Monday, November 9, 2015
entropicRelativity [ER] is now Online! [1:11PM]
ER: is he gone yet?
vividParadox [VP] is now No longer idle! [1:11PM]
VP: Who?
ER: you know exactly who.
VP: I don't think so? I'm really bad at guessing these things.
ER: devon.
ER: but im guessing he would have replied by now if he were, so.
VP: Then you're good!
VP: Also, what was your dream like?
desolateSlaughterer [DS] is now Online! [1:12PM]
VP: DS!
DS: Hello.
ER: why the FUCK did you have to bring him in here?
VP: That was DS. Not me.
ER: who do you think im talking to? rory, you should have let him start his own session.
DS: It was a mistake.
ER: seriously?
enthusiasticHeritic [EH] is now Online! [1:14PM]
ER: UGH!
VP: Oh great. More people.
EH: excuse me!
ER: why TODAY?
ER: i just wanted to have a GOOD TIME and figure out how to get past this FUCKING SMOKE.
EH: while I've been busy doing work you've been complaining about me?
ER: only as much as i can be expected to, devon.
VP: Should I just go?
ER: shut up ali, youre the only one here whos remotely okay.
EH: no please stay!
EH: you're rather sane
DS: I'm offended.
EH: Dirk tends to offend people I've noticed
ER: oh, yes, im the only one here.
EH: no there are others
EH: but you're the main offender
EH: anyway I logged on to ask Ali to build up my house
ER: just do it, then.
ER: and quit measuring peoples value by their "sanity".
EH: why?
EH: sanity is important
DS: Because it's a stupid fucking system.
ER: ...thank you, rory.
EH: . should we have a psycho in charge then?
DS: Stop being an ableist fuck.
EH: language
VP: Could I maybe be in charge?
EH: well you're well liked
EH: so possibly
VP: Roughly
ER: yeah, but how often does ali know what to do?
DS: Anyone but Devon. Dirk, I am starting to understand your antipathy towards him.
ER: shes got faith.
VP: I do!
EH: I can actually agree with you on that
VP: May I take charge then? Are we in agreement?
ER: i never said that, ali.
VP: Oh.
EH: I mean if I were in charge we'd be getting much more done but at least Ali isn't crude
ER: optimism isnt best unbridled.
EH: for instance maybe we should get to not letting Dirk choke to death
EH: and building houses
ER: im flattered by your apparent care for me.
ER: im sure ill be fine.
VP: How do I do that?
EH: you can build my house up from your computer
EH: you can use my grist
VP: Alright give me a moment to figure this out.
EH: Dirk I don't care about you
EH: I just care about our collective survival
ER: glad weve got that out of the way.
ER: speaking of which, has anyone heard from navo?
EH: Rory, I'm prepared to build yours up whenever
EH: I thought she was dead?
EH: or we assumed she was?
Devon shoves back the urge to beat his ceiling with a broom handle as additions to the house's construction rumble through the building, glaring up at what he imagines to be his roof (through multiple layers of brick and insulation).
VP: I might have done it?
EH: Was that you building my house up?
VP: I think so!
EH: thank you
ER: you cant just say that!
ER: shes my fucking girlfriend, devon!
VP: Oh my.
EH: I'm not psychic
EH: I didn't know
EH: apparently we have to build our house because of we don't people will fall to their death
carbonatedCorpse [CC] is now Online! [1:23PM]
EH: oh my
ER: navo! are you okay?
DS: What an interesting development.
EH: it seems she isn't as dead as I thought
VP: How unexpected!
CC: yeah feeling the love here everyone
CC: I'm alive, but maybe not for long
EH: get in the game. We have work to do
EH: It seems your server player isn't online though ):
ER: i cant be your server player, unfortunately. but im sure youll manage. ;)
CC: well damn
DS: Who is her server player meant to be anyway?
DS: I've lost track.
EH: Tommaso
ER: it was going to be me, since were dating and all.
ER: but i guess its tommaso now.
CC: looks like I'm fucked, see you people in the afterlife!
EH: try not to think that way!
EH: we need you to live (:
VP: I just know we'll all be in the game safe and sound! Don't worry!
EH: if you die so do we
ER: shut up, devon. shell be fine.
CC: wait my fate is decided by a drunk?
EH: I'd be nervous too if he was my server player too
ER: tommasos fine. besides, shes navo. shell figure it out.
CC: might as well try to pull myself in the game. let's hack some drunk guys computer, shall we?
EH: he did seem quite smart on the purple planet... Perhaps I should have some faith
CC: I think we lost Asia
EH: if you need a hacker CC, I'm your guy (;. Dad was a security tech engineer so he taught me a lot
EH: and besides DS, I can see you on my computer (;
DS: The imps are...
DS: Strange.
EH: I agree
CC: EH hack into tomassos computer and act like him and pull me into this game
DS: Would I be looked down upon if I said I had not killed a single imp? Would that be odd?
EH: yes you would
EH: you need grist so I can build up your house
ER: SOMEONES weak.
EH: not weak. Just timid... I hope
DS: I cannot bring myself to kill them.
DS: They are nice.
CC: what even are these imps?
EH: bad guys
EH: rory, if theyre nice, theyre probably not imps.
DS: Well, I believe they are.
EH: I'm in the process of hacking his computer
EH: for being a drunk he has some nice security measures ):
ER: why are you so obsessed with attacking tommaso, devon?
ER: is it some sick jealousy?
EH: I gave him a compliment!
ER: yes, preceded by "for a drunk".
ER: i mean, im just wondering.
