speak lately."
Caroline had the good grace to allow Kate a reprieve. "Couldn't be better. I'm caught up in the throes of impressing the Board this week, and beginning to adjust to life as a mostly single mum supported by a stellar cast. Which includes an over-attentive mother, a surly fourteen-year old, a terribly sensitive sixteen-year old and a narcissistic estranged husband who is certain that life without him is absolutely miserable."
"All the elements of a cracking BBC One hit." Kate smiled.
"Nah. A fair side plot, but really there's no meat to it. To be honest, I'm dead boring. Could do with a good dinner date though. Are you free tonight?"
Kate shook her head and replied, "Indeed, what do you fancy?"
She hated when her mouth operated on an independent circuit.
Caroline smiled, "You do realise your mouth and your head are at odds, don't you?"
Kate nodded, with a wry grin. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean."
"Perhaps a nice glass of wine will help put everything on the same page? The French bistro just down from Tesco alright with you?"
"Lovely." She glanced at her watch. "Twenty minutes?"
Caroline pushed off from the desk and stood. "Perfect, I'm looking forward to it." She started toward the steps, paused, and looked back at Kate. "Maybe, after that glass of wine you'll tell me what—or who-has you so wound up? I'd like to be there for you, Kate, if you'll let me."
Kate nodded, but her reply was decidedly noncommittal. "See you there."
She picked up her rucksack and started putting music away, and when she heard the auditorium doors close behind Caroline she exhaled with an air of frustration. "I wonder if they sell wine by the pint?"
…
"I'm meeting someone for dinner. May we have a corner table for two, please? Out of the way, if you don't mind?"
"Very good, Madame. The most romantic table in the house, right this way." The maître d' led Caroline to a cosy table a little removed from the main dining room. A curtain provided additional screening and a soft candle illuminated a small but cheerful arrangement of daisies; the combination creating a quiet intimacy that all but screamed romance.
Caroline opened her mouth to correct his mistake, but thought better of it. After all, Kate seemed as though she had weighty matters on her mind, so a little privacy might help to loosen her guard. Wine wouldn't hurt.
She began to peruse the wine list, and looked up when the maître d' arrived with Kate. He offered the remaining chair and winked at Caroline as Kate settled herself. Caroline felt a blush coming on. Imagine. Her on a date with Kate.
"We seem to have scored the best table in the house." Kate murmured as she raised a water glass to her lips.
"I may have allowed the host to believe this was a date." Caroline's conspiratorial grin turned to a look of concern when Kate choked. "All right?"
Kate bought some time wiping her mouth with the napkin and Caroline forged ahead.
"Sorry. I probably shouldn't have, but it was a nice quiet table and I thought we could do with a little privacy, so much better than being in the middle of everything don't you think? And it is a bit busy for a Tuesday night, after all, so…"
Kate stopped Caroline's chatter with a hand gently laid on her arm. "It's all right, Caroline. Actually," she took a deep breath and held it, suddenly looking pensive.
Caroline prompted, "Actually?"
Kate smiled, "Actually, I'm feeling like a bottle of wine tonight. I live a short walk from here. Shall we go for a red, while you tell me the latest episode of the Headteacher Chronicles?"
"Sod it. I can always take a taxi. Red it is."
…
"I couldn't possibly eat another bite."
"But it's a dark chocolate soufflé. That's like eating air, with antioxidants." Caroline took a sip of wine. "Can't possibly refuse it. It's too healthy." She nodded to the waiter, who bowed and moved away from the table.
Kate giggled and called after him. "Two spoons!"
"I don't mind sharing. Don't forget, we've all but kissed." She emptied the remainder of the bottle in Kate's glass and let out a satisfied sigh. "God, I needed this. Thanks, Kate. You really have been a gift to me this year. It's been ages since I've had a friend with whom I've felt so comfortable."
Kate smiled, but the smile stopped just short of her eyes. "It's been my honour, indeed, Caroline."
Caroline studied Kate carefully before continuing, "Let me return the favor, Kate. You've heard all my dirty laundry, about John and Judith, you've let me go on and on this evening, in fact. What about you, Kate? Who had you so worked up earlier today? Edworthy?"
"What? God, no!" Kate played with the stem of her wine glass. Anything to keep her eyes off of Caroline, whose blue eyes shone with intensity in the candlelight. "I mean, he stops by from time to time, I can't really seem to dissuade him, but no. He's not taking up space in my head."
"Then who?"
Kate shook her head. "No, not who—exactly. It's just…adapting to…here. Sometimes I realise how different my life has become, and it's a little overwhelming."
"You don't talk much about your past, but you have to know I spoke with Nigel Hawkes when I checked your references."
Kate snorted. "And Leeds is a small enough city, I'm sure he gave you an earful."
"The point is I'm sorry for what you've gone through. Sorrier still that I've dragged you through it again by going on and on about Judith and John. I don't think I really considered it all until just now. It must feel as though I'm opening old wounds."
