Warning: Lameness, Craziness, Perverseness, Sexy no Jutsu, and Naruto.

This guide is not suitable for underage readers, viewer discretion advised. If you have something against perverts or if you get horny when you see perverted stuff...I strongly suggest that you skip over this guide.

Seriously...this chapter is seriously perverted...even DAK is ashamed of publishing it...

Naruto: Beware or be circle!!!


Sakura: -Shakes head- Dumbass...

Sasuke: Dobe...

Those who got it: -Nods Head-

Those who didn't get it: Eh?

DAK: Yo, yo, yo guess who's back, back again, DAK's back, tell a friend!!! I'M BACK!! Sorry for the lonnggg update!!! Unfortunately, Jaraiya had a hard time finding inspiration these days so he decided to take a break. But after the break, he still couldn't think of anything so he asked his sidekick, Naruto, to help him think of not one, not two, but THREE tips!! Isn't that great? XD

Thanks to all those that helped me on the jokes!! You WILL be credited on the Acknowledgement Page!!

Be warned...the two tips have nothing to do with perverts, but don't be sad because instead it's got something to do with the topic we all love. FARTS!

Naruto: -Giggles manly-

DAK: Alright, but first...there has been some complaints about Naruto being stupid—

Sasuke: Well he is.

DAK: Eh hem...Sasuke don't interrupt...lately there has been some complaints about—

Sakura: Yeah, yeah we know...now get to the point!

Naruto: Hey, I'm not stupid!!

Sasuke: Sureeee...-Rolls Eyes-

DAK: Eh hem...DON'T INTERRUPT...anyways...like I was saying...people are complaining that Naruto is stupid!!

Naruto: -Gasps-

DAK: That's right, so now at the end of every chapter we are going to have...dun dun dun...a Word of the Chapter!! Created by your very own Uzumaki Naruto!!

Jaraiya: Alright, alright...this is MY guide...and I all hear about is foxy.

Naruto: Chehh...that's because no one wants to hear about your stupid tips.

Jaraiya: You're just jealous because you know this chapter is going to get more reviews than yours.

Naruto: You're just in denial because I'm better than you old geezer.

Jaraiya: You're just saying that because you know you would never be as great as me.

Naruto: You're just---

DAK: Alright, alright!!! Cutttt...lets gets back on track now...and I now fully presents...


Jaraiya's Guide on How to Get Inspiration!!

1) To get every little grasshopper started on the road to achieve perfect inspiration is knowing the extreme holy inspirational ninja motto:

A ninja MUST see underneath the underneath!!

Kiba: Whoaa...that's deep...

Jairaya: What did you expect?! This motto is coming from the great Jairaya after all, of course its deep! Everything about me is deep...my looks are deep, my personality is deep, my love for woman is deep—

-PUNCH-

Tsunade: Shut up turd, say anymore and I'll kick you all the way to Uranus.

Naruto: Tehehehe...your anus..Uranus... –Giggles manly-

2) Alright grasshoppers, now that you know the motto, its time for you to learn where to get inspiration and over the period of time you'll learn what the real meaning of 'heaven' is. –Chuckles knowingly-

The number one place to go issssss JAPAN!!!! THE ULTIMATE HOT SPRING COUNTRY!! Naked woman, naked children, naked teens, naked grammas, naked men, naked dogs...you NAME IT! –Giggles- You can even get mangas with naked people in it hehe...better yet ANIME!!!

Girls: PEEPING TOM!!!!!!!!!! -Tries scratching Jaraiya with super sharp nails-

Boys: HEAVENNNNN!!!!!!!!! -Embraces holy Jaraiya-sama-

FIGHT!

Justtt kidding :P

Kiba: Oh boy, oh boy!! Naked dogs!! –Squeals-

Readers: 0.0lll

3) Sometimes in your life, there's always a sad period where there isn't that special little heaven near you, so to replace those dreaded times the best way is to act like a girl. Hey, you can never be too feminine!! Especially if you have that body all to yourself and you can touch it whenever AND where ever you want. If you don't know how to make yourself into a girl, then conduct sexy no jutsu, if you don't have the ability to do that, than here are the materials you need to transform the new feminist YOU!!

Materials required:

Two bags of marshmallows

Shaving Cream

Venus shaver

Tight shirt

Miniskirt

Deodorant

If you can't find the marshmallows then cook some good tasting soup and put them into two bags, and thenn...stuff them carefully onto your unholy flat ones, the tight shirt should be able to hold the bags up. Voila! Now you have two warm soft holy things on your flat shameful ones!! Hey, you get to feel good and after a while, you get to eat good! A two in one pleasure!!

Sasuke: You're mentor is sick...

Sakura: I can't believe it...so this is where you got your horniness from...

-Whisper- -Whisper- -Gossip- -Gossip-

Naruto: HEYYY!!!

