A/N: Thanks for your support readers! Special thanks to mandyg67, greysfannn, Patsy, pat, TheDoctorPieMaker, and Jackiiiieeee111. I'm glad you like this story!
To pat, I think Meredith will be a guest at the Grey house for awhile... hopefully for her betterment!
Without further ado...
It was the eve of her eighteenth birthday, but Carolyn didn't feel like celebrating. She was staring at the letter in her hand...
"What is it?" Michael asked, "What's wrong?" he pushed her strawberry milkshake closer to her as he swiveled his stool to see her.
"Oh, I-" she folded the letter and shook her head, offering a smile at her boyfriend. "It's nothing." She didn't know how to tell him. How do you tell the love of your life that you're leaving? That you are going to go- and do more than the both of you ever imagined. Michael never finished school, he worked as a stock boy at The Russell's family store. He didn't have any special inheritance.
But Carolyn worked hard in school, and she dreamed of being a nurse... and the Navy had offered her a placement at the academy in their nursing program. All she had to do was write back and accept.
But then she'd be leaving him.
"Carolyn..." Michael pulled the paper from her fingertips and unfolded it. He pushed a few of his dark locks out of his eyes, and she wondered if this would be the last time she'd see him do that. "Oh..." he said, "You got accepted."
"Mike," she started, preparing for the worst.
"Well... you need to go," he said, smiling. "You need to do this."
"But what about-"
He picked up her hand and kissed it. "I'm not going anywhere..."
xxx
Meredith shuffled Zola and Bailey into the crowded bistro. She'd gotten her rental, started her claim with the insurance company, then she'd done some quick shopping for some basic necessities, as she wasn't sure when she'd be able to get back to her Lexus and get all her stuff out.
Now she wanted to sit down and relax.
"What do you think Zola? Hot chocolate?" She asked as she stared at the menu.
"Uh huh," her daughter nodded, her eyes large with curiousity.
"Okay," Meredith said. Hot chocolate for Zola, and juice for Bailey, and...Mocha latte, definitely. But maybe just a small considering what was now resting in her uterus.
"Hello!" The cheerful blonde woman behind the counter greeted. "What can I get you?"
She was too cheerful. Arizona cheerful... she was like a cross between Izzie and Arizona, considering all the baked goods behind the counter.
As she gave her order, Meredith couldn't help but feel she was being watched, and through the corner of her eye she saw people staring and whispering. She tried to shrug it off, she must be a strange sight in this oh-so- perfect town, all beat up and bruised. She took her tray with her food and drinks and looked around for a spot to sit.
The only table big enough for three was in the middle, so she directed her children there. "Here," she said, handing Zola her hot chocolate. "Careful, it's hot." She'd bought a sandwich and soup too, and cut the sandwich in half for Bailey and Zola to share. But she still felt their eyes on her. People whispering, pointing-
"Isn't she-"
"Martha said-"
"Poor Cassie-"
Meredith focused on buttering her bun. Which was hard to do when your right hand was in a sling. She helped Bailey with his juice. But it just kept coming... the whispers were like little cuts in an already wounded heart.
"Grace is in the hospital in Blairville?"
"How did she miss that stop sign-"
Too much, on top of everything else.
You sound just like your mother...
You could do worse than compare me to a brilliant surgeon, but you meant it in the sense that I am cold and ambitious and selfish, a horrible wife and mother. I got that.
Do you know why I resent you? Because you've never had my back on this, not since the day I told you I would stay. I told you that you and the kids were more important. You have been determined to prove me wrong, that this is the wrong choice.
Well you should just go then...Call the president and take the job back.
Those must be the papers. The papers you want me to sign to decide what to do with my husband. Now that he's dead, but not really dead... Stop all curative intervention, discontinue all routine monitoring, remove all the catheters, drains, and tubes, end any and all treatments that might provide comfort to the patient. Terminate all life-sustaining measures and behave as any sane doctor would behave. Does that about cover it, Doctor? Is that what you want to talk to me about while I sit here with my sleeping children? You want to talk about killing my husband? Give me the papers!
Where are we going, mommy?
It was you... You're the one who hit my sister... how did you not see that stop sign?
Where dadda momma?
You're five weeks pregnant.
Every time Meredith glanced up, someone seemed to be looking at her, saying something, gawking at the latest trainwreck to roll into town. She couldn't even enjoy her meal, Something Dark and Twisty uncoiled in her.