"He told you about Richard?"
Caroline nodded.
Kate smiled a little sadly. "I'm afraid you might not have gotten the complete picture, Caroline. Richard and I…we…well, the town never got the whole story."
Caroline waited patiently, and Kate finally met her gaze with a sigh.
"How long were you married?"
"Eight years. We were older when we married. Mature. Ish." She shrugged. "We tried really hard to be what everyone wanted us to be, but it never seemed to work right. We drifted apart pretty quickly, emotionally." She went back to worrying the wine glass stem. "And then, two years ago, I met someone."
She heard Caroline's quiet gasp of surprise, and she rushed on before the judgment came.
"To be fair, we'd already begun to talk about divorce, but still. It was quite a shock, I think, when I told Richard I had…feelings…for someone else. We decided that it would be better if everyone thought…that he..you see…my lover..well. It wasn't the right type of scandal for someone in Richard's position."
Caroline shook her head. "Right type of scandal? So, he took a mistress? Or told everyone he took a mistress? Because that's the 'right' type of scandal? Forgive me Kate, for being dense, but I don't really follow."
"Richard does a lot of legal work for churches. I know it sounds crazy, but he thought it much better for his contracts if he were to be seen as an adulterer, rather than…"
"The husband of an adulterer?" Caroline's voice was a little angry.
"Not exactly. You see…" Kate ran her hand through her hair, "Ah, Jesus, why is this so bloody hard?" She took a deep breath, looked at Caroline and said, "My lover was a woman called Helen."
"Your dessert, ladies." The waiter was clearly uncomfortable as he put the soufflé in the middle of the table, one spoon oriented to each woman. "Just signal when you're ready for the bill."
"Well, that couldn't have been more awkward," Kate muttered.
"Helen? You're a…but you were married!"
"I married because that's what women in my family do. It's what women in our country do. It's what everyone expected me to bloody do, and I was almost thirty years old, so I did it!" Kate's fist clenched. "It was wrong, and I should never have gone through with it, I didn't understand my own feelings, never processed what was really going on, never was brave enough to face the music, as it were." She sighed. "And Richard, God bless him, was happier having his clients think he stepped out on me, rather than think he couldn't keep a woman sexually engaged enough to keep her from going lesbian."
Caroline laughed. "Well that's ridiculous, of course! He honestly thought that's what people would think?"
Kate shook her head, "The male psyche is a delicate thing, Caroline. John seems to stay true to that norm, at least." She looked up. "Do you hate me?"
"Now you're being daft, Kate. Of course I don't hate you. I'm honoured that you've opened up to me. I won't lie; I did have it all wrong in my head, and now all I can think is how horrible it must have been to feel that you had to leave your home, especially after coming to this…understanding…about your sexuality."
Kate shook her head, "Actually, moving here was the best thing out of all of this. My cottage, the students…you. It's been a great experience for me. I am finally beginning to feel as though I'm an adult."
"And what's become of Helen?"
Kate shook her head sadly. "She left me. Met someone else. Just after Richard and I separated for good."
"Aww, Kate. Jesus. I'm sorry." Caroline leaned forward and covered Kate's hand with a brief squeeze. "So, now what? Poor Edworthy is definitely out of the running."
Kate laughed, her eyes shimmering with sudden tears. "You are so lovely, Caroline. Just lovely. Thank you for making me laugh in the midst of all of this." She waved her hand at the table, the candle, the flowers and the empty wine bottle.
Caroline burst out laughing. "God. I really know how to set a scene, don't I? At least now you know, when you're ready to go on a date, the very best table in town!"
"I'm far too much of a mess currently to even think of dating. For now, friends are all I can handle."
"What a relief! For I'd be very sad to lose you to a girlfriend right now. You've become a good friend, Kate. Selfish of me to say, but I'd like to keep you all to myself a bit longer before you venture 'out'." She couldn't help but air quote her pun.
Kate groaned and waved to the waiter for the check. "On that note, Dr. Elliott, you have a big day tomorrow and I think I need to head home and hug Oscar Wilde-child. It's what we cat ladies do, you know." She waved off Caroline's attempt to take the check. "My treat, and thank you for listening."
"So long as you let me treat next time."
"So we're okay, then? You and me? You're not….weirded out?"
"Kate, this is 2013. Of course, we're okay." Caroline smiled.
…
Caroline slid into the driver's seat of her SUV and slammed the door.
The silence was absolute and she sat still for a few minutes, trying to process Kate's revelation. Kate had been so twisted around emotionally, that Caroline knew a negative reaction would be disastrous, so she'd put a happy face on and said all the right words.
The truth was, she did feel differently about Kate now that she knew the truth. She wasn't sure how she felt, but she was certainly no longer comfortable around the woman. And her sense of discomfiture was lingering in Kate's absence.
With a sigh, she turned over the engine and drove slowly homeward. She suspected sleep would be a long time coming.