4) Ok, so people asked me...what happens when there isn't a hot spring about and no shops to buy the stuff that you need to be a woman...well never fear because Jaraiya-sama is here to teach you what to do!! All you need is TV and the discovery channel!! Hehe, those who are starting to learn how to imagine can probably guess why the discovery channel is ESSENTIAL to our everyday life.

If we can feel ourself or if there are no legible females nearby...hey...there are always animals!! Animal documentaries are full of facts about the mating season!! –Giggle-

Here are the reasons why discovery channel is perfect!!

Its parent-complaints free, jeez...what kind of parent would get mad at you if you watch discovery channel.

Kiba: Mine does! Mine does!!

Jaraiya: Ah shut up...

Second reason is...you get to watch TV!!

Third reason is: there isn't really any difference between humans and animals except they don't wear clothes, don't think like we do and they mate freely. ; ) Man...we should learn more from the animals!! Those holy creatures...

Naruto: Hey, hey...what if we don't have TV and we are in the middle of the desert?

Jaraiya: Why the desert is the perfect place to be if you don't have TV!! There are scorpions, spiders and snakes everywhere! MATING GALORE!!!

Jaraiya again: I mean seriously...bugs mate like twice everyday.

Shino: No they don't!! They mate exactly 5 and a half times a day!!

Readers: Err...interesting...a half?? 0.0

4) Alright!! Getting tired of Jaraiya? Dum dum dum dum!! Naruto here!!! Alright!! I'm going to tell you two of the best ways to use your precious farts!! Now listen carefully for this may save your life one day!!

Ok, for those non-swimmers out there...ever got stuck in the middle of the pool or sea and can't find your way back to the shore? Well let me just tell you, this is the perfect time to use your fart!! And I personally call this tactic the Fart Propeller Technique!!

If you're skilled enough, you may even push yourself as far as 5 meters across the water!! Wow, if you can do that call me, sensei!

Konohamaru: -Eyes Shining-

5) Didn't get enough of fart propellers? Well this tip is for dog owners out there!!

Kiba: You mean this tip is for me?

Naruto: Yup! And it's pretty useful too!!

Alright, well I bet all of you dog owners have trouble calling your dogs at times sooo I recommend you to try this tactic out. And I proudly present...FART WHISTLE!! Now this may take some practice because normal farts would just kill off the dog so you need to practice and make it into a high-pitched stinkless supersonic fart that only animals can hear!!

Yo, remember...it may stink but it's worth it because it's useful. Tehee...

Kiba: -Eyes shinning-

Shino: ...Do you think this would work on bugs?

People: 0.0

6) Still think I didn't say enough? Well I just remembered one for the ladies out there!! Hey, this worked against dog turd. If there's a guy that you absolutely hate thats been constantly hitting on you, well...hehe just let out a little stink bugger and ha! Guaranteed to let you return to the life that had been normal once again!

Kiba: Who are you calling a dog turd, Narutard!!

Naruto: -gasps- Narutard?!! Why you Kibatard!!

Sasuke: Shut up you retards...

7) Oh I got one moreee!!

Jaraiya: Go away foxy, it's my turn now! You had just wasted three precious tips on air!

Naruto: It's not just air, its natural fragrance!!!

Jaraiya: Fragrance my butt!

Naruto: HehE...yeah, you're right for once...there's fragrance coming out of your butt all the time.

ANYWAYS!!

Alright! Jaraiya is back in the game now this is me, Jaraiya-sama talking. Ok, so after we get all those useless information on stupid air, I am going to fill your heads once more on hall to achieve the perfect inspiration!! Like any other religion, it's essential that you evangelize and spread the word of truth.

Its great, it's fun, it's inspirational!! Share the wonders of inspiration around!! You can make jokes, diss others, and post it online!! What more can you want?

Sakura: Huh...spread inspiration...how do you do that?

Sasuke: -Cough- Let's not go there... –Pulls Sakura away-

Jaraiya: No, no...LET'S... – Pulls Sakura back-

Sasuke: No! You're going to contaminate her mind with that....

Jaraiya: Hey, its not contamination!! It's a step towards purification!!

Sakura: Ehh...so you spread inspiration to achieve purification? How do you do that?

Sasuke: -Groans- Sakura shut up…

Jaraiya: I'm glad you asked!! You spread inspiration by having se---beep...

------------

DAK: Sorry...the 'S' word is forbidden...but if you still haven't figure it out and still wants to know then review...and I'll answer you for Jaraiya! XD Ok, back to action.

------------

Sakura: 0.0

Inner Sakura: I shouldn't have asked...

Sasuke: She shouldn't have asked...

Tsunade: You shouldn't have asked...

Naruto: Oh, oh, oh I got another way to spread inspiration!!!

