I Am Umi's Unuttered Secret

Chapter 5

...

A few months later, almost a year that it's been with the µ's I was in a secrecy with the others regarding my relationship with this one particular girl… Just that we kept it to this day.

I had just gone out with Umi on another yet beautiful evening. A plateful of waffle ice cream that we shared, fantastic show the street performers made that crowded the street, exciting third movie of the series for such a pop-culture and movie freak like myself, grabbed some five-star fast-food joint by the river (which by the way, do you know what they call a quarter-pounder here?), created fun memories in the museum, got Umi a hair-tie, snacked some more at a café, got ourselves some cute plushies that clearly represent the animals in us, dinner and fireworks, and went to the bench at our park… no, I meant to our park at our bench.

Just the regular between us.

But that night we went our separate ways quite early because I was just afraid. To be honest, behind that which I shared with Umi, still a couple of things were not so pleasant for me to go on unresolved if I were to get serious with her, far enough I had to keep it quiet from her. I have grown to love secrecy, a girl once told me. Few things of which were to be resolved, so quickly for next few days, with two different people. And these to me were the hardest to bear.

Alisa had come home later than I was, she came through the front door and I welcomed her home. I had not notice this before but as we talked in the living room, for a couple of months she grew close to Honoka's sister, Yukiho. Sure, I noticed the fact that they became great friends and seemed like the two would inspire others to continue our idol group. One fact that surprised me the most, from her stories, was that Yukiho had grown to like Alisa. For it seemed that this, of all fair-unfairness, was one-sided.

Drinks and snacks were eaten, and laughter were out of the system. Now or never, this had to be done.

'Alisa, there's something I have to tell you.'

'Is there, sis?' The blue eyes stared back. 'Is this something you have to tell me? Perhaps this is something that you can let me not know at all, sis? You've always told me that ignorance is not always the same as innocence. But one would bound to cross, and I wonder which one this should be?'

'It is,' I hesitated, 'definitely the truth, Alisa. What bad would it do to not be told? But first, I want to ask you something: what do you think of Umi?'

'Umi-san is very pretty, and she is very kind. I like her the most, thought I mean I like everyone equally, but my favour is for her more than anyone else. But is that the answer you are hoping for?'

'It is, of course it's nothing new than what I've already know.'

'You are my sister.'

'Do you like her, Alisa?'

'I do,' said the shy Alice. 'I love her.' With this she confessed. I went on to brush her hair, so light and fragile, and I am responsible to destroy such beauty and person for my selfishness. 'You like her too, don't you, sis?'

'I love her, Alisa,' I replied still holding the head of hers. 'Nothing more than what you've already known.'

'You are my sister.'

'As you know,' I continued, 'Umi and I are progressing things. And what do you think, if she got herself involved in our lives more than just often. What if she gets to be here, with us, as if she belonged here?'

'What do you mean?'

'Well, like I said! What if, you know, she appears more often in our daily lives? What if she hung around with us most of the time? What if she had her share of… us?'

Alisa giggled. 'What are you saying? I'm getting it that we could spend more time. I would be happy too.' With that I was already satisfied, I pulled her head to me and hugged her. 'Sis, you have a very strange way to ask me for a permission.'

'Because, sometimes I get more embarrassed than Umi.'

'I notice.'

For a few moment I kept her where she was, and my sister had not let me go just yet as well. From here we could not see each other, we could not see our smiles. But if that so, we as well could not see each other's cry, for help, nor anger, nor jealousy. That might be was for the best.

'Alisa,' I began, 'there is no question that you trust her. However, do you trust me? Do you trust me to be with her? I'm afraid, Alisa. I really am afraid.'

'She is not the dark, she's not the lightning or the thunder, she's definitely not a monster. She's not the same one hiding in your closet, and not the one under your bed.'

'Thanks, Alisa. You are not sleeping in your room tonight. But,' I continued to release her, but she just held on tighter. 'But, Alisa, this is more than that. It's my responsibility to take care of her. I have no doubt that she will for me. I'm clumsy, and I am afraid I will break her heart. I'm not special, just toxic.'