EH: are they pink Komodo dragons?
DS: No. They are sickly black, mutated dog-like skeletal beings.
DS: And they are nice.
EH: oh my
EH: kill one and see if you get grist
DS: No.
VP: To be technical (and I hate technicalities) he is not a drunk. A drunk is someone who uses alcohol. Which he is not.
ER: if they are nice, rory, then theyre PROBABLY NOT IMPS.
EH: he's not a drunk?
ER: and can you all stop talking about "drunks"?
EH: does he use illicit drugs?
CC: okay people I love how we're all discussing rorys killing habits and tomassos drinking or not drinking habits
CC: but I'm kinda living in the apocalypse here
EH: GIVE ME SOME TIME CC. It isn't easy stuff here ):
VP: "Killing habits" Have you seen how everyone treats me?
EH: you're wonderful Ali
DS: They are very nice. Even if they do step on my keyboard sometimes. Sure, they step on my keyboard sometimes. Sure, they tried to kill me in the beginning, but have any of you tried to befriend them? It's not that hard.
EH: you need grist
EH: are there any in the house btw?
DS: Several.
ER: im gonna try and get past this smoky shit again.
EH: let me check something
entropicRelativity [ER] is now Offline and vaguely worried, though about what he couldn't say.! [1:44PM]
CC: and there goes er
Innocuously, Devon picks up Rory's dresser (Sburb mechanics lifting the heavy object easily). The cursor meanders its way across the room, and then releases Rory's armoire a foot above one of the dogs.
EH: oops!
EH: didn't mean to do that
DS: Devon.
DS: What.
DS: The.
DS: Fuck.
EH: but did it drop grist?
DS: Yes.
DS: But fuck you.
EH: CC I'm in
CC: sweet
EH: Launch your client server
DS: Devon I am going to kill you.
Devon runs a hand through his perfectly-combed hair, manicured fingernails shiny and clean. "Now..." The download begins, and Devon smiles as Tom's computer runs the server disc.
EH: take a number Rory
DS: I hope Dirk doesnt mind too terribly if I help him out a bit with your murder.
VP: Ooh count me in I like making plans
DS: The rest of the imps are freaking out now! Poor children.
Meanwhile:
Run .
Navo nods, chewing her lip as the loading screen appears.
EH: Ok. "Tommaso" is in
EH: I'm deploying the items you need
EH: have fun with those
Meanwhile:
Devon drops the machinery on top of her couch and very much does not wince at the crack of fractured furniture.
CC: is one of them food? cause me just ran out
EH: you can make food with one of them
EH: but get in the game first. Ali will explain how
VP: I don't know what I did to get in the game.
CC: I need food desperately
CC: im starving
CC: probably
VP: Oh, great.
EH: well try not to die to die of hunger until you get in the game
EH: you can make food
EH: with the alchemiter
DS: Devon you are a sadistic bastard.
CC: ds you are a wimp
EH: how will you get grist?
DS: The imps have been supplying me with Grist.
DS: They give me gifts.
DS: They are dogs, they like to dig things up.
EH: do you have a good amount?
DS: Yes.
EH: then I suppose it works out
CC: its not working out for me!
carbonatedCorpse [CC] is now Offline and probably dying! [1:48PM]
EH: oh goodness
Meanwhile:
Navo looks down at the mess of splinters that was once her couch and begins messing with the machines on top of it.
EH: I thought I tasked Ali with telling her what to do
VP: I said I forgot!
Meanwhile:
With a click on one side of the chain and a crash on the other, a desk propelled by Tommaso's server smashes against the Cruxtruder's protruding top, deploying Navo's kernelsprite.
DS: I can't believe you would slaughter an innocent creature, Devon.
EH: already!?
DS: For shame.
EH: I had to check
EH: for your safety of course
DS: You fucker.
EH: language
DS: So, I suppose I should just kill you, Devon? See if you drop any grist?
EH: I mean... if you can
Meanwhile:
Navo fiddles with the machines.
EH: if you do kill me, can it at least wait until everything I need to do is completed
EH: no need for everyone to die because of somebody's temper (;
DS: You're such a fucking asshole.
EH: facts
vividParadox [VP] is now Idle! [1:53PM]
Then she drums them.
DS: You killed Dogathan Barker the Seventh.
DS: And now his family are in mourning.
EH: what a royal name
EH: I shall give him a proper burial
She tries scowling and harping on them and apparently she's done something right, because something appears on the dais.
EH: how about we put some grist under a blanket and call it a day?
DS: I'm going to kill you.
DS: I will avenge him.
EH: whatever you say
DS: Do you have no empathy? I thought I was supposed to be the one with no empathy.
EH: I would have if it was a person or even an animal
DS: It is an animal.
EH: it's computer code
DS: It was a living, breathing animal.
DS: It had a name.
Navo tears the Hearts' Queen in two, and she begins to play.
Fuck.
Yes.
enthusiasticHeretic [EH] is now Offline! [1:58PM]
carbonatedCorpse [CC] is now Online and not dying! [1:59PM]
CC: okay so I'm in
DS: Do you agree that Devon is heartless and evil? Yes/No
CC: sometimes
DS: He killed a dog.
CC: so did my guide
DS: What the fuck.
DS: Why is everyone here dog-murderers.
DS: I feel personally offended.
CC: i put in my copy of 101 Dalmations
DS: Shouldn't your Guide be 101 dalmations then?
CC: its cruela de vile
DS: Why.