Sasuke: -Glares-

Tsunade: -Glares-

Sakura: 0.0

(She's still dazed...poor soul)

Naruto: Hehehe...-Takes out two puppets, one that looked like Naruto and one that looked like Kiba- Ok...lights, camera, action!!

Puppet Show—

Naruto: Are you a bull?

Kiba: No, I'm a dog.

Naruto: Then why are you acting so horny?!!

-The End-

This joke is contributed by...Lanie-chan!!

DAK & Reviewers: -Claps and hollars-

8) Its tiring to spread inspiration all the time and you might not want to spread it at times so a good and a fun way to spread is by telling jokes!! Here's a joke for those who cares...and now I present you the Santa Joke!! (It rhymes too!...Kinda...)

Santa Joke----------

So on Christmas Day, Santa went down the chimney and placed presents under the big Christmas tree like he should. As he turned around, he jumped up in surprise. A girl was behind him looking at him curiously...annnddd...they goooo...

Girl: Santa, can you stay here for the night?

Santa: Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta get presents to the girls and boys!!

Girl takes off her shirt and shorts.

Girl: Santa, can you stay here for the night?

Santa: Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta get presents to the girls and boys!!

Girl takes off her bra and panties.

Santa: Gotta stay, gotta stay, gotta stay, can't get up the chimney with my dick up this way!

-------

Everyone: Oh my...

Konohamaru: Wahh...Santa...how can you betray us, kids??!!

DAK: Rated PG just so you know. :)

9) Didn't get enough perverted joke??? Hehee...here's another one. –Giggles Manly-

A very hot nun came onto a bus one day and was followed by a guy. The guy saw the nun and immediately took interests of the nun and asked her out, but the nun just slapped him and said, "I'm a nun and nuns are virgins."

So then the guy became sad, but this didn't go unnoticed by the bus driver...so after all the passengers were got off, he stopped the guy and gave him some few suggests.

Driver: Hey young man, you want to have a little heaven with that nun right? Well I heard the little hottie goes to the cemetery everyday to mourn for her dead father, why don't you just pretend to be Jesus and confront her? Maybe then, she'll want a little action!!

Guy: Wow that's a good idea!! Thanks!!

So the next day, the guy dressed up as Jesus and went to the cemetery at night and sure enough the nun was there.

Guy: Yo, I'm Jesus.

Nun: Oh my god!! –Does the cross sign-

Guy: Wanna have sex?

Nun (Looks around nervously): Ok Lord...but lets go to the back of the cemetery where it's dark so no one can see us.

And sure enough they had an amazing night in the dark where no one can see them.

Guy: Wow...I didn't know nuns can s-- so well!! Hehehe, well anyways haha I fooled you!! I'm not Jesus!!

The guy takes off his costume and revealed his true identity.

Nun: Haha!! I'm not a nun!!

The nun takes off her costume and…

Guy: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE THE BUST DRIVER!!!!!

Hehehehe---

Naruto: Wow I didn't know Jesus can fukc!!

Sakura: -Groans and bangs her forehead on the wall-

Sasuke: Go fukc yourself will you?

Hinata: -Twitches-

-----

NOTE: For those believers out there...remember...this is just a joke! And if you still got angry...well just to tell you...DAK a Catholic/Christian...well actually...DAK is... nevermind...but yeah, you get the point. Haha...this special joke is mostly made for yaoi loves...hope you're happy!!

Extra Note: Don't get DAK wrong here...DAK's NOT a yaoi lover...so don't request her to make a yaoi story. AND, DAK respects all religion.

---------

10) Lastly, be sure to memorize the moral of this guide young grasshopper...

"Life without inspiration is like French fries without ketchup."

Konohamaru and Kiba: Wow...deep...

------------

And now...its time forrrr...Naruto's attempt to try and make others believe that he is NOT a retard!!!!

Naruto presents...

The. Word. Of. The. Chapter.

Konohamaru and Co.: o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0ooooo

Kiba and Akamaru: Bark Bark Bark Awhooooooooooooooooo!!!!

-Drum Rolls-

Naruto: Alright peeps!!! Bet you guys are excited huh? Cuz this word is going to make history!!!!!!! Not to mention...ROCK YOUR WORLD!!

Jaraiya (Thinking pervertly): Hehe...Naruto means both ways…..Rock. Your. World. Haha...good one foxy!! Glad you learned something good from this awesome brain of mine!!

Naruto: As if! Stop daydreaming!! –Pushes Jaraiya out of the scene-

Alright!! Where was I before I was so rudely interrupted!! Oh yes...this word is gonna make history!!!!!!!!!

Word of the chapter:

ICUP: (i-cup) -2 definitions found-

Definition 1 (Adjective):

-A girl with overly huge busts that's too big for a H-Cup bra to handle.

Definition 2 (Verb):

-A really perverted way of saying I See You Pee...

(Hint: Spell ICUP out to get the last definition)

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!

Sakura: -Smacks Naruto with a frying pan-