Meredith put her spoon down and shot up out of her chair, "You know, if you have something to say to me, why don't you just say it to my face?" She snarled. "Yeah, I screwed up, I hit Grace. I hit her. It was an accident and I've already apologized. So I don't need your petty gossiping. My children don't need to hear it. You got a problem? Sue me!"
A hush fell upon the room. Meredith choked on a sob as she glared at the gaping onlookers. Heat flamed her cheeks and she drew in a painful breath. She looked at Zola, who stared at Meredith over her sandwhich, sort of aware that something weird was going on. Crap. "Zola, put your coat on honey..."
"But I not finished..." Zola said, holding up her sandwich.
Meredith scrabbled at the napkin holder. "We'll take it with us..." she said, trying to wrap her half of the sandwich with one hand. "Bailey, we're going to go," she picked up his juice box.
"No!" Bailey shouted, reaching for his juice.
"I'll get you more later okay?"
"Mommy, I'm still hungry..." Zola whined.
"I said we'll finish it later, Zola, now put your coat on."
Did you bring Zola's coat? You forgot last time...
"I don't want to go, I want to stay here..."
"We're going Zola. You don't have a choice. Now either you bring your food with you, or you go hungry, now come on, put your coat on."
"But mommy," she protested.
Meredith was making a worse situation even worse. But she couldn't stop herself. Everyone was staring, Look at the crazy woman who hit Grace. Can you believe she's even a mother? "Zola, we're going!"
"Want juice!" Bailey grabbed his juice from her hand, but it slipped and spilled all over the floor. Then he started to cry.
And now I have to raise my daughter alone.
She couldn't handle it... it was almost too much. She shoved Zola's wrapped sandwich in her pocket, pulled Zola's coat on her, yanking too hard as she did so, and grabbed Bailey's hand. "Let's go." she said, knowing if she took Bailey, Zola would follow.
"Mom!" Zola called.
Bailey cried and tugged his arm, attempting to pull away, but Meredith only gripped him tighter, causing him to yelp in pain. "Let's go!"
She stormed out of the cafe and practically shoved Zola and Bailey in the backseat of the rental before she got in herself and slammed the door shut. Bailey screamed, Zola complained, and Meredith did mental acrobatics just to pull herself together. She ignored her kids carefully packing away every thought and emotion that was running through her while she stared ahead. She was terrified and mortified and sad and angry all at once, but- She was pregnant. She was a widow. She was a mother. She couldn't melt down. She couldn't break.
She was fine.
A sudden rapping at her window startled her. Dr Radford leaned over, motioning for her to roll her window down.
"What?" she almost snapped at him.
"Is... everything alright?" he asked with obvious concern.
"Fine. I'm fine."
"Mm hm," he said in that tone that said he didn't believe her.
She didn't want his pity. "Is there a park around here?" she asked.
"Yeah... just down the street, on the right."
She nodded and began to roll the window up.
"Meredith... if there's anything- if you want to talk-" he started, but she didn't wait for him to finish. She was going to the park.
xxx
Sam had just left his office to go to the bistro for lunch, and was halfway up the steps when Meredith Grey burst out, dragging her son behind her, her daughter calling after her in a panic. She didn't even acknowledge him as she stormed past.
"Let's go!" she said harshly to her daughter.
He didn't think twice about it until he walked inside, craving a fresh turkey sandwich and some delicious broccoli soup.
The entire lunch crowd was in hushed silence, while Stephanie, the restaurant owner cleaned up some spilled juice and an untouched mocha latte.
"What just happened?" he asked nobody in particular.
Everyone murmured this and that and seemed eager to pretend that nothing happened at all, but he knew that wasn't the truth. He turned to Stephanie. "Well?" he asked.
"Umm..." Stephanie looked down at her dishes as she avoided his gaze.
"Someone better tell me why I just saw one of my patients dragging her children out of here like she'd been chased by wolves."
"People noticed and thought... well they were talking about how-"
Sam immediately understood. People had heard that Meredith was the one that hit Grace. Obviously her attempt to have a peaceful meal with her kids had been ruined by the small minded crowd.