'Stop it, sis!' Cried the girl louder. 'She's not just a problem in the school that you must solve! You don't have to plan everything. Especially for something that hasn't happened. You can have a protocol if something fails, but she's a person, sis! You just have to sail with her. The sea is untameable, so you can't control everything. If you are going head-on, just your love is enough token to sail with Charon.'

'Do you think I'm ready?'

To this Alisa made no answer, but she did reply to me, 'if another person were in your position, they would have taken the leap with her long ago. People had been on the edge far sooner than you had, and some had leapt for you too, haven't they, sis?'

...

With that, a case was resolved. I made my crime and I must move on to the next victim.

That night I executed my plan whenever this were to happen, whenever Umi was on the verge of confessing. I knew that well before the date, her face and her actions clearly showed the thoughts. This was my protocol. I knew who would be hurt the most out of her decision and I would be best to consult. It had to be done, no matter how late.

Before I left, after I took a late shower and changed, after I had put Alisa to sleep, she called me out through the gap of her bedroom door. She told me whenever she felt down I always helped her get through it, and that when she feels happy I was able to calm her down. She is my sister, and that it's always heart-breaking whenever she sees me sad but it's heart-warming when she sees me happy. That was because she couldn't do much to help me, especially in this particular reason, and finally she said that she loved her. Not more not less, than how much she does love me.

For my love that was too high, can't come down. It's in the air and all around. Let me live it let me be.

...

The walk to the station, waiting and going on that Marunouchi Line did only take about 15 minutes. Another 5 minutes I took to get out of the station and started walking to the house. But during that last walk it seemed that I took two years.

It was a year full of thoughts and another of regret. How it all came together was beyond my comprehension, not too long ago I was just stepping into Otonokizaka as a foreigner and had a lot of stumbles. A lot of actions I made were based off my logic and analysis, while others were just pure bull and whatever spat out from my heart and desires. This was as if a higher ruler condemned this to be the path I walk. I began to lose hope of the difference between what I now call destiny and fate. Am I astray to the walk I desire? Only few could enjoy the walk, alone, and I never thought hard on which I would choose. But there I landed on the path walk that soon doomed me if I had not played it right. Every step was just another heartbeat, I just had to keep going. There would be no future for me if I had stopped or turned back, because what was behind me was just darkness – the very thing that I could not control.

The only thing that made me stop my footstep was just the door in front of me, which the gates and the garden did not. I swore on my love that I had not knocked. Hesitated over a lifetime, yet the door swung opened.

A great and tall woman greeted me by the door, who had for the last year became the chairwoman, called me familiarly. Still in her evening clothes she led me in through the door.

The woman sat me down in the living room while she prepared some beverages. Quite an extraordinary excellence too. But I should not waste my night there. She said as long as I was there, I could feel at home and do whatever I came to do. With that permission I was led by the woman to the room in which she knocked and let know the owner that I was there.

Over there to let the Pandora's box open, dare to release all. Or was that just a misunderstanding? Weren't there supposed to be two? What if I hope? Or was she just the very last good thing about this world? I alone stayed behind at home when evils fluttered all around, as the revered muse of the old poet of Ascra has told you, she said. But one question remains: does the box meant to preserve Elpis for us, or keep her away?

Who is Pandora in this! Then, who is Elpis in this?

...

'Eli-chan?' Kotori greeted by her door before her mother left me for her. 'Good evening! You took me by surprise, I didn't know you were coming! You should have told me. But you should come in! Please!'

'Thanks, Kotori. Sorry for my intrusion.' I excused myself as I walked into her room. Into the box.

'No, not at all, Eli-chan! You're welcome here.' She swiftly moved about in her room, clearing some costumes she had laid on her bed into her wardrobe, and moved a few things on her table aside and into her drawer too making it clear. 'Please sit anywhere you like. Sorry it's a little messy.'

'It's perfectly fine, Kotori. I don't mind any of it.'

'But apparently I do,' she replied hastily. 'Then if you don't mind, Eli-chan, I'm going to the bathroom for a second.' Still on her toes she picked up a small pocket bag from her dressing table, picked up a few more stuff as well here and there, and went out the room without clearly showing her face since she greeted me.