CC: i don't know, but on the cover there was cruela soooo
CC: im also pretty sure the game wouldn't let 101 dog be my guide
DS: It should.
vividParadox [VP] is now Online! [2:01PM]
distantSlaughterer [DS] has changed their chumhandle to devonisalittleShit [DS]! [2:02PM]
VP: I have a slight problem that frankly anyone can help with. Anyone have any idea what the relevance of the dream places are?
DS: No idea.
VP: Fantastic. Is it okay to be afraid to go to sleep?
DS: I haven't slept since I entered.
VP: By choice or by preoccupation?
DS: I haven't been able. I have too much on my plate right now.
VP: Preoccupation then.
DS: Yes. Although some of the imps seem to be making rather a fuss of it... Do you approve of my new chumhandle? I thought it was fitting.
VP: I see you two aren't getting along?
DS: He killed my dog.
VP: Devon is rather... irritable to everyone. Except for me. He hasn't done anything to me yet.
DS: It was in cold blood as well.
VP: I hate to say this but devon was justified.
DS: Why?!
DS: My dogs are innocent.
VP: They try to kill you
DS: They playfight a bit but...
enthusiasticHeritic [EH] is now Online! [2:05PM]
VP: Hello
DS: Oh shit, prepare for trouble.
VP: What kind of trouble
VP: Do you need help
EH: hello
EH: and DS
EH: your name is a pathetic excuse for an insult
DS: It was the best I could do whilst retaining my acronym.
EH: clearly your best isn't very good
VP: Devon.
EH: Ali ^_^
VP: Back off.
EH: he started it .
VP: DS doesn't need shit today. Don't give it to him. And don't fucking retaliate. (Language)
EH: a fair deal
devonisalittleShit [DS] has changed their chumhandle to devonisafuckingpieceofgoddamntrashandShouldbeburninginthepitsoffuckinghell [DS]! [2:06PM]
EH: oh goodness
EH: your whole vocabulary is in there
VP: Devon.
EH: I didn't start it
EH: but I will finish it
VP: I remember saying not to retaliate.
EH: the roll of the dice is not in your favor Rory
VP: I'm finishing this.
EH: tell him to change his name back!
VP: DS. Please.
DS: No.
DS: I will not stand for this.
EH: shall I kill another imp then?
DS: If you do I will rip you limb for limb and put you through a meatgrinder.
EH: but how
devonisafuckingpieceofgoddamntrashandShouldbeburninginthepitsoffuckinghell [DS] has changed their chumhandle to dontyoufuckingdaretouchmydogsdevonoriwillSetyouonfire [DS]! [2:08PM]
vividParadox [VP] has changed their chumhandle to veryconfusedPersonwhowouldliketostayoutofthis [VP]! [2:09PM]
VP: : )
EH: that name is better
DS: Devon, I hate you with every shred of my cold, battered heart.
EH: that was a pretty sentence for such an ugly personality
VP: Please stop.
EH: fine
EH: I will
EH: when they stop
DS: Why do you have to be such an insufferable asshole? Is it genetic or something?
EH: well if you look at it from the view of enlightenment thinkers like John Locke, no, but
enthusiasticHeritic [EH] is now Disconnected! [2:10PM]
DS: Heh.
DS: In other news, my land is boring as fuck
dontyoufuckingdaretouchmydogsdevoniwillSetyouonfire [DS] is now Idle! [2:15PM]
veryconfusedPersonwhowouldliketostayoutofthis [VP] has changed their chumhandle to vividParadox [VP]! [2:16PM]
sexySlytherin [SS] is now Online! [4:04PM]
VP: Oh hi SS!
SS: good morning or night or w/e
VP: It seems to be night here. It looks like the sun will be rising soon though
SS: my guide is calling me a mage, do u think that's important
VP: Perhaps? I mean, it's your guide
SS: oh shit can I do magic shit
VP: ?
SS: like mages do magic right?
VP: Sure
SS: so maybe I can do magic
SS: that would be BADASS
SS: so whats up on ur land?
VP: I killed every imp that entered my house.
SS: -thumb up-
SS: same
SS: someone hacked my computer
SS: this is graceless
SS: they just deconstructed the firewall instead of even trying to use subterfuge
SS: im assuming devon?
VP: Correct
entropicRelativity is now Online! [4:06PM]
ER: there are strange noises coming from outside.
ER: WHY is it always NIGHT here?
SS: hi dirk
ER: hey tom.
SS: so y did devon hack my computer
ER: because hes a whore.
SS: I wont argue w/ that
SS: im going to give him a chance at redemtion tho
SS: still want to know y he hacked me
ER: something about navo i think?
ER: i wasnt paying too much attention.
ER: still trying to LEAVE MY FUCKING HOUSE.
SS: ill find ur plac asap and help
SS: ali, any ideas?
SS: ali?
SS: ali
SS: ali whatever-your-last-name-is
VP: Bradford.
SS: so do U know y dev hacked me
SS: elaborte
SS: elaborate*
SS: ...
SS: nvm ill just explore then
ER: ali?
ER: are you alive?
SS: ali r u ok
VP: Sorry
VP: What's up?
SS: y did dev hack me
VP: to help your client
ER: yeah, it was navo i think.
ER: what a gal.
ER: so uh, theres unnatural shrieks coming from the outside of my home.
SS: oh ok, I guess devon made me navo's server
SS: o shit
ER: i think its my guide.
ER: i thought hed left, but hes back.
ER: and theres jellyfish trying to kill me.
SS: ?
SS: im coming over
ER: if someone could think something up quick riddling them with bullets isnt working.
