Chapter 7
I had been thrown into a pillar. While my ten fan-girls waited two weeks to find out what happened two me. After my collision with Mr. Pillar my head felt off. I could find the Up. My back had just had all my vertebrae cracked into and or out of place. And my left hip felt like I had gotten hit with a three-hundred pound lineman.
I looked at the ceiling, where the pillar was dipped inwards. I looked back down and I saw an enormous, blurry, pale, uni-eyed, step-teacher tower towards my new ginger friend and old scruffy chinned one. The scruffy one had pulled out a spear about five feet long from backpack, and Sonny apparently found a big knife, with an about five or six inch blade, in her Happy Meal that she held directly in front of her.
I tried to work my way to my feet, but kept slipping off either foot. When I had finally made it to my feet Unis (Finally getting the joke) was ten feet away from them. My head didn't work as well as it does most days, and I had nothing but a pocket knife and a broken pillar and sunk second floor. A serious of ideas popped into my head and I saw two and a half good ones.
No time for fact checks.
Action time.
I grabbed a couple armfuls of rubble at my feet, and made my way to the end of the room, behind another pillar. I aimed in between the spinning Cyclopes and struck him luckily in the temple.
Flinched and looked back at me annoyed. "Stay out of this, mortal, your part of my stew." He complained.
He turned back to Will and Sonny and started waddling back towards them. I aimed high and heaved another rock into the back of his head.
He looked back like a seven year-old with anger problems. I spread my arms the best I could. "Ain't I tasty?"
I didn't know if I was, or that he was punishing me for the ink thing, but he start running at me. I stuck as many pillar fragments in my pockets as I could. He swung his big axe at my neck. I tuck and rolled the best I could to the pillar next to it. As he did a load of rocks came from the pillar he had just accidently crushed.
"Nice depth perception." I taunted.
I landed myself by the pillar and tried to work to my feet. He swung his big axe again to cut me like cheese. I ran like a dog out under the path of his big axe. The pillar crumbled as he stepped through his swing. My back was against a big office deck. The big one eyed marauder looked back at me.
I looked behind him to see Will just staring as he held his spear in Unis's direction, as Sonny stayed behind him. As the big cloud of dust around the Cyclops cleared he looked straight at me, and then looked at Will and Sonny. He grinned to show his chipped and crooked teeth.
He waddled back towards them. Will backed Sonny up so he had room. I had no chance at getting his attention with rocks again. I put my hand on top of the desk and heaved myself up. I went around to the place where you put your feet in it ducked down and heaved it up, and then ran in the direction of heavy footsteps. After twenty long steps I hit the giant of balance and the desk cracked in half. The giant fell on his hands and knees.
As the halves of the desk fell to my knees I reached into my pocket and pulled out my pocket knife. I flipped the blade out and jumped on the Behemoths back. I drove the blade into the small of his back. As soon as it hit it phased through until the grip stopped it. I took it out and saw know mark or wound whatsoever. Will jumped to my aid as Anus began to get up. He tossed something at me and landed at the end of big guy's neck. It was a knife with a 6 inch blade on the hilt. It glowed slightly in the darkness of the room. Will jumped to stab his favorite eye.
The big guy rolled over the other way throwing me over to the other side of the room with the dagger. I grabbed it, to get an upgrade. I really didn't think I had a choice the other one just phases through the guy. This one glowed, so it must be enchanted.
The beast and I got to our feet.
There were still eight pillars on the outside standing and four in the center. At least now we had him surrounded.
Without warning the giant charged at me. He hefted his axe with both hands. I ducked under his broad swing. He went through and smashed two pillars as he over stepped. The whole side of the room sank in.
He looked back and before he saw me he saw Will and charged at him. The fat substitute made a rainbow arch to hack Will in two. Will stepped behind the column and Anus made the pillar erupt in rubble. I saw a big cloud of dust covering Will. A few seconds later I saw erupt from one side and take a side stab at Unis. Unis just shoved his spear up and smacked him to the edge of the room knocking his shoes off. The Cyclops went on and swung at another pillar crumbling that one as well.
He landed too close to Sonny. She wasn't one to fight a Giant from a story book, so I ran towards her.
The big guy was swing for the fences at this point, trying to kill us all instead of just cornering us. I made it to Sonny just before he noticed her. She was the target from the beginning so I'm surprised he didn't try it earlier. He swung underhanded at the two of us. I threw Sonny to the side and dived the other way.
I grabbed a heap of pillar dust and chucked it into his mono-eye. Sonny managed to make it to the corner by Will, who for some reason had stubs for feet, but that was nothing compared to the Cyclops. He swung wildly toppling the last pillar on the side of the room. He dropped his ax to rub his eyes.
"Eat it creep." I said to get his attention. He looked in my direction nostrils snuffing out like a bull. It gave me an idea. I threw off my jacket and waved it in the air to get his attention. "Tauro, fat ass. Tauro."
He struggled to go in my direction. He ran straight at my fuzzy mass. I rolled past the second pillar. He ran straight through the pillar and into the wall. The walls brickwork cracked and jutted out in different areas. I smacked my jacket over his face to get his attention. He stumbled forward at me. I ran past the columns to hopefully buy Will and Sonny time.
He snuffed and huffed and switch to running on two to four legs. He crashed through each until I reached the end of the room. I slid as Big & Stupid hit the wall. I threw a rock at his nose. He snarled and pivoted at the wall. I threw my hand forward for Will and Sonny to get out. Will shock his head, but I kept motioning.
I ran through the four center columns. I saw how the sides of the building sagged. I heard what sounded like a wild pig running after me.
I ran straight for Sonny on the opposite side of the room. I didn't dare to look back as I heard an eruption of rubble. I was a few paces away from Sonny. I felt the ground shake as the building began to collapse. I grabbed Sonny and spun so I was facing away from the window and jumped through the window.