Before I could reply, she had already gone out of the room with the door behind her. I gave myself a tour of the room before I took that seat she offered. It was spacious, more like my parents' than my own nor Alisa's. I saw that Kotori had a lot of company with the stuffed dolls placed around her room, well decorated with them too. She clearly took the extra effort and dedication to make her room nice to look at and to stay in, but I was sure that it would be nice for someone else to be in here with her. There was a large wardrobe behind me which doors were made of mirror and that all I could imagine the Narnia was the many beautiful dresses she kept that fit her very well – some of which I knew were the costumes for µ's and probably more for her own inspiration and hobby to knit. Next to it was her dressing table with as well a large mirror. On it were few of her makeup and accessories that probably she recently used, but the drawer was unknown, and a girl's is almost always different to others'. There was a B5 spiral note book that had a few writing and colours on too, which I suspect in her spare time, was experimenting with different combinations maybe she once saw on a tutorial. The bed was large, a queen-sized bed as if she was ready to have a company over, so inviting with pillows and more plushies. As I took one last view around, I could feel Kotori's character blended into this room, that it is indeed a place she would be at peace. Only then I took a seat on the patch of carpet by her bed.

It wasn't long until Kotori came back to her own room.

'Sorry, Eli-chan,' Kotori panted as she entered with hands behind her back and closed the door. She was in fact pretty that night, a little more than how I often looked at her. Her cheeks were not the only ones that blushed, her lips were shining, and eyes popped larger than before like A Kiss from a Rose. Maybe earlier I had caught her off guard, wearing nothing that highlighted her beauty, feeling embarrassed having someone over, she had to fix herself and do her hair properly. Girl to girl, I knew that feeling very well! But she shouldn't had done that, I didn't mind her however she looked, she's the sweet and kind Kotori. Just that now, she's even prettier. 'I had to take care of some things.' She slipped by me and put her make-up pouch back into her dressing.

'Don't worry about it, Kotori. I should be the one apologising for coming so suddenly.'

'No, no,' Kotori replied no longer exhausted taking a seat on the floor with me. 'I just didn't expect you to come, at night too. I wouldn't have worried if Honoka or Umi to come suddenly, but if it's you, Eli-chan…' The girl paused to finish the sentence to herself. She smelled quite nice. 'So, what can I do for you?'

'I am,' I began, 'just wondering how does being the secretary keep you busy, Kotori?'

'I feel like this is a test, Eli-chan. You asked me this before, but I can't blame you to keep track of how things are. The council has been doing fine independently. Ever since the session you arranged on Monday we've been keeping up with our tasks and well aware of deadlines and management. You can say we have improved well, I begin to see your art in it. Honestly, we were still embarrassed that you had to save us occasionally out of situations beyond our capabilities. I mean, you've trusted us, but it seems that we haven't met your expectations yet, Eli-chan.'

'The council and the student body now are that what I've developed. It took me two years to prepare and one to execute. It's nothing easy but you're slowly getting there. The presidents and their councils I have met over the years are no different.'

'That is our Elichika we're talking about,' she slipped a laughter. 'You can do things beyond our aptitudes. That's the best part about you.'

'And how are you as the secretary been doing? Are you eating and exercising well?' I ran my hands over her arms and down to her hand.

'Please don't talk about food right now, Eli-chan. I'm in trouble if Honoka finds out I'm gaining a little weight, I'll be put under intense training.'

'But you shouldn't cut out food.'

'No, I won't.' With that little pause, her mother personally brought the beverage and small pudding over which we accepted. Between us we arranged a small table and made things a little more comfortable. 'I've been doing all I could to be the secretary. It also means I have to know quite well about the school, for Honoka's or Umi's orders to come through. It's nothing more than what you've already known, except this brings me closer to the Chairwoman. I think it's fine, Eli-chan. I am not a decisive person but I'm good at making those plans come true. And executioner. But when orders are piling, I kind of stress and when that happens, a lot of things are not done. I lose my productivity, I began to feel tired, and it's hard to keep up with the rest.'