ER: FUCK
ER: those shits HURT!
SS: bb no
SS: let me ask the demons above derse how to get 2 u
ER: hurry up
ER: i gotta go
SS: k good night
ER: away from the computer, not to sleep! im being ATTACKED.
ER: FUCK
VP: IS THERE ANYWAY I CAN HELP?
sexySlytherin [SS] is now Inactive and asleep! [4:16PM]
Meanwhile:
Your name is Tommaso Mambelli, and you are on top of Dirk.
You climb off, trying not to think about the mental images this is producing. You'd honestly forgotten where you last fell asleep.
entropicRelativity [ER] is now Disconnected! [4:16PM]
VP: Oh shit.
Your pleas for knowledge are answered by the Dark Gods, but you are not satisfied with this answer. The gates above your house, the ones made of many RINGs, are too tedious to travel and be convenient; you will not leave Dirk that long.
"The planets," says the Dersite whose uniform you're holding in an iron grip, its voice trembling. "The Prince's land is one of those planets. A place of burning fragments, a - " He might have been about to tell you more, but you wouldn't know, since you've already let him go and awoken. Somehow, internally, it seems obvious that your dreaming abilities can't be relied upon if you are to fly so far from the FURTHEST RING, to venture toward the planets nearing the center of the gamespace. Just considering trying to fly that close to Prospit gives you shivers and an urge to vomit and cleanse yourself of such blasphemous thoughts.
You go to sleep.
sexySlytherin [SS] is now Online! [4:18PM]
SS: anyone know the code for a flying device?
VP: No sorry
SS: ugh time to google wallthrough shit
SS: shit google is down
SS: probably because apocalypse and all that shit
VP: Yeah that seems likely
sexySlytherin [SS] is now Inactive and Alchemiting stuff! [4:19PM]
What the fuck do you have to make a jetpack out of? You have a backpack, but it's not like you're got engines. Maybe if you alchemite the pack with... Well, there's a dead bird on the windowsill – that happens often, must have been teleported with your house...
A purse of rotting bird leather appears before you.
Ew.
Doing it the other way (&& instead of ||) makes a shitty pair of wings, but it will serve your purpose for now. Staring up at the gates of your planet, you sigh and shoot off toward Skaia, and the voices of the Dark Gods in the FURTHEST RING sound a little weaker. A place of burning fragments... Before you circle six planets. One is multicolored and heavily wooded; one is cracked and wasted; one (yours) is dark and reticent. One is oceanic and gray; one is shiny and reflective; one is as obscured as yours is, though by heavy smoke rather than your cool night. Burning... The descent into Dirk's planet (there must be some kind of major atmosphere around the entire gamespace, since you can breathe fine even off-planet – but then how does gravity work?) deposits you in a field of smoke, which parts invitingly, and as you glide downward, Dirk's house fades into view. It's a small place – two levels, but compact ones with maybe two rooms per floor. There are bars on the windows...
You push open the front door, and a growing sense of worry. "Dirk?"
"ITALY!" comes a shriek from the direction of vaguely upstairs and to your left. "Where the FUCK are you?"
Pink jellyfish inhabit the space around you. To your left appears to be a living room. To the right is the kitchen. Directly in front of you is an upward-bound staircase.
Select a key to choose!
Living room! Kitchen! Upstairs!
A B C
You leap up the stairs, taking them by 2.
"I'm upstairs!"
vividParadox [VP] is now Idle! [4:23PM]
"HELP ME!" comes the cry from your left. His voice is higher than you thought it'd be, but that might just be the swarm of jellyfish attacking him. A deep, rumbling laugh sounds through the house; you can see it literally shaking the railing of the staircase.
Dirk stumbles from the cloud of jellyfish. He's covered in cuts, crisscrossing each other in every conceivable pattern across his body.
Run away! Help Dirk! Get their attention!
A B C
You whistle to get the jellyfishes' attention.
Behind him is what appears to be a discarded submachine gun. Surprise, surprise, he tried to shoot a bunch of jellyfish to death.
You take your strife card – captchalogue it – memorize the code, take it. It's not difficult to remember. You take a lamp, show it to the jellyfish, and throw it out the window.
"That was my good lamp," slurs Dirk. They do chase after the light, though, rather than continuing to attack him. He spits out a bit of blood. "One of them got its tentacles in my mouth, I think."
enthusiasticHeritic [EH] is now Online! [4:27PM]
EH: the imps are getting even more annoying
EH: and violent
EH: and strong
You wink, glorying in potential innuendo. "Throw me that gun behind you."
EH: I'm going to need to make some stronger dice
EH: if anyone has some tups for Alchemiting pm me. Off I go.
enthusiasticHeritic [EH] is now Offline! [4:28PM]
Dirk grins, picking it up, and tosses the gun at you. "Careful. Safety's off."
You allocate it to your strife specibus. (You'll probably make a new strife card and allocate it to a more appropriate weapon later.) Nervously, Dirk shrinks away from the lessening cloud of jellyfish now focusing their attention half on the lamp outside and half on you, removing his torn shirt with as little movement as possible. You are just a little bit distracted by Dirk removing his shirt, but focus as best you can on distracting the jellyfish as much as humanly possible. This includes shooting, throwing valuable objects, and being a huge nuisance to hit.
"Captus Princeps Sanguinis curret," calls a deep voice, again shaking the house from somewhere above it. Behind you, the ceiling above the staircase collapses, and you get an eyeful of some kind of tentacled beast with the head of a goat. Surrounding it is glyphs of all sorts. You think you see a black sun in there, but most of them you don't recognize.