"Oh, I get it..." He said. he took a few more steps into the cafe. "You all should be ashamed of yourselves, treating her like some kind of pariah. It was an accident. It could have been any one of you. And you know what? Under the circumstances, Dr. Grey did more than necessary to help Grace, even leaving her children to ride in the back of a police car while she took care of her in the ambulance. So you don't get to judge," he said before he marched out the door to see if she was okay.
He found her in a small black rental, her kids safely strapped in their seats, but crying and complaining while she stared into space, her eyes red and glazed with unshed tears. It was like she was trying hard not to fall apart. Good God, he thought, what had they done to her in there?
After he spoke to her, he watched her drive away and wondered if it was more than just the accident that was upsetting her.
Probably hormones, he thought. Right?
xxx
Cassie pushed Grace in her wheelchair into the patient lounge. "I called Nick, he'll be over to see you after school," she said, remarking on her daughter's friend.
"That would be great," Grace said as she twirled a bit of her hair.
"Uh, huh..." Cassie said, smiling.
"Mom, we're just friends."
"Mmm hmm."
"Mom!"
"What? I believe you, okay?" But she couldn't help but feel that there could be something more between the two if they wanted it. If they recognized it.
Grace just shook her head. Cassie parked the chair in front of a table with a deck of cards and a few board games, looking for something for them to do. She pulled up a chair to sit down, but was interrupted-
"Grace! There you are!"
The mother daughter pair turned to the entrance to see Martha bustle in, "I was worried when you weren't in your room, but I am glad you're all right."
"Martha!" Cassie exclaimed, surprised that the Mayor had come all the way to Blairville to visit Grace. "What are you doing here?"
"Why, I came to visit Grace of course... Abigail made up a beautiful bouquet dear, it's in your room..."
"You didn't have to do that," Grace said.
"Nonsense, besides, I have business with the Mayor of Blairville. We're discussing the upcoming Festival of Lights."
"Oh, well it's nice of you to drop by," Cassie said.
"Yeah," Grace added.
"Oh, Martha, since you're here, I wanted to ask you... do you remember a family that lived here a long time ago? The Shepherd's?"
"Oh... there was an old woman... Phyllis... Her children moved away, but her grandson came back for awhile." She frowned, "I was a flower girl at his wedding when he married one of the Maloney girls. Then they moved away... New York, I think. Why?"
Cassie shook her head, "No reason, just heard the name." But she saw Grace's concerned gaze. I'll explain later, she said with her eyes to her daughter.
"Now that you mention it, Phyllis lived right beside the Grey House," Martha added thoughtfully.
"Hm," Cassie replied. Her phone buzzed. It was Sam. She was going to let it go to voicemail, but Grace nudged her.
"Mom, I think you should answer that," she said. "And it's okay if you have to go, Nick will be here soon."
"Nick? Nick Radford? Middleton's newest scoundrel?" Martha was saying as Cassie left the lounge.
xxx
Meredith did end up buying them candy. It was the only thing to keep them quiet and behaving. At least for now. Meredith sat on the bench, watching Bailey and Zola run around at the park and tried not to fall apart.
Breathe
It was an accident, right? There was nothing she could've done differently... except taken her sunglasses. Except stay home, in Seattle, where everybody was, where her home was. Or maybe she should've moved to D.C with Derek like they'd planned... or maybe if she'd made him stay... even if they fought and argued all the time, that was better than dead. Anything was better than dead.
Now she was pregnant. And alone, and what the hell was she going to do? She could barely parent the two she had now... now there was another one? She felt like she was on a bungee cord, her thoughts and feelings bouncing into the future and then plunging into the past. It was overwhelming.
"God, I'm an idiot..." she muttered, wiping her still wet eyes.
"Meredith?" A soft voice called.
Meredith turned to see Cassie coming toward her. She sniffed and squared her shoulders, trying to appear like nothing had happened. Normal."Hi," she managed, swallowing.
Cassie sat down beside her. "Hi," she replied.
Meredith looked back to her kids, back to Zola trying to pull herself into a swing and Bailey digging a hole in the sand and waited for the inevitable question.
"Are you okay?"
I'm fine. "No," the word betrayed her, but she couldn't hold it in anymore, the wall she'd been carefully building all this time was paper thin and couldn't hold back the deluge of guilt and blame and self hatred. "No," Meredith squeaked before she burst into tears and painful sobs.
"Oh Meredith..."
She felt herself pulled toward Cassie and couldn't pull away, couldn't fight. Part of her didn't want to.
A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review!