'Everyone says their part is difficult. But at the end they got through it. I am sure you will too, Kotori, I have high hopes for you. What I'm more concerned is the wellbeing of my staff and council. It's important to me that they are in their peak of productivity – it came to me that I only look at that, but it's not half false. I do care about my followers. About yours, Kotori. You must keep it all balanced. And another task that I would like to give you is that. I see your kindness and always looking out for others, so please do that as well to the rest of the council. At least remind them so.'

'I'll try my best, Eli-chan.' She gave me a smile so beautifully.

...

As the night went on we arrived at where there was nothing more to talk about. She had shared a lot about her dreams and so did I – many of what she said impressed me. Just a hunch, but since then I already had the feeling that our dreams would somehow be connected (but that is far for the future to tell).

Now comes the main reason for my late visit.

'Kotori,' I called to her who was enjoying her second serving of pudding. 'I'm sure that you're quite aware about things. About Umi and I. You see, we had a meeting earlier today and it all was very nice. We spent the whole day together.'

'Oh,' Kotori stopped to reply with her head down, 'about that. I may have heard it.' And she went silent for a moment playing with her food, before continuing. 'It is not my place to ask,' despite the irony, 'but what answer have you given her, Eli-chan?'

'I have not answered her,' I replied, and she lifted her head. 'She hasn't asked me anything either.'

'H-how come? That shouldn't have been the plan today, she should have said it. Today, Eli-chan, she was supposed to ask you today.' Taken aback by her own words, as if the one possessed her finally escaped the jar, she drew back and lowered her voice. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so loud, but she was going to ask you today. Eli-chan, she was supposed to confess to you today.'

'Yes, I figured.' I hid the locket that tied around my neck deeper as if my high-buttoned shirt was not enough. 'What do think about it, Kotori?'

'I think she should do it. If not today, then tomorrow. And I think you should prepare an answer for that too.' Ending it with a wry smile.

'Why today, or tomorrow, Kotori? You are avoiding this topic and this feeling are you not? I've seen people falling in love and your twinkle is not unfamiliar. Umi can't decide or plan something like this alone, despite her will to do it that I appreciate so much because it's way out of her comfort zone. You are her closest friend who would have something to do with this, and I am sure of it. There are signatures of your own in it, but you reached out to Umi's feeling when she needed. Today she was going to confess, but I stopped her. I just, I just want to make sure it is her own decision, and that I've got the permission from the rest. From you as well, Kotori.'

Kotori was silent and had long stopped destroying the dessert. Her head was down again and closed herself off. 'How long have you known?' She finally spoke.

I moved closer, around the table and meet her by her side, which she turn her back at me let alone showing her face. 'Kotori.' I reached out my hands around and hugged her from behind, met with struggle as if she cringed and trying to break free but I held tighter. 'Please, Kotori. Please. You have to confess it too.'

The girl trembled holding onto my arms as she stuttered, 'I can't. I just can't Eli-chan.'

'Fine, then tell me why you sent Umi away if you felt this way?'

'She,' Kotori began tearing, 'she looks so happy, she looks very much lively when she's with you. She's a better person to be with you, Eli-chan. She's ready to be yours and you should take her.' There we held still and Kotori made her breaths longer trying to speak quickly, though if she made longer speeches she would be caught out of breath for she was weeping and not letting that show. 'Sometimes I think it's not fair. Not fair how the two of you met. And it's not fair that I have to support it!'

Once again she tried to break free, but I just wouldn't let her escape in this situation, but she began turn her body slightly towards me. So I just had to release her.

'It's not fair!' Kotori cried leaping towards me holding me and hugging until I fell off my knees just to keep us up. She buried herself into my chest and wept all the years I had caused her, flooding the emotions out in this room, as long as the lid is closed.

The guilt was overwhelming, that I soon to take away the love of hers into my own. Tears began to fall down my face as well, ruining both of our make up for that night. We were no longer the gorgeous of the µ's but fallen ones.

As time went by her cries had already stopped and slowly was catching her breath – her grip was no longer locking, and I could remove her from myself. I began with my own tears to wipe and then hers. 'Kotori,' I lifted her chin before brushing her cheeks again, 'if you can't tell Umi about your feelings, you have to confess it out.'

With what's left of her energy and heart she smiled. Even with most of her makeup gone, she still could pull off a pretty. 'No,' she said. 'I can't do that to you.'