"What the FUCK?!" screams Dirk. The tentacle beast appears to take no notice.
"Uhhhh, hi, Satan!" You shoot him a lot. You doubt you're getting anywhere with this.
"Yes," moans Dirk. "Guides are very susceptible to bullets."
"Shut up, Dirk." You turn to his guide. "Look, I don't mean any harm. You're part of the game, right? You're supposed to be on our side!"
"Tu ego immineo facile. Tu estis infirmus." You are weak.
"Ita vero," you say. "Adiuva nos!" Indeed. Help us!
"Et mihi bonus?" And my reward?
You offer your guide medallion.
"Fututio," Dirk mutters as you hold out the medallion. Roughly translated, you're pretty sure this means something like 'Fucking'. Is he offering sex as payment?
"Lascivus," the beast comments wrly. Wanton, you translate in your head. Lustful, lascivious, licentious. Playful. "Es sufficiens. Dux, no fututio." It's sufficient. The leader (one who takes others, one who guides), you add in your head, not fucking.
"Well, damn," says Dirk, still in Latin. "I was so ready to get my sexy on with a tentacled beast."
"Wait," you say, "but will I still have my guide to assist me when I need it?" Mistakes may have been made.
"Mambelli," the beast says warningly, and you get the strong impression of a ridgeback, its hackles raised. "The... guide for the boy. Is this not the deal?"
You wait.
The beast sighs. "And perhaps I will assist you, if necessary."
"Deal."
"You will not be able to call on me, Mambelli. I will assist you when you need me to."
"Chill," mutters Dirk, slumping down against the wall and hissing in pain.
"Not what I wanted in the first place," you say, "but I guess it's better than offering my guide for sex."
"Alright, then," says the tentacled beast, and the amulet floats from the younger Mambelli's hand, dissolving into Void as it enters the vicinity of the tentacled beast.
The jellyfish disperse.
You look over at Dirk and switch back to English. "Hey."
"I am… severely cut," he mumbles, the t over-enunciated. Parts of his hair are out. "It's like they have knives for tentacles."
"Do you have a first aid kit?" You start out of the room, looking around the house.
"I'm sure there's one about somewhere," he says, getting to his feet. "It's not like I need one, though. I'm not really bleeding that much."
You glance back at him. The shirt, discarded to the side, is almost soaked with his blood. Not all of the cuts are so bad - most are minor - but three or four look really deep. He's having trouble walking, leaning against the doorframe. "Hush," you say, trying to keep the worry out of your voice, "you look pretty beaten up to me!"
"No, I'm fine."
vividParadox [VP] is now No longer idle! [4:39PM]
VP: Anyone have any idea when Tommaso's gonna be back I need the code for his flying thing
enthusiasticHeritic [EH] is now Online! [4:41PM]
EH: don't be lazy . just build up your house
VP: My server player is never here
You find an elderly desktop in the hallway outside of his room.
entropicRelativity [ER] is now Online! [4:41PM]
EH: true
EH: speaking of that
EH: could you build my house up some
VP: Dirk!
ER: you need my code?
EH: oh... It's you
ER: whoops wait
VP: I need tom's code
EH: no genius
ER: hes on my computer.
EH: we need tom's
ER: and im on my phone.
VP: Oh.
EH: oh great
ER: sorry I'm at dirk's house
ER: this could get confusing.
EH: my two favorite people
VP: How'd you get to Dirk's?
ER: ill capitalize my words
EH: how about Tomasso logs into his own pesterchum
EH: is he too high to do that
ER: ALI IM TOM
ER: I LIKE THIS SYSTEM.
VP: Kill me
ER: DIRK WTF NO
ER: AND DEVON SHUT THE FUCK UP.
ER: PRETTY MUCH, YEAH.
ER: DIRK U CANT CAPTALIZE UR SHIT 2
ER: YES I CAN.
VP: I can tell who's Tom by typing styles just continue
EH: sigh
ER: Ill Stay Like This
VP: Alright Dirk back to the topic at hand
VP: I need the code
ER: I GOT WINGS
VP: That is adequate
VP: It'll work
ER: PCHOOOOO!
ER: Off Goes Tom Into The Void
VP: ?
ER: IT'S FLAPPY!
EH: cool
EH: code
VP: Just send the fucking code
EH: please
EH: on the same page it seems Ali
ER: NO U IDIOTS
ER: I Think He Means The Code Is "FLAPPY!"
EH: oh lord
VP: Oh.
ER: THE CODE: FLAPPY!.
VP: Alrigty.
EH: coolio
ER: Like The Hit New IPhone App
ER: Flappy Bird The Movie
ER: Coming To Theaters Near You This Apocalypse
ER: YES
EH: I will be seeing you soon Ali
EH: I think
vividParadox [VP] is now Alchemiting! [4:44PM]
Meanwhile:
Ali spins from her computer, office chair bouncing, and approaches the Alchemiter.
ER: SEE U GUYS IM FINDING DIRK A FIRST AID KIT
entropicRelativity [ER] is now Considering The Implications Of Fucking The Tentacle Beast! [4:45PM]
What the fuck is this machine anyway? More importantly, who cares?
You press a random button.
Meanwhile:
Devon does a bunch of boring shit, which includes punching F-L-A-P-P-Y-!-! into an Alchemiter heavy with functional upgrades and a keyboard made out of solid gold. It isn't cheap, but all his grist-grinding has left him in a pretty good place, grist-wise, and he can easily afford it.