'Then if so, what if I give you what is fair?' We picked ourselves up to sit properly like ladies once more. 'You do not deserve such ending, Kotori. Your heart is pure, and it does not deserve to be broken. Let me offer you something that repays your kindness for others and their feelings, before and above yours. What if I could give you the best day of your life? What if you could have a date that you deserve? Would you want that?'

'Are you asking me for a single date, Eli-chan?'

'Hmm.' I nodded. 'Just us, and we can do whatever you want. You can have the perfect date that you've always dreamt of. I'm sorry that you have to settle with just me, but I promise to treat you well. Does that sound good?'

'That sounds wonderful, Eli-chan. Yes, I would like to go with you.'

...

Then came the day after, the day I secretly had a date with Kotori. Although it took about 20 minutes to get to her house last night, I spent a little longer for a surprise I made. This was set at 10 in the morning and I had arrived 10 minutes before, just in the nick of time to catch her leaving the door. She was just about to close the door after excusing herself out to her family inside, and with hand over the handle she pulled the back of her boots once more for each, then a quick glance over her window to look at herself and recombed her hair with her little fingers.

Only after she turned around she saw me hanging by the gates, that I did not dare to open before I excused myself. And that made the blushing girl startle. She had white dress with flower pattern for detail and straps over her long-sleeve, which fitted perfectly well and highlighted the stunning figure I never noticed – her three sizes were clearly noticeable.

She ran to through the green fields of spring and met me by the front. She said good morning and I said she looked great, then I took her by the hand to begin the date. I made a purchase online for two tickets, so we had the morning to ourselves until the theatre opened to kill time at a large furniture store. It's a rather unusual place for a date but what we did made it exciting like in 500 days of Summer, which luckily Kotori had watched. Recreating that scene was quite entertaining having us wonder around pretending to be prospective buyers, as if we were married couples taking budget and space into account, considering all things such as a new sofa for the living room, whether the pet would like the new scratching pole, or if the bathtub was actually big enough we tried to climb in, a drawer for the guest-room, and most difficult, to pretend arguing that one's mother-in-law might not like that type of coffee table! But we made quite a scene already, we just had to leave before anything got too much to handle and over our heads, I mean, come on, who wouldn't want that mahogany coffee table!

That left enough time for us to buy some drinks and snacks for the movies. I had to agree with Kotori, that the things they sold at the cinema were not great and a little pricy for their size. So, Kotori went ahead to buy tea and sandwich for us to share. She said to be quiet, and not to report her to the authorities for she was about to sneak those in! I wasn't nervous, I swore. After we got through and let the theatre dimmed the lights, after the intro, we pulled out our snacks and finished them quickly. That sure made me feel a whole different experience in the movies although I had already seen the film. As rebels as we were, we still picked up our leftovers and threw them out ourselves when we got out. Remove the evidence, said Kotori.

Now that we had our fun, we made a stop at a restaurant for lunch at Kotori's favourite list. She made two separate lists, though few places were found at both. The first list was her favourite restaurants for the food, while the second was for the date. And this place was one of the second list. Yes, this had a romantic ambiance and live music. Kotori had done her research, she even reserved that morning a table for us by the window. She said it felt like we were in a European café and she was not wrong. Growing up in Russia with few travels in Europe made me see the difference between cultures, and this was based of that in Amsterdam. I could not blame her for wanting this as she wished she could study abroad and experience all that is foreign to her; I just wished I could show her all those. We both had salmon but different cooking, one was spicy mayonnaise and the other was salty with gravy. Once we finished our meals, we hung back to taste the wide tea selection. I had to finish that Pu Erh while Kotori had her Hwangcha (they tasted so bitter but they're for our health!). We came out of that restaurant a little shocked with the bill, because whenever it comes to food, Kotori does not look at the price until the bill arrived. But both of us had prepared for this date, and the payment was split evenly. Kotori felt guilty, but she just had to give me that salmon a taste because it was her favourite.