ER: Bruh I Dont Need A First Aid Kit
entropicRelativity [ER] is now Disconnected! [4:45PM]
ER: At Least, His Desktop Is
entropicRelativity [ER] is now Trying To Convince sexySlytherin [SS] That He (ER) Is In No Need Of A First Aid Kit! [4:45PM]
Meanwhile:
In circumstantially and temporally simultaneous conditions, Ali also does a bunch of boring shit, although she does it with admittedly more difficulty and grist, having no Alchemitous upgrades.
Meanwhile:
"Get me a bath of rubbing alcohol and I'll be fine," Dirk calls to you from his bedroom.
Meanwhile:
After some serious trial and error that involves a bag of popcorn, a towel soaked in something that is not water, and Hillary Clinton, Ali's Alchemiter finally spits out a pair of wings.
vividParadox [VP] is now No longer Alchemiting! [4:47PM]
Meanwhile:
As the swirling orange gate envelops him completely, Devon sees Mr. Card smiling up from below, waving, the last thing to go as the gate swallows him whole his guide's cheeky grin.
VP: I made the wings.
Meanwhile:
You wander into the bathroom and find some bandages and rubbing alcohol.
Haha.
I don't know how to do this.
VP: I'm off then.
Meanwhile:
Goodness. Blinking, Devon peers around the, um, shockingly mirroric (is there an adjective for mirror?) land, trying not to be blinded by his own awesomeness.
A house! And whose could it be? Not bothering to walk, Devon's mechanical wings squeal as he flaps over to the house and knocks on the door. "Hello?"
Meanwhile:
You pick up the bandages and alcohol anyway. "Dirk, guess who has no idea how to do this?" You also grab a towel and some cotton balls, Neosporin.
Meanwhile:
"WHO THE FUCK?" Ali shouts.
"Language," Devon replies.
"Oh, Devon!" Her heavy pants bely how out of breath she is as the front door opens, and Devon waves invitingly.
Meanwhile:
"I'm sure I've got some anti-pain creams in there," Dirk says, pushing past you and examining the medicines cabinet.
Meanwhile:
"Are you Ali?"
Devon is in the most douchey-looking outfit Ali has ever seen. It appears to be some kind of formal golfing wear. I didn't know people had formal golfing wear.
Meanwhile:
"Alright big shot," you say, "why don't you do this?"
"Because," Dirk says, smirking, "I'd rather have you feeling me up than do it myself." With that, he slaps a tub of some kind of painkilling cream on the counter, then retreats to the bathub, running water over a washrag and trying to clean his cuts with it.
Meanwhile:
"Of course!" Devon says. "How are you doing, madam?" He's not much taller than Ali is, standing at 5'6".
Meanwhile:
Well, damn. But also… damn.
Remaining totally undistracted by Dirk's antics, you examine the painkiller he's pulled out. It's just painkiller. It doesn't do anything else; it definitely doesn't prevent infection.
"This isn't an antibiotic," you inform him as you make your way to the bathtub. You catch a glimpse of scars on his arms and suddenly theres a pit of hot lead in your stomach. You grab an arm even as he hisses in pain from your contact, and hold it up to examine the scars and cuts further. This scar tissue is... abnormally thick… Yes, you confirm, muchtoo thick. You metaphorically can't believe he can even move these arms. "This is why those scars are there," you say softly. "Do you understand that? You can't just use this, this is why these injuries got infected…"
He averts his gaze.
Meanwhile:
"Don't act like a fucking king," Ali says, "you don't have to try to impress me." She gestures inside. "Make yourself at home, fucktruck. Yeah, I know, language." She's cursing more than her chatspeak has led Devon to believe, to his disappointment.
Meanwhile:
Dirk pulls his arm from you abruptly (though gently, not jerking) and towels himself dry of the water, glancing at you once in a while, though only when he seems to think you're not looking. He's thin.
Too, too thin.
Meanwhile:
"My," Devon sighs, stepping into the house. "So, how's the game treating you? You're not dead yet, so that's good."
Meanwhile:
You pick up some rubbing alcohol, dousing the cotton balls with it, and start applying it to some of the bigger cuts. You're still a little distracted by his… body… and with the apparent quality of his care for it.
Dirk draws breath, tensing his shoulders. "Stop it," he hisses, batting your hand away - but still not looking you in the eyes.
Meanwhile:
"I'm pretty good, yeah." Ali ventures deeper into the house. It's got the oddest architecture you're ever seen, and it's large, almost as large as Devon's. Of course, I haven't seen anyone else's homes yet... I certainly hope they're not all this big. I need to keep some semblance of class. "I'm assuming a gentleman like yourself goes for tea?"
"Tea? You have tea?! Oh, thank goodness! My house is... lacking. I'd love some tea!" Devon announces eagerly, then frowns and tosses his dice at an imp charging from the door. "Interrupting is rude," he says, sniffing, and a chess set's knight strikes down the glass foe.
Meanwhile:
"Oh, shut up, you giant crybaby." You retrieve his Ace bandages from your Sylladex. "It's going to hurt much more if I don't do that." Your eyes flick to the over-large scars, then back to the more... pressing matters.
Meanwhile:
"Oh, fuck, man! Firing arrows takes so much time..." Ali leads you into a kitchen (which, improbably, must be gotten to by going through the water closet), and grabs up a measuring cup that's already been set out. "How much tea d'you want? Basic mug? Upgraded mug? Double mug? Super venti grande?"
Meanwhile:
"Fine," Dirk mutters, letting his body relax somewhat and, if you're not mistaken… maybe leaning into your hands? His eyes close in, uh, pain when you apply the next bandage.
Meanwhile:
"Yes please! Thank you. So… " May as well get to the point. "Do you think that Dirk and Rory are actually going to try and kill me?"
She pours about 2 cups of water into his mug and places it into the microwave. "Without a doubt."
"So then… Should I try and kill them first?"
carbonatedCorpse [CC] is now Online and confused as fuck! [5:17PM]
Meanwhile:
You carefully apply alcohol, antibiotics, and bandages to more cuts, wincing every time Dirk sounds like he's in pain. By the time you're done, his forearms are covered in your wrapping...
CC: is anyone else online orrrrr
Meanwhile:
"Resistance is futile," Ali says mockingly, rolling her eyes.
"I mean, I could crush Rory with her own dresser… but that would make a big bloody mess."
Ali shoots him a glare. "His own dresser, Devon."
"Right, sorry. Only just saw him for the first time, y'know, so..."
Meanwhile:
"Thanks, love," Dirk whispers, his eyelids leaden and half-closed. He's still not looking at you.
carbonatedCorpse [CC] is now Offline and probably going to die! [5:17PM]
"Hey, do you want painkillers or something?"
Meanwhile:
Ali shakes her head. "Just don't forget again, okay? Anyway, I – I mean, I was joking about the murder thing, could we talk about this another ti -" The microwave lets out an ear-shredding shriek (and out of the corner of her vision, she watches Devon slap his hands over his ears).
"Maybe give a guy a warning next time."
Is Ali imagining it, or... Is there real venom in his voice?
Meanwhile:
Navo stands from her computer chair, stretching. "Fuck it. I'm making a plane." She gets to work, even though she has no clue how to fly one. Thank god she has a model to work off of.
Alchemy is great, isn't it? Navo just kinda… enlarges her (entirely functional) model plane. She hops in. Time to find her friends!
Meanwhile:
Dirk shakes his head. "I'll be fine." He turns to face you, his brows furrowed, looking almost confused, but then tears his eyes from yours. "Thanks." His exit from his own bathroom is… stiff, in a word.
You feel awkward now. Guess I should follow him out...
Idea! "Where do you keep your Alchemiter?"
Meanwhile:
"Sorry, I forgot," she says unnecessarily. Ali carefully removes the mug from the microwave, a drop or two of heated water splashing out of it and onto her hand. She cringes, places the cup on the counter to prevent further spillage. "Earl grey or green tea?" she mutters around her hand, sucking her thumb in an effort to alleviate the burn.
"Are you alright, Miss Ali? You might want to run that hand under cold water. A gentleman should never let a lady hurt herself like that. My apologies. I can make the tea if you show me where the actual tea is."
"I'm fine, Devon. This happens all the time. It's a whole affair when you're slightly too short for everything. I'll ask again what kind of tea you want?"
"Um… Alright. I'll have grey, thank you. Can I help in any way?"
Meanwhile:
Flying a plane is not easy. Not easy at all. Luckily, these planets are really rather close.
Ooh, look at that one. It's shiny. But that obscured one, gray and cloudy... It reminds her of the storms on her planet.
Meanwhile:
"It's in the living room," Dirk says. He appears to have retreated to his bedroom, his back to you.
Meanwhile:
"Just pick a mug," Ali says, gesturing to a cabinet with her family's extensive collection.
Naturally, Devon selects the fanciest. "May I use this one?"
"Sure thing, your Majesty." Ali pours him water and provides a tea bag.
Meanwhile:
You piddle around the house, the knot in your gut growing worse as you check your phone for the lists of codes you've deciphered in your trial alchemiting, as you alchemite another strife card and two packets of expensive baking cocoa, as you stir them into hot milk, add sugar, and bring a mug up for Dirk.
"Thank you," Dirk says, looking you cautiously in the eyes as he takes the mug. Whatever apprehension he's had earlier, he seems to have gotten over it. What is he doing?
Meanwhile:
Oh look! A house in the smoke! Whose house? Who knows? Who cares? Navo needs some human interaction, damn it. Everyone's offline.
Meanwhile:
He takes a sip. You take a sip. "So how's your quest going?"
Dirk frowns. "I assume it's the figure out how to get past the smoke, but I haven't figured out much of that yet... Any, really. How'd you get down here?"
"I just... went through the fog," you say slowly. It's not like the smoke stopped you. It's just smoke. "I'm sure I can help you." You slide a little closer to him, both of you leaning against the bed, and tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. In the back of your mind, you are aware that he normally keeps it shorter than this; he must have fast-growing hair for it to be so noticeable already in the gamespace.
Meanwhile:
Ali hands Devon his mug. "Go nuts." She, meanwhile, opens a Coke.
"Thank you," he says, taking it gratefully and gracefully. "You remind me of a maid we once had... Too bad she died."
"What a fucking compliment." She says this in a monotone.
Devon supresses the urge to snicker. It's fun to screw with people who've never been to a tea party. I bet she thinks this is what all aristocrats talk about.
Meanwhile:
"Do you know how you did it?" Dirk says, looking through the bedroom doorway to the hole in the ceiling above his stairs. "I feel like it's just choking me every time I go outside."
Meanwhile:
Navo lands the plane, but keeps the light on to see if maybe she can see through the smoke a bit. It doesn't help much, but she can at least see the house. Coughing, she approaches the door, doing her best to use her shirt as an improvised gasmask. It doesn't help.
Meanwhile:
"I mean that in a nice way!" Devon defends. "She was a nice and, overall, caring lady. Anyway, what's your strife specibus?"