Before the light of day ended, we came to a fashion district at Aoyama. Kotori had a selection of those shops as well, and we visited the favourites, not just that, because she knew what to look for she had to narrow ten out for today – because for different set of clothes she would have another top ten. This was, she reasoned, the date preference of the shops because they offer various styles and purposes. She later explained that by going there the couple would have a lot of things to try on, mismatching clothes as well. Then there were winter/summer section too, if the topic arose, the couple might spark a vacation plan together. A very nice touch too for a hopeless romantic like the two of us. We got a few things, including accessories, that I personally collected to give Kotori ideas to wear. Then before we topped it off, we decided to try on each other's clothes: Kotori wearing shoulder top and flowery skirt with khaki jacket, while I wear the dress. Of course, we couldn't handle to face each other inside the changing room so we had our backs against while we removed each peace of clothing, passed them and put them on quickly. Then we just laughed how we looked after we turned. My clothes just fit her well and she appeared sharply, while I wore hers quite tightly and a little embarrassed by having to hold my breath just to fit in. And of course, we had swapped back before we went out.

Now that the sun was setting, we had to end the date with a sweet dish of cheese cake I knew well. Despite her love for these, she had not heard of this pastry shop yet since it only became popular after a recent hire for a pastry chef. I had been a fan since long before, and since the popularity the cake indeed got tastier, softer, and extraordinary! We shared a piece and Kotori made a great comment. It was rare for restaurants to do this, but the chef occasionally visit his customers and get their opinion. So, we shared ours, and Kotori made a long sharing session with him, only to be stopped by me so that we wouldn't disturb his work nor his orders. Then we continued to chat, rather serious matter, about future. About our career plans, and how accurate they were going to be.

And just like that we ended the day and headed home. On our way, as I was going to accompany her home, I picked up a few flowers for a bouquet for Kotori to carry like Fortuna with her cornucopia. Though the night was a little breezy, her blush made sure she kept warm.

Finally, we made our stop in front of her gates, where we met earlier that day. Kotori wore the biggest smile of the night after the moon, blushing and tiptoeing. But she looked sad, not wishing this day to end, for it's too early for me to leave her just yet. 'Would you like to come in, Eli-chan?' the only question I remembered to this day that echoes in my head. Her parents were out on their anniversary party with friends, so they would not be back so soon.

Fulfilling her wish, I did. We made sure the lights were on, personal request, and the maid made some drinks and cookies for our night chat in her room. We unpacked her shopping bag and laid it on the bed for us to further admire (for girls with fairly similar taste that top and jeans were cute). The accessories too I showed Kotori and placed them on the bed beside her new clothing.

As we reached our limits, we sat by the floor against the bedside on dimmed lights and opened the curtains to see the night sky. She rested her head on my shoulder and held my hand, so warm and soft – she took good care of her skin. Her perfume was nice and her hair too. And we watch the night went by for a while like that.

...

For it seems like an hour, she moved her arms around mine and turned her body slightly, still having our backs leaning against the bed sitting on the floor.

'What do you think of this date, Kotori? Did you enjoy it?'

'Yes,' she replied a little muffled. 'I really enjoyed it, the perfect date.'

We went silent again.

'Do you really have to go, Eli-chan?'

'Yeah.'

'Yesterday you told me to confess, didn't you? Well, then can you keep it a secret, from Umi-chan?'

'Sure, Kotori. I will keep my tongue.'

She then rose from leaning and against me, to sit on her knees, facing with my hand still in hers. She gave a smile with swollen eyes but not weeping, and breaths seemed heavy she broke through her smile a few times. The joyful and light.

'Forgive me for doing this. I know I'm being such a nuisance in your relationship, hopefully that I wont ruin anything for the two of you. But there's an ache I just must let out, I know it won't be fair to you since you love her, but I have to do it. I have to don't I, Eli-chan?' Kotori tightened her grip and gave a moment of doubt in her smile, but it went away when I smiled back and nodded, brushing her cheek. 'Then, let this be a secret just between us.' She looked down for a breath before meeting me in the eyes again. 'I'm in love so badly. I love you, Eli-chan.'

'Kotori?' I loosened my hand, but it was still with her and I was in utter shock.