"Arrowkind," she says, gulping her Coke. "Bows and arrows." What a lady.
"Interesting..." he says, eyeing Ali's empty can with some apprehension, eyebrow raised. He sips slowly at his own tea and favors her with a personable smile. "I technically have bladekind, but I combined a sword with some dice, and it seems to have worked out."
Meanwhile:
"Well, maybe it's because you don't want the fog to be there."
"I can't just make myself want something else..." Dirk protests. "If that even is the real problem." His hand finds yours. He's holding it really tight; his hand is trembling.
You look into his eyes. "Maybe you can't see it as an obstacle. Maybe you need to let it into your life..." You take a shuddering breath. "And damn the consequences."
Without warning, Dirk pushes forward and kisses you.
You don't pull away.
Meanwhile:
"Odd," says Ali. "But cool." She burps. "Fuck, my bad."
Meanwhile:
Dirk wraps an arm around you, pulling you closer. Needy moans come from his throat, and somehow your hand has found his hair, stroking it – you grip his damaged body, pull it closer to you –
Meanwhile:
"Um," says Devon. A brief pause. "You are quite an interesting lady, Ali."
Meanwhile:
Navo wrenches the goddamn door open. "Is anyone here? We talked about this." Climbing the stairs, "I'm not..." She steps onto the second floor, turns left, and sees her d8m8 kissing a drug user. "Dead."
Dirk breaks away from Tom, scrambling, and falls to the floor with a dull thud. "I – he – I – "
You pull away and manage to fall, heels over head, behind the bed, slipping into the space between bed and wall with a meaty slap as your arm smacks against the wall, covering your expression as best you can. You stare up at the ceiling, listen to this conversation and considering and reconsidering your life choices.
Meanwhile:
"Same to you," Ali reciprocates, gesturing to the next room (the one past the bathroom with no sink that inexplicably leads to a kitchen). "Wanna watch a movie? Cable may be down, but that doesn't mean those prehistoric VHS tapes aren't working."
Meanwhile:
Navo.
Is.
Mad.
"Or maybe I am, to you." She crosses her arms.
"Now," Dirk says, "I think if we all calm down we can reach an agreement which will be mutually beneficial to all of us."
You reconfigure and stand from behind the bed. "Hi, Navo...?"
"Yes," she says. "Navo. You know, Dirk's..." She looks at him. "Ex."
Meanwhile:
"I'm not much of a movie person. I'm more of a, uh... how-about-we-go-out-and-kill-imps-together kind of person! Combo moves? Combo moves," Devon says decisively, finishing his tea faster than is polite and slamming the mug to the kitchen counter in punctuation. He grabs his dice.
"Alright, I'm cool with that." Ali says, following him through the restroom and into the living room. "Let me just run upstairs and grab my weapon." She leaps upstairs.
Perhaps Devon will have some time to look around.
He looks around.
Meanwhile:
"Well," Dirk says, a pained smile on his face, "I don't think that we have to break up..." His palms are up, pleading. "Polyamory?"
You're rather confused at the moment. Dirk and Navo are dating?
You were probably too high at the time to notice.
"Oh, fuck, no," Navo says. "I disappear for a few game-days or whatever and you just move on."
On the other side of the bedroom, Dirk is eyeing the window, barely suppressing the urge to defenestrate himself.
"I'm sorry, Navo," you say. "I didn't know you and Dirk, uh..." You shoot a pleading glance at Dirk.
"Um," he takes over, stepping forward, "I guess you should beat me up, or something?"
Meanwhile:
"Give me a sec! I can't find it!" Ali screams down from the upstairs, almost inaudible. Devon gives her a sec. She appears in the doorway after another ten seconds with a bright pink compound bow.
"Pretty," Devon comments. "Killing with class. I love it."
"What a nice, genuine compliment, Devon. First one all day."
Meanwhile:
"Navo," you say, "look, it's my fault. I'm sorry."
She looks at Dirk for a second.
It feels
like
forever.
She pulls out her scythe.
"Nevermind," you say. "It was his idea."
"Tommaso," Dirk says, his voice an octave higher than it was, "do you still have my gun?" One hand is shaking. Just one.
You hand it to him, over the bed.
"Thanks," Dirk says. His eyes are wide, but his expression is static.
"You won't hurt me," Navo sneers. "I know you won't."
Dirk raises his gun to point at Nep. His hand is still shaking.
Meanwhile:
"I try," Devon says. "Anyway. Let's find one of those big ogres! One almost killed me, but with two people, I have no doubt we can beat it." He steps out of the house, holding the door open for Ali.
Meanwhile:
"Shoot. I dare you." She smiles, her scythe at her side.
"G – Guys? Can we not do this?"
"Help me," Dirk whispers to you. It's not that he doesn't want Navo to hear, but he can't seem to speak any louder.
Meanwhile:
"Woah," Ali says. "Ogres? They get bigger?"
"Yes, unfortunately. They are quite resilient, even to the death."
"Well, fuck." She looks a little scared, now.
Meanwhile:
"Listen," you say. "The d – the gods above Derse – they told me that if anyone dies, then everyone is doomed to die! So... So let's not kill anyone now," you finish lamely.
"What are you waiting for, dear?" Navo queries, ignoring you entirely.
Meanwhile:
"But we can do it!" Devon insists. "Perhaps your guide will be of assistance."
Meanwhile:
"Seriously," you reaffirm. "At least not until the loop is closed."
Dirk moves the gun downward.
And pressures.
The trigger.