'I do not know how long you have noticed my feelings.' She wiped her tear still smiling. 'I'm just happy that you do. It was foolish of me to hide this feeling, to even let Umi-chan have my permission to confess to you, even though,' she paused, 'even though I hadn't fully agreed to it. In the moments of consoling Umi-chan about your relationship, is when I know I didn't have any more chance. But you did give me something special today, Eli-chan. I guess this is just the curse of being someone's best friend, you just had to agree and support, even if it breaks your heart.' Kotori burst out a short cry before she collected herself back. She then again wiped her tears with her sleeves, not letting my hand lose for a second. 'I've acknowledge my own flaw. My mistakes not to pursue you too. There are a lot of memories I made while I've fallen for you, but it was so precious, I don't want to let it go! I have liked someone else before – a funny story I must tell you some day when I was in grade school. I even had a crush on Umi-chan long ago, of course sometimes they come back, and I liked being close to her. And I know now what I feel for you is love, the purest I can give, as much as I can convey now.'

I didn't have any reply for her so far, just to hold her hand as she did. I continued to listen.

'I still don't know,' Kotori giggled, 'what's the point of confessing now. Your ways are pretty much set, I'm only here just as a distraction for you, Eli-chan. I wasn't going to confess to you, not at all. I wanted to keep this to myself, this is my memory and mine to experience alone, especially not to the one I love. It would have been beautiful. But I'm glad I said it. Thank you for all this, Eli-chan. It sure will be a nice end to my love story. But I don't want to say good-bye to you. I love you so much. I… I don't want to.'

I rose from my position and touched her cheek with my free hand, moving closer on my knees and gave Kotori a kiss on her other cheek.

'Eli-chan?' She overlapped my other hand too. 'What are you doing? You shouldn't have done that. I could never erase my feelings this way.'

Slowly I rose from there to stand pulling Kotori too, walking back until the back of my knees touched the edge of the bed. From there I took a seat and pulled Kotori closer until she had to climb the bed over me, close enough for a hug that she sat on my lap at each other's embrace.

I'm sorry I never noticed how you felt. You were in love, but you were in love with me.

Oh, the suffering you must have to deal with…

Again I kissed Kotori, by the neck and held her tight, having that made her startle and put her hands on my shoulders, as if she wanted to push me away. But she never did, only to slide her hands behind my back and returned the kiss on my forehead. Then again on my cheek when she lifted my chin.

With a pause, from both of us, as our noses barely touching we held our breaths.

We both knew a direct kiss, from this, would be a mistake, but does that still leave hope?

My hands made their way to her back underneath her silky hair, reaching the zip of her dress to pull down. Kotori made a gasp noticing what I was doing but made no move. As the zip reached the lowest part I dropped the straps off her shoulders and off her arms. However, once her hands were off as well they began to undress my jacket, as if she remembered them perfectly well how to take them off when we went shopping. She too pulled my jacket out my shoulders and my arms, throwing it aside on top of her new clothes on the bed.

The strings of my bra that tied around my neck was pulled off by the same hands afterwards, exposing my nape and shoulders. Barely trying to cover myself, I let her see my collars and enticing her to take a taste. She did, she took a bite just under my neck that caused me to moan her name.

Neither of us were sure who started it anymore, but the both of us were definitely did not stop it. The dress that now barely hanging onto her waist I pulled down that immediately dropped off her legs, and as that happened, she pushed me back causing us to climb further towards the centre of the bed. She wore a neat dark-grey underwear that appeared like a set of matching two-piece lingerie, hung on the waist of the bottom of her hourglass. I held her by the waist just on top of the strap, playing it with my last finger as I felt her healthy and smooth skin so arousing. Before I was pushed down Kotori dug her hand inside of my top and moved it up, feeling my body from the sides lifting it over my breasts showing the bra underneath.

Quickly she shifted to my side, stopping her from devouring me, to use both hands lifting my top over my head and hair. In which she threw aside, just as before. Only with nothing else to hold on, I kept my bra lifted as the ties were undone and I would be exposing myself if I hadn't; in the mean time I removed the hairband and wrap it around my free wrist. And we continued.

Kotori pushed my shoulders down until I rest on my back and climbed on top of me. I returned by kissing her neck to the back of her ears, releasing my hands endangering of my bra being taken off, for lifting her shirt. It was her turn to moan next to my ear calling my name as I did too. Her hands now played under my skirt running up between my thighs so close and dangerously, then around behind until she could feel my butt and underwear, playfully slipping her index underneath it. By then I had made my move too, as I lifted her clothe above her breasts, showing the supple mature shape of her sex-appeal, covered with the matching bra, which I grope and felt half of her skin on my hands. I felt both of her soft and cupful chests as I slipped my index under as well, playing and teasing with the strap until one came off. Only to spark a little step further: lustfully as she continued to care for under my skirt, causes my underwear to be pulled down a little dangerously; as did I to lustfully risk pulling her bra up and over her breasts. We kept exchanging breaths so close to each other, and legs intertwined between us. Her warmth was real to my own body, the stunning figure held against my own.

This was Kotori's body on top of me.

Finally, we arrived at the final act as it depended on the next few moves we took, for there would be no turning back after this. Kotori removed herself off me to use both of her hands finding the zipper to my skirt, while I laid half naked still caressing in front of her, who was hardly covered as well. I had to take my turn, because I would be removing the rest of her long-sleeve after she have had my skirt removed; slowly taking turns but certain.

However, that final fall never came.

As I laid there with bra undone and underwear pulled half way through my thighs, with skirt slightly lifted as I was sure I had already exposed a little of myself to Kotori, she took a rather long time to unzip it. The girl with her lifted lingerie sitting in front of me, with only a shirt left before I lost entirely to lust, only made it half way down the zip.

The girl chuckled. 'It's… It's stuck.' The girl apparently gave up on the zipper and gave a try to pull my skirt down, only to be met with another disappointment.

The flowery skirt I wore was a perfect fit, that the skirt got caught by my wide hips that it never came off and that the strong zipper, a type that was not easily broken, was jammed.

I too broke into a laugh, releasing her breast from my fumble, as I saw Kotori trying her best to remove my one piece of clothing left before she lost entirely to lust. Her fingers were still stuck between my skirt and my skin after her last effort before she burst out in laughter.

With one last tug, as if she could turn the situation around, she was unsuccessful making me giggle one last time. I pulled her head closer that made her climb once more. I held her in embrace stroking the cheek to the hair of sweet Kotori above my own face. Our legs were intertwined again with our skins touching, of our body and thighs, as well our breasts. Except our lips. They were locked in place barely have a gap between for it was almost a kiss.

There, just like that, we spent a couple more minutes at each other's hold, realising this… this was not meant to be.

...

We began to dress ourselves as the night came late. Just like in the dressing room at the shopping centre, we had our backs against each other while we picked up our own clothing, some luckily still on the bed and the rest were on the floor as if they were cheap necessities. I tied my bra again around my neck and slipped out of the bed, to pull up my underwear and to pick up my top. Beside me, Kotori pulled down her bra and shirt, then slid to the edge to pick up her dress.

Then it occurred to me, fixing my skirt back to its position, that the zipper was never stuck and quite easily be pulled up or down while trying that myself. Then I looked over at Kotori who now had her dress made just as she hooked the straps to the shoulders and about to fix the zipper on her back, realising the innocence of Kotori was more mature than my own instinct. That she is the hope left behind and I was the one must leave.

After I wore myself the top that I had chosen for that day, after Kotori fixed her own hair by the mirror, we met in the middle of the room. I continued to tie my hair while she waited for me with a smile and my jacket folded over her arms. She returned it to me, as she was responsible for the one who took it and I wore it back over my top and skirt. I went to my bag to pull out a necklace I bought very early in the morning before our date to show it to her; whilst the locket was well hidden inside. She broke a tear as I put it on for her and thanked me a million times more.

And for one last time, Kotori reached her hands over and my arms around her body, as if familiarising ourselves again, our foreheads touched.

'I have to say good-bye, Kotori.'

'I know. Thanks for everything you have done for me, Eli-chan.'

'I'm sorry I can't respond the same to your love.'

'It's alright, I understand.'

'Don't stop being kind and caring, for me.'

'I can promise that. But the next time you see me, I'll be a different person. Good bye, Eli-chan. I love you.' With both of her hands on my face, she moved a thumb over my lips and kissed over it.